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Ebay ad: calm down mate.

The Reverend Bluejeans

By The Reverend Bluejeans
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The Reverend Bluejeans Rank: Isuzu Florian

The Reverend Bluejeans

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  • Author
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**LAST OWNER WAS .......THE SON OF A PREACHER MAN. YES HE WAS, OOOOH YES HE WAS.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

At least he Lol'd at the green rug joke.

EssDeeWon Rank: Renault 16

EssDeeWon

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A virtual barrel of beer to anyone who writes and tells the seller -  'They have visited Niagara falls, the Grand Canyon and seen the sunset over the chichen Itza but that service history has blown my mind away more than all those things put together'

  • Essex V6, Vince70 and face
  • Like 3
Grundig Rank: BL Wedge

Grundig

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Go round and point out loads of tiny dings and scratches in it ( cos it's bound to have plenty) and argue his definition of mint

 

 

It looks like there's two stone chips on the bonnet under the badge for starters...

 

and the numberplate is broken/wonky.

 

... & that brake disc looks past its best - tut tut

$_57.JPG

I_am_Diesel Rank: BL Wedge

I_am_Diesel

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Well it's lucky that I don't live anywhere near Yorkshire and I'm skint. That advert has enchanted me.

 

NOT!

Uncle Jimmy Rank: Lancia Gamma

Uncle Jimmy

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Reminds me of those ageing 'property developers' who retire to Pattaya and Bangkok,

I'm confused, this is 1986 isn't it? Isn't it?

2MB Rank: Citroen Ami

2MB

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He's not local to me, are there any shiters near West Yorkshire who can go and just look all unimpressed? I reckon he'll just have a breakdown there and then.

Not wishing to tar everyone from Cas with the same brush, from the tone of the advert I can sense the exact type of self righteous gobshite he is, c/w idle threats of violence if you were to point out anything detracting from complete minter status. 

inconsistant Rank: Lancia Gamma

inconsistant

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I wanted my mind to be blown by the service history but the coffee table got there first.

  • HH-R and Junkman
  • Like 2
AlabamaShrimp Rank: Lancia Gamma

AlabamaShrimp

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Well I can see Castleford from the back window but I'll be fucked if I'm going to look at that. He sounds like a proper cock!

New POD Rank: Matra Rancho towing a Tagora

New POD

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I am a company director and have two kids so can only bow down to his integrity.

 

VERDICT: Nobber

 

Indeed. Same here. I'm a lying bastard.

 

The pictures of one of the wheels appears to show that it needs new discs and pads on the rear. 

anonymous user Rank: Isuzu Florian

anonymous user

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Why the fuck does it appear to have a drum in the boot?

That is not a drum, one of the previous owners was Gertrude Shilling and that is the box for one of her Ascot hats, she may be bidding later

Albert Ross Rank: Renault 16

Albert Ross

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It's worth a Shilling. Or at least her orifice.  I didn't know that new BMWs came shod with Kumhos...

  • Vince70 and cros
  • Like 2
doobietoo Rank: Renault 16

doobietoo

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I asked him about the rug.

Ha ha .... you're living room..... oh my.....

PiperCub Rank: Renault 16

PiperCub

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You're a company director? Oh well that's it then, I'm sold, I've never met a suit I didn't trust with my feckin' life..............

 

The style of this reminds me of the way those arrogant bellends on 'The Apprentice' big themselves up in a quite unjustifably confident way despite the fact they are nothing but dim chancers with a big mouth who don't have the wit, style, imagination, brains, sense or decency to realise that they are in fact the very sort of loser they despise.

 

Also clearly being new to ebay, he hasn't sussed that shouty capital letter posts don't fly with people - they just think 'idiot' and move on.

  • eddyramrod, Lord Sterling, Rusty_Rocket and 3 others
  • Like 6
explosive-cabbage Rank: Citroen Ami

explosive-cabbage

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Why the fuck does it appear to have a drum in the boot?

 

Trying to drum up bids. (Sorry)

 

I asked him:

 

 

Hi, I noticed the item has been listed as used. Is it a used car or a new one? You seem to suggest it is in perfect condition.

 

Thanks, Will

 

 

I don't understand how people are expected to find an advert with no mention of 'BMW' or 'car' in the title.

Parky Rank: Isuzu Florian

Parky

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Everybody get watching! I am!

  • overrun, Junkman and barefoot
  • Like 3
KruJoe Rank: Lancia Gamma

KruJoe

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I just looked at his completed listings, this BMW failed to sell twice already. But check this out:

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/DACIA-DUSTER-034-ONLY-3k-MILES-034-and-0-OWNERS-1-6-PETROL-/281678626325?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_3&hash=item41955abe15&nma=true&si=UgoBFB98MqGTThoOkwiKebxbNQ4%3D&orig_cvip=true&rt=nc&_trksid=p2047675.l2557

 

$_57.JPG

 

A "recession white" Dacia on steelies!

He also sold a bike, but neither buyer thought highly enough to leave any feedback.

  • Squire_Dawson, tooSavvy and Junkman
  • Like 3
The Reverend Bluejeans Rank: Isuzu Florian

The Reverend Bluejeans

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  • Author
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**LAST OWNER WAS .......THE SON OF A PREACHER MAN. YES HE WAS, OOOOH YES HE WAS.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

At least he Lol'd at the green rug joke.

 

 

I've just sent him an Ebay question regarding the previous owner perhaps being a Man of the Cloth like myself.

 

It's an immaculate contraption.

Sealtainn Rank: BL Wedge

Sealtainn

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"How many choirboys can you fit in the rear vestibule?"

Coprolalia Rank: Renault 16

Coprolalia

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I particularly enjoy his latest addition.

 

On 11-Jun-15 at 22:38:25 BST, seller added the following information:

 

 YOU DONT HAVE TO STAND IN LINE

 
JUMP THE QUEUE "COME AND VIEW"

 

 

Did this guy apprentice as a barrow-boy or something?

 

Come on darling, four apples fur a paanndd.

Junkman Rank: Matra Rancho towing a Tagora

Junkman

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http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/lANDROVER-FREELANDER-TD4-LOVELY-EXAMPLE-FIRST-TO-SEE-WILL-BUY-/271893623921
$_57.JPG
 





lANDROVER FREELANDER TD4, LOVELY EXAMPLE,FIRST TO SEE WILL BUY!!


Wanna bet?
 

“USED WEAR AND TEAR DUE TO AGE TO BE EXPECTED ON PAINTWORK

 
I expect no wear and tear due to age. Wear and tear is created by usage and neglect.
 

Inside on the gear stick cover it is torn but is cheap to replace, I just never got around to doing it.â€Â

 
What else did you not get around to doing? Oil changes? Brakes?
 

Lovely example , Landrover freelander td4, 2.0 . I have owned this car for a number of years now and as a family we no longer need a big car as the kids are all grown up.

 
Admit it, you killed them and buried them in the cellar.
 

Always flies through an MOT

 
No, it does not! It is not an aeroplane.
 

always with no advisorys

 
In English, for plural, y becomes ie after a consonant. I learned that at elementary in Austria.
Besides, my haunted Rover always passes with no advisories as well, which manifests how utterly redundant the British MoT test is.
Makes me pmsl every time.
 

and the good thing about this particular model is the BMW engine under the bonnet.

 
Which engine is actually under the bonnet? The ad completely fails to mention it. And what exactly is so good about a BMW engine being under a bonnet?
 

We replaced the battery last year for a more powerful one and that's really all we have done apart from new tyres and replaced the windscreen wipers.

 
My suspicion that there is a serious lack of care and maintenace has now been confirmed.

  • eddyramrod, Uncle Jimmy, EssDeeWon and 1 other
  • Like 4
Junkman Rank: Matra Rancho towing a Tagora

Junkman

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Im not going to lie I will be really sad to see it go as its never let us down

God gave the Brits the apostrophe. Now use it, ffs. Besides, you just lied.

 

but our driveway is getting smaller due to owning a tractor

Trust me, the size of your driveway doesn't change due to owning a tractor. Due to owning a bulldozer perhaps.

 

and we really need a smaller car

Earlier you stated that you merely no longer need a big car, as the kids are all grown up. Besides, people who say they need a smaller car are notorious liars. You are making this shit up because you have the entirely unjustifed compulsive idea that someone could give a shit about the reason why you want to sell your car.

 

cash on arrival

No, man. Cash on departure.

 

I have advertised the car elsewhere so have the right to take down advertisement whenever it is sold

Actually you don't have this right. It's a clear breach of Ebay rules, which you accepted when you placed this ad.

 

but the first person to come and view will buy

Are you clairvoyant?

 

its a lovely drive

You obviously have never driven a car that is a lovely drive.

 

You can contact us on 01823490442 (evenings) or daytime 07551850403 or 07810667049

So you are not at home during the day... good to know...

Besides, posting one's telephone numbers on Ebay is borderline insane.

Uncle Jimmy Rank: Lancia Gamma

Uncle Jimmy

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I just looked at his completed listings, this already BMW failed to sell twice. But check this out:http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/DACIA-DUSTER-034-ONLY-3k-MILES-034-and-0-OWNERS-1-6-PETROL-/281678626325?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_3&hash=item41955abe15&nma=true&si=UgoBFB98MqGTThoOkwiKebxbNQ4%3D&orig_cvip=true&rt=nc&_trksid=p2047675.l2557

 

$_57.JPG

 

A "recession white" Dacia on steelies!

He also sold a bike, but neither buyer thought highly enough to leave any feedback.

Q: Is this the 2WD version. Thanks,Keith.

A: Hi, Yes it's 2 wheel drive .... Best option ;) 

05 May, 2015Q: Hi are there any defects to note? Thanks H

A: Hi, None at all 

02 May, 2015Q: Hi, what's the very lowest you would take for the duster? thanks.

A: Hi, There isn't a lowest to be fair as money isn't a problem for me, please bid accordingly to your budget Good Luck 

 

Is the seller actually human?

PiperCub Rank: Renault 16

PiperCub

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No, he's clearly a moronic chimpanzee.

 

Oh, wait, no, that's not fair, a chimp would be smarter.

 

 

 

 

(This poster wishes to express deepest regret for any offence given to chimps, this was not my intention and I apologise unreservedly).

  • eddyramrod and Vince70
  • Like 2
doobietoo Rank: Renault 16

doobietoo

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42 watchers.... He must be getting excited.. If money isn't important then why does he have a reserve on the worlds best Beemer???

explosive-cabbage Rank: Citroen Ami

explosive-cabbage

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Hi, I noticed the item has been listed as used. Is it a used car or a new one? You seem to suggest it is in perfect condition.

 

Thanks, Will

 

 

 

Answer:
Hi, The car for the year is pristine .... But is a used 2005 car.

 

Kind Regards

Kim

 

Those two things are mutually exclusive IIRC.

 

His name is Kim! Now we can troll him properly :roll:

tooSavvy Rank: Talbot Tagora

tooSavvy

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Well then - when I gagged I'd put my Savv on Ebay @ 99p start... and be bid down... everyone here 'got it'?

 

TS

oldcars Rank: Lancia Gamma

oldcars

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This is in the Duster advert.

 

Q: Hi, what's the very lowest you would take for the duster? thanks.
A: Hi, There isn't a lowest to be fair as money isn't a problem for me, please bid accordingly to your budget Good Luck

Q £80 CASH TNITE MATE?

A: Money is not a problem for me to why not, as long as you chuck in a Nokia 3210 and some of that shite Stella Cider.

  • Junkman, Vince70 and eddyramrod
  • Like 3
Taff Rank: Renault 16

Taff

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The protective caps on the locking wheel nuts are missing.

 

Mint? Kiss my speckled love eggs, you fibber

  • michael1703
  • Like 1

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