Yank Shite and Hello

[Bear]

Hi. I figure I probably know (of) a few of you through other places, but finally gave in to peer pressure. Please don't try and sell me old cars. I'm getting treatment for the addiction.

 

Nevertheless, I thought I'd show off the current inmates at the asylum.

 

First in, first out, as the saying goes.

 

Most recent arrival, and not mine but the property of Keith @ CCW/AROnline (though naturally I am trying to find out how to afford such a fine vehicle):

 

 

Yes, it's that Avantime. Since Keith dropped it off to let me have a go, I've rebuilt the door mirror, replaced the rev counter bulbs without touching a single fastening on the dashboard (you can reach them by lying in the footwell and using a 6mm socket to undo the little wedge bulbs), found a split breather hose that probably isn't helping the performance, found the cause of the sunroof rattle (broken deflector guide pin) and discovered most of the back seat base hinge clips were missing (ordered). Oh, and the Renaultsport stickers have gone, but the Matra ones got to stay.

 

Still to do - fix that bloody infuriating rear boot seal (and travel back in time to punish the person that glued/taped/chewing-gummed the headlining to the car roof there - I bet they superglued the crappy phone holder to the dash, too), find a rubber thingy that holds the engine cover on, bleed the cooling system properly, change the pollen filters and probably change the balljoint.

 

Next up, a 1989 Chrysler Fifth Avenue. Yes, you read that right, 1989. The same year the Lexus LS400 and Citroën XM were launched. The same year classy people in the states could buy an E34 5-series. Somewhere, someone thought this wheeled dinosaur was a good idea. It's claiming a credible 62,000 miles, has a wheezy 5.2 (318) LA-series V8 with 2bbl carb and probably some variant of Chrysler's "Lean Burn" ignition which as far as I can tell, is designed to burn though your wallet and make you feel lean, because this thing returned 13mp(us)g. The airpump to manifold join is probably FUBAR, but Portland Metro has DEQ for vehicles from 1975 on, so no removing the emissions kit whilst it's registered there.

 

 

Yes, it is as clean as it looks. Underneath is excellent, the gearbox needs a service (took it into JiffyLube for grease and oil change, asked the guy "any leaks", he said "Loads!", so I figure there's still fluid in it to leak out and therefore this is a good thing), the interior is cushy red velvet with buttoned pillow seats. The tape player/radio works, all that spoils it is a bump to the side which mostly T-cut out but has left a crushed fender trim, a missing boot badge, and some paint peeled off from a bad tarpaulin application. Vinyl top looks excellent, so it'll get the respray work done.

 

In order of appearance, we now move to a shameful episode. Last year I bought a 1991 W124 300CE project - all I have done with it is take the seats out, fix a broken vacuum pipe that was going to cause a guaranteed MOT fail as the seats weren't latching, and that's about it. It needs welding, new springs, new wings and a lot of tidying.

 

 

A couple of cars have been and gone between these spaces, but in terms of residency, we get to November 2012 and this, my modern car. Which I think will one day be Autoshite of the highest order - to me this is a modern Vauxhall Ventora/Victor 3300SL Estate. Which pisses off the owners of 300C diesels tarted up with Bentley badges - I threw away the fake Bentley grille and put a stock Chrysler one on it!

 

 

Unlike most in the UK, this one has a proper engine in it. Using that known accurate and helpful resource "How Many Left" (which is usually pretty good for post-1997/SORN introduction cars), I worked out that there have been no more than 475 Hemi V8 300Cs (and 203 or 208, can't remember now, SRT 8s with the 6.1), and of those there's no distinction between Touring (Wagon) and saloon, so going by the V5 title there's a split between 300 HEMI C and 300C HEMI - mine's in the bracket that only 75 are in. If they did that to distinguish between Touring and Sedan, mine's 1 of 75 UK cars.

 

I'm actually planning to get rid of it. It's only done 26,000 miles, I got it with just under 16,000, so it's not been as useful as I hoped.

 

And finally, the long term resident. Life chaos meant this went off the road almost a year ago with a fuel leak, but I'm glad that when I tried to sell it no-one bit. This is getting fixed this week, hopefully, in time for what will no doubt be a rubbish summer (because last year I couldn't use it and the summer was awesome).

 

 

There's also an old BMW 528i with a broken windscreen but that's supposedly sold, and I do look after a couple of Keith's cars on occasion (right now I'm sitting on a Rover waiting for it to be old enough to export to the states!) Supposedly. It did sell through RetroRides so the chances of that actually happening are very slim indeed.

 

And the most Autoshite car I've owned has to be this:

 

Regrettably sold when I smashed my leg up enough for three pedals to be irritating.

[trigger]

Welcome along Richard

[Skizzer]

Oh yes.

 

Make yourself at home and help yourself to biscuits (sorry we're out of chocolate ones).

[Taff]

 

Next up, a 1989 Chrysler Fifth Avenue. Yes, you read that right, 1989. The same year the Lexus LS400 and Citroën XM were launched. The same year classy people in the states could buy an E34 5-series. Somewhere, someone thought this wheeled dinosaur was a good idea. It's claiming a credible 62,000 miles, has a wheezy 5.2 (318) LA-series V8 with 2bbl carb and probably some variant of Chrysler's "Lean Burn" ignition which as far as I can tell, is designed to burn though your wallet and make you feel lean, because this thing returned 13mp(us)g. The airpump to manifold join is probably FUBAR, but Portland Metro has DEQ for vehicles from 1975 on, so no removing the emissions kit whilst it's registered there.

 

IMG_1037.JPG

 

 

 

That looks gr9 until you casually mention it was sold against the E34, and it suddenly jumps to a GReleventy6

 

Welcome, btw. No UMM, I notice...

[danthecapriman]

Welcome!

Nice cars. Your Chrysler is lovely (more pics please!).

 

I'm glad to see the amount of yank owners on here rising.

[Bear]

No UMM? If that's a TLA then I'm lost, but I wish I'd had an Alter II. They used to litter the Borders but never came across a cheap one

 

There will be many more pics of the Chrysler (I assume you mean the Fifth Avenue and not the 300C) - it lives in Oregon with my surprisingly tolerant girlfriend (we had fun shopping on Craigslist, and possibles included a Lincoln Continental Mk V (rejected for being a mobile gas chamber), a Firebird 5.0 (rejected 'cause the seller was an ass and didn't jump on a cash offer that still started with the same number as his four-figure price), a Corvette C4 (will be revisited, but she's got a daughter so need more seats), ditto Allante ($900! Seriously!) and Buick Reatta Convertible ($2,500 for what will one day be a seriously coveted classic - the ones that survive, anyway). The car is called Marvin, and is getting a suitable vanity plate. Aside from some issues with booster seats (lap belts, joy) the old Chrysler is awesome, like settling into a comfy armchair that just happens to take you places.

It even has a glass crystal Pentastar hood ornament that should, frankly, be illegal in a city as permanently stoned as Portland.

 

Relatives of it include the Dodge Diplomat and Plymouth Gran Fury cop cars. That means cop tuning kit is available. Having had it slide down a steep gravel drive and need pushing out of a garden, first on the list would be the limited slip diff. After the 3-speed slushbox gets a fluid change and adjustment/rebuild if required.

 

This my third American car (not counting UK-spec Chrysler/Jeep stuff) - before it there was a 1979 Buick Regal V6 Limited Coupé and a 1982 Cadillac Eldorado 4100HTi Touring (suspension, IRS and discs on the back, ABS. Quite advanced for what it was. If anyone other than GM had made it, it would have been good). Those were back in 99/2000 though.

 

Prices of Yank classics are interesting. Eldorados of any worth have rocketed out of reasonable grasp, but Allantes, the American answer to the Mercedes SL - they're sub $2000 unless really optimistic/passionate owner. Newer Eldorado Touring Coupé (ETC) are also dirt cheap, but for a reason. Numbers thin out massively in the Pacific North West though, which may as well be called SubaruLand. We got lucky, Marvin was on an American equivalent of a bombsite trader (they had a lime green Crown Vic Police Interceptor when I visited, nothing over $2,500, some stuff for $995 and you could get finance on it - Gresham ain't a wealthy place it seems!) for $1295, we found him on Craigslist as a Chrysler Park Ave - deal done at $1000. The interior looks amazing, only some shrink/tear of the B-pillar trims (which are that very thin fabric) and a tiny amount of headlining droop on the sunroof. And yes, everything works - cruise, electric windows, sunroof, everything. Really think the 60,000 miles is genuine.

[brickwall]

Welcome along. that Metro looks ace.

[Bear]

It was. Electric roof and everything, very well engineered. I'd say they were (as a car, not as a marketing success or anything) vastly nicer than a 205CJ or anything like that - the Topaz-project bodyshells were impressively stiff, less scuttle shake than a Mk 1 Golf cabriolet and they're not bad. 1.4 8V K-series and that nice 5-speed box, all very precise and refined. Sod all legroom in the back though - the footwells were okay but the underneath of the front seats is taken up with reinforcement (that amusingly, had it been applied to all Metros at the time, would have ensured they dealt with NCAP better than newer superminis).

[cort1977]

Welcome. Good to see more yank shite, that Chrysler looks essentially the same as a 1979 model - amazing.

[Cavcraft]

Welcome along, that American motor is superb. Please tell me you're the local council estate Elvis and/or you live in some shit British coastal  resort?

[danthecapriman]

Yes, I meant the Fifth Ave. it looks lovely, sounds an absolute bargain at the price too. There's something about the old American cars, nothing really comes close to the experience of driving them. I've only had the one yank tank myself, my big Mercury, but now I have it I don't think I'll ever be without one.

 

Are you going to bring it over to the UK? If you have any more pics, or of your previous yanks I'd love to see them!

[eddyramrod]

What Dan said!  Welcome aboard, and here's a couple of ex-ramrod American autos for your delectation (Marvin is delightful):

My 1980 Buick Century...

 

My 1983 Plymouth Gran Fury copcar!

 

Now you can see why Marvin is so attractive!

[Bear]

The Century is contemporary to the old Regal I had - that thing was... amusing. The oil pressure was broken - 3 week holiday, yes, I spent some of it replacing the oil pump and timing cover. But then again, in the space of that holiday I also bought the Eldorado for $300 from a Chevy dealer.

 

Marvin will be staying in Portland, I'm more likely to be moving myself there than cars here, but there is a LOT of British classic fodder there for buttons - MG B Roadsters for $5K and it's a salt-free state. I may look into exports in a more general way.

 

As found:

 

 

 

 

Dashboard - I need to find better pics of the interior...

 

 

We went to Astoria. The Goonies house does not have the fence around the garden (though it is obviously the Goonies house and there are many signs saying so), so I was spared the indignity of doing the Truffle Shuffle but also, by dint of not earning the reward, was denied a Baby Ruth. My gf says I need to stop eating sweets. She's probably right.

 

 

Check out the hood ornament. This is serious bling. I want one on my 300C, but think it would confuse the natives and also, look distinctly less cool reflecting another overcast pissing-with-rain M1 50mph tailback.

 

 

One of the opera lights works. Okay, only visible at night, but these things are EL backlight material with a half-life shorter than a Lada Samara being used to transport salt and water.

 

 

What European Threat to the traditional Middle Class American Demographic?

 

 

BURGERS. Why else would you go to America?

 

 

And the final sign - for once, there is a 1:43 model of my car, in the right colour, and it's the kind of obscure thing no-one would think to model. This was almost as exciting as finding there is a 1:43 diecast Toyota Sera.

 

 

The image of American cars to British eyes ensured there was one plentiful 'classic' I did not go for. LeBaron Convertible. No matter what, as far as I am concerned the late '80s LeBaron Convertible (and almost by association, the TC By Maserati) is the pedomobile. Invariably driven by middle-aged men with blonde wigs and that immediate indicator of pedo-ness, Big, Prescription Aviator Glasses. I appreciate by that rationale the 1970s was literally full to capacity with pedos, but if the BBC is any indication, it was.

 

Generally I think this impression is fuelled by the idea that they were one of the cheapest American ragtops you'd find, and were bought by people who wanted to impress the opposite (or same) sex by having a posh American convertible, and there were no enthusiasts buying them because that era of FWD K derivatives (J-platform) were relentlessly awful and made even a GM J-body look appealing. Ish.

 

The older Dodge 600 has been redeemed in my eyes by St. Vincent, however, so I will seek one out. With wood trim.

[Bear]

 

PlymouthandVolvo001-vi.jpg

My 1983 Plymouth Gran Fury copcar!

 

Now you can see why Marvin is so attractive!

 

That does look smart from that angle. The Fifth Avenue has that roofline under the vinyl top - the way they're made, there's a sort of 'tunnel' attached to the rear window area, then the landau top is added over it, and then the rear 1/4s are blanked off. M-bodies do have a small following now at least! I've seen so few of them in the UK though...

[danthecapriman]

Wow! That interior is lovely. Love the hood ornament too, it would almost be a pleasure to be run down by it!!

 

I don't blame you for likely moving to the US. I wish I could!

[eddyramrod]

 

And the final sign - for once, there is a 1:43 model of my car, in the right colour, and it's the kind of obscure thing no-one would think to model. This was almost as exciting as finding there is a 1:43 diecast Toyota Sera.

 

IMG_0143.jpg

I've seen the Diplomat/Gran Fury in 1/43, and 1/24, on ebay, but never at a price I can consider paying and only since my last trip Over There.  Hoping I can lay hands on one or two next time!  Well done indeed for finding a Marvin!

[Jim Bell]

Welcome in. Love the large American car. It's so very very american.

[Alexg]

Welcome. The interior of that Yank is sensational!

[Bear]

Marvin's interior is so nice, my gf and her daughter apparently go and hang out in it to play cards.

 

Appropriate, since the Fifth Avenue was advertised by a crap gambler trying to use his $18K car to match a $20K stake.

 

If you want a model fetching over from the states, I'm happy to oblige on my next trip, but that model is a resincast by Matrix and cost, with shipping, about £60 - cheap for a resincast with that detail (Matrix and Neo are the same team, and they come up de-trimmed, more painted-on bits and less careful finishing, as Best of Show). Check ModelCarWorld.de as well - they have good prices on BoS, Neo and Matrix and the Euro is weak currently. I had their BoS Buick Riviera (1988) and it had not suffered much from the cost reduction, whereas the BoS Citroen SM limo looks naff next to the Neo or Matrix version.

 

(It is the most I have ever paid for a model but they do limited runs and the current variant is two-tone, so I had to have it rather than yet another car in the wrong colour).

 

Didn't Matchbox do a Gran Fury cop car, or was that the generation before? Must be, I guess, I remember playing with one when the M-body was current!

[fred]

Thats just Pimp I need an Interior like that in my Living room

[eddyramrod]

The Matchbox was an earlier model, yes; same generation as the Bluesmobile.  I have several, and the KS which is the same era.  I've never seen an actual in-the-flesh model of an M-body, but there will be models shops on our September trip (whatever she says!) so the chances of one coming home in my case are pretty good.  Thank you for the offer though!

[Taff]

There is a lot of love for huge yank shite here Rich, a lot of love. Me, Dan & Eddy take it in turns to chant "column-shift-good" and "white-bands-rule" now and again, your extra input will be valued mate

 

 

tapped on the radiator using morse code

[vulgalour]

Loving Marvin's interior, more cars should have a respectable whitewashed exterior with thoroughly disreputable bordello furnishings inside.

[Junkman]

When it comes to these Plodgler Granfifthlomats in scale, you can't really get around Motormax in 1/24.

 

 

 

[Bear]

Oh, that MotorMax Diplomat Saloon would be a good one to have. I shall get googling!

[cort16]

Welcome. That's my old Avantime I sold to Keith. I had the instructions to replace the rev counter bulb but gave up (reading the manual) at about page 7.

[Shep Shepherd]

The 244 versus 5th photo is awesome