All modern cars is ghey.

[Bobthebeard]

Seems that remote central locking is generally to be considered a 'bad thing' then! Great if too pissed or stupid to actually use a key in a lock, but otherwise if sober and galant, a key is better.

I knew that. Just wondered who would be the first to spot it! Etc

[Mr_Bo11ox]

Don't worry about it Bob, a bit of 'flat earth' bollocks is fairly commonplace on here when we get started on panning new motors.

 

remote central locking is flippin brilliant, anyone who thinks fannying about with a key in a tiny hole in the dark while scratching the paint to fook is a better system, is simply not credible. Utter bollocks!

[Negative Creep]

Don't worry about it Bob, a bit of 'flat earth' bollocks is fairly commonplace on here when we get started on panning new motors.

 

remote central locking is flippin brilliant, anyone who thinks fannying about with a key in a tiny hole in the dark while scratching the paint to fook is a better system, is simply not credible. Utter bollocks!

 

 

Can't say I've ever had difficulty finding the keyhole, even in te dark.

 

 

Hmmmm, there's gotta be a sex joke in that.......

[Mr_Bo11ox]

I'm not saying its impossible, or even a serious problem, seeing as it was what every motorist had to do for about 40 years. I'm saying that a r/c/l arrangement is far better.

[trigger]

Remember Ford cars that had a built in light in the key flop back in the 80's? what a pile of wank that idea was, the battery was away flat and when they did work the light was so dim you still couldn't see the key hole anyway.

 

Remote locking is excellent, I miss it on the Golf.

[rml2345]

I too am a massive fan of remote central locking! Okay, so the Yaris and the 75 were the only cars to have it, but it's bloody brilliant, especially when your hands are full. Been eyeing up conversion kits for the 740 but don't fancy the hassle..

Don't want to be part of the "ALL NEW KARS R SHIT" stuff, just the only one I've had any experience of was quite poor. Sure there are plenty of decent ones out there.

One day I'll probably buy a Chevroletwoo because of the fond memories of borrowing one for a few days or something.

[Albert Ross]

Didn't some cars have a system where if you lifted the door handle, a light came on around the door barrel to show you it's position? Therefore no scratches...

[vulgalour]

Central locking is for people with friends and loved ones. I'm fine with my manual locks, thank you.

[triumph1300]

Central locking is for people with friends and loved ones. I'm fine with my manual locks, thank you.

 

I have friends and loved ones, and I still prefer manual locks, I can quite happily find the lock with a key anytime of day or night! I also prefer windy windows. I look for cars with manual accessories as they appeal to me more

[Barry Cade]

Didn't some cars have a system where if you lifted the door handle, a light came on around the door barrel to show you it's position? Therefore no scratches...

 

Mazda 323 IIRC...

[bub2006]

We had a r plate Mazda 323 saloon with the light inside the keyhole. Came on when you put key in and unlocked it. Pretty pointless for unlocking tbh. Locking wasn't so bad as light was on. Also jade a green light near ignition barrel

[Negative Creep]

Didn't some cars have a system where if you lifted the door handle, a light came on around the door barrel to show you it's position? Therefore no scratches...

 

Mazda 323 IIRC...

 

 

Bluebird as well

[Mr Lobster]

Ah look, its the quarterly All Modern Cars are Shit thread.

 

Remote central locking is brilliant and plenty of newish cars are bloody good.

 

I wonder if a 1913 version of Autoshite would have spent so much time going on about how shit the new fangled Ford Model T was and how it was crap 'cos it didn't feature an animal that was able to dispose of copious quantities of carrots and produce a handy garden fertilizer to boot was?

 

I'll agree about Insignias though.

[garethj]

Ah look, its the quarterly All Modern Cars are Shit thread.

 

True, but this

styled like most contempt inducing current stuff to resemble an upturned clog smeared in dogshit then rolled in glitter

made me rofl, surely an early leader in the 2013 quote thread

[eddyramrod]

Didn't some cars have a system where if you lifted the door handle, a light came on around the door barrel to show you it's position? Therefore no scratches...

 

My 1979 Cadillac did that...

[Cavcraft]

Central locking ROCKS. My older 306 (daily) doesn't have it and it's a pain in the arse. Fiddle arsing about leaning through or over opening door locks is not fun, it's almost (but not quite) as awkward as having a three door car when you've got kids.

Anyhow we're up to 4 pages of new car bashing now and I don't want to add any further if I can help it.

[Rusty Pelican]

My old beemer has a little light on the key which somehow still works , no fumbling about for me.

[Cheggers]

Just to redress the balance, I recently drove a friends 2011 Merc 350D E class convertible and I'm happy to say it it was brilliant, the absolute dogs swingers. Powerful, economical and easy-to-use, despite having every option possible.

 

Can't wait for one to fall into bangernomics territory.

[freebird]

Christ almighty!

Do those "anti remote central locking" people hide the fuggin TV remote under the cushions so that they HAVE to go and turn the channels on their 1974 Ferguson Colour TV by pressing in those long thin buttons till they hear the clack?

Modern cars are GOOD. They are, generally, faster, more comfortable, handle better, dont require servicing every other month/your head shoved under the bonnet to fart around with something else thats not right, they CAN deliver performance AND economy, they are better made and you are less likely to die in a crash unless you have wanged the car into a motorway pillar at 120MPH.

There are more positives than negatives.

Yes, they may be boring but so were 99% of the cars we drove 30 years ago. We have selective memories.

[Albert Ross]

No, it's called preference, choice, and opinion. I work on moderns for a living, and some of the "design" flaws that are created by the computer assigned the job of "doing" the engine, are awesome. For instance. Auxiliary drive belt on certain Vauxhalls, let's say the "Family Zero" unit. You have to remove the engine mounting to replace the belt. That's a schoolboy error really, these things are meant to be a quick job. Also, same engine, on the water pump, there's a bypass hose pipe union. Made from soft plastic that degrades with heat. So it snaps off when you try to remove things close to it. Cue the "improved" brass one available from parts dept. to fix it, at customer's expense. Also, same enginer, camshaft bearing caps incorrectly torqued during enginer build, meaning that the exhaust camshaft starts to "banana" during running, eventually snapping beyond number 4 bearing, leaving it running on three cylinders, with a damaged cylinder head. Spark plugs on later Renault 16V units.... yeah, let's use "lawnmower" plugs, and make it so the standard socket for plug removal is too fat to go down the hole, so people have to bring it to Renault..... Let's make the oil filter canister out of brittle plastic that degrades with excessive heat, and place it near the exhaust shall we?

Modern cars are so great, that Vauxhall did away with the wonderful method of replacing a clutch assembly (drop off a couple of cover plate, drain transmission fluid, remove side cover of gearbox, withdraw mainshaft, remove clutch, reverse ops) by making them now so the gearbox has to be removed, which means removing wiring looms supporting the radiator, draining coolant, half-removing the front suspension and dropping the front subframe off, putting repair times and prices up. Then, they make the clutch springs out of cheese/dogshit, so you get a judder when pulling away, so the job NEEDS to be done before warranty expires. Some people used to boast of having the original clutch in a 20 year old vehicle due to careful driving..... Not any more....

So yeah. I speak with bias... I just replaced the head gasket on my 42 year old Land Rover. The whole parts price for the job was £7. Yes, all in. Ok, I did the work myself, in the freezing damp weather, not in a nice warm workshop. But I needed no special tools, no special tightening sequences, and if I used more than a dozen separate tools, I would be surprised. It's up and running, job done, I just came in for a warm up before I go back out to replace a couple of dash bulbs and tidy tools away.

Last week I had to replace a turbo on a 3 year old Astra 1.7 van with 60k on the clock. Yes, the wastegate actuating arm spindle had worn, so it rattled it's arse off at idle. That cost someone £1100. This week, due to a crunchy gearbox in a similarly aged but 93k on the clock van, I have to REPLACE a gearbox, rather than repair it, as parts are not available..... It's having a clutch and flywheel "just in case" at the same time. Coupled with a few small repairs for MOT, the bill will be close to £2500. I have had Sierras with higher mileage, and less trouble, and when broken for parts, the engines and gearboxes were in really good fettle, just heavily corroded bodywork.....

I hate moderns, but have to have something new for the Wife, as she wants "nice toys". I bought a 2006 Focus petrol with high spec, 5 years ago, and it has been faultless. Heated, Electric adjust, leather interior, Cruise Control, park sensors etc, all work fine. But then I am a Ford fan... I just chose the car carefuly. Luckily I was able to inspect the range we had on site before making a choice and taking the financial plunge. I wanted to keep my S Class Merc, similarly specced, but when it was doing 9mpg round town in Winter, it became a white elephant. Off it went. I still have a 1989 Sapphire waiting in the wings.... nice and simple, like me!

[freebird]

No, it's called preference, choice, and opinion. I work on moderns for a living, and some of the "design" flaws that are created by the computer assigned the job of "doing" the engine, are awesome. For instance. Auxiliary drive belt on certain Vauxhalls, let's say the "Family Zero" unit. You have to remove the engine mounting to replace the belt. That's a schoolboy error really, these things are meant to be a quick job. Also, same engine, on the water pump, there's a bypass hose pipe union. Made from soft plastic that degrades with heat. So it snaps off when you try to remove things close to it. Cue the "improved" brass one available from parts dept. to fix it, at customer's expense. Also, same enginer, camshaft bearing caps incorrectly torqued during enginer build, meaning that the exhaust camshaft starts to "banana" during running, eventually snapping beyond number 4 bearing, leaving it running on three cylinders, with a damaged cylinder head. Spark plugs on later Renault 16V units.... yeah, let's use "lawnmower" plugs, and make it so the standard socket for plug removal is too fat to go down the hole, so people have to bring it to Renault..... Let's make the oil filter canister out of brittle plastic that degrades with excessive heat, and place it near the exhaust shall we?

Modern cars are so great, that Vauxhall did away with the wonderful method of replacing a clutch assembly (drop off a couple of cover plate, drain transmission fluid, remove side cover of gearbox, withdraw mainshaft, remove clutch, reverse ops) by making them now so the gearbox has to be removed, which means removing wiring looms supporting the radiator, draining coolant, half-removing the front suspension and dropping the front subframe off, putting repair times and prices up. Then, they make the clutch springs out of cheese/dogshit, so you get a judder when pulling away, so the job NEEDS to be done before warranty expires. Some people used to boast of having the original clutch in a 20 year old vehicle due to careful driving..... Not any more....

So yeah. I speak with bias... I just replaced the head gasket on my 42 year old Land Rover. The whole parts price for the job was £7. Yes, all in. Ok, I did the work myself, in the freezing damp weather, not in a nice warm workshop. But I needed no special tools, no special tightening sequences, and if I used more than a dozen separate tools, I would be surprised. It's up and running, job done, I just came in for a warm up before I go back out to replace a couple of dash bulbs and tidy tools away.

Last week I had to replace a turbo on a 3 year old Astra 1.7 van with 60k on the clock. Yes, the wastegate actuating arm spindle had worn, so it rattled it's arse off at idle. That cost someone £1100. This week, due to a crunchy gearbox in a similarly aged but 93k on the clock van, I have to REPLACE a gearbox, rather than repair it, as parts are not available..... It's having a clutch and flywheel "just in case" at the same time. Coupled with a few small repairs for MOT, the bill will be close to £2500. I have had Sierras with higher mileage, and less trouble, and when broken for parts, the engines and gearboxes were in really good fettle, just heavily corroded bodywork.....

I hate moderns, but have to have something new for the Wife, as she wants "nice toys". I bought a 2006 Focus petrol with high spec, 5 years ago, and it has been faultless. Heated, Electric adjust, leather interior, Cruise Control, park sensors etc, all work fine. But then I am a Ford fan... I just chose the car carefuly. Luckily I was able to inspect the range we had on site before making a choice and taking the financial plunge. I wanted to keep my S Class Merc, similarly specced, but when it was doing 9mpg round town in Winter, it became a white elephant. Off it went. I still have a 1989 Sapphire waiting in the wings.... nice and simple, like me!

Do we have "Quality post Police" patrolling this forum?"

Sir, that one passed with flying colours.

I agree with what you say, there is no way on Gods green Earth that i shall EVER work on my 2011 Megane Coupe, EVER!

I shall move it on well before the point where things will obviously go wrong, as I have done for every new car we have ever owned since the year 2000.

If it was me, Id have something like an early Senator on the drive as my daily but the wife is a bloody snob, so she can pay for the modern, i just drive it.

There doesnt seem much hope for this "hobby" twenty years from now, does there.

[ShiteRider]

No, it's called preference, choice, and opinion. I work on moderns for a living, and some of the "design" flaws that are created by the computer assigned the job of "doing" the engine, are awesome. For instance. Auxiliary drive belt on certain Vauxhalls, let's say the "Family Zero" unit. You have to remove the engine mounting to replace the belt. That's a schoolboy error really, these things are meant to be a quick job. Also, same engine, on the water pump, there's a bypass hose pipe union. Made from soft plastic that degrades with heat. So it snaps off when you try to remove things close to it. Cue the "improved" brass one available from parts dept. to fix it, at customer's expense. Also, same enginer, camshaft bearing caps incorrectly torqued during enginer build, meaning that the exhaust camshaft starts to "banana" during running, eventually snapping beyond number 4 bearing, leaving it running on three cylinders, with a damaged cylinder head. Spark plugs on later Renault 16V units.... yeah, let's use "lawnmower" plugs, and make it so the standard socket for plug removal is too fat to go down the hole, so people have to bring it to Renault..... Let's make the oil filter canister out of brittle plastic that degrades with excessive heat, and place it near the exhaust shall we?

Modern cars are so great, that Vauxhall did away with the wonderful method of replacing a clutch assembly (drop off a couple of cover plate, drain transmission fluid, remove side cover of gearbox, withdraw mainshaft, remove clutch, reverse ops) by making them now so the gearbox has to be removed, which means removing wiring looms supporting the radiator, draining coolant, half-removing the front suspension and dropping the front subframe off, putting repair times and prices up. Then, they make the clutch springs out of cheese/dogshit, so you get a judder when pulling away, so the job NEEDS to be done before warranty expires. Some people used to boast of having the original clutch in a 20 year old vehicle due to careful driving..... Not any more....

So yeah. I speak with bias... I just replaced the head gasket on my 42 year old Land Rover. The whole parts price for the job was £7. Yes, all in. Ok, I did the work myself, in the freezing damp weather, not in a nice warm workshop. But I needed no special tools, no special tightening sequences, and if I used more than a dozen separate tools, I would be surprised. It's up and running, job done, I just came in for a warm up before I go back out to replace a couple of dash bulbs and tidy tools away.

Last week I had to replace a turbo on a 3 year old Astra 1.7 van with 60k on the clock. Yes, the wastegate actuating arm spindle had worn, so it rattled it's arse off at idle. That cost someone £1100. This week, due to a crunchy gearbox in a similarly aged but 93k on the clock van, I have to REPLACE a gearbox, rather than repair it, as parts are not available..... It's having a clutch and flywheel "just in case" at the same time. Coupled with a few small repairs for MOT, the bill will be close to £2500. I have had Sierras with higher mileage, and less trouble, and when broken for parts, the engines and gearboxes were in really good fettle, just heavily corroded bodywork.....

I hate moderns, but have to have something new for the Wife, as she wants "nice toys". I bought a 2006 Focus petrol with high spec, 5 years ago, and it has been faultless. Heated, Electric adjust, leather interior, Cruise Control, park sensors etc, all work fine. But then I am a Ford fan... I just chose the car carefuly. Luckily I was able to inspect the range we had on site before making a choice and taking the financial plunge. I wanted to keep my S Class Merc, similarly specced, but when it was doing 9mpg round town in Winter, it became a white elephant. Off it went. I still have a 1989 Sapphire waiting in the wings.... nice and simple, like me!

Agree completely, i work on moderns myself (panel beater) and some of the basic design flaws would be laughable if i didn't have to deal wth them. For instance to change the taillight bulbs on a new fiesta, you've got to pull out the inerior qtr trims to get to the bloody nut that holds the light in!

Similarly there's a list as long as your arm of cars that need either the front bumper and lights removing, or half the engine bay stripping to change a bulb.

Unfortunately i think this is the reason you see so many cars with lights out on the road, and it's not all down to idleness/stupidity.

[Des]

turn the channels on their 1974 Ferguson Colour TV by pressing in those long thin buttons till they hear the clack?

Well get you with your fancy ways!

 

How I loathe those fancy newfangled buttons, I was perfectly happy with the big rotary clacking knob and scuttling up the chimney for a fine tune of the aerial while perusing which of the 2 transmissions to enjoy, then 'the man' turned off the VHF signal, denying me of my choice of how I view the test card (with music) or white spot (with dulcet tone).

 

Did a bit of motoring yesterday on normal roads, and getting used to the car, it's an Insignia so the bootlid says, still not finding it easy to park but can get close to kerbs now, that screen pillar thing that I didn't think such a big deal, I've changed my mind, my route into town takes me under a railway bridge and around a sharp bend with little visibility that's known as 'The Deathtrap', (a name coined after a Victorian lost his life under the wheels of a horse and cart that was getting the tail out driftation yo), halfway through the bend, two cars I was meeting disappeared momentarily, not just the pillar being the problem but the door mirror also, just 60% of this obstruction is mirror surface, that's just bad design, very bad design.

I've worked out the handbrake, I can't let myself be one of those people who sits there with brakelamps glowing, flick the switch to apply it then just drive off ignoring it when I'm ready, only stalled it the once. The ride is appalling but it handles well, can't tell how well as it doesn't want to let on where the limit is, all the feedback of an ebay newb, steering is rather good but does twitch and veer worryingly on bumpy bends, considering the oversize looking wheels with tyres like the rubber rings you used to get with proper oil filters, it's not doing too bad. Can't work out the headlamps so have to keep turning them off, In summary, it's still shit.

 

Having now driven one example of a car made in the current millennium, I feel suitably qualified to declare all new cars R shit, in the good old days getting behind the wheel of any new car was something that left a very positive impression, I suppose cars don't age as badly now so the difference between a new one and a 10 year old with 100K isn't that obvious, and the technical advances have all happened long ago, we used to look forward to 'the next big thing', like fuel injection, ABS, PAS, passenger sunvisors, etc. It's all been done now and there's nothing worthwhile to add.

They're shit but we're not yet forced to drive them, there are numerous good cars out there going for buttons, because modern ghey stuff has devalued them, pretty good situation really.

[Spiny Norman]

I'm quite happy to benefit from the genuine advances in motoring technology and some of the properly useful gizmos that modern cars have. So 'Yes please' to a nice reliable fuel injection system instead of a shitty Varijet or Solex carb, or some crumple zones and airbags where previously there would have been a (slightly) collapsible steering column, and central locking, heated windows, climate control etc etc...

 

But what does annoy me in some modern stuff is the insistence in using a £500 electronic gadget with a lifespan of 5 years where previously the same job would have been done just as well by a £20 bit of cable. Electronic handbrakes are a case in point, as are these stupid electronic throttle mechanisms. (I'm looking at you, Volvo... )

 

That's what pisses people off about new stuff, it just seems unnecessarily complex for no real advantage. At least 30 years ago when someone was moaning about all this new fangled EFI & electronic ignition as being "Just more to go wrong" you could a least point out that for the majority of the time when it was working it represented a real improvement in the way the car ran.

 

What is supposed to be the advantage in an electric handbrake?

[garethj]

What is supposed to be the advantage in an electric handbrake?

As more cars get disc brakes on the rear and they weigh more too, the effort you need to get a decent amount of stop is more than a simple mechanism can provide. You'd either need a handbrake lever 3 feet long or about 20 clicks on the ratchet to pull the cable tight enough.

 

There's an electric handbrake on Mrs GarethJ's S Type and it's alright. The fact that there's no lever cluttering up the centre console area is quite nice, and it's easier to figure out than the fly-off handbrake my old XJ-S had

[Albert Ross]

It's not a hobby for me. It's my daily driver. I need to get to work with heavy tools etc, and carry engine cranes etc about.

[Justin Case]

So, when did the rot set in (metaphorically of course ) My 'modern' is six years old so I regard the paint as barely dry, but although it has all mod cons, you just gently pull on a lever to set the handbrake (surely no effort if the footbrake is also on?), you can operate the wipers and lights by simple stalks on the steering column and changing headlight bulbs is fiddly but doable. There is some electronic trickery (ABS, DSC) but nothing that's too intrusive. Visibility all round is good, even with airbags in the A pillars, no doubt because the estate is square, boxy and has a drag coefficient second only to Danny La Rue. So is it just cars that have escaped into the wild in the last year or two, or have I been lucky in my choice?

[Spiny Norman]

What is supposed to be the advantage in an electric handbrake?

As more cars get disc brakes on the rear and they weigh more too, the effort you need to get a decent amount of stop is more than a simple mechanism can provide. You'd either need a handbrake lever 3 feet long or about 20 clicks on the ratchet to pull the cable tight enough.

 

Sorry, don't buy that.

 

My old Vauxhall Royale had a kerb weight of 1600KG, probably nearer 1800KG with some fuel, a boot full of tat and me in it and I could lock the rear wheels with two fingers-worth of upward pressure on the stubby handbrake lever. Ditto my 1700KG Volvo C70, and no doubt plenty of other cars are the same.

[wuvvum]

My 8-year-old Scenic has an electric handbrake. Not had any issues with it so far apart from the time the battery went flat and I couldn't get the brake to release, so had to do some "interesting" manoeuvres with the Rover to get in as close as possible and then use two sets of jump leads joined end to end. In normal use though it's been fine - seems to release just as quickly as I could release a manual brake, and the fact it releases automatically does make one less thing to faff with on hill starts. I'm not sure it'd be much good as an emergency brake in case of hydraulic failure though, as it seems to be either on or off.

[garethj]

probably nearer 1800KG with some fuel, a boot full of tat and me in it and I could lock the rear wheels with two fingers-worth of upward pressure on the stubby handbrake lever.

Locking the wheels on a car is pretty easy, if a car's got lots of weight it's got lots of momentum so locking the wheels when driving is even easier. What is more difficult is holding all that weight on a steep hill, I think that's why an electric handbrake is used. I remember most old cars with discs on the rear having terrible handbrakes.

 

I'm not saying it isn't overkill and I'm sure when the motor gums up and it's time to spend £800 on its replacement any of us would be happy, but it's pretty nice not having a handbrake in the way of your arm in the Jaguar when you're balancing your gin & tonic next to the gearlever.