Shite Cars And The Buyers They Attract

[Ross_K]

What's your wierdest or most annoying car selling experience?

 

From angorabedsock's £500 Passat thread:

Most calls from people that don't appear to speak any English whatsoever. Yesterday AT HALF PAST MIDNIGHT some chap up the road in Stoke says he is mad keen for it, 'sorry for calling late, etc., I'll come look at it tomorrow' - and then doesn't show up after I've stayed in.

 

Old mobile and disposable sim card. The first rule of used car selling.

 

Anybody who puts their real number in a car ad on the internet is asking for wackos to ring them at stupid o' clock.

 

When I was selling the Kangoo this guy phones up at ten at night and asks if it has a roof rack. No, I said, it's like you see it in the photos. Oh, that's a pity, he says, I've got a van like yours and wanted to find a roof rack for it. What. The. Fuck.

 

Then there was the father and daughter who took the €300 205 I was selling for a 20mile test drive and then said they'd come back when they spoke to the bank about finance.

 

Anybody who asks for "best price" before seeing the car gets hung up on. It used be a thing only certain ethnic groups did, but now every fucker thinks it's cool to start haggling on the initial phone call. Or as has started happening in this country, someone offers you half the asking price because they assume you're desperate to buy food seeing as you have a car for sale.

 

I'd never dream of going to see a car without having something close to the asking price on me, so it's infuriating when some fucker test drives my car all over the place, says "oh I need to go to a cash machine" and disappears. You just wasted half an hour of both our lives. Thanks.

 

In my mind's eye I see a mental hospital somewhere with a room full of computers connected to Gumtree and free phone calls for all the patients...

 

Discuss.

[messerschmitt owner]

when I sold both Honda Z600s, I got the 'what's the best price you'll take' on the initial PM - I told him what it was - and despite numerous attempts at further haggling, that was where it stayed. Slightly less than I wanted but both cars went for good homes. He bought one, his pal the other.

Selling something rare means you still get idiot calls, but there are far fewer of them than when selling something more mainstream.

[Cavcraft]

All of the above and the (relatively) new chestnut 'I live 120 miles away, you'll have to knock some money off for my travelling costs'. They can GTF as well, not my problem there's no cheap cars where they live.

 

'What colour is it?': Usually followed by 'oh, sorry I wanted a pink and yellow striped one'.

 

Anyone who asks questions that are already stated in the advert. For example if it clearly says 102,000 miles, 11 months MOT' and they ask how many miles and how much test. I just ignore these dickheads because you can bet your last Dixie they won' have read about any faults you mention then start crying about it the day after.

[Mr Lobster]

Yes.

 

Selling one of my Renault 4s at present. Guy comes along spends TWO HOURS going over it then proceeds to tell me what needs doing (its more or less mint, fresh MOT and needs virtually nothing) then despite me telling him that its only for sale 'cos it aint getting used and that below a certain price i'm quite happy to store it until I get time to do something with it he fucks off home only to then send a long email with everything he feels he'd need to do and how that justifies him offering me £1000 less than I told him i would accept.

 

Example - well it all looks good but you can't see the top of the chassis with the body on so I'd want to take the body off just to make sure its ok. The engine is the smoothest 1108cc Renault engine I've ever known but he'd want to strip it anyway just to check.

 

And don't get me on the email I had this week from the guy who was interested but thought it was too dear because it would cost a lot for him to get it back to him. YES THATS BECAUSE YOU ARE IN THE CANARY ISLANDS. Srsly.

 

I hate selling cars. If I had anything sub £500 I think I'd just weigh it in rather than have to deal with idiots tbh.

[Ross_K]

All of the above and the (relatively) new chestnut 'I live 120 miles away, you'll have to knock some money off for my travelling costs'. They can GTF as well, not my problem there's no cheap cars where they live

 

I've noticed that one being used a few times on wheeler dealers. Wonder if it originated from there?

[scooters]

I only sell sub 500 cars to shitters after the fun and games of THE (SUBARU) LEGACY OF DEATH!!!!!

 

I have just sold a 2004 focus to a lovely buyer on gumtree, advertised.it 2 weeks ago not a sniff, one viewer One sale. I did a very detailed advert and went into the technical history of ford engines...seemed to intimidate the tyre kickers from starting the debate!

[Cavcraft]

That's possibly because it's deterred the arsewipes who hope you know sod all about cars so they can tell you that something is wrong with it so thus expect you to knock £1100 off the price.

 

Of the many timewasters/mingebags out there I actually like the 'expert' buyers who start chiselling on about cam belt changes when it's a chain engine etc as it's ace fun proving them wrong and watching them squirm.

[willswitchengage]

Had a bloke keep me small talking for 20 minutes outside the house waiting the engine to "warm up" as he could "really tell if it's in good condition then from the sound" as he "knew alot about cars". It was a VAG ASY diesel... I've driven it 10 miles in the snow before without the needle hitting 90 degrees. He didn't buy it. I also had a "pickup agent" sending me lots of follow emails trying to reassure me that he "wasn't a a scammer" after I told him where to put it, perseverance is a virtue.

 

Oh, and the day I'd finally got a sale deposit on the car I got a voicemail from some lady saying "I'm from Shrewsbury and I'm coming to view the car tomorrow". Naturally cba to respond, and the day after, after delivering the car to the sellee, I got another angry voicemail (yeah my phone's usually on silent or in the drawer) saying ZOMG I JUST WASTED A MASSIVE JOURNEY YOU DIDNT ANSWER. Don't know where she was precisely driving to, must have been great with Google streetview to find the car from my descriptive information of "South Birmingham".

[iFool]

I'm as tight a a ducks bum and want everything for bugger all. But I only ring up for something I really want and if it's crap I'll just say no Ta. If I do want it and its a grand (for instance) I'll enquire whether 800 will buy it. Politeness goes a long way. I'm always the last owner before the scrappies so I don't have the misfortune of dealing with cretins but I know it can be very annoying.

[Craig the Princess]

A new one recently, my housemate sold his Maestro Turbo D on Gumtree. Had a call from a guy in Shrewsbury who wanted to turn up at 6am to buy it. The hourmate pushed them back to 7am, they turned up at 5.30am! Still paid a tenner off the asking price, filled up with fuel (which looked a lot like cherry) and no come-back is a result.

[Rocket88]

Eastern European types are the worst. Had an old Vento tdi for sale recently, for the princely sum of £550. Pavlov Nobrotski rocks up in the nastiest VW Caddy I've ever seen,along with a gorilla in tow who "knows about cars". After two hours of test driving, prodding, teeth sucking, and general fucking about, the gorilla says "it's a good car" Pavlov offers me £250, I fall about laughing. Pavlov and the gorilla get the hump, and get back into their miserable conveyance, which promptly refuses to start, and is now blocking my drive. Pavlov now suddenly ups his offer to £450, and I laugh slightly less. Eventually, we settle on £525, I include a stout piece of washing line in the deal so they can tow their Caddy away..................

[Ross_K]

I'm as tight a a ducks bum and want everything for bugger all. But I only ring up for something I really want and if it's crap I'll just say no Ta. If I do want it and its a grand (for instance) I'll enquire whether 800 will buy it.

 

Just the same as the best price thing IMHO. As a seller, if you say "ok, 800 quid then" you're just opening yourself up to a further price drop if or when the buyer turns up.

 

Would you beat someone down further once you get to see the car in your example?

[dollywobbler]

I'll often ask if there's any movement on the price, but I don't go in with offers until I've looked at something.

 

My worst selling experience was also a Subaru Legacy. Two wide boys from the South East came up to look at it. I was struggling not to laugh at the pair of them. They would have got kicked out of Eldorado for shit acting. Giving all of the "OMG, the rocker cover are leaking. That'll cost me hundreds to sort out." They wouldn't shut up though. I should have just locked the car and gone back into the house but being typical me, I wanted a sale and they chiselled a good couple of hundred off the asking price.

 

I was expecting trouble with the Peugeot but apart from the lack of bites and a wasted Ebay sale (which I at least got my money back for) someone on Gumtree spotted it, came to look (in the dark!), handed me cash and drove off. Got one come-back when they queried what fuel it should take but that was it. Very pleased. Someone who realises that a sub-£300 car won't be perfect and heads off into the night all happy. Didn't even cost me a cup of tea!

[RobT]

Selling an £800 mk5 Escort a few years back I had a bloke come around one weekday evening to then say he wanted to come back and see it in daylight at the weekend. Fine, no problem, but I had my doubts as he was a bit of a scrote. So I arrange for 11am on Sunday as I don’t want to be hanging around all day waiting for him. Several phone calls to check on his whereabouts “I’ll be there soon mateâ€Â. 5pm he turns up and it’s dark now, so what’s the point in that! I try not to loose my rag with people but I basically told him to go away and not waste my time, bloody inbred.

 

And for a £500 mk1 Fiesta Ghia I got the usual “I’m far away so can you knock a bit off to cover my train fareâ€Â. I politely said no to that one and ended up selling to a bloke in Essex who turned up with the folding, didn’t bother bartering and drove it off within 10 minutes of seeing it

 

I’m hoping when I sell the BX soon it’ll be quirky and rare enough not to attract the knuckle-draggers. Won’t touch ebay though, various forums and carandclassic seem to work best for me these days.

[Ross_K]

Got one come-back when they queried what fuel it should take but that was it.

 

Ha ha. Yeah that's the other thing about selling cars - even if you can part someone from their money, you get the meatheads who think the car comes with a lifetime warranty.

 

I sold a Focus to a woman about a year ago. Got a phone call three months later - she was looking for money back because she had just took it for a service and the mechanic told her the brakes were shagged. You sold me a death trap, small claims court, new brakes are going to cost me 500 quid, etc etc...

 

Fook off. My name's not Reg Vardy.

[capsuleboy]

Don't get me started...Got so fed up of muppets wanting to pick my superb R5GT turbo to bits its now off to auction with H&H.

Anybody had good/bad experience with that sort of thing before?

Having said that my BX sold to a very nice local couple with no probs at all recently after being on ebay.

The R18 gtx will be on the market soon, £250 takes it away, wish me luck...

[Jack_Harpers_Teeth]

I was selling £250 Escort Bonus in the local paper.

 

Woman turns up, takes for test drive, comes back, hands me they keys and says "it's the wrong shape".

 

What bloody shape did she want a Ford Escort to be then?

[Guest]

Hmmm. WHere do I start?

- Ethnic minorities and "best price" No cockle. The start is £x we go from there, no a new lower before you've seen it.

 

- The twat from the Fiat Owners Club who was their 'valuer'. Joe Bastard 90. Said my one owner SOLID ROT FREE Series 1 Fiat 127 Sport needed work. The engine bay was messy. Thats Ziebart you bellend. The very reason in 2005 it's still here!. Twat.

 

- Brian Chalmers. Now thats a legend. He might coem up if you Google him. Lives in Florida. Wanted the 127 Sport. Long story but after much bollocks he decides he wants an orange one. Mine was black. Trnaspires not the first time he's wasted people's tiem.

 

- Selling my late FZR1000RU Exup ( sorry pure carists!) on ebay for £1600. It had Ohlins and Brembos all round - " How much for the rear shock / forks/ calipers" Stanadard reply by me " Pay £1600 for the shock/forks/calipers and get a free bike to traqnsport them home on"

 

- Asking for money off for train fare? No probs we'll offset that against my time charageable per hour or part thereof to show you my car. Shall we say you want it as much as I want to sell it and call it quits fucknut?

 

- "Got lots of interest" when a seller says that I think "money talks and ballshit walks" and you haven't got any money yet!

 

That'll do for now.

[Spiny Norman]

In my mind's eye I see a mental hospital somewhere with a room full of computers connected to Gumtree and free phone calls for all the patients...

THIS.

 

I have a rather "zero tolerance of fuckwits" policy at the best of times, but I ramp it up a notch or two when I'm dealing with some of the plankton who respond to Gumtree ads.

I just don't understand the mentality of some of these creatures. Do they really think I'm going to say, "Oh yeah, I only advertised it at £1000 for a bit of fun, of course you can have it for £300"

[Cavcraft]

Oh aye, sellers are another thing. The moment I hear 'loads of people are interested, do you want to buy it or not?' or when you're viewing and the seller's phone rings and they tell you it's someone who wants to turn up in 30 minutes with cash I just chuck them the keys back and walk away.

It's just a feeble attempt at pressure selling and they can get bent as far as I'm concerned. It's even better when they call you back a few days later asking if you still want it as I always quote the last thing they said as I was viewing it then put the phone down.

[Ross_K]

Oh aye, sellers are another thing.

 

Barefaced lies to include:

Priced to sell/First to see will buy - so that's why the ad was posted three months ago and has 15,000 views.

Mint condition - must be a fucking Polo mint cos it's full of holes.

Full service history - has some receipts from Aldi for windscreen wipers and bulbs

No rust anywhere.

 

 

And my two ALL-TIME favourites:

"No MOT but will pass no problem"

Timing belt done last week. No receipt but the change is fully documented in Tipp-Ex on the slam panel - something like "TB 68k".

[peter9000uk]

A mate of mine had the best sales tactic I have seen when he was selling his rodded model Y Ford. He arranged a time on a Saturday for everyone who called to view (none of them knew this) . Pretty much all of them arrived as arranged, he said there is the car, you know what the price is, whoever wants it knock on the door when ready. Funnily enough it worked

[willswitchengage]

Barefaced lies to include:

 

"Sold as seen" = there is a major fault with the car, but it cannot be detected until you are out of "can be bothered to turn back" distance.

 

"These'll go up in value" = timeless

[wuvvum]

Eastern European types are the worst.

 

This. If I have something for sale on Gumtree and somebody rings up with an Eastern European accent I just tell them it's sold. I've had a couple of good experiences with them (sold a Xantia once to a very nice Polish chap who spoke excellent English, and my first 166 went to a Lithuanian who was also sound), but they've been far outweighed by the bad.

 

"Sold as seen" = there is a major fault with the car, but it cannot be detected until you are out of "can be bothered to turn back" distance.

 

I'm not 100% sure I agree on this one. "Sold as seen" is also a way to attempt to cover oneself against the type of cretin that Ross_K mentioned who expects a £500 car to come with zero faults and a lifetime warranty.

[Captain2Stroke]

On the subject of buying my strangest experience has to have been whilst collecting a tidy little Metro/Rover 110 for my daughter. Bought from old gent in sheltered housing flats, claimed he was "selling for a friend", but whatever the story it seemed sound, 40,000 on the clock and a fair price was agreed. As daughter Sam was driving out of the car park, one of the other residents, an old lady who had been making strange gestures to us earlier, slipped me a folded piece of paper as we passed on the drive. I didn't show Sam until we'd got home....

 

WarningNote by maxidriver2002, on Flickr

 

Only issue turned out to be a leaking expansion reservoir, due to it being fitted with a brake fluid cap! Once replaced with the proper one the little car has given good service over the last couple of years and is affectionately known as Rupert after the old bugger who sold him to us!

[ProgRocker]

Fortunately my buyers have been reasonably sound.

 

When I sold my Mini Racing Green in 2002 it went to a 17/18 year old. He and his mate went over the car thoroughly. The friend spotted the oil leak, which I said was a common Mini failing. Deal done, deposit paid, pick up car arranged for a few days time.

 

Come the day of exchange of cash for car, buyer turns up with his mum. I had driven home from work during my lunch break to finalise the sale. He arrived my my address before I got back home and he didn't look very happy. While he and his mum were waiting, one of them spotted the oil leak under the car. I had to point out to him that his mate noticed the oil leak on the viewing and would have though that he would have told him before agreeing to buy the car. Bit of a lack of communication between the two 'friends' there.

[willswitchengage]

"Sold as seen" = there is a major fault with the car, but it cannot be detected until you are out of "can be bothered to turn back" distance.

 

I'm not 100% sure I agree on this one. "Sold as seen" is also a way to attempt to cover oneself against the type of cretin that Ross_K mentioned who expects a £500 car to come with zero faults and a lifetime warranty.

 

True true, and for that reason I avoid ads with that written on it - or at least written in a very obvious way - as the seller thinks if he can get away with the buyer not noticing major fault XXX on the test drive, having "sold as seen" written on the advert means he is devoid of all future liability. Sold as seen has no legal meaning, if the seller has misled the buyer and it can be proved then iirc that's smallclaimsable. If a buyer has mentioned "oil leak" or "5th gear doesn't work" in the ad I'd be far more more inclined to deal with them, rather than somebody who posts "mint but sold as seen" as in my mind they're trying to hide something. Sold as seen or not, an ad is exactly the same.

[MK5 Escort]

We've had two bad experiences:

 

1) D reg Metro 1.0, up in the local rag for £250. Very tidy bar one amateurish-repair on the nearside bottom corner of the bootlid. This was about eleven years ago...

 

Old boy called to say he was very interested and asked questions which were already stated in the advert. Said he’d turn up the next day at a set time. Turned up hours later in the dark and said he would come the next day at the same set time (10am or something...). He did turn up the following day and took it out on a test drive, revving the nuts off it thanks to a distinct lack of clutch control.

 

The deal was just about to be done and the price was settled at £200 (the space was needed and £200 was about the 'bottom line' - he did initially offer £150 to which he was almost laughed out the house), when he asked "What fuel does it take?".

 

To cut a long story short, he expected an old car to have had hardened valve seats, including relatively long tax and nine months MOT for less than £200 and at a time when leaded fuel had not long gone from the forecourts, remember. He claimed he had been 'tricked' everywhere and had enough of seeing lots of cheaper cars up for sale "without these new unleaded engines fitted". He stormed out, got back into his 'A' reg yellow mk3 Escort estate, blowing large amounts of blue smoke and that was the end of that...

 

It was eventually sold about three days later for £225 to another elderly chap who couldn't care less...

 

2) 'E' reg Bedford Rascal Romahome. Near enough immaculate, pretty much a full service history including all old tax discs/MOT's to back up it's 19k miles. Only two previous owners. Can't remember what it was up for sale for, but was up in Auto Trader for a few weeks. This was more recently - 2006-ish. It was my brother's, bought it in Somerset and was working away at the time, leaving us the duty of selling it.

 

We had an idiot who called up at midnight, an hour or so after we’d gone to bed. Seemed to be quite the expert on Rascal camper vans and wanted to discuss all technical aspects of it - yes, at midnight. Explaining the situation, including the fact that the camper wasn’t actually with us (it was stored in one of those caravan-holding type places) didn't remotely sink in. He expected us to drive five miles to where it was stored, find out what he was after, drive back and call him back that night. You can guess what the response was...

 

It was sold about a month later to someone who lived on the other side of the small housing estate where we lived at the time and heard by word of mouth from a neighbour of ours. Full asking price too. He still had it when we moved last year.

 

Selling via Auto Trader? Gumtree? eBay? No thanks... Never again... I really do see why people simply weigh in low value cars rather than wasting time (and patience) selling them on.

[danthecapriman]

I hate selling cars, its never as easy as it should be.

 

I had an e36 BMW 316 saloon, advertised on autotrader with plenty of decent photos and a good description. Some guy phones and comes over for a look. Turns out he wants the car for his daughter, who he brings with him for the viewing. After having a good look over it we all go for a test drive. We get back to my place, get out and he says its no good because its too big a car for her!! What the hell did you expect!! I even had pics up in the ad so everyone could see what it was. Why would anyone turn up to look at something that a picture would show you wasnt suitable?

 

My old Volvo 340, put a for sale sign in the window and parked it on the street outside my house. Guy shows up and sounds dead keen and even comes over in a 360. Spends a few hours going over it in fine detail, takes a test drive, covering some miles (and burning alot of petrol too!) After all this he says 'oh im not really looking to buy a car!' - So why waste all that time and my petrol looking at a car im selling then you twat!?

 

Finally, my old orion. This thing was a shed, rusty, dented, high miles etc. But it had tax and test and was fine for a cheap smoker for the rest of the mot period. It wasnt in any way dangerous or unsafe and it was dirt cheap. All this was made crystal clear in the ad in the local paper. A guy turns up and then after looking it over and a test drive starts trying to offer me stupid figures because it has a dent here, some rust there and its expensive to fix. - Fuck off pal its dirt cheap for that reason and that was in the ad, you aint going to fix any of it anyway.

I dont mind taking offers but dont try to insult my intelegance by offering to take it off my hands because ill be charged to scrap it!

After a few people like that I ended up scrapping it anyway, and getting almost what it was for sale for. Then it turned up in a car park some months later so it cant have been that bad!

But why do people come to look at a cheap old car and expect something that rolled out of the dealership yesterday? And then be genuinly dissapointed/anal/dense to find its not a new car?

 

I honestly dont know how some of these people have managed to stay alive for so long, without killing themselves or forgetting how to breathe. There are some utter muppets out there. Its disturbing really that these moorons are allowed on the roads let alone out of their houses!

[kinkersaab]

This all all great for me to read. Hearing all your tales of woe just selling the odd car here and there, you lot should try doing it full time and make a living out of it. I have said it before and i will say it again, The trade are far easier to deal with and million times more honest than joe bastard public. I do love my job though.