Attention All! New Copper Bottomed Shite to be Manufactured

[Futuramic]

Possibly.

 

There is no confirmation as yet.

 

Time was when one could buy a truly dreadful car. An Italian car with Japanese styling for example. I'm writing about the Nissan Cherry Europe/Alfa Romeo Arna. A marketing exec, from somewhere, decided to combine the worst possible aspects from two of the most heinous criminals currently on sale and make a bastard hybrid. A blend of Japanese styling and Italian engineering created something truly awful.

 

Moving forwards... As said marketing man would say.

 

Mopar, as they were, bought Maserati expertise. The Americans looked to Italy for an injection of styling panache and driving flair. This was a bad idea. History has shown that elderly, middle-class Jewish Americans are perhaps not the greatest critics of a finely tuned chassis. Anyway they went ahead. The world ended up with the Chrsler TC by Maserati. Essentially the rather vulgar, but loveable, Le Baron with its reliable heart removed. Such a sublimation of old Europe into the brave new west has given us such travesties as the Meat Feast Pizza and the unstoppable rise of the Mafia.

 

Anyhow the Le Baron was a ditzy American thing; not great but somehow likable in that it promised little but served the same up with enthusiasm. Like Tiffany. She couldn't really sing in tune but had no real pretensions that way. Had a record exec instructed her to perform "La Traviata"; the results would have been dreadful.

 

Thus the TC by Maserati; Tiffany sings opera. A gutless Italian engine in place of a hearty Amrican one.

 

 

Regrettably, for some Tiffany especially, the 1980s are over. We have evolved into a world of tweeters, geocachers and political mass murderers. The nation of business should be well beyond such ridiculous notions as those described above. But according to recent press releases:

 

IT'S ALL HAPPENING AGAIN!!!!!

 

Maserati have, in the pipeline, a brand new and smaller Quattroporte. This is Italian for four doors so it will have four doors. All is well so far. However for a power source they have turned back to Chrysler. Yes, Chrysler that well known engineer of highly strung, small capacity racing engines. A Quattroporte with a Hemi V8 would be interesting. Alas no.

 

 

This is the current Quattroporte. In my opinion one of the best looking four door saloons (my favourite type of car) for sale. The engine is their own V8; it would be perfect if offered with a proper manual. Come on, they've even got one from their coupe.

 

The future looks rather more strange. I imagine they shall retain the rear wheel drive chassis. The engine proposals are for the Chrysler Pentastar V6 petrol and, acknowledge this, a diesel variant.

 

In the future. Say Autoshite 2035. We WILL be driving them. I've already put a post-dated order in at Southend Quality Used Car Sales. It's the new Bi-Turbo. Brace yourselves.

[John F]

Well, unless it is GUARANTEED to rot as badly as the original biturbos, I shan't be buying one.

 

And what's this? A diesel Maserati? No. Just no.

[Vin]

Hmmm. With the tie up between Fiat and Chrysler you'd expect something along the lines of this . But rather stuff using Lancia, Alfa & Fiat , such as the Fiat Freemont, which is a Dodge Journey...I think they are supposed to be selling the Lancia Delta as a Chrysler in the UK too.

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

Unfortunately, it's gets worse - Maserati are also making an SUV - I shit you not.

 

"FIAT CEO Sergio Marchionne (known as 'cunt') has bold plans for the automaker's Maserati luxury sports car unit: to boost annual sales almost tenfold to 50,000 units from 5,675 last year.

 

Three new models are key to this midterm goal and all are based on systems and components from Chrysler Group.

 

Maserati will introduce two new sedans to replace its Quattroporte flagship model using technology from Chrysler's large sedans such as the Chrysler 300 and the Dodge Avenger.

 

The third new Maserati will be the company's first SUV. Chrysler will build it alongside the Jeep Grand Cherokee in the Jefferson North plant in Detroit.

 

Maserati officials say the new models will not be rebadged Chryslers. They will have different bodies and interiors, as well as new front and rear suspensions and dedicated powertrains. The parts to be shared will be where the customer does not see it, the same as in the Bentley Continental, which is a rebodied Volkswagen Phaeton.

 

Quattroporte's size problem

 

Maserati's two new sedans will be produced at the Officine Automobilistiche Grugliasco (OAG), the new name Fiat gave to the former Carrozzeria Bertone factory it bought in 2009. Maserati will invest 550 million euros ($774 million) to refurbish the plant and launch the models.

 

The sedans will solve the current Quattroporte's size problem. The car is too big to be a compelling driver's car but too small--particularly in terms of rear legroom--to serve as a good chauffeur's car.

 

The problem will be resolved by offering two cars: a "baby" Quattroporte, code-named M157 and a larger Quattroporte, code-named M156.

 

The "baby" Quattroporte will launch next year and is designed to be a driver's car and compete with rivals such as the Audi A6, the BMW 5 series and the Mercedes E class.

 

The project was initially conceived as a flagship model for the Alfa Romeo brand but was switched to Maserati because this brand could win a higher pricing point and already has a global distribution network.

 

The new model keeps Maserati's traditional layout of a front longitudinal engine and rear-wheel drive.

 

The car will use a heavily revised, high performance version of the Chrysler V6 Pentastar engine. With capacity reduced to 3.0 liters, the addition of Fiat's fuel-saving MultiAir air management system, twin turbocharging and direct injection, this variant will deliver more than 400 hp and good fuel economy. The most powerful version of the 3.6-liter Pentastar currently delivers 305 hp on the Dodge Challenger.

 

Europe would also get a diesel variant of the baby Quattroporte with a beefed-up version of VM Motori's 3.0-liter V6 engine currently offered on the Jeep Grand Cherokee for export.

 

Maserati says the new car will fit a price range between 55,000 euros to 70,000 euros in Europe ($78,000 to $99,000).

 

Mercedes S class rival

 

The large Quattroporte will be considerably bigger than the current model to compete better with chauffeur-driven, long-wheelbase versions of German flagship sedans such as the Audi A8, BMW 7 series and Mercedes-Benz S class.

 

With overall length at about 203.5 inches, the new model would be 2.8 inches longer than the current Quattroporte and 8.7 inches longer than the "baby" Quattroporte.

 

Maserati's new flagship will use a revised version of the Ferrari-built 4.7-liter V8, switching to direct injection and delivering about 475 hp, coupled with ZF Group's eight-speed automatic transmission. This sporty, fuel-saving transmission is already available on large Audi and BMW models, while Chrysler will begin offering it on the 2012 model year on the 300 sedan and its Dodge Charger sibling.

 

Maserati will add all-wheel drive and stop-start technology, aiming to reduce fuel consumption by 25 percent from the current Quattroporte.

 

Maserati said the new Quattroporte should increase the brand's share in the global superluxury sedan segment to 8 percent from the current 3 percent. The company counts superluxury sedans as models priced between $180,000 and $215,000 (125,000 euros and 150,000 euros) in Europe.

 

The sedans will account for about 30,000 to 35,000 units of Maserati's 50,000 annual sales target and the SUV for about 10,000 to 15,000. The remaining 5,000 units would come from Maserati's current core products, the GranTurismo coupe and the GranCabrio convertible.

 

The new Maseratis were designed by the Maserati Styling Center in Turin, under the direction of Marco Tencone and the supervision of Fiat group design supremo Lorenzo Ramaciotti. For the past two decades, Maseratis have been styled either by Italdesign Giugiaro S.p.A. or Pininfarina S.p.A.

 

Frankfurt SUV debut

 

Maserati will debut a concept at the Frankfurt auto show in September that hints at its Jeep Grand Cherokee-based large SUV set to hit the market in 2013. The Maserati variant features specific body panels and a new interior.

 

The engine would be Maserati's 4.7-liter V8 unit capable of about 450 hp, coupled with ZF's eight-speed automatic transmission.

 

Possibly only for Europe, the Maserati SUV could also get a diesel variant using VM Motori's 3.0-liter V6, with power increased to more than 300 hp from 241 hp the engine currently delivers on the Grand Cherokee exported to Europe.

 

Maserati declined to give a price target for its large SUV, but in Europe it would cost considerably more than the Jeep Grand Cherokee 5.7-liter V8 Overland that in Italy starts at $92,000 (63,800 euros)"

 

 

Jayzus........................

 

 

So, the Fiat massacre of famous Italian makes (sorry, 'brands') continues apace. They destroyed Lancia in a few short years, reduced Alfa Romeo from unprofitable to unprofitable and dull and now they decided to completely fuck Maserati as well, turning it into another glitzy brand for slightly moneyed wankers.

 

Can anyone say WHY Maserati NEED to sell 50'000 cars a year? For fuck's sake, It's Maserati. The whole fucking idea of these cars is that they are small volume, expensive and rare.

[chaseracer]

Tiffany married a fireplace salesman from Cannock, and - for part of the year at least - lives down the road from me.

 

This is not a late April Fool...

[John F]

Oh for fuck's sake (the Maserati marque being shafted by FIAT, not Tiffany living up the road from chaseracer).

 

What's next, I wonder... Ferrari people carriers? Lamborghini mobility scooters?

[Cavcraft]

I bet shit loads of farmers were saying that years back. Bloody Lamborghini, poncing about make fancy cars instead of tractors. Traitors and bastards the lot of them!

[ashmicro]

Well, we've already had this

 

 

Although the bloke I know at Charles Hurst Jaguar says that people buy them as a "fashion accessory". They have a place in Mayfair (West London somewhere anyway) too, and some bloke came in to buy one for his kid. He left with the Cygnet AND a DB9 on order.

[Amazo]

Well, we've already had this

 

 

Although the bloke I know at Charles Hurst Jaguar says that people buy them as a "fashion accessory". They have a place in Mayfair (West London somewhere anyway) too, and some bloke came in to buy one for his kid. He left with the Cygnet AND a DB9 on order.

It'll be sucessful; must be loads of Russian mistresses to buy for.

 

It gets worse; do you know what this is?

 

 

It's a De Tomaso SUV Well that was the concept, which at least has a residue of sportiness about it. Unfortunately this is the reality:

 

 

And to really twist the knife in the wound, they're naming it after this car:

 

 

What the HELL, people.

[catsinthewelder]

Fuck, if I passed that in the street I'd assume it was a Focus and that I'd shrunk

[andrew e]

It's fecking huge in the flesh, and had panel gaps you could fit your hand in. Is it bad to say I liked it? I might have a snap [goes rummaging].

[andrew e]

BTW loving that Street Machine avatar fella!

[Negative Creep]

I always thought Maseratis had a touch of understated class about them. Sadly it now seems they're after the WAG and footballer market. I guess that means 21inch wheels and christmas lights stuck to the front. Sigh.

[eddyramrod]

BTW loving that Street Machine avatar fella!

 

Ditto! Amazo, are you Tony Thacker? Can I claim my fiver?

 

Futuramic, I'd love to be able to talk to you about the hearty American engine my leBaron had; hearty it most certainly was, felt like it would pull forever... but it was a Mitsubishi 3.0V6, almost exactly as found in the petrol Shogun of the day (1990). It was still one of the best cars I ever had, despite that and the FWD layout. I miss it.

 

Re Maserati, and even De Tomaso: is April a bit late this year, or something? These "new models" are far too sad to be genuine.

[andrew e]

Sorry futureshite cock up

 

I was thinking of this BAD BOY, the FORNASARI

 

 

 

http://www.fornasaricars.com/

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

I always thought Maseratis had a touch of understated class about them.

 

They used to - but the days of the Bora, Mistral and Sebring have gone as have the traditional buyers. These days, it's all about brand and bling and it seems to me that the more expensive car you have, the bigger scumbag/footballer/drug dealer you are. You know that when you see expensive cars being driven by Geezers with a tattooed arm hanging out of the drivers window, the game is lost.

 

As the old saying goes, New Money shouts, Old Money whispers.

 

As for Maserati being a competitior for BMW and Mercedes........eh?

[warren t claim]

Stop slagging the Tiff and comparing her to a LeBaron!

You would!

[Mr_Bo11ox]

That TC by maserati is a pretty interesting car, only a tiny number of the 7500 or so built had the maser engine, the rest had a chrysler datyona 2.0 turbo effort, or a 3.0 Mitcubishi V6. Its a blue-chip hunk of shite alright, a late-night pub idea between Lee Iacooca and Alejandro DT that turned sour and ended up with them falling out.

[Luxobarges_Are_Us]

Wonder how the Aston Martin IQ will fare in the used market. Sounds like the modern equivalent of a Wood&Pickett Mini- wouldn't mind one as a second/third car in a few years.

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

Wonder how the Aston Martin IQ will fare in the used market. Sounds like the modern equivalent of a Wood&Pickett Mini- wouldn't mind one as a second/third car in a few years.

 

Idea - buy an early IQ, get a good panel beater to graft in a DB7 grille, paint it the grisly metallic green old DB4 Superallegrobond things used to be, get a 1000 quid leather retrim and job done.

 

Maserati SUV built in the US by Chrysler rednecks - what a super idea.

[Luxobarges_Are_Us]

Idea - buy an early IQ, get a good panel beater to graft in a DB7 grille, paint it the grisly metallic green old DB4 Superallegrobond things used to be, get a 1000 quid leather retrim and job done.

 

That idea is a non-starter, as it would presumably require me to spend more than 1000 quid!

[Guest Len H]

Maserati SUV built in the US by Chrysler rednecks - what a super idea.

 

What about a Porsche SUV built in Slovakia?