The joys of advertising a shitter to the idiot public

[retro80sboy]

FINALLY managed to flog my L reg Escort 1.3 yesterday after 2 weeks of numpties messing me about.

 

I advertised it for £250 in the local quids in free ads newspaper as I wanted to offload it before the tax was due at the end of the month.

 

First caller was a lad from up in deepest darkest North Wales who seemed keen but seemed to be thinking he was speaking to a showroom dealer rather than a bloke flogging a 250 banger.

 

fantastically he asks me "does it have black runners on the roof for roof bars?, Ive seen pictures of those on Escorts and I think they ruin the look of the car"

 

He then texts me in text speak if I can 'snd a pic of da car 4 me 2 c". I told him ill email him a pic - did so, and heard nothing back. Obviously wanted a 2010 Focus for 1994 Escort money.

 

another guy calls and tells m he is desperate for a cheap runner - then when I tell him its white, loses all interest. obviously not that desperate!

 

another one calls and offers me £125. I tell him I can get 140 at the local scrappy so he hangs up.

 

Then a women, who didnt sound like she was a full shilling, rings me up then procedes to repeat every answer I gave her to someone else in the room, presumably her mother. Its a long conversation. She can't understand why she cant come and see it right away - obviously not understanding that I have a life away from selling bangers in the local paper, after all it was saturday night and I was sipping a pint of Becks Vier in the local pub.

 

we arrange a viewing for the following day - and then what looks like the Beveley Hillbillies pull up in a 08 Meriva or zafira thing.

 

An old chap practically stumbles out of it and tells me the Vauxhall thing is a 'mobility car' and that his family(?) are moving down to Telford and taking the car so he needs something to go back and too from Wrexham to Telford.

 

He takes it for a spin around the block that reminded me of the 'drunk drivers' scene on the Corey Haim 80s comedy 'Licence to Drive"

 

after this near death experience we agree on a 225 fee, until he says, "well, I dont get my money until tomorrow so if you get the logbook and documents sorted out ill come around tomorrow and have it then" I really don't know what to say at this point, but know very well he isnt going to come back. He climbs in his mobility car and drives off. Next day comes and goes with no sign of the old fart or the rest of the Addams Family.

 

another day, another timewaster. chap rings, comes around inspects it, takes it for a drive then says 'can I take a picture of it?" I agree, while wondering to myself why.

 

Then, since the fella seems keen, I tell him the tales of the timewasters ive had since I advertised the car - he then says 'Well, ill have to go back and show him, and ill be sure to let you know one way or another in the next hour whether he wants it" I assume by this he was buying it for his son?, dad?, gay partner?, who knows.

 

I then tell him that I would appreciate it if he did let me know out of courtesy, especially as we were talking about deadhead timewasters minutes before.

 

"Of course mate, ill let you know - no problem, nothing worse than being let down like that' he says.

 

guess what? - an hour comes and goes and not a call, text or smoke signal. No sign of him.

 

Just as I was about to give up on life, I get another call whilst in work. This chap asks if he can come and see the car but when I tell him that im in work and he wont be able to see it until the evening he loses interest saying he wants to see it in daylight, which is fair enough. So I tell him where I have parked the car in town and he goes and sees it, gives me a ring and says it looks ok and is interested in coming around in the evening to have a test drive.

 

all goes well, and he asks if the price is 'negotiable' I ask him what he is offering and he tells me 200. I say to him that I will settle on 225 and he agrees - but then tells me he only has 200 on him - but if I hold the car until saturday he will drop off the extra 25 quid and pick it up then.

 

The thought crosses my mind, but then I think what if he comes back saturday changes his mind and demands his 200 quid back - not that Id give it him, but I really dont want any trouble on my doorstep. anyway, I decide that 200 quid in the bank is good enough, and he takes it away.

 

since then - touch wood - ive had no other callers regarding the Escort.

 

the joys of selling autoshite to the general public!

[Claypole]

I blame Wheeler Dealers and "Mats and Flaps" Dom.

[timmyteapot]

Indeed, everyones thinks they are "in the know" these days. Even for an old shitter.

 

I sell most stuff on ebay and make it quite clear.

[Cavcraft]

Welcome to the wonderful world of selling. Unfortunately it's quite common to have dickheads mithering these days, personally if they don't leave me a deposit on the spot I just assume I'll never hear back from them and then continue looking for a new buyer.

 

For what it's worth I'm always wary of the ones who ask what your bottom dollar is before they actually view. It's almost certainly going to go one of two wyas: They'll either call round all the other cheap cars in the papers until they get the answer they want or they'll think that if you have come down 'x' amount on the 'phone you'll come down even further when they wave cash in your face. Also if you say something like '£200 and no less' they think you're a twat and won't show up.

Best response in this case is to say you won't discuss money on the 'phone but if they come down and have a look you'll talk turkey. That usually sorts out the weeds from the chaff.

 

Oh, one more tip (if you don't mind) is not to tell people where the car is if you're not about and if they come to you keep the car hidden away somewhere. It stops the 'drive by' viewers who will make a snap judgement from twenty yards through a rain soaked car window. We all know some cars can look not exactly 'showroom' but drive really nicely, so a genuine viewe should be encouraged to have a blast in it. You'd be surprised how many times people change from not wanting it because it has a wheeltrim missing to be chuffed to bits (and buying the car) after a test drive.

[barrett]

This made me chuckle, but I can't say I'm surprised in the least.

 

People are mongs. God help the children and all that.

[scooters]

I tend to sell my shite to fellow shitters where possible even if this means bargain basement - I would have had it for £250!

[messerschmitt owner]

I tend to sell my shite to fellow shitters where possible even if this means bargain basement - I would have had it for £250!

agreed

 

last four sold - one here, one pop classics (from a speculative ad here) and two on retro rides (although I did sell them all for less than they were worth, they all went to good homes with minimal hassle, three were sight unseen too).

[Lankytim]

I find the sub £500 snotters the most difficult to sell, the closer to the scrap value of the car the more time wasters and dregs of society it seems to attract! It seems people paying £1000 for a car are prepared to accept a bit of rust, the odd dent or missing trim and are perfectly happy with it. Someone paying £200 often expect everything to be perfect, FSH, new brakes and tyres e.t.c. and still expect money knocked off for spurious faults they invariably spot "exhausts got a rattle M8, can you knock off £75" Errr, no. Unfortunately its usually easier to just weigh the damn thing in and pocket the cash than deal with the general public when you have a £200/£250 motor to sell.

 

I too have had people saying they will give me £xxx cash over the phone- they haven't even seen it yet!!

 

If someone rings up or emails saying something along the lines of "Ill deffo give you £200 cash tomorrow" you can be almost certain thats the last you will hear from them, although I once sold a Lada in this way. The guy turned up, gave me £200 cash and drove off. Whole deal lasted about 5 mins!

[Madman Of The People]

I've sold a couple of cars privately. Never again! Sure, I had lots of phone calls but most of them never showed up. The one who did was miffed that my ten-year-old, $800 banger wasn't in showroom new condition. "Err, that bit of trim looks slighty misaligned...." Wanker!

 

I'd rather have a dealer rape me on a part-ex than deal with the great unwashed public!

 

 

Cheers,

Madman of the People

[Rusty Pelican]

'd rather have a dealer rape me on a part-ex than deal with the great unwashed public!

 

 

Thats what I did last time , , deal done , yes , raped , yes , even after a haggle , but so much less hassle than dealing with twunt car buying public .

[Doctormop]

The last four shiters I've had; (93 Volvo 460, 93 Rover 214, 95 Fiesta, 96 Hyundai Lantra) have all gone over the bridge despite being generally decent motors that wouldn't need much for MOT's, (The Rover had 6 months test remaining on it) because I've been frigged about so many times with classified ads, autotrader, ebay etc being phoned up at 11.30pm being asked if my 200 quid t & t'd runner had any rust, would it DEFINITELY pass its next MOT and the one after etc etc,

I sold a 1993 Metro on fleabay about 5 years back, had people wanting to see it when I was at work, Couldn't I have the day off, leave the keys up the exhaust, take it to Carlisle to show them untill I could take no more, a bloke from Wigan turned up to see it made initial derogatory offer, ummed and ahhed for over an hour and we finally agreed on £240, (Need a tenner petrol home mate ) just to get shot of the bloody thing and stop the mouth breathers bothering me and off he went with what was actually a bloody nice car for a Metro, ran 100% tidy body.

Gets an email next day saying the car was a deathtrap, his "mechanic" had found numerous faults with it including a leaking petrol tank in fact he'd gone dizzy on the way home and didn't appreciate me endangering his life and if I didn't send fifty quid to a PO Box number immediately he was reporting me to ebay and the police as well as trading standards!

By now I'd just had enough, replied that he could report me to whoever he liked, there was nothing wrong with the car, its MOT was less than a week old and he took it as seen and sending money to PO Boxes seemed highly dubious, he replied apologising for being so abrupt but was still suffering from the petrol fumes when he wrote it and that his mrs was playing hell with him for buying a metro with so many faults that, he understood I may not have been aware of and, come on mate, fifty quid would calm her down and get her off his back!!

I told him that, having taken legal advice he should put any further communication to me through his solicitor, that was the last I heard but all sorts of things were going through my mind for weeks, he knew where I lived, was he going to come back, put my windows through; I was almost tempted to send him £50 just to get rid of him but thought, why the **ck should I?

ever since then a few quid from the scrappy and a cert of destruction, signed and sealed seems like a bargain, shame

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

I used to sell cars for a BMW main dealer - a while ago now mind, but little has changed. Those spending the most fuck about the least. Even down to £6995 you were, in the main, dealing with real folk but you'd just get the occasional "I can buy it for a grand less on Autotrader' fools. My response was an extremely polite and well worded 'Fuck off then'. In many cases we're haggling over 500 quid or even a grand on some bill till motors (new and 30 grand used stuff) but I never knocked a dime off the cheaper stuff. With cars I'm in the 'do you want it or not' mindframe - a nice car well priced will always find a sale.

 

I wouldn't countenance selling a sub £1000 car ever again. Sub £1000 and you are - with the exception of you fine Gents - dealing with vermin, the sweaty underpant gusset of the public. They are looking at 500 quid cars because they're poor. They're poor because they're fucking idiots.

I am probably the last owner of every car I have, and that Escort would have been straight across the scales.

[Negative Creep]

It's no wonder so many old cars just get scrapped as the owners can't be bothered dealing with pondlife. My favourite is the "my mate's a mechanic and he says the head gasket/gearbox/diff has gone so it's only worth scrap value". Had someone once try to tell me that old oil around the rocker cover meant the head gasket had gone so was only worth half the asking price

[cobblers]

As soon as I hear "What's the lowest you'll take?" from someone who's not even seen the car yet, my heart sinks. Play the fupping game mate!

[Mr_Bo11ox]

Selling these 'bottom of the food chain' motors is more bother than its worth, I can never be arsed with it. Maybe via a forum is ok as you are shielded from mongs by your computer screen. Its a real game and you need to be a skilled player to avoid being driven mental.

 

My tips are:

 

1) if anyone says 'I'll defo take it' to you over the phone, they certainly won't.

2) If anyone asks 'whats your lowest price' over the phone, they won't buy it. Tell them you will negotiate, but only face-to-face if/when they've seen the car.

3) if anyone sets an appointment to come and look at it, ask for their name and phone number 'so you can let them know if theres any problems or complications'. If they don't/won't give you a number, theyre a waster. If they do give you a number, theyre 500% more likely to actually turn up, and if they dont you can ring them up and give them some hassle.

4) if anyone after purchase starts giving you the old 'you've sold me a dud, my solicitor/dad/mechanic/local MP/Dentist says I should sue you', simply tell them to f**k off and die. they are inevitably cowardly chancers who would never dare try to extort money out of someone face to face.

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

Invoice with 'sold for spares or repair with all faults', and get 'em to sign it.

 

Or just put it across the bridge with as many old wheels, batteries and bits of metallic household shit as you can cram into the boot/rear seat.

[retro80sboy]

all my tat from now on will be offered on here first I think.

 

Just never thought anyone here would really be wanting an L reg escort 1.3 - the most underpowered motor in existance!

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

The stupidity of the public never ceases to amaze me. But one example from years ago still makes me chuckle. I had a Momo steering wheel boss to fit a VW Golf Mark 1 or 2. Advert in Ad Mag. "Momo steering wheel boss, VW Golf Mark 1/2"

 

Some dopey Dubber fuckwit rings up in what sounded like a drug addled Manchester drawl.

 

"T'Momo wheel Maaaate. It's boss is it maaaaate?"

 

"I'm sorry?"

 

"T's steerin' wheel Maaaaaaate. It's boss is it?"

 

"It's a steering wheel boss. The bit the steering wheel bolts to"

 

"Aaah, raaate Maaaaate, thought you said t'wheel was raate boss"

 

*click*

 

Apparently, 'boss' or 'well boss' means it was rather good. This twat was clearly just above the cabbage/dribbling zone.

[fiatdaft]

try doing it for a living!

 

hopefully it brings a bit of context to my other posts about scrappage etc,you can now see why customers do trade cars in.

 

fuss free trade in or dealing with the fact that people can be dirty lying timewasting cnuts!

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

try doing it for a living!

 

hopefully it brings a bit of context to my other posts about scrappage etc,you can now see why customers do trade cars in.

 

fuss free trade in or dealing with the fact that people can be dirty lying timewasting cnuts!

 

Exactamundo. Trade in prices are often not rapeage anyway - when I sold cars, we figured out on a case by case basis what the old shitter fetch in an auction - we'd just ring BCA and ask their opinion, which was normally on the money. Given that auction prices are pretty much the same as what you'd get selling it to a m/breather, most deals were of the done variety. In most cases, the buyers of the new car just wanted rid of the shitbox and weren't fussed. One was a 1992 J plate 316i which was easily the biggest piece of shit I'd ever taken in. They'd had it for 14 years and literally driven it into the ground, 190'000 miles and not a decent panel on it. They actually asked me if they could leave it with me to get rid of - didn't want any money for it. I think I gave them a tank of fuel and some floormats.

 

Inagine trying to sell it for £100 out of WankerMart on the weekend.

[Guest Leonard Hatred]

all my tat from now on will be offered on here first I think.

 

Just never thought anyone here would really be wanting an L reg escort 1.3 - the most underpowered motor in existance!

 

Probably not as grim as a Mk5 Escort 1.8LD

[worldofceri]

Well, I've only ever sold four cars to the 'general public'. One through Auto Trader which was a pain - took ages to sell and there were too many folk asking 'what's the lowest you'll take' etc., wasting my time with test drives then point blank refusing to pay any more than £500 less than the asking price.

 

Ebay by contrast has always been easy peasy. No viewings at all; still got a fair price. Buyers all turned up, paid the money and buggered off. Maybe I've been lucky but I've never had any hassle at all.

[Negative Creep]

all my tat from now on will be offered on here first I think.

 

Just never thought anyone here would really be wanting an L reg escort 1.3 - the most underpowered motor in existance!

 

Probably not as grim as a Mk5 Escort 1.8LD

 

Which has stiff competition from the mk.4 1.1 Popular

[Richard]

I've been in a Mk3 1.1 at an indicated 100, though the motorcyclist who overtook us was only doing 95.

[meggersdog]

Ebay by contrast has always been easy peasy. No viewings at all; still got a fair price. Buyers all turned up, paid the money and buggered off. Maybe I've been lucky but I've never had any hassle at all.

 

I sell most of my old chod on ebay with similar results.A really accurate description and all the feedback on that account from selling cars helps.From my experience anything £250 or under gets fragged as I can't be bothered dealing with the kind of numpty they attract.Regarding text speak mongs asking the best price my theory is if you can't afford the cost of a phonecall you can't afford the car.

[CIH]

Selling my £150 Bluey back in the summer was easy enough. That was my first ever super cheap motor and it was awesome. I'm shit with cars and money so if I go in low I'm already on to a good start.

 

Pandamonium doing a couple of handbrake turns before they had paid for it was a bit naughty though eh ?

[Bren]

Even the trade are shying away from selling sub £1k motors - it is'nt worth the hassle.

 

I remember years ago, my dad had a montego VDP EFi. It had a few months tax and test but realistcally was never going to get another MOT. He advertised it for £150, talk about timewasting bastards! One guy even had the cheek to ask if he could deliver it! Eventually it sold.

 

Generally I have found migrant workers to be the best potential purchasers - they wont insult you and are quite realistic.

[Guest]

They are looking at 500 quid cars because they're poor. They're poor because they're fucking idiots.

 

Thanks for that sweeping statement- some of us have been made redundant and need cheaper wheels. I am working on a crap wage as a van driver because its a job but cant afford £500 + Cars

[Mr_Bo11ox]

i'm not sure RBJ meant all people who own £500 motors are idiots. However if you advertise a super cheap motor you will meet an awful lot of people who are both poor, and stupid at the same time.

[mattblack]

All the above is why we were quite happy to get £185 for the disatra in part-ex angainst the V****a.