Bastarding Nissan Juke advert

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

As if the offensive gog eyed piece of shit itself wasn't an irritating sight, the advert makes me want to throw a large mug at the TV.

 

Nissan - French owned quasi-Jap concern making pointless shit for fucking idiots.

 

Rant over. For now.

[Guest]

My word. This must have been upsetting for you - there's nowhere else on this forum where one could vent such an outburst is there?

To be fair, you may have a point. The old Renault dealership near me has co-opted to sell Nissans, and I've seen a few Jukes out on the road. They're fucking GOPPING.

 

5th Gear gave it a good review as well, labelling it an 'SUV hot hatch'. Yet another Autocar-friendly micro niche no-one thought of, or wants. Or needs.

[Guest]

I wish Nissan would get a grip and start selling some normal cars here - they do some in Japan which would be fine.

 

All they'd need to do is badge the Tiida up as a Sunny and the Bluebird Sylphy up as a Primera. Come on Nissan, make the effort.

[Renault18]

I thought that things couldn't get much worse than the bag of shit called the Koleos that Renault came up with. However, at least the Koleos is leess likely to give kiddies nightmares than the fucking awful Juke that Renault's bitch-sorry Nissan, has come up with.

 

Agreed - it's a sad state of affairs when they feel the need to create a car (not that it's worth of being called one) for a market that doesn't yet exist.

 

And let's hope it never does.

 

Wat - are you referring to your local Renault dealership, as Lookers? - Previously Jackson & Edwards (in the days when they gave a shit)

[Justin Case]

The Juke is designed for people who are so far up their own ars*s they would spit themselves out if they coughed. The advert is targeted at such people, and in those terms probably succeeds. Depressing isn't it

[retrogeezer]

Local radio here has an advert for the Juke every 5 minutes as well.....I guess if they keep telling people they need one they will eventually think that they do..

 

You can order yours from Holdcroft Nissan by the way.....just in case.

[Station]

People will buy it though, because it is constantly advertised. That's how fucking stupidly moronic people are.

You'd have to spend £1 billion on advetising to shift that thing onto thick twats, it's the most pointless and disgusting thing I've ever seen - a small, ugly people carrier which claims to be outrageous, jesus christ.

[Rocket88]

The advert for the new Smart car is also extremely irritating.............they carefully avoid mentioning the missbegotten pile of shite in any way whatsoever. I hate bloody Smart cars, and all the smug, sanctimonious cretins that drive them.

[Formula Autos]

I wish Nissan would get a grip and start selling some normal cars here - they do some in Japan which would be fine.

 

All they'd need to do is badge the Tiida up as a Sunny and the Bluebird Sylphy up as a Primera. Come on Nissan, make the effort.

 

Good point Hirst. Nissan UK's range is indeed odd at the moment. A strange mix of city cars, superminis, 4x4s, sports cars and 'niche' products. No family cars or repmobiles at all. A far cry from the '90s when the Primera held its own against the competition and seemed to sell OK. As did the Sunny/Almera.

 

No doubt today's range reflects what sells in the current marketplace, but they're not really taking the fight to Ford/Vauxhall et al anymore, are they?

 

The start of a downward spiral for Nissan UK?

[retrogeezer]

can you not still buy an Almera or a Primera then??

 

What happened to the Primeras that where this shape that I thought you could still get?

 

[Formula Autos]

can you not still buy an Almera or a Primera then??

 

What happened to the Primeras that where this shape that I thought you could still get?

 

 

Not according to their website:

http://www.nissan.co.uk/

 

My local dealer hasn't had either in the showroom for about 3 years IIRC.

[Mr H Sceptre]

What a bloody depressing range of cars (except the 370Z, which I quite like)

[retrogeezer]

Long Live the Bluebird I say!!

[Guest]

Primera hasn't been here since about 2006 - they withdrew them due to poor sales, which I don't think was down to people just not wanting family saloons anymore.

[AnthonyG]

Nissan's range has hits and misses - the Qashqai's pretty popular, certainly sold a lot better than the Almera even did, and I see a lot of Notes about.

 

Can't imagine the Joke being anything like as popular - but the Micra is no longer made in Sunderland, and they need something to build alongside the Note and Qashqai. The last shape Primera died a long slow death in the market, the Avensis, Accord and Mazda 6 all seemed to meet the needs of Japanese inclined car buyers better.

 

Sunny/Almera loyalists probably all drive Micras or Notes now. Motorpoint was selling new Tildas recently, must have been a cancelled fleet order from Ireland I guess.

 

P.S. Koleos has been withdrawn from sale (or will be soon) lack of sales 'due to the recession' being the offical reason. A model that came too late to catch the boom in small SUVs more like. Renault UK must be worried - the Laguna 3 has been a real flop as well (abroad as well, not just UK), and the Megane 3 is nowhere near as popular as the big bottomed 2.

[Richard]

I tune out adverts, literally when they are on TV or radio, and consequently have absolutely no idea what a Nissan Juke is.

[scaryoldcortina]

I tune out adverts, literally when they are on TV or radio, and consequently have absolutely no idea what a Nissan Juke is

 

You're lucky then... Conor and I came to the conclusion that Nissan's target market was blind people with driving licences.

[Mr Lobster]

I saw my first Juke on Sunday. FFS thats a really challenging looking thing. I just can't imagine who would look at it, look at it some more and then decide to spunk £12k or whatever they are on one. I really cannot.

 

Re the Renault range. Its strange but even as someone who is a fairly hardcore Renner perv, the vast majority of the range leaves me cold, Twingo I like - particularly in RS flavour but Clio, Megane, Laguna. Nope sorry, not interested. If I was in a position to be buying a new set of family wheels (and I'm not) it wouldn't be a Renault.

[Rusty Pelican]

Juke / joke is a shocking looking thing , not sure what they cost but i wouldnt give my shit for one , Nissan have lost the plot , they have made some cracking cars in the past , now just round blobs with vastly oversized headlights , what is it with headlights that are half the size of the front wing and nearly reach the door , Just plain fugly .

[Quintus]

Nissan have followed the same path that all car manufacturers seem intent on following i.e. producing more and more niche models. I can't fathom what the purpose of these cars is because not only are they hideous but they don't seem to do anything particularly well, certainly nothing that the average hatchback or estate can't do already.

 

Perhaps they should've just made a freakish representation of John Wayne's head on wheels and called it the Duke. That would make a bold statement when you're driving one around, especially if it had a massive hat on top.

[Albert Ross]

Odd looking oddly named shit aimed at odd people.

 

The Note has exactly that (NOWT) going for it.

The Puke is weirder still.

The Cashcow? Don't get me started. Friggin ugly bloated heaps of crap. Sink them all in the Channel.

[Guest Leonard Hatred]

The Qashqai and Note seem to sell quite well. The Note covers much the same market as the Almera did - oldies like tall but small cars like that.

I quite like the Juke, not that I'd buy one. It reminds me a little of the challenging styling of '60s and '70s Citroens like the Belphegor lorry and Amis - except with some unfortunate modern blobbiness.

[Mr Lobster]

I actually don't mind the Note. Driven a few and apart from the poverty spec stuff they pretty decent if you want a smallish car.

[Lord Sterling]

I tune out adverts, literally when they are on TV or radio, and consequently have absolutely no idea what a Nissan Juke is.

 

I can't for the life of me fathom new car adverts these days. There is a new Nissan Advert out which I think is for the Puke. They dont even use real cars, they use computer-generated replicas and make them do stupid things like acrobatic shit, which in the real world they wouldnt be able to handle.

 

An explanation I got for this from my Video Production Tutor was that these kinds of adverts are made not to sell cars, but to make people feel Ok about having just yogged £12k on whatever bland car they've just bought.

[Akron]

The Nissan site is pretty crap too, full of aspirational lifestyle bollocks. We bought my missus Mum a car when we visited her in the Philippines two years ago and we bought her a 1.6 petrol Nissan Sentra this one

 

 

 

Brand new 1.6 auto with leather just under £9000, and they have a proper website over there I like this page best.

 

http://www.nissan.com.ph/dealership.html#

[Mr H Sceptre]

That page on the Nissan website has madde me fucking angry.

 

"Dress comfortably, as you would for any shopping trip."

 

WTF

 

[Akron]

It is written for a third world country that has very little experience of the consumerism that affects us in the "first" world, new car ownership is a dream and the celebration of buying one is strange we had the MD of the dealership handing us the keys over lunch.

[Guest]

Yeah, if I was buying a Nissan I'd be sure to wear the most awkward and uncomfortable clothing combo I can think of - full scuba diver gear or something.

[Lord Sterling]

That page on the Nissan website has madde me fucking angry.

 

"Dress comfortably, as you would for any shopping trip."

 

WTF

 

 

Yeh, what the hell's all that about? If I want to wear cycling shorts and muddy wellies to buy a Nissan from a dealership then I bloody well will!

[Akron]

You do realise that is the website for Nissan Philippines?