Taxi Drivers Past and Present - Any Stories To Share; funny, interesting, scary etc.?

[warren t claim]

[big_al_granvia]

Triple shifted uber??

[warren t claim]

4 minutes ago, big_al_granvia said:

Triple shifted uber??

I was thinking underachieving sales rep?

[warren t claim]

6 minutes ago, big_al_granvia said:

Triple shifted uber??

Actually you may be right. MOT tested at new only means that it's been a taxi all of its life.

[big_al_granvia]

They were cheap at launch to move some, typical uber material

[warren t claim]

1 minute ago, big_al_granvia said:

They were cheap at launch to move some, typical uber material

Fiat JTD engine apparently?

[warren t claim]

Quentin Willclock seal of approval.

[Crackers]

2 hours ago, warren t claim said:

How bad?

Nothing out of the ordinary for a high miles car. Brakes all round, wipers, lights, tyres, over the years. Last pass in Dec 22 has a ball joint and rear tyre as advisories. Been a hack since day one as MOT'd brand new at 636 miles.

Guessing it's been out of taxi use for a few months, as it's been tested every 6 months from brand new until end of last year, so couldn't have been used since about June this year? Or has it been sat awaiting an NLA part for 6 months... 

[Crackers]

Waste of time typing all that, by the time I posted it you'd already said everything! 🙄😂

[warren t claim]

Let's address a few points that I'm sure you're all wondering.

Q. Warren, you've gotta have rocks in your head, or more likely pipe, to be considering working an MG6.

A. Not at all. I think it'd make a decent stand alone thread both here and on TDW.

Q. Yes, but we're not talking about buying an MG6 as a second car for a laugh, you'll be working it full time and doing over 1000 miles a week in the thing!

A. I'm not thinking of buying it, just renting it for a couple of weeks until my E7 hack is back on the road.

Q. What's wrong with your TX1.5? Has it let you down?

A. No. The problem with that TX1.5 is that it's only a 5 passenger cab. I'm only getting the usual PH jobs and the odd wheelchair account job. I'm not getting the six and seven seat jobs that I get in my E7. In effect, I'm working a 23 mpg cab on a PH circuit.

[Rod/b]

30 minutes ago, warren t claim said:

Fiat JTD engine apparently?

 No it was in-house https://www.aronline.co.uk/reviews/first-drive-mg6-gt-1-9dti-se/

[warren t claim]

1 minute ago, Rod/b said:

 No it was in-house https://www.aronline.co.uk/reviews/first-drive-mg6-gt-1-9dti-se/

You make that sound like a bad thing?

[Rod/b]

I dunno how much faith i’d have in SAIC to turn out a decent diesel engine alongside the Kunming Yunnei Power and Lead Based Children Toy Article Concern, given just how bad the new petrol MG6 I had on hire was back in about 2014. 

[warren t claim]

1 minute ago, Rod/b said:

I dunno how much faith i’d have in SAIC to turn out a decent diesel engine alongside the Kunming Yunnei Power and Lead Based Children Toy Article Concern, given just how bad the new petrol MG6 I had on hire was back in about 2014. 

It's made it so far in one piece!

[Faker]

16 hours ago, big_al_granvia said:

Story from a mate, he is driving a hack in Glasgow, now tam has just had a wee operation in a sore place. Anyway late on he picks up these 2 ladies in the gay bar area of town, nice and respectable they ask to go to paisley about a 10-15 minute drive. Sets off and the 2 ladies are starting to kiss and fondle each other, tam starts feeling the pain, he tries to ignore the rear mirror as the ladies continue but it gets bad. He asks them to stop, cue laughter, whats up asks one, you getting a stauner?? The other girl laughs and slips off her leather jacket to reveal a leather too that's barely covering her tits, her friend takes this as a invite and starts licking. Tam screams "Ffs I had a circumcision the other day and the pills urnae working". Being nice Glasgow ladies they dress and the remainder of the journey is silent

Different slant!!! After a Christmas doo a few years ago, a small group of us ended up in the local gay joint as it was the only place that stayed open late… so we all got drinks and got seated on tall bar stools along a back wall. The joint was an old Belfast industrial type premises with huge steel / iron pillar type supports from floor to ceiling- spread along the centre line of the open floor… Now….. seated on a leather sofa directly in front of our group were two incredibly attractive ladies - who were “making out”! Now we were collectively trying our best not to notice….. one girl (who had a buzz cut like GI Jane) got to her feet and proceeded to do a sexy dance for the other, before doing a pole dance with one of the pillars…. This was long before “Miley” and her tongue thing…. GI Jane licked the ceiling support before touching her toes and grind (hump) on the support…. I shit you not….. I fell off my bar stool!!! Totally ruining their moment! 🤣 Got nothing whatsoever to do with taxiing! Just thought I’d share!!

[Rod/b]

2 minutes ago, warren t claim said:

It's made it so far in one piece!

That’s a fair point. I’m just biased against the MG6 after my experience.  @alcyonecorporation also had some diabolical run in with a 6 via a colleague on a mag IIRC. 

[warren t claim]

Just now, Rod/b said:

That’s a fair point. I’m just biased against the MG6 after my experience.  @alcyonecorporation also had some diabolical run in with a 6 via a colleague on a mag IIRC. 

Didn't the boot floor collapse when he loaded it with a car battery?

[warren t claim]

Xmas 2023 hasn't been the best I've known. Having only a 5 passenger TX1.5 means that I've missed out on all the 6&7 seat lucrative work meaning that essentially I've just been using a 25mpg hack to cover standard private hire jobs. With the top speed of a little over 50mph, running up and down the M53 to cover jobs has also been a no no both through time and fuel economy. As my E7 is still off the road I made the executive decision to jump back into a PH car until my own hack is fixed. 

This, along with the opportunity to create great posts both here and on the beige, is why I decided to hand the TX back and rent the MG6 diesel from Peter in the office. Philly, who I rent my TX from was asking me when I'll be handing it back anyway as he's got a long term hirer interested so I phoned him to keep him in the loop. Philly said swapping my insurance over shouldn't be a problem as Chinky Ray, real name Ray Ling (yes really!) has just jumped into another one of his cabs the day before when Ray's Happy Shopper Toyota E7 wannabe TW 2000 broke down and the insurance broker was open yesterday, therefore, today should be no different. 

I make contact with Peter via the office and he phones me back confirming that he's got an MG6 and Hyundai i40 ready to go. Without thinking I ask for the MG and he then texts me the vehicle details needed for the insurance along with the location of the key for the MG, in the passenger door bin of a fucked 14 plate silver Insignia in the car park behind his flat along with the location where the MG is parked. This info arrives whilst I'm carrying five punters back from the Everton match to their multi million pound abode in Caldy. As the traffic is heavy I manage to take a sneaky peek at the text and was surprised to see that the MG concerned wasn't the white example in his car park but a black 15 plate I've never seen before.

As last night was surprisingly busy I managed to grab the VW Passat like dildo key fob when I was passing but didn't get a chance to go hunt for the black MG for at least an hour later. As I was walking back to my cab after grabbing the key I notice the i40 parked up and start to have pangs of regret about insisting on the MG. I like the i40, even in taxi spec. To be honest, when I bought my Ioniq I'd actually gone there to buy an i40. I spent the next hour or so thinking that I'd made the wrong decision just to please a bunch of middle aged men on a couple of car forums! The i40 is physically a larger car with more room in the back which is important if you've got long legs like me. I know the fleet/taxi spec lacks cruise control and sat nav but I know I can live without that. And on a personal point of view, I think the i40 is a great looking car, especially in gloss black, and I prefer a saloon car to hatchbacks anyway. 

To be continued...

[warren t claim]

After a couple of hours I manage to find the time to track down where the MG is parked to have a look. First impressions were that its black paint needed a wash ASAP but I walked over to see what I've let myself in for. I pust the button of the fob and open the driver's door. It's often said that opening the driver's door for the first time is the car's "handshake" and the first chance a car has to make a good first impression. In that respect the MG didn't disappoint, it seemed like a solid and reasonably well built car, more weighty than a Mk4 Mondeo and about on par with an Insignia. 

The next big surprise was its interior. This MG6 must be pretty high up the Wongbridge food chain because it's furnished with a full leather interior along with fully electric and heated front seats. I slide my ample arse in and after a little bit of switch twiddling, I manage to find a really comfy driving position. Time to hop into the rear and see if I can sit comfortably behind myself. Although it's no Mk4/5 Mondeo (or i40 for that matter), I can happily sit behind a driver's seat set for me. The rear accommodation is pretty much halfway between an Ioniq and Insignia, even down to the rear doors that slope down at the back. I'm actually starting to warm to this MG!

Although my hire and reward insurance is on the TX I do have a fully comp trader's policy so I decided to take the MG for a short spin, short because the fuel gauge says that it's empty! It's parked pretty close to the car in front so I lob it into reverse and look over my shoulder so not to back into my TX. Fucking hell! Rearward visibility out of the rear window is comparable to a 1980s Italian supercar! I hope this thing has rear parking sensors. Well it does, along with a reversing camera which isn't quite as clear as those fitted to Toyota's and Ioniq's I've used certainly does the job. The clutch, although a lot lighter than what I'm used to in the E7 and TX hacks, does have one less than pleasant quirk. When fully pushed down it seems a little like it's stuck down. I first thought that the heel of my Timberland boot had somehow got caught in front of a car mat. I'm sure I'll get used to it. 

On the move the clutch seemed fine in use and the six speed box is light and user friendly. The power steering is heavier that the system fitted to the Ioniq but feels nicely weighted and gave decent feedback through the quite large steering wheel. Chucking it into a roundabout surprised me, the handling is actually very good! Ride quality is about the same as an Insignia, you hear the bumps more than you feel them. The diesel motor sounds a little gruff and you'd never mistake it for a petrol but pulls better than you'd think. 

Once back from our little joyride I have a look at the dash and controls. The MG6 really is overloaded with buttons, and most of them aren't exactly intuitive of logical either. The MG isn't a car where you can hop in and learn as you go along, it needs a good half hour for you to learn where everything is and set up to how you like it. One very annoying Mk4 Mondeo like quirk is the Bluetooth. Yes, it has it but it seems to be for phone only, no A2DP feature for streaming audio from your phone.

To be continued...

[warren t claim]

My original plan was to start a new thread for this titled "Warren'll meet you when your BOAC lands, Fob to his MG will be in his hand" to paraphrase the opening line to the Bobby Bloom song Montego Bay which works well as I do cover a fair few airport runs.
 

 

So what went wrong then Warren? 

Stay tuned!

[warren t claim]

[LightBulbFun]

4 hours ago, warren t claim said:

PYW463R & MYF401P have an export marker, wonder if they are still out there somewhere  (and MYF250P did not last very long at all!)

 

but that plays nicely into a question I was wondering, in that, how many miles does a FX/TX normally die at in your experience?

I noticed from just random DVLA/DVSA bashing a little while back that about 500K is what they would hit before dying (when I was looking at R prefix TX1s from their introduction video in 1997)

obviously TFL's age limits these days kinda puts a kybosh on mega milage these days, but im curious what you have seen?

 

I have sadly never actually come across a million-mile FX or TX

[warren t claim]

3 minutes ago, LightBulbFun said:

PYW463R has an export marker, wonder if its still out there somewhere

 

but that plays nicely into a question I was wondering, in that, how many miles does a FX/TX normally die at in your experiance?

I noticed from just random DVLA bashing a little while back that about 500K is what they would hit before dying

obviously TFL's age limits these days kinda puts a kybosh on mega milage these days, but im curious what you have seen?

 

I have sadly never actually come across a million-mile FX or TX

Rust and age limits kill them off first. 

Liverpool has a couple of TX1s with seven figure mileages.

There's plenty of Nissan converted cabs with engines that have done well over a million miles.

[warren t claim]

[LightBulbFun]

2 hours ago, warren t claim said:

Rust and age limits kill them off first. 

Liverpool has a couple of TX1s with seven figure mileages.

There's plenty of Nissan converted cabs with engines that have done well over a million miles.

yeah just from the MOT histories thats what I saw that generally killed them off

1 hour ago, warren t claim said:

is that one still going? if so what milage is it on now?  

 

I mean I say I have never come across a million mile black cab, but I do still wonder about this one from time to time  what happened to it, and what was its reg mark so I can perv at its MOT history LOL

On 04/11/2020 at 13:42, Stanky said:

A previous employer had one that they bought for the directors to do a charity banger* rally, then got put to work as the company hack. No-one liked it so i got to maintain* it - mostly involving keeping the battery charged and a few small jobs. I loved it, it had done 1.6 million miles according to the odometer, I had it up to about 75 on the A3 but really over 60mph pushing the accelerator just made it shake and make more noise rather than go meaningfully faster.

I had also heard that they could be a challenge to insure/expensive but also heard that they are also designed to be actually maintained - body panels bolt on for easy swaps, interiors are hard wearing and they are massively spacious for transportation of tat or people or to live out your very own FakeTaxi fantasies with some old boiler from Rhyl (other stereotypes are available).

overall 8/10 would drive someone else's again, especially if not having to pay for fuel/insurance/tax

On 18/01/2021 at 22:24, Stanky said:

Owned? The ex @Vantman Saab 9-3 at about 165k miles before 'the incident' in Germany.

Driven? A black cab bought by the company I worked for at the time and unofficially maintained by me, as a marketing vehicle/directors "charity banger rally" vehicle and much to the chagrin of the account management team "company pool car" that they were forced to drive to customer meetings to save on mileage expenses. 1.6 million miles on the 7-digit odometer. It drove fine, actually. didn't do much after 60mph even foot-to-the-floor but I'd honestly never have guessed it'd done that many miles had I not seen with my own eyes. i believe it was 2.0 ford Dura-torq engine'd, my memory is a bit hazy as it was a few years back.

I still stick to my guns that any half-decent late-90s > mid 00's petrol engine should be entirely capable of 200k with only basic servicing. Whether the rest of the bodywork and ancilliaries survive is another matter, but the internal combustion engine itself had basically reached its zenith at this point. A case in point would be my former Nissan Almera N15 which was on 148k on its original GA14DE engine, delivering a reliable 45mpg over literally tens of thousands of mixed miles. The bodywork and gearbox eventually fell to bits but that engine was indestructible.

 

[warren t claim]

Last night I picked up a couple of other driver's from the pub and the topic of conversation drifted towards nightmare passengers. 

One lad asked me if I'd ever taken the wheelchair guy from a pub in Heswall to his flat in Neston.I hadn't and the driver told me this tale.

He gets despatched the job and picks the guy up and takes him home. When he gets there the fare clocks £8.40. The mong hands him £3.40 and says that when the driver wheels him in his missus will give him the other fiver, fair enough. Once wheeled in the driver is greeted to the sight of a woman with no neck, arms or legs propped up on the sofa! This woman is just a head on a torso!!! The punter asks Neston's answer to Boxing Helena for the other fiver and she then spits five Pound coins onto the table in front of her....

[Tenmil Socket]

Is the E7 you talk about one of those Peugeot (I think) cabs?

If so, it seems every time I get stuck behind one of the things they're always trundling along at 20 MPH, no faster.

[warren t claim]

When things go wrong. Copied from my thread on TDW 9/7/21.

It was maybe 3am and quiet when my firm despatched me a job. I have a gander to see what it was and I see that it's a job on our discount NHS account to pick up an address a few miles away to take someone to A&E. I look at the fixed price and my finger hovers over the reject button to send the job back to base, but as it was dead out there I agreed to take the trip as I had fuck all better to do. 

As the drive to the pick up address takes me past a 24 McDonald's Drive-Thru I decide to grab a coffee en route but sadly they were closed. Never mind, I'll use the vending machine at A&E. 

I arrive at the pick up address and park in a way that I can see the punter leave his house, the last thing I want is a puker or someone bleeding profusely. The guy staggers out of his front door doubled up and holding his chest! He gets in the back of the car, and being concerned I ask him what's wrong. He tells me that he's having severe and stabbing chest pains! I offer to phone an ambulance for him but he says that he's tried to get one and it was a two hour wait but the hospital would send him a taxi!

I think this guy might die in my car so set off asap. I immediately encounter a set of red lights, bollocks! I then notice a police patrol Peugeot 308 opposite so make the executive decision to jump the lights and ask the copper if his car is one of the local patrol cars that carries a defribulator and if so could he follow me to A&E. He says he doesn't and offers to shout for an ambulance so I explain the story to him. Sensing the gravity of the situation he asks W.T.C if I'm confident enough to drive at high speed and if so he'll give me a blue light escort to the hospital. Hell yeah! 

We set off, a gentle 55mph in a 30 until we joined the M53 to nip up one junction. His 308 was puffing a bit of diesel smoke through the gears but I'm pleased to report that my Ioniq was having no trouble keeping up, in fact I had to back off slightly. The police 308 seemed to be balls to the wall at about 110mph.

Once off the motorway we ran the reds on the M53 junction 3 roundabout and hit the main road to the hospital. PC Leadfoot did slam on for the speed camera though, as did I. After give waying a couple more sets of lights we arrive at A&E. Copper in the passenger seat sprints out to announce our arrival and returns with a nurse and a wheelchair.

PC Leadfoot comes over to have a word with me. He approves of me sparking up a tab and insists that I turn both the car and taxi datahead off for ten minutes and go and get a coffee and most importantly, don't even think about driving for ten minutes due to the adrenaline and red mist! Obviously I was more than happy to heed that advice!

[LightBulbFun]

2 minutes ago, warren t claim said:

When things go wrong. Copied from my thread on TDW 9/7/21.

It was maybe 3am and quiet when my firm despatched me a job. I have a gander to see what it was and I see that it's a job on our discount NHS account to pick up an address a few miles away to take someone to A&E. I look at the fixed price and my finger hovers over the reject button to send the job back to base, but as it was dead out there I agreed to take the trip as I had fuck all better to do. 

As the drive to the pick up address takes me past a 24 McDonald's Drive-Thru I decide to grab a coffee en route but sadly they were closed. Never mind, I'll use the vending machine at A&E. 

I arrive at the pick up address and park in a way that I can see the punter leave his house, the last thing I want is a puker or someone bleeding profusely. The guy staggers out of his front door doubled up and holding his chest! He gets in the back of the car, and being concerned I ask him what's wrong. He tells me that he's having severe and stabbing chest pains! I offer to phone an ambulance for him but he says that he's tried to get one and it was a two hour wait but the hospital would send him a taxi!

I think this guy might die in my car so set off asap. I immediately encounter a set of red lights, bollocks! I then notice a police patrol Peugeot 308 opposite so make the executive decision to jump the lights and ask the copper if his car is one of the local patrol cars that carries a defribulator and if so could he follow me to A&E. He says he doesn't and offers to shout for an ambulance so I explain the story to him. Sensing the gravity of the situation he asks W.T.C if I'm confident enough to drive at high speed and if so he'll give me a blue light escort to the hospital. Hell yeah! 

We set off, a gentle 55mph in a 30 until we joined the M53 to nip up one junction. His 308 was puffing a bit of diesel smoke through the gears but I'm pleased to report that my Ioniq was having no trouble keeping up, in fact I had to back off slightly. The police 308 seemed to be balls to the wall at about 110mph.

Once off the motorway we ran the reds on the M53 junction 3 roundabout and hit the main road to the hospital. PC Leadfoot did slam on for the speed camera though, as did I. After give waying a couple more sets of lights we arrive at A&E. Copper in the passenger seat sprints out to announce our arrival and returns with a nurse and a wheelchair.

PC Leadfoot comes over to have a word with me. He approves of me sparking up a tab and insists that I turn both the car and taxi datahead off for ten minutes and go and get a coffee and most importantly, don't even think about driving for ten minutes due to the adrenaline and red mist! Obviously I was more than happy to heed that advice!

ya know im pleasantly surprised that police can authorise/allow such a thing I figured that health and safety and liability issues would of prevented such fun these days 

but funnily enough I was reading about a similar scenario that also happened recently, where the police hitch-hiked a lift in a passing people carrier and which was then authorised to give chase!

https://www.nwemail.co.uk/news/24037982.good-samaritans-lead-police-pursuit-suspect-flees-police-car/

 

im surprised about the 2 hour ambulance wait, I gotta wonder how that was triaged, i'd of thought heart attack symptoms would get a Catagory 2 18 minute response but perhaps im wrong....

I hope the poor chap is doing alright these days!

[warren t claim]

Most days, or rather nights, pass uneventfully, just the usual shit and nothing interesting happening at all. Once in a while, I get a fare that I'll never forget. Here are some examples.

I started early that Saturday afternoon. I get sent a job on the local social services account to collect a 15 year old girl outside a park in Tranmere. I was driving a Pepper Red Mk2 Mondeo at the time which dates this to probably 2004. 

I arrive at the scene to be met by a tarty, know it all 15 year old, a couple of coppers and a drunk hobo being flung into the back of a Focus panda car. Being curious as to what the fuck is happening, the teenager says that the hobo had flashed at her in the park. The tramp turns around and glances at my car which causes one of the plod to open the back door of the Focus and scream, DON'T YOU FUCKING LOOK AT HER YOU DIRTY CUNT before slamming the door and looking at me with a grin expecting my approval. 

Although I'd be the first person to nail a nonce's bollocks to a table, part of me can't help thinking that he may have been having a piss in some bushes and Tasha Slapper overreacted to get some attention. I take her back to her social services home for wayward teenagers and explain the situation to her case worker. I tell her that this journey has been well weird. This makes her case worker go full on Corbyn snowflake and demand that I go for trauma counseling! Fuck that! I make my excuses and fuck off sharpish!

Another teenage girl and police interface happened in the summer of 2006. I get a call to pick up a couple of 14/15 year old girls from the now closed down Hoylake police station on the Merseyside Police account. Apparently, the girls had got on the wrong train home and needed to get to Rock Ferry and the last train had finished. Sadly, earlier that evening my front pads had worn out and I was working my shift on gears and handbrake meaning I parked away from the police station. I trot up to the front desk and a kindly PC in his mid 50s leads me through to a back office to sort the paperwork out. 

Within a few minutes the Inspector, a copper known locally as being a fucking cunt, walks in demanding to know why there's a taxi driver in here. The PC explains the situation to his gaffer only to be screamed at for not thinking through what could happen! He did have a point though, his beef was what happens if I drop the girls off and there's nobody home? Does he expect this <said in a raging stutter> taxi driver to take care of them? 

The inspector starts to suggest that the PC goes with me to make sure that they get home safely, cue W.T.C to quickly think on his feet to avoid a copper hearing the fucked brakes in my Mondeo. Only one thing for it, I've got to up the ante and get thrown out of there so I can not get banged off the road. I forcefully tell the Inspector "It doesn't matter if you're a policeman, plumber of fucking porn star, you NEVER chastise a member of your staff in public". I followed this up with some shit about expecting higher standards from an officer of his rank.

Luck was with me. Not only did one of the girl's parents listen to their voicemail and phone the station saying that they'll come and collect them, but the Inspector also demanded that I leave his station at once meaning I could fuck off out of there sharpish!