Cars of Crackers: Bored. Want new.

[Split_Pin]

You're not gelling with that car!

Home safe.

[High Jetter]

1 hour ago, Crackers said:

Fuck my life. 

All because of a single poxy tyre. 

I hate cars. So much. 

Crap. Coming to Flower Farm tomorrow to forget about it for a while?

[SiC]

Not on RFT any more?

(I don't blame you if you're not. I just hope the fix-a-flat doesn't make a journey for me an ordeal one day)

[Crackers]

10 hours ago, SiC said:

Not on RFT any more?

Nope, PO put on non-RFTs and I'm continuing with that for the replacements. 

It's bulged and split the sidewall, so utterly knackered it. Needs new rears anyway so the tyre cost doesn't bother me, it's just the hassle of waiting 3 hours for recovery, having to get a rental car for the rest out of trip, and having to take a day off work this week to come up and collect the car from Manchester after the new tyres go on. 

Pisser. 

[SiC]

You're really are not having much automotive luck recently!

[Crackers]

50 minutes ago, SiC said:

You're really are not having much automotive luck recently!

Tell me about it. 

[Crackers]

We're back in business, picked the car back up today and had a genuinely very nice drive from Manchester to the south coast. 

Except for it pinging up a spurious bulb failure warning 20 minutes into the trip. Give me a fucking break! 

On the positive side, it looks like the tyre fitters have scratched the alloys more than they already were, so hopefully I can get a partial refund, to put towards the wheel refurb I was going to get done anyway. If the alloys were mint I'd be pissed, but they're needing work anyway. 

587 miles, 32.4mpg. Meh. 

[Crackers]

Got to be said. These are a lovely looking car in silver. 

[Crackers]

Hello from the top of Belgium. 

This convoy has been looking excellent. 

[SiC]

Behaving?

[Crackers]

3 hours ago, SiC said:

Behaving?

Seems to be. Even seems to have slowed its oil thirst, not sure how that happens?

Survived the Nurburgring with no additional faults but I've warped the discs a bit, nothing to really worry about. 

[Crackers]

Watermarked because am I fuck paying £15 for a digital photo of myself. 

But here's my Ringpiece doing its thing. 

[Dyslexic Viking]

3 minutes ago, Crackers said:

Watermarked because am I fuck paying £15 for a digital photo of myself. 

But here's my Ringpiece doing its thing. 

I can honestly say that your car wasn't the first thing I thought of when I read this.

[beko1987]

11 hours ago, Crackers said:

Watermarked because am I fuck paying £15 for a digital photo of myself. 

But here's my Ringpiece doing its thing. 

Looks like a average trip to work up the m40 with a BMW in lane 3 that...😂

[Crackers]

On 15/04/2025 at 18:50, Crackers said:

Even seems to have slowed its oil thirst

Ha no. Asked for a litre yesterday. 

On the boat back to Dover now. 

Accommodation was nice. 

[Crackers]

1381 miles later, I'm home. 

MPG calculated across fuel receipts was 32.1. The screen said 30.7 mpg so it's actually under-reading slightly which is nice! 

No issues other than a random CEL at one point which I cleared with the reader and hasn't returned.

Alles ist gut im BMW. 

[Crackers]

It's on 122k and there's no evidence of the gearbox ever having been serviced, so let's do that. 

Oh. 

[SiC]

How much of that is in there? Given it's possibly factory fill, it could have been sat at the bottom for a while.

Are you doing the valve body seals too?

I almost have everything to do mine - apart from the oil that Evri seems to have temporarily misplaced*.

[Crackers]

BMW gearbox seems good. Can't afford the XHP remap at the moment but it's on the list when I've got some money again. 

Speaking of money, remember this? 

Yes, me too, somewhere in distant memory. 

Anyway. It's still not fixed. I've owned it for 7 months and it's been off the road for 4 of them. I've just reinsured it for £690 🤦🏻‍♂️

Don't have much to say about that, other than being pretty unimpressed, and needing it sold. Going to lose a big stack of cash on that, chalk it up to experience I guess. I just want to stop having to think about it. 

[Split_Pin]

Aye get it punted. Sorry it's skint you though.

[Crackers]

Six months today. Six. 

That's how long it's been since this car got dropped off at a garage with the intention to fit it in between jobs over a month or two. 

I'd genuinely forgotten that I still own it. It has got to go soon. It's quite depressing having the V5 staring at me from across the room, reminding me I'm going to lose a fortune on it, but not knowing how much. I want to wash my hands of it and move on. 

[Split_Pin]

In my experience 'fitting something in between jobs' at a garage means never.

Have they touched the car at all? I presume you have compared how much you'd lose by selling the car now with how much you'd have to spend to fix it, before selling it anyway?

I'd then factor in the pain you are feeling as described, compared to the pain later on, less how relieved you'll feel by sacking off the car now.

I've been there, twice. Garages only want simple in/out jobs these days. At the risk of sounding old, even in my car owning career* things have changed this way.

I hope you get this resolved one way or another.

[Crackers]

10 hours ago, Split_Pin said:

I presume you have compared how much you'd lose by selling the car now with how much you'd have to spend to fix it, before selling it anyway?

Unfortunately yes, and the difference is at least £2.5k. If it was a grand, I'd have binned it, but that's enough to have back in my pocket to cover about 2/3 of my next purchase, so it's got to be repaired and sold as a runner. 

[Crackers]

Nothing new has happened. I still don't have the Jag back, the BMW continues to annoy me in minor but persistent ways, and it got hit up the arse the other day so now it's worth less than it was this time last week. 

I want to move it on but I'm at a total loss for what could replace it. 

[JakeT]

You could probably find a used bumper for cheap from a 320d or something similar though, and restore the value for minimal outlay.

 

out of curiosity, what annoys you about it? I’ve done over 95k in mine now, and we both have learned to live with each other now.

[Crackers]

34 minutes ago, JakeT said:

You could probably find a used bumper for cheap from a 320d or something similar though, and restore the value for minimal outlay.

 

out of curiosity, what annoys you about it? I’ve done over 95k in mine now, and we both have learned to live with each other now.

M-sport bumpers on ebay are surprisingly expensive and all in need of repair.

To be honest I can't put my finger on it, it's got all the makings of a nice car but I haven't gelled with it. Compared to my Saab (RIP) the performance feels extremely flat and it's very thirsty. I wouldn't mind the MPG if it has more grunt, but the way these are set up makes 260bhp feel very slow.

My mate used to have an N53-engined car that was a lot more perky, but he test-drove another N52 and also said it felt lazy. 

Basically, I just bought the wrong car for me. I'm looking at Saabs again. 

[SiC]

Compared to my Saab (RIP) the performance feels extremely flat and it's very thirsty. I wouldn't mind the MPG if it has more grunt, but the way these are set up makes 260bhp feel very slow.
My mate used to have an N53-engined car that was a lot more perky, but he test-drove another N52 and also said it felt lazy. 

Quite possibly DISA.


My 2009 Z4 N52 2.5 was really flat and lacked torque at low revs until I replaced both of them. Also gained me a good +4mpg too.

Are you ever around Weston-super-mare/Clevedon way? If you are feeling free if you want to drive my 330i back-to-back to judge against another. Obviously you don't get the sudden shove of a turbo as it makes boost, more a silky smooth increase of revs as they whip around the rev counter.

[JakeT]

26 minutes ago, Crackers said:

M-sport bumpers on ebay are surprisingly expensive and all in need of repair.

To be honest I can't put my finger on it, it's got all the makings of a nice car but I haven't gelled with it. Compared to my Saab (RIP) the performance feels extremely flat and it's very thirsty. I wouldn't mind the MPG if it has more grunt, but the way these are set up makes 260bhp feel very slow.

My mate used to have an N53-engined car that was a lot more perky, but he test-drove another N52 and also said it felt lazy. 

Basically, I just bought the wrong car for me. I'm looking at Saabs again. 

Annoying that the bumpers are expensive. I suppose they make an easy ‘lift’ for a base spec car.

 

Understandable how you feel. The long gearing and auto does make them feel less torquey than they ought to. A manual feels a faster car, and I think suits the engine for better. Also a manual is probably 5MPG better than an auto. But that doesn’t make them the be all end all. If you’re used to a Saab with lots of lovely low speed torque these feel quite Honda-like in how they deliver their power.

 

You are right, the N53 definitely is stronger low down, I’ve driven them too. Shame that the fuel system bits are cripplingly expensive.

[Crackers]

2 hours ago, SiC said:

3 hours ago, JakeT said:

The long gearing and auto does make them feel less torquey than they ought to.

Quite possibly DISA.

My 2009 Z4 N52 2.5 was really flat and lacked torque at low revs until I replaced both of them. Also gained me a good +4mpg too.

Are you ever around Weston-super-mare/Clevedon way? If you are feeling free if you want to drive my 330i back-to-back to judge against another. Obviously you don't get the sudden shove of a turbo as it makes boost, more a silky smooth increase of revs as they whip around the rev counter.

 

I'd considered the DISA but through a 2nd gear pull in manual mode it does feel quite linear, doesn't have a flatspot around 4-5k like most people report. If I can be bothered I might get an INPA setup going to try cycling the valves and see if they operate. But I probably won't. 

To me, it honestly just feels like the pedal needs way more of a push than it should. The autobox is super reluctant to kick down, and even at nearly full throttle it'll change up by 5k. There's no swell of torque like you'd expect a bit engine to have. 

It'd definitely be interesting to try another one so thanks for the offer, unfortunately that's the one part of the country I've never been to in my life and the chances of ending up there any time soon are pretty slim! 

 

@JakeT I find the gearing a bit odd. Super long gears 1-3 with huge ratio spacing between them, then 4-6th are so close together it's barely worth having them. It really blunts the performance. 

[SiC]

Just now, Crackers said:

I'd considered the DISA but through a 2nd gear pull in manual mode it does feel quite linear, doesn't have a flatspot around 4-5k like most people report. If I can be bothered I might get an INPA setup going to try cycling the valves and see if they operate. But I probably won't. 

The flat spot people say about relates more to the older M54 which only had a single DISA. Or the American N52 setups where some only had a two stage, single DISA (328i iirc). It's more complex on these three stage intake systems. On my Z4 the small valve was permanently stuck closed and the large stuck open but partially closed when commanded. Basically stuck in one configuration and made the bottom end gutless and torque-less. Also bear in mind my Z4 N52 is 2009 and should have the later revised valves. But they were both shot.

INPA won't tell you if the valve is shagged for certain. You can command it to open and close, but if the internals are shot, it thinks it's moving but the actual valve doesn't.

My small DISA on my Z4 was throwing a code as the electronic components inside the DISA had fallen off the PCB and the motor jammed. So literally the ECU didn't see any comms. Both full of oil, rust and grime.

HOWEVER my big DISA had no codes yet this was fully opening and closing as far as INPA was concerned. This is a gif converted from a video but still at full speed and commanded to full movement. It should be fully opening and closing!

Really the only way to know for sure is to remove the valve and check with INPA/ISTA.