What would it be the perfect Autoshite?

[CortinaDave]

I disagree. There's a definite appeal to smoking about in something utterly shite, breathing in the back pressure and wrestling the knackered steering. Brings a smile to my face.Autoshite for me is all about that.

[Pete-M]

I have to say, I come at it from a similar angle to the good Reverend.I do see the appeal of the really tragic autoshite, stuff like Marinas and ancient Datsuns, but a 10 minute drive in any example is enough. I really don't want to own any of it. It's funny to go for a spin around the block in every couple of years. My kind of autoshite is old 750iL BMWs, shabby 560SEL Mercs, V12 Jags. Stuff that still works fine but its only one largish mechanical mishap from being fragged and then Nige'd out on eBay.I love stuff like Frogeye Scorpio Ultima 24vs. Bloody good cars but unfashionable and mind-bogglingly cheap just because they're consindered to be ugly. I had a wanting for a Carlton Diamond 24v Estate for a while, get a LHD one for a few hundred quid and you've got something quick and comfy that nobody notices.Unfortunately, I buy these cars when they're dirt cheap and very common and flog 'em when they're beginning to get scarce. Normally a year or so before they go through the roof, price-wise.My top tip for next year is the '97 'facelift' Scorpio Ultima 24v Estate, If you can find a black headlight, low mileage one with FSH in a good colour that'll be worth something in a couple of years I reckon.

[UglyAmerican]

Gents,

 

I appreciate that you've got plenty of legit, even legendary, shite in the UK.

 

But come on. Think about what we've got in the colonies in the malaise era of 1973 to the late 80s.

 

 

 

 

How about this Iron Duke Camaro with a 0-60 time of 20 seconds?

 

Or what about a Mustang II instead?

[outlaw118]

A bit of sick just came out then.....

[Guest]

The thing is though, most Yankee bilge (even then) looked shite, and probably was shite, but rather durable mechanically. That Camaro wouldn't win any drag races (in fact, it would struggle to keep up with my C4) but it would start and get you to work every day.Autoshite (IMHO) is about cars with endearing qualities. The retro \ stylish \ anti fashion stuff comes afterwards.

[dollywobbler]

It is sometimes tricky to see the line between shit and shite. A beige Triumph Acclaim is top Autoshite for me because it's a very capable car that no-one really loves.My Bond is shite because it's in appalling condition, sounds like a sportscar but has the performance of a pram, and is a rather interesting take on a DIY coupe thing.But then there's stuff like the Bollox Pony. Really not a driver's car at all, but how thrilled was I when he bought it? I'm even more chuffed that it's been stashed away for future generations to enjoy. Yes, it's really quite shit, but there's something very appealing about seeing one in good condition. If I had storage, I might well have had it myself.

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

Shit the bed, Eighties Yank stuff was fucking terrible. But in the sixties, they built the best cars in the world bar none and certainly the most interesting. Look at that Cadillac rubbish and you can see why BMW and Mercedes just took over.There's a green 24v Scorpion Wagon that parks across the road to me and I get a trouser twitch when I admire the plastic shiny wood filets and pumped up leather chairs. I had an '86 2.8i Scorp back in 1993 and absolutely loved it.

[brammy777]

I thought this summed up autoshite quite well:

 

Makes a change from the normal cooper lookalike thats for sure.

[pogweasel]

I thought this summed up autoshite quite well:

 

Makes a change from the normal cooper lookalike thats for sure.

At least the number plate is apt!

 

I remember when you could buy a Mini like that, with a back-street MoT for £75, I had quite a few that looked like that.

[Guest]

To be honest, I thought Autoshite was about the enjoyment of old cars, seeing the merit of what everything has to offer, cutting across any perceived notions of what might be good or bad, what some hack might write in a paper, etc.

 

Bit like those American cars up there, I'm sure some journalists could really stir the pot about the Cimarron and indeed it was a pretty dreadful badging/pricing exercise, it gets brought up every so often about just how rubbish a decision it was. Yes, ultimately it was just a chintzy high-spec MK2 Cavalier with a weird front. But that's why I like it. MK2 Cavaliers are good motors, I like chintzy cars, ergo I like the Cimarron. The fact it was a stupid decision at the time and will forever be held up as being an absolutely awful car just adds to the package for me - means I can get it cheap and amuse myself with the thought that some particularly sad people out there are upset about the fact it even exists whilst enjoying the fact that it's a mad-looking Cavalier with plush seats that most people haven't even heard of. Bit of a sweeping statement to say that all 80s American cars are rubbish, millions of Americans seemed to like them enough.

 

Nowt wrong with old Jags and BMWs, I can't really name many cars of any era that I particularly dislike, but there's a ton of classic car forums catering to that sort of thing. Autoshite is the place where I can bang on about beige Montegos and not have a crowd of tosspots banging on about how they are horrible and should all be crushed.

[dollywobbler]

Fair point Hirst.Must admit, saying all Sixties American cars were ace is a bit sweeping too. I know I'd much rather tackle a corner in something European!But yes, here we truly love the unloved. Some we love more than others, but us lot manage to see the good in almost anything, and I like that.

[MrDuke]

I thought this summed up autoshite quite well:

 

Minis were borderline shite fo' sho', being one of the most poorly executed and built designs, ever, yet with several more than redeeming features. However, being as a genuinely road-worthy and fairly reliable one will leave you several ££££ lighter, they've moved more into straight 'classic' territory now.

[scruff]

You just know someone drives that for "the look" though.My missus has got a Mini. I've been to Aylesbury (80 miles) and back in it this evening and I think my cart sprung Landy would have been more comfortable. Great fun though.

[brammy777]

You just know someone drives that for "the look" though.My missus has got a Mini. I've been to Aylesbury (80 miles) and back in it this evening and I think my cart sprung Landy would have been more comfortable. Great fun though.

Oh without a doubt, pretty hilarious that they put primer on it with rust coming through, when its meant to be the opposite.But it served as a nice reminder of times gone, thats all.

[vicsmith]

That Cimarron is very, very smart looking, and should in theory make a lot of sense, being largely Mk2 Cavalier based. There was a 1.8 version which would, I hope, have the same engine as the 1.8 Cavalier/Carlton, so maintenance and servicing should not be a problem.

[VWPowered]

whats not to like

 

[Pete-M]

But yes, here we truly love the unloved. Some we love more than others, but us lot manage to see the good in almost anything, and I like that.

That's why I like it too. I may not be fooled by chintz over shite, but even I secretly love the Stanza. You lot posting pics and lusting over that kind of stuff really cheers me up sometimes. The ebay tat thread in 'ere is one of my favourite things on the internet. I was also pretty chuffed that Autoshite likes my Escort.

[RedSparrow]

Here is my nomination

 

 

Preeetty car.

[shite_meister]

This post is drifting into the age-old discussion of what it is that we love about shite as opposed to our idea of a car that best sums our idea of shite.By the way, I think that Caddy Cimarron looks alright compared to other yank shite of the same era.TagoraRanchoMarinaAmbassador (and Princess)

[Gompo]

 

By the way, I think that Caddy Cimarron looks alright

I reckon it has the Hirst Pimp interior down pretty well:

 

 

Yours for a bag of sand, in USD..

 

http://rockford.craigslist.org/cto/1397726588.htm

[UglyAmerican]

One of my good friends at Uni had a Cimarron, with the whorehouse red interior.When it worked, and that was about 3-4 days a week, it wasn't a terrible car. Sure it was noisy, and everything felt horrible cheap, and the interior had a miserable vinyl smell, but what shite doesn't? On the plus side, the 2.8 V6 he had in his model really hauled ass.Luggage racks on the rear boot lid were just charming. We tied something ridiculous to them once -- perhaps a piece of furniture, I don't remember now. In any case, the racks ripped off from the boot lid and our cargo broke up on the road.

[Pillock]

How Cavalier is the Cimmaron under the skin? Interchangable parts?I'm thinking..... a Mk2 Cav in that mushy-pea green, steel wheels, green velour interior and then that V6 you just mentioned.Or the mushy-pea green with the red pleather armchairs pictured, and the huuuge dash. Nice.

[v6pop]

For me, the ultimate definition of Autoshite would be a brown Marina 1.3 Auto Estate, but I don't know if they ever actually made them.

[MrDuke]

Is my memory tricking me, or did they actually make the Mk4/5 Cortina with a 1.4 x-flow engine? Because that would be the ultimate 'surprise entry' in the ultimate List.

[vicsmith]

Not quite tricking you, base Cortina was the 1.3.

[Richard]

For me, the ultimate definition of Autoshite would be a brown Marina 1.3 Auto Estate, but I don't know if they ever actually made them.

That's a 1.8

[v6pop]

For me, the ultimate definition of Autoshite would be a brown Marina 1.3 Auto Estate, but I don't know if they ever actually made them.

That's a 1.8

I know,I didnt have a picture of a 1.3 estate