Water and bulbs dont mix. CRV still hates me - Cookie's adventures in shiteing

[Stanky]

1 hour ago, SiC said:

My Fabia mk1 1.4 16v (similar age iirc) engine sounded noisy with some piston slap. Very much TADIS on these lumps. 

Really? Blimey, I'm more deaf than I thought! I reckoned it sounded fine, and wife_stanky never mentioned it!

That was a good car, just did everything it needed to. The cambelt change was pretty easy, and changing the door lock module was easy too. I don't think I did any other work to it tbh other than an oil change? 

[Cookiesouwest]

1 hour ago, RoverFolkUs said:

Honestly it sounds indifferent to any other example I've heard of those engines. The word piston slap sounds scary but it's a characteristic of many engines and if I thought it was catastrophic rest assured I would have not sold it!

Very surprised to hear about the window that's shit luck, it certainly was working the other day in fact otherwise I would have brought it to your attention

I know it's the joy of old cars but I'm really disappointed it's not working for you 

Seriously. I'm not disappointed.

I've steered clear of VAG since a passat with the awt 1.8turbo engine grenaded itself, 3 days out of warranty. Although I did have a v5 golf from HMC during covid. 

I'm just glad they all sound like that. It gives me peace of mind, that I can stop worrying. Having never heard a 1.4 vag engine before, I had no term of reference.

The window - shit happens. Switch is less than a tenner.

Poppy is really happy.

[Cookiesouwest]

2 hours ago, Snake Charmer said:

Wait until you reach 60, safe places are a revelation.😄

Rear seats are easy once you do it once, which handle is broken?

 

The one to lift the boot floor.

[Snake Charmer]

15 minutes ago, Cookiesouwest said:

The one to lift the boot floor.

If you have the seven seat option there are two. Lift the rear one and fold it back, it may not stay up if you have the load cover/dog net in place. Both my cars only require the lower seat squabs lifted around 90° and pulled up to remove then there is another handle to lift the gas strut assisted cover giving access to the spare wheel. The battery is under a cover to the right.

(Any spelling mistakes are due to me being pished! Hic.)

PS the broken handles can be overcome with a screwdriver or cable tie depending how broken the mechanism. 

[Cookiesouwest]

Using the car self battery check, the battery with ignition off was showing 11.3v. Less than before.

Everything out of the boot and throw it in the back seat.

Now nice and empty.

Set up the seats

The Internet says the seat base has to be unbolted.

Snake Charmer mentioned they pull out.

Either way, couldn't get the bastard out. Suspect the load tracks down each side of the boot are stopping them coming out.

So I lifted the boot floor as best I could. The car is fitted with a plastic tray on top of the boot floor. Bastard thing also wouldn't come out, but could be levered up and then held in place by my head. Removed the battery cover and bingo - hello battery.

 

With some waggling and an awful amount of swearing - apologies to the family that walked past, while my head was buried in the boot, while I may have repeatedly be calling the car a c*nt.

Battery out eventually.

Slight moment of panic, when I thought the replacement was larger, but it went in after a struggle.

The result. Car says battery is 12.1v at rest. Not as much as I'd hoped for, but better than the one that came out.

EML has gone out

ABS light still on

On the error screen, car still says EPS and ABS faults, but I'm hoping that it's retaining historic faults.

So BFG 1 - Cookie 1

Will give it a drive later to see if the ABS light goes out.

If not, it's code reader time.

[SiC]

Don't be a scaredy cat and just lob the code reader in 😉

The seats definitely do come out without tools as I did it on it once. Just need to get the right angle for it and they come out of the notch.  

[Cookiesouwest]

1 minute ago, SiC said:

Don't be a scaredy cat and just lob the code reader in 😉

The seats definitely do come out without tools as I did it on it once. Just need to get the right angle for it and they come out of the notch.  

I am being scared. Code readers and complicated cars are a combination that gives me the fear, in case I brick the car.

Will plug it in tomorrow, if the run doesn't clear it.

[Cookiesouwest]

BFG given a good run.

ABS light went out

Then came back on

I will have to overcome my fear of code readers and bricking the car 

[Cookiesouwest]

On the return leg of the test drive, the EML re-appeared.

BFG 2 - Cookie 0

So, I actually plugged the code reader in.

 

And fuck me it had a lot of faults.

As an avid viewer of Salvage Rebuilds on YT, I knew exactly what to do

Then rescan

Unfortunately I didn't have time to get the codes, as it was 9pm and I had to sort Mrs Cookie's meds.

ABS / ESP and EML still present.

So further code read is needed tomorrow.

[SiC]

17 minutes ago, Cookiesouwest said:

Unfortunately I didn't have time to get the codes

Arrrrrrrrrrrrr

Don't clear codes without actually noting down what the codes were!

You may find codes that don't come back but are important to decoding the problem to the puzzle. 

[SiC]

Some of those codes will be from it going into convenience mode, some from the battery being removed, some from the wing mirror indicators being disconnected and others likely related to the abs module having a code (i.e. transmission and possibly engine)

[andyberg]

46 minutes ago, SiC said:

Some of those codes will be from it going into convenience mode, some from the battery being removed, some from the wing mirror indicators being disconnected and others likely related to the abs module having a code (i.e. transmission and possibly engine)

Cheezus codes for disconnecting a wing mirror, codes for disconnecting a battery. Give me an old car any day……

[Snake Charmer]

11 hours ago, andyberg said:

Cheezus codes for disconnecting a wing mirror, codes for disconnecting a battery. Give me an old car any day……

@Cookiesouwest would have a heart attack plugging Star in, it brings up everything! 

[Snake Charmer]

Here are a few photos of my third row seats, l never really think about how to remove the base as it just comes out easily. You have to lift the base up 90° to vertical then lift, the pivot pins have two flat sides allowing removal.

Do you have an owners handbook? It normally lives in the rear armrest cubby hole, took me a while to find it!

Both my S211's give a low reading on the dashboard readout for voltage without the engine running compared to a mutleymeter, I suspect the load is quite high with the ignition on but reads ok once running.

[goosey]

I found those scanners weren’t that great at reading ABS ESC codes 

[Cookiesouwest]

5 minutes ago, goosey said:

I found those scanners weren’t that great at reading ABS ESC codes 

Funny you should say that .........

About to do a full update

[Cookiesouwest]

So another scan completed and as stated by @goosey above, who spookily commented while I was mid scan, code reader does not work on ABS / ESP.

I have the following system faults.

Not worried about this one.

It's code is

Next up is

More of a worry (if I knew what the impact of the code actually is)

Then the following system fault

same error for both of these. Believe the heated mirror glass is missing.

But no codes for ABS or ESP.

Which is a bit shit. Going to have to either spend big money on a star clone or go beg the local garage to read the car.

[SiC]

It had this when I had it. From googling around at the time basically it's an error you can ignore as it's not important nor affects anything. Just W221 weirdity of this vintage.

[SiC]

Top right corner is the number of modules scanned. It's only picked up 33 modules on that scan and there are more.

Looking at my old pictures, my Foxwell NT680Pro appeared to have picked up 63 modules.

Again you're welcome to come over for a plug-in and read.

[SiC]

Instead of auto scan, usually you can go in a scantool and select the module you want manually. That way you can select SBC or ABS.

Also many of these scantools can be updated by plugging into a PC. Have a look on the icarsoft website to see if there is an update. 

[Cookiesouwest]

@SiC

Thank you.

Will probably be after I return from the frozen north in a couple of weeks.

CRV will be used for the trip.

[SiC]

Interesting on all the modules it says PASS or FAIL, except the SBC which just gives FITTED 

Try going into that module and seeing if there is a code read option.

Alternatively, go into SBC module and live data, find the wheel speed sensors in the list and go for a drive. If it's a wheel speed sensors then the dead one will read zero. 

[Snake Charmer]

16 minutes ago, SiC said:

Interesting on all the modules it says PASS or FAIL, except the SBC which just gives FITTED

That code reader is scared of the SBC Terminator.......

SBC is out there, it can't be bargained with, it can't be reasoned with, it doesn't feel pity or remorse or fear, and it absolutely will not stop. 😁

@Cookiesouwest do you get up near Heathrow in you car much? I have Xentry (Star).

[Cookiesouwest]

11 minutes ago, Snake Charmer said:

That code reader is scared of the SBC Terminator.......

SBC is out there, it can't be bargained with, it can't be reasoned with, it doesn't feel pity or remorse or fear, and it absolutely will not stop. 😁

@Cookiesouwest do you get up near Heathrow in you car much? I have Xentry (Star).

I don't sadly.

My local trusted mechanic is checking if his Autel will speak to all the modules.

Plus I'm going to try SiC suggestions too.

[Cookiesouwest]

In non BFG news, I took Little Cookie's polo for a blast round the countryside last night.

Handles well, with good brakes. Nice little car.

Also worked out what the noise on start up is.

Starter motor not disengaging.

Happens about 2 out of 3 starts. Will get that attended too, once I'm back from the frozen north. BFG takes priority at the moment.

[Cookiesouwest]

Further non BFG news.

Little Cookie had her first proper set back tonight.

We live in a narrow (ish) street, where parking is difficult. Often  leading to people parking on neighbouring streets or on the track to the farm.

Poppy rushed in tonight, in tears. She hadn't been able to manoeuvre her car and had simply left it, blocking the track to the farm.

So I had to go and move it.

The problem (besides her chronic anxiety), is she learnt to drive in her Dad's car (he's a driving instructor). Electric handbrake, parking sensors, hill hold - or whatever that's called.

Her Polo has none of those things. She didn't know what the handbrake was for, thought the rev counter was the speedo and has never had to find a bite point (ok it's an Auto, but on a steep hill, where we live, she needs to use the handbrake in conjunction with the throttle, to hold the car, when parking). Also had never used a key to start a car. Had to ask how to do it. Her dad's car had keyless entry and a start button.

She ain't no natural driver. 

I don't think her driving career will last very long, unless she wins the lottery and buys a car that's got more sensors than the starship enterprise.

I'm away next week. She will be on her own.

I'm betting, she gets arrested for abandoning her car in the middle of the road, before the week is out

Youngsters should be made to learn in the most basic of cars. Its very difficult to 'learn backwards' from a technology perspective.

A 20 plus year old Polo, may not have been my best idea.

[SiC]

I guess I've only ever driven large engined slush autos but I would have thought even the small ones would have had enough power to sit on a hill without rolling back in drive and no accelerator. 

My 36yr old BiL passed his test last year and barely driven since. He can't seem to handle reversing any car that doesn't have a rear camera and front parking sensors. No idea what he'd do if the car he is driving has one of those features break. 

[andyberg]

I’m glad @BerginJR has his little piss yellow 106. At least he can get used to a proper car whilst still learning in his instructors modern. 
I’m sure little cookie will get there. Maybe it needs a shiter to show her the ways of the ‘force’

[Wibble]

Sounds a bit like, when we moan about people not being able to drive anymore, we might be correct😬

[Markeh]

A friend of mine has been driving for at least 10 years and still gets very snippy, stressed and has been known to start crying if she thinks anyone is watching her park. We went for a meal one night with some friends, I was stood outside talking to a friend of ours while she was parallel parking outside, after several attempts she sped off, parked in a car park up the road and had tears down her face when she made it to the restaurant. This is despite the fact that she can actually drive and park fine, albeit with a pretty crap sense of direction for taking turnings, regularly reversing into a not particularly large gap between my car and the fence on my drive, and drives vans/pickups for work. Yet god forbid if anyone might be watching her attempt to park a small crossover (equipped with parking sensors on the back)