Top w*nker chariots league

[MrRegieRitmo]

Have you been left flabbergasted by the stupidity & sheer cheek of another road user?? Have you been cut up, undertaken, tailgated, intimidated & down right infuriated by another vehicle on the road??Chances are you were up against a self important driver in one of the following. In ascending order of regularity of incidences involving said vehicles;New entry at number 20 following bizarre incident this very morning,20. Fiat Bravo MkI *19. Mitsubishi EVO18. Jaguar X Type17. Ford Mondeo16. BMW X5 15. Seat Ibiza (sporty one)14. Citroen Saxo13. Renault Clio (usually a Renault Sport model)12. Saab 9-311. VW Passat10. Honda Civic (Type R)9. VW Golf8. Mercedes C Klasse7. Audi A36. Mercedes E Klasse 5. Audi A64. BMW 3 Series3. BMW 5 Series2. Audi A41. Seat Leon (usually a Cupra or Cupra R)* was behind me in the left hand filter lane of 2 lanes which lead you towards the roundabout where you can join the A3. In the inner lane waiting at the lights were several vehicles, in my lane there was only myself plus this other car so getting through the lights was going to be a safe bet being in my lane. I just had to get a reasonably good start away from the lights to end up near the front if not in front of these other cars in the other lane, even in my R9. My lane is obviously the outer one which runs parallel with the other lane but takes you further out before merging with the other one. It's a stupid new system which is open to abuse from people deciding to switch lanes part way through in order to cheat & get ahead of everyone else. There was no reason for that to happen this morning though as there was only the 2 of us in my lane so you'd have to be a bit of a desperate loon to try & take advantage, it really wasn't necessary as we were both clearly going to get through the lights & a good placing amongst the other cars once we merge.For some unfathomable reason once the lights changed & we begun to move off, I clocked the desperate loon in the Fiat Bravo behind me (the only other car in my lane) pull into the 3rd lane, i.e. the one for heading away from the junction, then suddenly put his foot down, go right around me as if I wasn't there then pull back in front of me & speed along my lane until he was ahead of everybody else......I was gobsmacked, couldn't believe what I'd just seen - couldn't believe that someone was so self important & desperate to get ahead of everyone else! What a total cock! Why did he deserve to get to work before me? What right has he? I was angry at myself because I knew he'd get away with it & there wasn't a thing I could do about it, I'd have loved to have been able to put my foot down & force him out of my lane & he'd have been diverted back onto the A27!! Unfortunately I don't think it would have happened even if I'd have had the presence of mind to recognise what he was doing, get over my stunned non action & react straight away. A Grade A Bender I hate these people, they will interpret the rules of the road to whatever suits them! I'd love it if they did it to an unmarked police car, love it!!

[STUNO]

There is never a police car there when you need one. I am heading for old grey head driving after 45 years of driving so just let them go so they can wreck someone elses car

[retrogeezer]

I had a number 3 yesterday - see grumpy old man thread...

[Mr Lobster]

I'd also add Audi Q7s to that list as well

[HillmanImp]

I had an unfortunate incident with an Audi A4 yesterday.He was coming up the outside lane and i pulled out as i was approaching a roundabout when the back end of the car felt funny. A couple of seconds later he flashed me. I was busy thinking that my wheel was about to fall off so stopped the car (i was in a jam approaching the roundabout, not actually in moving traffic) and turned round to ask him what was wrong as i was a bit worried what deserved the flash. He seemed to think i was having a go at him and started giving me loads of grief with lots of hand signals etc.Turns out he was flashing to let a car in behing me and i thought he was flashing me to say something was wrong with my car. I pulled over as soon as i was off the main road and it turns out i had a flat rear tyre, hence why the car felt funny.

[AnthonyG]

Any large expensive German 4X4, BMWs, Audis, Mercedes, particularly older X5s as prices fall down to pikey/wanker levels. When any old chav can have one on easy credit the roads will be carnage.Oh , and Range Rover Sport obviously - why anyone who is not a dealer or pimp would buy one is beyond me - Get a proper Range Rover or a Disco, FFS!With reference to Reg's post , anybody who drives like that in an old Fiat is probably a smackhead. Generally any old shitter driven psychotically is being piloted by someone under the influence of major narcotics.

[Mr Lobster]

Mitsubishi L200 Warrior - they can go on the list as well. Normally fitted with ridiculous chromed alloys, tinted glass and driven by a psychopath. With a vicous looking dog contained somewhere within.

[Guest Tony Hayers]

Mitsubishi L200 Warrior - With a vicous looking dog contained somewhere within.

Plus they also own some kind of ill tempered canine

[Cavcraft]

All the above but I do seem to be an attraction to Ford Focus drivers for some reason.Maybe the read my thoughts on them somewhere, maybe it's a local thing, I don't know. But round here there seems to be an awful lot of idiots who drive them.I think X5 drivers bug me the most though as they always seem to want to hand right on your back door as if they can bully their way through (I actually just slow down if they do that), and are usually (not always) owned by some fat 40-something bald headed bloke or a dizzy blonde bint who can't actually drive properly.

[ambla]

Mitsubishi L200 Warrior - they can go on the list as well.

Such as the one who overtook me and 2 other stationary cars in the queue to fill up at Tesco the other day. Idiot, wait your turn. And he didn't Pay At Pump either but spent ages paying for his ill-gotten fuel in the shop. You are an idiot, Sir. All the more so for having an L200*** registration too. Show-off idiot.

[bones96]

can we add taxi drivers it seems to me round my way they think they own the road (gotta get tow bar fitted )

[ChinaTom]

To be honest, every make of car applies around here - it is the clock that decides the quality of driving. Between 08:00 and 09:15 EVERY make of car can be seen to squeal wheels around blind corners as they are late for work, or got held up by a tractor somewhere. Between 16:30 and 17:30 the same numpties are coming home, and obviously are heading back to a family emergency, or a thatch fire, or maybe they only have 20 minutes to live and want to see the kids one last time. It must be an emergency of that scale given the frankly absurdly bad driving. There is a busy stretch (SL drives it every day I think) (EDIT!! Ought to add that I am in no way proposing that SL is one of these numpties!!!! I have never been overtaken or tailgated by a Bluebird!) to the nearest town to this village and somewhere in Old Buckenham is the driver of a black 55 reg Fiesta who very nearly died yesterday, probably taking me with him as he attempted to overtake me on a 50m straight before a 20 mph corner. He ran out of revs, bounced the car out of gear and had the audacity to gesture onanistically at me as I didn't slow down to let him pass. I was too busy laughing to hit the brakes, and needed to concentrate on the Transit that was coming the other way and flashing his lights at the FiestaAnd to the 320Ci driver who drives to Besthorpe every morning: I may have a reasonably large estate car, but you are not welcome in the boot. If I had a towbar, you'd have been on it this morning. I think 50mph is OK on that road and screw you if you don't. If you're late, leave earlier. If you're trying to impress the blonde in the passenger seat, you'll fail if she has 528i imprinted on her forehead after I hit the brakes. You see, as my car comes up to 200k, a rear end write-off may be financially beneficial to me.And, Mr. Pikey Flatbed from the new travellers' site near Fersfield: it would almost be an acceptable sacrifice to risk serious injury if it results in you striking my car as you speed round the corner in my lane, flying through your windscreen and landing in the rotating parts of the mechanical cultivator (that you are planning on stealing no doubt) and get ripped to shreds reducing my risk of a house burglary any time soon.Should have been in the "angry thread" I suppose.

[HillmanImp]

To be honest, every make of car applies around here - it is the clock that decides the quality of driving. Between 08:00 and 09:15 EVERY make of car can be seen to squeal wheels around blind corners as they are late for work, or got held up by a tractor somewhere. Between 16:30 and 17:30 the same numpties are coming home, and obviously are heading back to a family emergency, or a thatch fire, or maybe they only have 20 minutes to live and want to see the kids one last time. It must be an emergency of that scale given the frankly absurdly bad driving.

I generally try and ride my bike to work now as its only 4 miles away (i can see the irony in owning several cars and riding). Traffic just puts me in a bad mood for the rest fo the day and i feel better after using a bit of pedal power (once i have started breathing normally again, there are lots of hills in Leeds). If its a nice sunny day i might drive in as the drive might be nice and i can go for a cruise somewhere at lunch.If anything, as a cyclist i probably should go on that list with my total lack of respect of the laws of the road/footpath/grass verge or pretty much anything else i can ride over.

[Guest]

I'd love to do an investigation on this kind of thing, as I bet it's more down to how cars are set up than people actually setting out to be pushy tossers.Take modern German Turbodiesels like the A3 TDi - I bet they drive in such a way that you have to plant your foot everywhere, so everyone does, so as a result you seen an A3 and groan as you know it'll be sat right on your bumper with its stupid droopy grille. The person inside is probably oblivious to it.

[Negative Creep]

BMW 316/318 coupe is the king of the wanker chariots. Don't forget to add M3 badges and mirrors to convince people you really have made it in the world. Also:ImprezaLancer EvoSeat Ibiza Cupramk.4 Golf (with replica Audi RS wheels)Modern pickupsVW PassatAny minicab

[Spottedlaurel]

There is a busy stretch (SL drives it every day I think) (EDIT!! Ought to add that I am in no way proposing that SL is one of these numpties!!!! I have never been overtaken or tailgated by a Bluebird!)

Thanks for that CT! Little point driving too quickly in and around Old Buckenham - if heading to Diss then the long straights usually allow a bit of overtaking, and there's little point for heroics on the way into Attleborough as chances are the railway gates will be closed so everyone just ends up sitting there.

[ChinaTom]

Maybe the latest German take on Adaptive Cruise Control is a function that senses there is a vehicle in front, checks whether it is rush hour and if so dabs the throttle and brakes so the car bobs up and down, and weaves the steering. I guess the rear parking sensors can be brought in to the system as it will sense when the car is 1mm clear of the conquered vehicle, then veer back into lane causing the conquered driver to consider emergency braking in punishment for sticking to safe speeds. The sat-nav voice then gives an instruction to the victorious vehicle passengers to glance back at the conquered driver and sneer.This set-up suggestion may be valid while you can actually see the grille. It is when the windscreen washer nozzles are bobbing in and out of view in the rear view mirror that I know he has his ACC set to "pushy tosser" mode.

[Cavcraft]

Aptly enough after thinking about this thread at work today some bloke who looked older than the world itself turned right across my path in a silver X tye Jag.How I didn't hit him I don't know but when I sounded the horn he sort of half raised a hand then just carried on like fuck all had happened.One thing I will say that is in general if people apologise for pulling out on me/cutting me up I don't mind. It's the arrogant (see X5 drivers) that don't apologise or get arsey that really annoy me.

[Alpineandy]

no vauhalls on the list

[Justin Case]

My list is very short:1 John Deere TractorThese are about as large and agile as a barn conversion, are always fitted with an agricultural implement that consists entirely of large pedestrian-decimating spikes and travel at a fixed speed of 25 mph regardless of whether they are going through a busy town on market day or taking up both lanes of a dual carriageway. And the distance they travel. Surely no farm can be that big . They can only be going to the pub, supermarket, hairdressers.

[M'coli]

My list is very short:1 John Deere TractorAnd the distance they travel. Surely no farm can be that big . They can only be going to the pub, supermarket, hairdressers.

It'll be a farm contractor - that's why they travel so far.

[Station]

Any modern Audi or BMW. I couldn't care less about chavs in their Ripspeed E36 or Corsa or 200SX, at least they've got a build up of testosterone because of puberty to blame.But the twats in these things. You can have a surgeon repair someone's brain and then leave in their BMW 330d and suddenly they're pointing their cock into their mouths and drinking their own piss. The sight of Xenon bulbs burning themselves through your retinas in your rear view, as their front bumper comes shaving distance from your own.It proves nothing, there isn't a single person that feels any envy on these cunts, no matter what they drive, and I hope the driver feels a bit of guilt when he gets home a few minutes quicker than everyone else.

[M'coli]

and I hope the driver feels a bit of guilt when he gets home a few minutes quicker than everyone else.

They don't, that's what makes it so bad. They feel good because they've beaten everyone on the road and therefore to them you are a LOSE-ER, hey that's why it's called The Human Race. They drive these things to wave their cocks about (even women do this in these cars ) and prove to themselves just how much better they are than the rest of Joe public. I hate them all.

[Milford Cubicle]

Maybe they think we're the wankers with our rattly old crocks.I had to deal with one of these aggressive A4 TDi drivers on the A9 the other week. He tried to overtake me on a single lane slip road while I was merging into the main road. A boot full of old-school diesel smoke put paid to that.Later he dangerously overtook me and a lorry on a blind corner... I caught up with him later as he wasn't going that fast, overtook him and he made the same dangerous overtaking manoeuvre again once he'd caught up with me and another lorry.Death wish, just to go 8MPH faster than you were travelling at behind the lorry.

[warren t claim]

To the arrogant bitch in the A3 who pushed in front of me in the queue for the car wash, Ha Ha! It was me that waited until the rollers were blocking your doors and then hit the emergency stop button! The look on your face was priceless! I wonder how long you had to sit there with you hand on the horn???

[Mr H Sceptre]

To the arrogant bitch in the A3 who pushed in front of me in the queue for the car wash, Ha Ha! It was me that waited until the rollers were blocking your doors and then hit the emergency stop button! The look on your face was priceless! I wonder how long you had to sit there with you hand on the horn???

Hahahaha brilliant!!!

[seth]

I find my way of not getting so wound up by other peoples' driving (unless they've done something that's nearly killed me) is to drive slower, leave plenty of time to get anywhere, avoid the rush hour, keep Burt Bacharach on standby in the cd player and wear a flat cap or trilby when driving so other people avoid me.

That /\ Except for Burt.

[vicsmith]

To be fair to the drivers of all this german TD stuff though, they never get in your way or tit about, my route to work is one junction after another, single carriageway throughout, and Audis and BMWs are fine to be on the roads with, you know they won`t hang around when the lights change, they WILL chance that risky gap that comes up and they`ll blast round the 22mph bus giving you a chance to follow them and use them as a shield. Great guys as far as Im concerned.A well kept 52 registered Skoda Fabia in extra-cost Black, which no doubt came from a reputable garage and is regularily serviced, on the other hand, pretty much represents the sort of middle-class ditherer that I have to deal with every morning, they just sit there missing chance after chance, never go above 30 and it`s almost as though they see pratting about making everybody late as some sort of virtue, I have no doubt they`re congratulating themselves on their safe responsible driving as they avoid looking at their rear view mirror because for some reason the car behind seems to have it`s full beams and horn stuck on.

[Richard]

To be fair to the drivers of all this german TD stuff though, they never get in your way or tit about, my route to work is one junction after another, single carriageway throughout, and Audis and BMWs are fine to be on the roads with, you know they won`t hang around when the lights change, they WILL chance that risky gap that comes up and they`ll blast round the 22mph bus giving you a chance to follow them and use them as a shield. Great guys as far as Im concerned.

They do get in my way and tit about. They blast past me on the A90 and then slam their brakes on for the speed cameras, forcing me to slow down even though I'm travelling slower than their speed limit. They blast past me then force me to wait behind them 100 yards down the road while they make a right turn, in face they find a multitude of ways to hold me up after they have risked my life overtaking me.See also middle-aged, middle-class motorcyclists.

[Futuramic]

Confirmed Autoshiter Hirst made a very valid point earlier.Tdi type repmobiles, especialy Focus dizzlers reward wankerish driving to the extent that I cannot now pilot one like a sane person. I feel dirty when I get out, like I've just paid for sex. I enjoy the experience, but wish I did not.I digress.At work we have a fleet of identical Focus diesel estates, 1.8 TDCi type bollocks. The pressures of the job mean I need to drive these things around town quickly, and there is only one way to do this. In a petrol that I care about I drive properly. To pull away I match the revs and don't really slip the clutch. I am gentle and treat the car nicely.As soon as I get into the work diesel I change into The Fast and The Furious era Paul Walker, with an attitude to match. To drive one of these things well requires complex dealings with the satanic drive by wire throttle and complex dabblings with turbo boost. Modern diesels have no power at all when off the turbo. They bog down and expire. They don't rev high either, meaning the only meaningful power is between 3 and 4,500 revs.Once in that band there is a lot of go, neck snapping torque is served up; but outside one may as well not bother. I once got into difficulties in slow traffic on a hill. Whilst a petrol would have dragged me up in second, the diesel stalled its turbo and refused to play. I ended up driving in first and slipping the clutch. It was like being in a Mini ith dud points, not a brand new Ford.Anyway, to drive fast I generally select first, dial in 3,500 revs and jump halfway off the clutch. I can usually spin the wheels a bit doing this. Then immediately the engine goes through its power band and I have to change to second. The change comes up so quickly I can't fully release the clutch. I then snap into second with the accelerator on the floor and have to do the same thing again to get third.I only fully release the clutch at about 30-40 mph. It's an horrific way of driving, but the only means of making progress. Thus wankerish driving is necessary.On a side note, cars I don't like are (in no order whatsoever): New Minis; anything made by Land Rover; Audis, especially the RS6 as a V8 has no right to sound that tame; Bentley Continentals; Top end Mercedes and Lexuses (Lexii?). Nobody that has any passion for driving has ever bought a Lexus. Thus they are often spotted crashing into parked cars and behaving abominably.