Things in car adverts that make you go "Oh F*** Off"

[Noel Tidybeard]

all these "modern men" in adverts who always let the bint drive

 

get-te-fuck thats mans work!*

 

*must be read in the style of Billy Connelly

[UltraWomble]

I saw a great one yesterday, which because AS is now banned at work due to it being SPAM I couldnt link to - but the advert says 

"Taxed till end of xxx, transferable paper tax".

 

I wanted to punch the seller hard on the nose.

[Richard]

It's not unreasonable to believe that DVLA would honour the conditions that were in place when he handed them a large sum of money.

[Skoze]

This. It's illegal to take a photo showing the drivers recaro bolster in a crapi.

 

This. When I bought mine, the nice chap in Liverpool (who was out when I turned up, keys with a neighbour) was thoughtful enough to leave a nice seat cover over the driver's seat for me 

[messerschmitt owner]

That sort of punctuation-free stream-of-consciousness advert does my head in.  I'd swerve it for that reason alone - not to mention the service history to 80,000 miles, which makes me think it hasn't seen so much as an oil change since.  

12 points and mileage going up daily as he's still driving it ...

[UltraWomble]

It's not unreasonable to believe that DVLA would honour the conditions that were in place when he handed them a large sum of money.

As a trader he really should know better. If he were private I could possibly forgive him and let him off with a swift kick to the shin.

[UltraWomble]

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Citroen-Berlingo-1-9D-2005-MY-Multispace-Forte-DIESEL-deposit-taken-sold-sorry-/251782036440?pt=Automobiles_UK&hash=item3a9f60fbd8

 

 

1 OWNER FROM NEW BARGAINPRICE deposit taken sold sorry

Then remove your advert you cockgargler.

[UltraWomble]

http://www.autotrader.co.uk/classified/advert/201412029382655/sort/locasc/postcode/pr31uu/make/honda/page/1/onesearchad/used%2Cnearlynew%2Cnew/maximum-mileage/up_to_50000_miles/price-to/2500/radius/1500/price-from/500/usedcars?logcode=p

 

WHAT?

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SELLING YOU UTTER PENNY PINCHING FUNTWHAZZOCK? CIVIC? COROLLA? WHAT EXACTLY?

[steve_earwig]

A car with an identity chrisis?

 

Here's another http://www.njuskalo.hr/oldtimer-auti/prodajem-ford-eskort-1976-oglas-6506002

[Bamboocarman]

It's an oldie, but : 'mate', as seen on Retrorides, et al.

[Bamboocarman]

'Gleaming  . . . paintwork'

'Grab yourself'

'Here we have . . . '

[TRW]

'Gleaming  . . . paintwork'

'Grab yourself'

'Here we have . . . '

 

They sound like Brewerisims to me.

[maxpower]

Or the car is for sale at £999 but pic shows an on screen price of £1500.... that in itself screams that nobody was daft enough to buy it in the first place.

[maxpower]

"Discount for autoshiters" sorry just couldn't resist it

[xtriple]

One lady owner!

[Bamboocarman]

 ' PLEASE--WE DO NOT TAKE OFFERS,IN PERSON ,OVER THE PHONE OR BY TEXT/EMAIL---, £1,500 p/x to clear '

 

Well, no sale then.

[2Thumbs]

"*Disclosed sum of coin* if gone today"

 

How much if I get it tomorrow then?

[mouseflakes]

Everything about the new Corsa advert.... Its so bad i am not even going to link it....

 

This!!!! A terrible advert, and the music really grates. I can't see it making anyone want to buy a Corsa. Apologies, but here it is...

 

 

Compare and contrast with this, the current Hyundai i20 advert - quirky, clever, sounds pleasant, everything the Corsa advert is not. I put it here simply because I saw them together in one ad break and it just emphasised how dire the Vauxhall effort is.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dUgWICyNP7Y

[mouseflakes]

"Engine runs nicely, no knocks or bangs"

 

Surely - the part after the comma is unecessary? You've just told me the engine runs nicely - if an engine makes a 'bang!' noise then it's not running nicely.

 

Why is it always this precise phrase - 'no knocks or bangs'? What if it rattles, squeals or clatters? Is that all ok, so long as it doesn't knock or bang? Shut up!!

[UltraWomble]

Shill bidding

 

Strongly suspect Im being bid up on a car, what annoys me if I am is its my own family doing it. Long story, car belongs to an aunt who went into a home, son wants £££££ for it, but wants to punt on the bay.

 

No serious bids till he emails me and tells me what the reserve is, I lob a bid in, minutes later, outbid, lob another in, same again - but only just outbid, not outbid by a lot. Just enough to encourage me to pop another bid in....

[Bamboocarman]

 

' so grab a peace of Volkswagen history and make your self an investment because the 16v only seem to be going up in price as there few and far between now. '

 

(direct quote)

 

This for a poxy Mk 3 Golf Gti with scene tax applied.

 

And the term '' grab '' is a very selfish Thatcherite neo-liberal robber baron way of seeing the world, isn't it ?

 

(yes, I've just come home from a bad day 'at the office' )

  

 

[steve_earwig]

"Engine runs nicely, no knocks or bangs"

 

Surely - the part after the comma is unecessary? You've just told me the engine runs nicely - if an engine makes a 'bang!' noise then it's not running nicely.

 

Why is it always this precise phrase - 'no knocks or bangs'? What if it rattles, squeals or clatters? Is that all ok, so long as it doesn't knock or bang? Shut up!!

I always thought that was referring to the bodywork

[Bamboocarman]

 ' Please don't ask to view as the last 5 people l have put myself out for never bought the item. ' 

 

Oh well . . .

[mouseflakes]

I always thought that was referring to the bodywork

 

Just shows what a pointless phrase it is.

[Paul Dupart]

New break disks

[dugong]

BUMBERS.

VW QUALITY.

CAPS.

[chaseracer]

'Cills'.

 

FFS...

[xtriple]

I thought 'cills' was correct?  Old Leonard Setright always said it was and he's a GOD!

[chaseracer]

I thought 'cills' was correct?  Old Leonard Setright always said it was and he's a GOD!

 

True.  But his beard was longer even than DW's in its prime... 

 

This is interesting: http://english.stackexchange.com/questions/151767/which-is-correct-cill-or-sill

[dave21478]

Shill bidding

 

Strongly suspect Im being bid up on a car, what annoys me if I am is its my own family doing it. Long story, car belongs to an aunt who went into a home, son wants £££££ for it, but wants to punt on the bay.

 

No serious bids till he emails me and tells me what the reserve is, I lob a bid in, minutes later, outbid, lob another in, same again - but only just outbid, not outbid by a lot. Just enough to encourage me to pop another bid in....

 

Just leave it and when it inevitably doesnt sell, offer him your original opening bid for it.