Event For Chod & Ulster: Local Auctions for Local People (Nordie Shiter Events)

[The_Equalizer]

As you already know, I will be in attendance.

[The_Equalizer]

It is going to be double figures next Wednesday - talk about 'taps aff' weather.
 

[Datsuncog]

On 3/13/2019 at 3:41 PM, The_Equalizer said:

It is going to be double figures next Wednesday - talk about 'taps aff' weather.

wed20th.jpg

Already in preparation...

"Do I hear £200 anywhere in the room for this clearly shagged Mondeo? Thank you sir - two hundred with you. Oh - £210 behind you."

[Faker]

Sounds good

[The_Equalizer]

Sounds good

Going topless, going to Ballyclare or both?

[Faker]

Going topless, going to Ballyclare or both?

Both obviously!!

[Datsuncog]

BUMP for tomorrow evening (all being well).

All local shiters welcome - though, obviously, those who have spent last week buying Skoda Favorits may find it all a bit tame by comparison...

[The_Equalizer]

Faker can bring the trailor, you can bring the cash and I will bring my hand for the bidding? Looking forward to tomorrow night's belly full of cheesy chip and lungs full of noxious fumes.

[Datsuncog]

Well, alright then.

By popular demand - as, naturally, many GB-based Shiters are reduced to much weeping and wailing every time I post up one of these amazing* auction reports since spatio-temporal reality prevents their easy attendance - Datsuncog Meejah Enterprises, in partnership with Equalizer Shite Location Services (and featuring guest vocals from Faker), are most exceeding proud to present:

SUPER SPECIAL INTERACTIVE BALLYCLARE SHITE AUCTION EXPERIENCE

Yes, that's right kids. Thanks to the wonders of modern internet wizardry, YOU TOO can experience the sights, sounds, smells and tastes of everyone's* favourite culchie backwater 'budget-conscious' motor auction from the comfort* of your own living room. Now available exclusively to all Shiters of good standing.

You'd think that you might need one of these, for the full experience.

But you'd be wrong.

How about one of these?

Nope, not even that.

All you need to experience this thrilling interactive multi-sensory multimedia extravaganza is the following common household items:

• An internet connected device (PC/laptop/tablet/4G mobile phone - please note this experience is NOT compatible with two empty bean tins and a length of string)
• A metal bucket
• Half a litre of kerosene
• Some matches
• A stick
• A dead badger (a fox will do, in a pinch)
• £250 in grubby assorted denomination banknotes (laughable Monopoly-style notes issued by Nordie banks especially welcome)
• A bread bap/cob/roll (delete as locally applicable)
• One eye and at least eight fingers

Got all those? Okay then.

Then simply follow these easy steps and you too can feel exactly like you're present at South-East Antrim's premier Wednesday evening entertainment venue:

1. Add the kerosene to the bucket and place in the corner of your room. Light with matches.
    
2. Throw the dead badger into the flaming bucket and ponder the impermanence and futility of life for a bit.
    
3. Boot up your internet-enabled device of choice, and navigate to this post.
    
4. Press play on the following YouTube link, with the volume turned up to maximum:
    
   
   (it's for sheep, but it honestly sounds the same as an Ulster motor auction. Probably the same punters, too.)
    
5. Then press play on the following YouTube link - again, at maximum volume:
    
   
   (both videos should now be playing simultaneously in the background)
    
6. Scroll through the shiteworthy pictures below, peering through the thickening fug filling your lounge which now permanently stinks of petrochemicals and death.
    
7. After about twenty minutes or so, use the stick to pick off some bits of charred badger and place in your bap/cob/roll, before enjoying with a side salad (optional).
   
   
    
8. Whenever you spy some godawful death-rattling, crusty-arched nail appear that inexplicably takes your fancy, throw the £250 roll into the flaming bucket.
   
   
    
9. Explain to your spouse/partner/flatmate what the actual fuck is going on when they suddenly walk in on you.
   

All ready? Then let's go...

[quicksilver]

Well, alright then.

 

By popular demand - as, naturally, many GB-based Shiters are reduced to much weeping and wailing every time I post up one of these auction reports since spatio-temporal reality prevents their easy attendance - Datsuncog Meejah Enterprises in partnership with Equalizer Shite Location Services (and featuring guest vocals from Faker) are exceeding proud to present:

 

SUPER SPECIAL INTERACTIVE BALLYCLARE SHITE AUCTION EXPERIENCE

 

20190320_185937.jpg

 

Yes, that's right kids. Thanks to the wonders of modern internet wizardry, YOU TOO can experience the sights, sounds, smells and tastes of everyone's favourite culchie backwater 'budget-conscious' motor auction from the comfort* of your own living room. Now available exclusively to all Shiters of good standing.

 

You'd think that you might need one of these, for the full experience.

 

Fairground Simulator Ride - AS.png

 

But you'd be wrong.

 

 

How about one of these?

 

3D Gaming Glasses - AS.png

 

Nope, not even that.

 

 

All you need to experience this thrilling interactive multi-sensory multimedia extravaganza is the following common household items:

• An internet connected device (PC/laptop/tablet/4G mobile phone - please note this experience is NOT compatible with two empty bean tins and a length of string)
• A metal bucket
• Half a litre of kerosene
• Some matches
• A stick
• A dead badger (a fox will do, in a pinch)
• £250 in grubby assorted denomination banknotes (laughable Monopoly-style notes issued by Nordie banks especially welcome)
• A bread bap/cob/roll (delete as locally applicable)
• One eye and at least eight fingers

Got all those? Okay then.

 

Then simply follow these easy steps and you too can feel exactly like you're present at South-East Antrim's premier Wednesday evening entertainment venue:

1. Add the kerosene to the bucket and place in the corner of your room. Light with matches.

    

2. Throw the dead badger into the flaming bucket and ponder the impermanence and futility of life for a bit.

    

3. Boot up your internet-enabled device of choice, and navigate to this post.

    

4. In a new tab, open the following YouTube link, turn the volume up to maximum and press play:

   (it's for sheep, but it honestly sounds the same as an Ulster motor auction. Probably the same punters, too.)

    

5. Then, in another new tab, open the following YouTube link and press play, again at maximum volume:

   (both videos should now be playing simultaneously in the background)

    

6. Return to your AutoShite tab, and then scroll through the shiteworthy pictures below, peering through the thickening fug filling your lounge which now permanently stinks of petrochemicals and death.

    

7. After about twenty minutes or so, use the stick to pick off some bits of charred badger and place in your bap/cob/roll, before enjoying with a side salad (optional).

   20190320_191947.jpg

    

8. When you see some godawful death-rattling, crusty-arched nail that inexplicably takes your fancy, throw the £250 roll into the flaming bucket.

   NI banknotes.jpg

    

9. Explain to your spouse/partner/flatmate what the actual fuck is going on when they suddenly walk in on you.

   arguing couple.jpg

 

All ready? Then let's go...

Ha ha, that's my former neighbour's old Escort exploding out of that giant telecommunications device into the face of the goggle-eyed bloke Sadly it seems to be dead now so it won't be appearing among the fine array of motoring delights at Norn Iron's finest* purveyor of automobiles.

[UltraWomble]

I haven't laughed so much in days.

 

I have the 12 hour recording of the car alarm now going in the back ground in the methadone clinic - the last punters face was a picture when I said "what noise?"

[Datsuncog]

Things got off to a positive start with this honey in the car park outside...

Look at those graphics! Look at the front air dam!

Low light and furtive camera shots do not, however, make for pin-sharp pics (sorry if this is spoiling the VR element a little, but in fairness if you're doing the interactive element correctly then soon there'll be so much smoke that your eyes will be burning and dripping - so it'll all look right shortly).

Over in the yard, a brace of super steamy Saabs were eager for some hot floppytop action. Cor.

Inevitably, this is where I stumbled across The_Equalizer, eyeing up these Swedish lovelies. And who could blame him?

 

Much lacquer, such peel. It's good to see some Citroen traditions persist.

Shite corner was looking pretty good tonight.

MG ZS in V6 flavour, LDV Convoy (with the seats all jumbled loosely in the back), Mk 2 Mondeo, X-Trype AND an M-class Merc with papier-maché arches. Niiiiice.

The Mondy was pure shite. A Doom Blue LX with plenty o'wob packed into the back arches, and the obligatory cracked back bumper.

PINCH ME I'M IN 2010.

Big Pug estate looked quite reasonable; well spec'd with black cow and plenty of electro-toys but with the manual box to avoid all that floppy paddle nonsense.

MOAR chod.

Rover 45 looked pretty giffer-tastic; just some scrapes to the rear and a bash at the base of the A-pillar let down what was otherwise quite a tidy-looking wee thing.

X-Type had a ding on the wing, but the most gorgeous oxblood leather interior. I'm not a massive Jaaaag fan, but I would have bought this just to sit in it.

And there's not much that could normally cause me to abandon my spot in the queue for a finest catering-grade badgerburger, but golly gosh, what did we have down beside the auctioneer's podium today...? Why, let's take a look...

Oh mama.

It's BRG, it's got a Rover badge attached loosely with UHU, and it's utterly fucked. This is why we're here, kids. This is why we're here.

I'm not sure this was the wisest place for blokey to park himself; given the parlous state of the outside, I'd not be convinced the shock towers are up to that much abuse.

Badgerburger: procured.

I gave the Baconnaise a swerve this time.

And, with all that excitement, suddenly the auction was underway...

[more to follow - eventually!]

[Amishtat]

(Awaits with much excite)

[Datsuncog]

On 3/25/2019 at 3:48 PM, UltraWomble said:

I haven't laughed so much in days.

I have the 12 hour recording of the car alarm now going in the back ground in the methadone clinic - the last punters face was a picture when I said "what noise?"

There's nowt like an alarm to get under your skin... this week, there was a car alarm going off for nearly the entire auction. We couldn't quite work out where it was coming from outside, and for a while I did wonder if it was my Subaru (which has a somewhat erratic tendency to start whooping at inopportune moments for reasons unknown)… and then it reached the point where I couldn't even be sure if it was still going or not, it was just seared into my consciousness now...

Glad you're enjoying it so far, dude (even if the punters might have an opposing viewpoint)!

Oh, and it turns out that fox needs at least half an hour in the bucket; badger tends to be a bit fattier, so cooks a bit quicker. 

Adjust your timings to suit your preference.

[Datsuncog]

On 3/25/2019 at 3:46 PM, quicksilver said:

Ha ha, that's my former neighbour's old Escort exploding out of that giant telecommunications device into the face of the goggle-eyed bloke Sadly it seems to be dead now so it won't be appearing among the fine array of motoring delights at Norn Iron's finest* purveyor of automobiles.

Aw, that's a pity... I have a weird love/hate thing for the Mk5 Ezzcort; and I very likely robbed that pic from one of your posts a while back. Still, an immortality of sorts?

[Datsuncog]

Whilst out in the yard earlier, ogling the ample delights of the council-estate-tastic MG ZS V6, The_Equalizer and I had been mildly alarmed by what looked like the unexpected arrival of Mephistopheles just behind us. In a slammed, blacked-out Volkswagen Jetta.

I didn't get a pic as I'm still playing it slightly cool with the camera after my 'words of advice' from last time, but it did look a little like this:

Billowing plumes of smoke curled high into the darkening evening air, and the unmistakable off-beat throb and rattle of a seriously ill TDi lump was almost loud enough to drown out the squawking and maddeningly untraceable car alarm. Almost.

To their credit, the auctioneers in their infinite wisdom decided to auction this one outside the covered ring, since killing off all their punters with the first car of the evening probably comes under the heading of Bad For Business.

Despite being twelve years old, and also monumentally banjaxed mechanically, this abject turd still managed to pull £500 at the fall of the hammer, before gassing us all anyway as it drove under the shutters, through the ring, and out the other side, giving the burger van's fine wares an extra sprinkle of tasty CO as it passed.

KOFF SPLUTTER GORBLIMEY STRIKE A LIGHT M8

[The_Equalizer]

In the wise words of Datsuncog "Northern Ireland is the World's biggest village" and so it is for the cars here too. Look what was lurking in Facebook Marketplace this afternoon. Our trusty £290 (or thereabouts) Rover 216 Coupe:

 

 

I can't work out whether this was pre-auction or post-auction price. I suppose the owner did not fib about the rusty bits, they just failed to mention them. 

 

Not only the Rover coupe was on Facebook, but so was the fizzy blue MG ZS which I rather took a shine to in a complete two fingers up fashion that only a tarted up Rover with an over-sized spoiler can do:

 

 

I still think it is stupidly cheap at £650, but it was less than half that money last Wednesday at Ballyclare's 'last stop before the scrap yard' auction. Under £300 - madness I tell thee.

 

Please feel free to carry on with the report Mr. Datsuncog...

[The_Equalizer]

Forgot to add that we just need a black X-Type with red interior to go with this:

 

 

The question is, which is going to be more expensive? Perhaps this Wednesday is the night to find out!

 

 

[MorrisItalSLX]

Fairground Simulator Ride - AS.png

 

You and your sneaky Toyota Corona Avante content. That's some niche chod.

[Datsuncog]

On 3/26/2019 at 7:43 AM, MorrisItalSLX said:

You and your sneaky Toyota Corona Avante content. That's some niche chod.

Heh, well spotted... I loved my Corona Avante. If I'd been less stupid, I would have looked into the costs of getting it shipped back to the UK, rather than spending $600 alone shipping crates of LPs, which mostly ended up going to a charity shop a few years back...

It was last seen abandoned in a field outside Maroochydore, after my ex's mother sold it to 'some boys'.

Apparently, the police came to the house looking for me in connection to the abandonment, as my name was still on the rego document...

[Datsuncog]

On 3/25/2019 at 8:23 PM, The_Equalizer said:

In the wise words of Datsuncog "Northern Ireland is the World's biggest village" and so it is for the cars here too. Look what was lurking in Facebook Marketplace this afternoon. Our trusty £290 (or thereabouts) Rover 216 Coupe:

Rover_Coupe.jpg

I can't work out whether this was pre-auction or post-auction price. I suppose the owner did not fib about the rusty bits, they just failed to mention them. 

Not only the Rover coupe was on Facebook, but so was the fizzy blue MG ZS which I rather took a shine to in a complete two fingers up fashion that only a tarted up Rover with an over-sized spoiler can do:

MG_ZS.jpg

I still think it is stupidly cheap at £650, but it was less than half that money last Wednesday at Ballyclare's 'last stop before the scrap yard' auction. Under £300 - madness I tell thee.

Please feel free to carry on with the report Mr. Datsuncog...

Fantastic... looks like the auction is but one of a number of options for those seeking to offload a bundle of grief with a longboat on the front...

I'd say the £700 asking is maybe a bit optimistic for the 216 coupe - "don't really see these cars about anymore" - well no, that's because they all rusted away, just like yours, which also seemingly has the front bumper held on with self-tappers... that said, I'd be curious to give it a good going over just in case it's all cosmetic scab and the damn thing's actually alright where it really matters... they were nice looking old things. How much stock can be put in the two months' remaining MOT is anyone's guess (my unspeakably rotten XM had a current MOT too).

That V6 powered ZS is certainly the kind of thing that collectors will be crying into their beer over in a few decades' time, when the few survivors are £££££... Trophy Blue does look good on them, too. I'd say if blokey replaced the cracked screen, MOT'd it and popped it on carandclassic.co.uk he might have some luck with a buyer from over the water, but I can't see the Ballyclare boys digging that deep...

But! On with the show!

[The_Equalizer]

 I'd say if blokey replaced the cracked screen, MOT'd it and popped it on carandclassic.co.uk he might have some luck with a buyer from over the water, but I can't see the Ballyclare boys digging that deep...

 

 

Or two daft blokes from Carrick/Newtownabbey area.

[Datsuncog]

And indeed, the show it doth go on. And on.

Unlike Cannock and other more salubrious establishments, Ballyclare doesn't bother its arse with such niceties as auction catalogues or putting lovely pictures up online to draw the punters in - and none of this registering for a buyer number, either.

No. The cars don't even have lot numbers on them: a handwritten slip of paper Pritt-Stik'd to the windscreen is the best indicator that a car might be going through the ring at some point in the evening - but even then, some cars waiting in the yard outside never manage to put in a ringside appearance, leaving puzzled punters to wonder whether a deal was cut and the car withdrawn, or if the damned thing simply shat its clutch when one of the perma-smoking twelve year old banger jockeys tried to shift it...

It's Wild West auctioneering here, folks - simply rock up, cast your eye over rotten row, wave a grubby paw in the air when something you like appears, hand over some even grubbier notes in the office (including the dreaded buyer's commission, obvs) and wobble off into the night in some wheezing, leaking shed...

As mentioned, I didn't snap every single car that went through the ring this time, and I did try to be a little bit more discreet in my photography - so here are some of the evening's highlights.

 

(Oh, and I'd give your badger a bit of a poke with the stick right about now - it's probably nearly done.)

 

Right, so you've seen the utterly fucked 2007 VW Jetta TDi Faustus Edition - £500, despite the huge smoke issue...

Next up was a giffer-tastic silver 2002 Nissan Almera, 1.5 and still with six month's MOT. £270.

A very Pogweaseled 2003 Honda Jazz followed it in, with gleaming red bumpers and faded matt pink everything else - it still looked serviceable enough, but whether the flowers of Ulster's manhood simply couldn't countenance driving home in a pink car or what, bidding sputtered out at a mere £200. No sale.

 

A silver BMW E46 Compact touched £200. Cheap cheap cheap, but I'm not sure it was selling.

 

Before long, our old friend the LDV Convoy rolled in.

2.4 diseasel lump, a tangle of seats dumped in the back and untaxed since late 2017 - can anyone say 'abandoned camper project'?

Seemingly no-one tonight could stomach it for more than £400. Having driven one myself (if 'driven' can be considered the correct word to describe 'thrashed the gutless bastard up to about 10,000 RPM in second only for it still to judder and catch on the upshift to third, all the while wondering whether the perished elastic band connecting the steering wheel to the front axle had finally fallen off'), I wouldn't have gone much above £4. Either way, no sale.

 

MOAR Rover heritage up next - the scuffed and dinged 45 struggled to make £180. Maybe it sold, maybe it didn't. I'm not always that great at following the auctioneer's high-speed patter over the general din.

 

A Smart ForTwo, in diesel flavour and painted an alarming shade of green, bubbled in but topped out at £650.

A 2010 car, but already out of MOT - quite likely a trade-in, but with no higher bids there was a shake of the head and out it went, unsold.

 

Then, a classy bit of stuff indeed - the MG ZS V6, with optional rear handle to help you push it into a ditch when it breaks down (©J.Carrott, 1991)

A fellow Shiter had gone as far as bidding on this last week, apparently, but felt that £300 was as high as he could go with no MOT and a crack right across the windscreen. This week, the same figure was reached before the bidding stopped. No sale; out she went. As you'll have noticed, The_Equalizer has since turned up an online ad where the seller's looking £650. He may keep looking, for now...

 

Bidding for a reasonable-looking 5-dr Land Rover Freelander stalled at £550. Possibly much like the vehicle itself would. No sale.

 

A new-shape Honda Civic - a car I still see as very modern and futuristic, even thought there's one currently turning green under a tree in a neighbour's garden - made £550. This one might have actually sold.

 

Quite a decent-looking Jaguar X-Type shockingly failed to even crack the £300 barrier. Possibly a 2 litre pez variant with no MOT just wasn't tickling anyone's pickle. No sale.

 

An Audi A4 S-Line, with the turboderv lump - no sale, at £725.

 

A grey newer shape Volvo S40 attracted a sudden influx of punters jostling around it, but still only made £640.

 

Also of substantial customer interest was a deep metallic red 2010 Citroen C4 Picasso VTR+, despite a nasty scrape over the o/s rear doors, sill and arch - yet surprisingly still sold for £1400. Possible engine donor or something?

 

This 57-plate Mondeo estate seemed not bad value at a trifling £475 - unless these things are always a bit of a time bomb? I believe it sold.

 

Following hot on its heels was its older sibling:

Oh dear. The auction lights were not terribly kind to this one, and no matter how the auctioneer tried to talk it up ("classic car now, these - you just don't see them") it was obviously a bit of a dog.

Ok, so mebbe only 56k on the clock but as Egg of this parish knows only too well, lowish-spec Mondeos with cosmetic issues don't tend to set prospective purchasers' hearts a-flutter.

At £275 plus assorted commissions, I would have thought this was doing not too badly, but the auctioneer seemed to be taking it all a bit personally. "I was expecting a bit more for it than that," he muttered as it left the ring, unsold. Yeah, and I'd be expecting a bit more metal if I were paying more than that...

 

Concluding the shite corner contingent, the origami Merc ML only managed to hit £400 before punters lost interest.

 

A 2007 Ford S-Max came in after, also with a bad scrape to the rear o/s wing, managing £750. Maybe they like them mangled, round these parts.

 

A one-elderly-local-owner 2010 Fiat Panda, 1.1 in blue, sold for £900. Looked quite tidy, but not AutoShite.

 

Next up was a 2009 Mercedes E350.

I find it very, very hard to believe that this is now what a ten-year-old car looks like. It was pretty clean, and the dashboard was a sight to behold, but even though bidding reached the dizzy heights of £3350, I don't think it found an owner.

 

A black 2003 VW Golf GTI lookalike in culchie-friendly diesel made £450.

 

For those wanting a supremely anodyne little runabout, a Mazda 2 got a provisional sale at £525.

 

E39 style BMW 5 Series remained unsold, as the local spides' gangsta dreamz appeared to run to £600 and no more.

 

A 2008 Volvo S40 D5 caused another scrum, and bidding went to £750 (believed sold).

 

An unusual commercial, then - a Vauxhall Movano dropside, with hydraulic grab arm - it briskly bid up to £2200, but apparently that was "nowhere near reserve". Out it went.

 

Fans of cheap estates had more luck though, as this Poxhall Ashtray Club went through with no reserve and some lucky lad/lady scored it for a mere £275.

 

A neglected-looking 2004 Nissan Micra 1.2 still managed to hit £600, which caused me to raise an eyebrow.

 

Meanwhile, a 2006 Range Rover 3.7 hit £2400 for someone who clearly wants more pain in their life.

 

That 2005 Peugeot 407 SW Executive 2.0 Diesel seen outside managed to make £950, which seemed not bad going.

 

Damaged daddy-wagons seemed to be the evening's hot ticket, as this Cat D 2010 Kia Carens sold for £1100.

 

With a dinged Corolla Verso D4D managing £625...

And still another - a somewhat crispy 2005 Honda FRV ("very rare car, these!" was the auctioneer's incessant rallying cry - and it seemed to work, as it went for £450)

 

A red over silver 2001Toyota Land Cruiser Colorado, just visible in the earlier pic of the Pug 407SW and boasting a 3.0 diesel, peaked at £1525. Lotta car, but going to need a phone call, apparently.

 

Also from down on the farm, came this Disco - a heavy-duty tow hitch and plenty of caked mud to the underside would have me narrowing my eyes as to its previous life and its future health and wellbeing.

£1200 was bid; a phonecall was proposed. Out.

 

Ah, now - finally, Ballyclare Bully's Special Star Prize: the Rover 216 Coupé.

Much was made of the current MOT. Less was made of the rampant grot rimming every single panel, the self tappers and glue holding the trim on, or the delaminating glass.

£275 was where the bidding stopped. I thought it might have gone higher, though I would scarcely have wanted to bid it myself. As the internet has shown, £700 is what the seller reckons it's worth.

[More to follow!!]

 

Oh, and your badger should deffo be done by now. Bon appetit!

[Datsuncog]

Some light relief then appeared in the form of this wrapped VW Lupo with stretched tyres:

Oh dear oh dear. Originally red, £290 took this one, along with much tittering and general ribbing from the public gallery ("wee motor for you there, Paddy, haw haw haw").

 

A less-scruffy-than-most Merc C220 in Classic trim and with 200k on the clock topped out at £375, requiring the obligatory phonecall...

 

While a C180 Kompressor with the rather more, ahem, traditional '2000s Mercedes patina' sold for £280.

A Nissan Navara D22 Crewcab diesel, complete with a broken Truckman rear cover and assorted horseshoe graphics, bid all the way up to £2400 - but, we were assured, this was "miles off". Given the Navara's reputation for fearsome rear chassis rail rust, and that this one likely hasn't had a particularly easy life if it's been hauling a horsebox, I was mildly surprised on both counts. MrsDC's uncle owns a few of these beasts as delightful* garden ornaments.

 

A 2008 Mini One convertible failed to make reserve, despite hitting a bid of £1750.

 

 

 

Shortly after, a 2007 VW Passat TDi hit the ceiling at £750, prompting another phone call (they must be very busy in that wee office).

 

 

A shonky-looking metallic blue 2004 Honda Accord 2.0, complete with V-tec vinyl graphics, ropey bodywork and kerbed Oz rims managed to impress somebody to the tune of £410 - another phonecall. I would have seen it as having at least one wheel in the scrapyard, but hey.

 

 

This rusty big bugger managed to make £825, so clearly someone thinks there's still a bit of life in a crusty old Sprinter.

 

 

 

 

French offerings seem to generally garner a lot less interest than comparable German offerings. A 2004 Peugeot 307 struggled to even hit £160, while a 2006 facelifted Renault Megane 1.6, pez with the cheap tax band and looking pretty neat, finished at £300.

 

 

Comparably, this 3-dr 2005 Mercedes A-Class made £725 despite scuff damage to the front bumper and wing.

 

 

 

 

More bargain Fords were to be had, with a 2008 Focus estate - turbodiesel, in appliance white selling for £620.

 

 

It seems like it's been a few years since this 2006 Alfa GT has seen the road - last taxed in February 2014.

 

 

Fitted with the 1.9 JTD oil-burning lump, it actually looked very well bar the crease at the jacking point. I helpfully pointed out to The_Equalizer the inevitable rusty bit where the driver's side wiper arm rubs on the trailing edge of the bonnet on RHD examples, taking the paint off... apparently they all do that (or so the main dealer told Cog Sr. when he rocked up with his GT back in 2007). How very Italian.

 

Neither of us could remember the hammer fall on this one, but it was probably only a coupla hundred quid. Hey, it was late and we were half-poisoned.

 

 

This little no-reserve Ka started at a paltry £50, and worked up to £270 in increments of a tenner.

 

 

Obviously, there had been repair work done around the fuel filler to a greater or lesser extent, but still - I've a feeling these will soon all be gone.

 

 

The last car through the ring was a 2004 Honda Accord 2.2d, in the same metallic blue as the 2.0 earlier but missing all the Ripspeed tat. £540 was the last bid - fittingly, another phonecall.

 

 

And that was that... out we staggered. That bloody alarm was still parping away intermittently, though at least I'd established that it wasn't my heap causing it, for once.

 

 

Some observations that were running around my head as we left, probably brought on by the diesel clag and frying onion reek:

With so many auctions ending on "have to make a phonecall on that one" - I'd reckon probably about two thirds of all the cars that go though finish with those words - I'd be interested to know how many actually go on to change hands after a deal is struck.

Plainly, some cars go through week after week because they never make reserve - the Rover ZS was on at least its second trip through the ring, where on both occasions bidding stalled at £300; while that rare but shabby Saab 9-5 Carlsson also became something of a fixture last year. Does the auction house just let an over-optimistically reserve priced car go round and round, week after week, or do they eventually just refuse to list it any more unless the reserve is dropped?

I must ask R9UKE next time I see him, as I understand he has a fair bit of insider auction knowledge.

Also observed was the way Volvos and small Mercs seem to pull in the punters… for every S40 that came in, a sudden influx of bodies arrived in a scrum… conversely, for Renaults and Peugeots the opposite appears to hold true. Yet that damaged Cit C4 Picasso seemed to make strong coin.

We were both mildly disappointed that neither of the steamed-up Saab convertibles put in an appearance, nor the X-Type with the red leather interior. In fact, a fair few of the cars out in the yard didn't arrive in the ring - some Binis, a Chevrolet Cruze, an Ovlov S80, a Suzuki Grand Vitara, to name but a few - stayed out in the cold. Maybe they were withdrawn; maybe they're for next week. Maybe they're from last week, and not yet collected. I dunno.

Still, I couldn't help creeping back to the doorway for one last peek...

 

Yup, a true forty-footer, but a sight to behold nonetheless.

 

So t'was a rather smol meet, with Faker and T_A_D_T_S_ sending their apologies, but mightily enjoyable nonetheless. Fond farewells were said between The_Equalizer and myself, together with mutual well-wishing for ongoing plumbing projects, and on my way back to the Subaru I came across this bonus turd...

 

 

Holy moley, it's a Tata Safari.

 

Finish strong, hey?

 

'til next time...

[AnthonyG]

Great write-up as always. A lot of what’s desirable and what isn’t is shared with Mid & West Wales, the love of Volvos and double cab pickups for instance.

 

An auction in Synod Inn, nr Newquay in Ceredigion was similar, although the cars and vans were in a gravel yard/field rather than a giant shed. I think there were at least numbers and basic printed information sheets on each vehicle though. This was a place that did 4x4 and farm machinery sales as well.

 

Refusing to sell that Mk2 Mondeo at £275 was comical, it would struggle to make £150 at Cannock, unless there was a banger meet at Hednesford the next week and desperate racers were looking for stock.

 

It seems the late 1990s is firmly established as ‘classic’ territory in NI - is that because they can be exported southwards?

 

I know the Republic has lots of exemptions for things like their tax categories on classics, but I don’t know what the cut-off point is. Having said that, I doubt it would be recent as 20 years old??

 

P.S. those bank notes are brilliant - the one where the serial number digits grow in size rightwards must have done by a very frustrated graphic artist on LSD.

[Datsuncog]

On 3/26/2019 at 8:10 PM, AnthonyG said:

Great write-up as always. A lot of what’s desirable and what isn’t is shared with Mid & West Wales, the love of Volvos and double cab pickups for instance.

An auction in Synod Inn, nr Newquay in Ceredigion was similar, although the cars and vans were in a gravel yard/field rather than a giant shed. I think there were at least numbers and basic printed information sheets on each vehicle though. This was a place that did 4x4 and farm machinery sales as well.

Refusing to sell that Mk2 Mondeo at £275 was comical, it would struggle to make £150 at Cannock, unless there was a banger meet at Hednesford the next week and desperate racers were looking for stock.

It seems the late 1990s is firmly established as ‘classic’ territory in NI - is that because they can be exported southwards?

I know the Republic has lots of exemptions for things like their tax categories on classics, but I don’t know what the cut-off point is. Having said that, I doubt it would be recent as 20 years old??

P.S. those bank notes are brilliant - the one where the serial number digits grow in size rightwards must have done by a very frustrated graphic artist on LSD.

Cheers man; glad you enjoyed!

Yeah, I'd imagine that there's a fair few similarities between auctions in rural Wales and rural Ulster - basically anything rugged seems to draw a crowd. Apparently my Forester XT was brought over from Wales in 2016. French hatchbacks don't really count as 'rugged', seemingly...

There is a bit of distortion in the classic market here for vehicles going over the border, but as far as I'm aware it can be a pricey old process to register a car imported into ROI. I think there's a 30-year historic tax exemption (others probably know more about it than me) but I'd recently heard that Irish insurers are very reluctant to touch cars much over 10-15 years old - with vastly inflated premiums basically pushing them off the road. 

So yeah, I think that Mondeo was basically being sold by a total chancer. I'd say it would be lucky to raise £200, given the state of it - unless, as you say, two banger boys were fighting over it...

NI banknotes are brilliantly wonky, some of the latest designs are vertical plastic with see-through bits. Like Bank of Scotland and Clydesdale Bank notes, they're nigh on impossible to spend in England - and since Northern Bank was bought out and now says 'Danske Bank' on all its notes, any travelling Nordies may as well not bother trying to argue the toss in a corner shop...

[The_Equalizer]

And so yet more Ballyclare chod makes its way onto Gumtree. Here is the X-Type Datsuncog and I sort of liked:

 

Jaguar X-Type with very red interior - Gumtree

 

[The_Equalizer]

Now this is strange. Same car, different advert, different price, different seller, same photos and listed within an hour of each other. I will take this one for £695 please:

Other/the same Jaguar X-Type with very red interior - Gumtree

 

[Datsuncog]

Lads, looks like we missed a belter of a motor at last Wednesday's Ballyclare Auction...

This went through, and sold for £notthatmuch, apparently.

The potential good news is it was bought by serial shiter, AutoShite Facebook member and Lada pilot extraordinaire, Mark Boyce.

So chances are he'll be looking to rehome it at some stage...

 

Form an orderly queue, gents.

[The_Equalizer]

On 5/7/2019 at 1:01 PM, Datsuncog said:

Lads, looks like we missed a belter of a motor at last Wednesday's Ballyclare Auction...

This went through, and sold for £notthatmuch, apparently.

The potential good news is it was bought by serial shiter, AutoShite Facebook member and Lada pilot extraordinaire, Mark Boyce.

So chances are he'll be looking to rehome it at some stage...

 

Form an orderly queue, gents.

I was about to say I like the wheels. I guess what I should say is I like the front wheels what with the rears looking like they are a totally different style.