What an ad really means?

[Rusty_Rocket]

What kind of car was that?

 

If PSA shite it needs more than a fucking fuse!

 

An Audi A6...   

[Hendry]

Fully loaded or high spec- invariably means the most povvo example of a particular model you've ever seen.

The giveaway is when they list electric windows, on a 7 Series or something.

 

"FSH until recently then specialist". Service history for the first 3 years but since 1999 just some KwikFit receipts and handwritten entries in the book to tie in with MOTs( in different coloured biro- obvs )

 

Age related marks- good condition for year- wear and tear commensurate with mileage etc etc - It's Fucked.

 

 

Full electric pack:  Electric windows. Central locking.

 

 

 

 

 

Err...........

 

Aye I was going to mention the fully loaded/full electric pack thing but you both beat me to it.

 

Used to be a massive Rover dealer around here (Arnie Shark under another alias but anyway thats not the point): pretty much every car they advertised, and I mean their full page advert in the paper easily listed 300-odd cars, and most said "Full electric pack" in the description, on stuff like K plate Orion 1.4 LXs and P reg HHR Rover 416i stuff, where it really meant electric front windows. sometimes they would even write it for L reg R8 Rover 214Si models which just an electric sunroof and thats it, even keep fit windows. 

 

Or youd get the 2nd hand car dealers who dealt in high spec repmobiles so stuff like Granada Ghias, Senators, Carlton Diplomats, Cavalier CDis, Mondeo Ghias, Vectra CDXs. and they would always write "every conceivable extra" when they didnt even have all the extra cost options available for that model, let alone every feature it was possible to have on any car.

 

There was a Skoda dealer who used to write "stunning looks and performance" on adverts for stuff like W reg Audi A4 1.9 TDI 90BHPs and X reg Laguna 2 1.6 Dynamiques. 

 

Or drivel like "first to see will buy"

 

and whats the deal with putting the price as POA, youre a car dealer, not a fuggin antique dealer selling some uber rare piece of art of jewellery, put the price in the ad and stop being so obnoxious.

 

This has a few of the cliches:

 

https://www.flickr.com/photos/140007188@N06/35772613642/in/photolist-Wv6ZJJ

 

full electric pack on a base spec, wheeltrim clad A4, comments like "be quick" and on the Volvo S70 "orderly queue" yeah because a 5 year old, 68,000 mile Volvo S70 is so desirable everyones going to be fighting over it!

[Hendry]

https://www.flickr.com/photos/140007188@N06/25049739399/in/dateposted/

 

Another who were into full electric packs. also wtf is a sunroof pack on a Honda Civic supposed to be?

 

1 lady owner, whys that a good thing, whos to say she hasnt been a terrible driver, riding the clutch, driving everywhere in 3rd? 

 

Ex demo - again whys that a good thing, hammered by salesmen and customers alike, testing out its capabilities and peformance and being thrashed senseless from cold, kids climbing all over the back of it etc. Ex demos are really no better than courtesy cars/hire cars in how they are treated. 

[Rocket88]

"stunning"...........that's what you do to cattle......

"drives superb"......only people with Skodas do that.......

[timolloyd]

'In 1959 the Mini was launched to critical acclaim...etc.' = an over proced anti climax

[Captain Furious]

General sellerisms that have me scrolling on by...

 

I know what these are worth so no silly offers

If it doesn't sell I'll keep it - well duh

80,000 miles from new - when else were you going to measure it from?

In the best colour - I'll be the judge of that

No test pilots or dreamers - on a car that's 800 quid

Never let me down - followed by a huge list of major parts replaced in the last 12 months

No V5 but you can apply for it - why don't you apply for it and then I'll think your ad is 947% less dodgy

Selling for a friend who doesn't have the internet

Getting rare now/only going up in value/investment opportunity

 

Of course, buyers can be just as bad

 

What's your best price - the one in the ad unless you bother your arse to actually come and see it and negotiate

How much for cash today - the same price as credit card, bankers draft, bank transfer, PayPal or any other form that eventually ends up as cash

PX for a Samsung Galaxy S3 and rare £5 note?

I've owned 4 of these in the past - if you're looking for a brand loyalty discount I'm not your man

I'm currently working offshore.....<delete>

If you still have it come pay day....if it hasn't sold by then of course you are welcome to buy it, but please don't think this counts as a reservation or 'dibs'

I would definitely buy this if I was closer/it had 80,000 less miles/was a different colour/was free

 

It's a minefield whichever side of the deal you're on

[sierraman]

Agreed. What on earth does 'best price' mean? It's not a phrase I'm familiar with, it's meaningless.

 

In other words it means 'I can see the car is a £1000, I only want to pay you £500 for it'.

 

Everyone expects to haggle but it's a car we're buying here not a fucking pashmina in a market.

[MorrisItalSLX]

The ad for my Jag when I bought it was full of the above mentioned dribble, but I think you need to see the car (and the seller) in the flesh to get the full picture, Don't just ignore a car purely on the quality of the ad, its about the quality of the car.

 

(In my case, the "selling on behalf of my neighbor without internet" was totally correct as the 89 year old lady had never touched a computer in her life!)

[Bianconeri]

"All the extras" or "every conceivable extra" on a CDX, Ghia X or top line model. No, those were STANDARD on that model and every other one will have them too.

 

"Rare colour" - faded paint work or bodged respray

 

"Special edition" - Barried or a few stickers or both

[Captain Furious]

The ones where the ad starts out by laying down the law too

 

Resisted due to F***ING eBay scamming twat time waster BELLEND. DO NOT BID UNLESS YOU ARE A SERIOUS BUYER. Time wasters will be reported blah blah blah

 

We all get that eBay is full of cunts and honestly I feel your pain...but now you're coming across as a bit of an aggressive mouth breather and not someone I necessarily wish to deal with.

[cros]

I once bought a Mk 1 Transit that should have been described as 'fully loaded', it was an ex-bandwagon with stained aircraft seats bolted to the floor. Amongst the shit underneath them was the bottom part of an ornate cast iron street-lamp post. It still had some concrete attached, very useful with just an 80 bhp V4 to drag the sorry mess along.

[PiperCub]

"Rare car"

 

Things are usually rare for a reason. Trouble is, that reason is seldom a positive one. They've either a rabid reputation for rust or mechanical armageddon or they were so poorly thought of (ie: they were shite) when new that they never sold many in the first place. 

[strangeangel]

COULD BE AN EASY FIX IF U NO WAT UR DOING = It's fucked M8

 

ONLY NEEDS [insert trivial component] FOR MOT = It's fucked M8

 

RAN WHEN PARKED [insert number of years in at least double figures] YEARS AGO = It's fucked M8

 

BIG BORE KIT FITTED BUT NOT RUNNING, PROBABLY JUST NEEDS RE-JETTING = It's fucked M8

 

CLUTCH NEEDS ADJUSTING = It's fucked M8

 

etc.

[PiperCub]

^^ In a similar way, one of my all time faves has to be along the lines of:

 

         Non-runner - but used to start & drive perfectly

 

Erm.... yes, everything 'Used' to drive well, I can show you scrapyards full of cars etc, that all 'Used to run perfectly' at one time, doesn't mean they do now or ever will again! 

[anonymous user]

Agreed. What on earth does 'best price' mean? It's not a phrase I'm familiar with, it's meaningless.

 

In other words it means 'I can see the car is a £1000, I only want to pay you £500 for it'.

 

Everyone expects to haggle but it's a car we're buying here not a fucking pashmina in a market.

A more polite variation on this now appears to be "would you accept £x?"

Where £x is your asking price less 20% - 50%, this is not actually an offer, but seems to be to satisfy someone's curiosity. If they do bother to turn up to have a look, it is then expected to be the starting point for further reductions.

[pilninggas]

POA - Officially: Price On Application

 

Reality - "I'm too embarrassed to actually put in writing the stupid, outragous sum of money I want & fully expect for this piece of crap"

 

I always think POA is used by spivs who think if you phone up to enquire about the car and it's [over]price, they'll be able to give it some sales spiel and reel you in. Anyone with a brain just moves on to the next advert with an actual price.

[sierraman]

It's counter productive, no price so people don't bother ringing.

[Exiled_Tat_Gatherer]

Can I just say - I actually do work abroad..... so am always 'currently off-shore'..... apologies in advance!

[Hendry]

It's counter productive, no price so people don't bother ringing.

 

I just find it quite obnoxious. The whole "on application" like its so sought after theres going to be a queue of people and they need to vet the applicants to see who best deserves the car, fuck off, youre a a car dealer, if someone gives you the asking price or haggles to a price youre happy to sell the car for then you sell the car.

 

Its not a job vacancy where you pick the best out of all the applicants and offer them the job, for christ sake.

 

Usually you see it with 2nd hand dealers whove got a Bentley Continental GTC for sale somehow when their usual stock is 3year old ex fleet high mileage Mondeos, Insignias, Astras, Focuses, and gradually older, cheaper stuff like 2008 Fiestas and Corsas, and you can bet the asking price of the Bentley is £70k more than any car theyve ever sold before. To me it also sounds a bit like they want people to phone up to ask for the price so they can make one up depending on how smitten/clueless/gullible the punter is, or else hit them with "weve had a lot of interest at that price" so the person on the phone goes "ill top that offer by £5k to get the car" dream on!

 

The other end of the scale is i remember flicking through a copy of Top Marques once (snobby Autotrader mag incase anyone doesnt know) and heres ads for Tom Hartley and Romans International, now these guys sell stupidly expensive cars, all with the prices listed, things like £675,000 Bugatti Veyrons, £200K Ferraris and so on, but then theyve got POA next to something like a Ford GT40 which is surely going to be cheaper than the advertised price. 

 

This is slightly off topic, but I think the other cars in a dealers advert can put me off, or their location in relation to what they are selling. There was a place called Anniesland Trade Centre in Glasgow which some Scottish shiters may remember, anyway they sold some very expensive cars, like £150,000 Ferraris, £90,000 Aston Martins, £70,000 Porsches, £50,000 Range Rovers, but they also sold stuff like £9k Vectras and Mondeos, £4k Peugeot 306s and Fiestas, right down to "trade in to clear" £295 mk3 Cavaliers.

 

Not saying there was anything wrong with their cars but I dont think if I was in the market for a Ferrari that Id be giving my hard earned to someone who sold them alongside £300 runners, a name like "Trade Centre" which makes you think of cheap trade ins, and operating from a run down, badly deteriorated hovel in a corner alongside a canal in one of the toughest bits of Glasgow.

 

Buying a 5 grand Focus from that sort of place is one thing but I dont see why anyone would buy something like a Range Rover there let alone anything more expensive, when if you can afford that sort of cash surely youd go to a prestige specialist place with a nice tiled showroom, leafy decor, plants in the reception, upmarket looking, or dare I say even a main dealer. 

[Junkman]

My favourites:

 

Hi - I just enrolled in a line dancing class and/or watch too many septic sitcoms.

 

90% complete - I sold the really valuable bits before I listed the rest of the car. It's fucked

 

Project - It's fucked.

 

Here we have - I'm full of shit and it's fucked.

 

Classic car - It's fucked.

 

Barn find - It's fucked.

 

Genuine barn find - It's hopelessly fucked.

 

I bought this with the intention of restoring her back to her former glory - It's fucked.

 

Been stood - It's fucked.

 

Need(s) attention - It's fucked.

 

I have not checked this - It's fucked.

 

Due to family circumstances - It's fucked.

 

Would suit enthusiast - It's fucked.

 

For the right person - It's fucked.

 

Just needs... - It's fucked.

 

I've seen these cars selling in excess of... - It's fucked.

 

Unique - It's fucked like no other.

 

Requires trailering (usually misspelt) - It's fucked.

[PiperCub]

Correction:

 

90% Complete   -    50% Missing

 

Unique   -    It's fucked............ and you've no hope of finding the parts needed to fix it either (Prob 'cos it's "Rare" - see earlier post!)

 

Barn Find   -   It's fucked.............. and totally filthy & minging, covered in bird shit, hay, wood, old white goods, household shite.....

[RayMK]

Dealers who use 95% of the advert giving a marque/model history:  A distraction technique.  The actual car is a worn out, rusty wreck which has been hurriedly resprayed, freshly undersealed to give it structural strength* but looks pretty (photoshopped) carrying its £you've got to be f***ing joking tag in its white room background. 

[PiperCub]

I always think POA is used by spivs who think if you phone up to enquire about the car and it's [over]price, they'll be able to give it some sales spiel and reel you in. Anyone with a brain just moves on to the next advert with an actual price.

 

It's counter productive, no price so people don't bother ringing.

 

Both the above are also true! 

[rantingYoof]

Alternatively...

 

'This car really is horrendous and you'd be a lunatic to want it...'

 

= Autoshiters bidding war commences

 

Sent from my GT-I9505 using Tapatalk

[mercrocker]

A bit of a regional one, but....

 

"Island car"  -  This usually means it has done 28,000 miles in 2nd/3rd gear over roads that haven't had a government grant in 28 years and spent most of its life in a sea-water lashed on-street parking bay getting shat on by gulls the size of a condor.

[PiperCub]

Hey, leave the third world......I mean the Isle of Wight,  alone!!!!

 

Hang on - fair point having been on their roads recently. 

[Bianconeri]

A bit of a regional one, but....

 

"Island car" - This usually means it has done 28,000 miles in 2nd/3rd gear over roads that haven't had a government grant in 28 years and spent most of its life in a sea-water lashed on-street parking bay getting shat on by gulls the size of a condor.

I had a Cooper just like that when I was 19! In Jersey the gulls are the size of 747s though.

[Bianconeri]

Correction:

 

90% Complete   -    50% Missing

 

Unique   -    It's fucked............ and you've no hope of finding the parts needed to fix it either (Prob 'cos it's "Rare" - see earlier post!)

 

Barn Find   -   It's fucked.............. and totally filthy & minging, covered in bird shit, hay, wood, old white goods, household shite.....

And of course - "I am told...."

[PiperCub]

^^ Oh, I forgot that old favourite! (Read: "Don't blame me").

[Rod/b]

Barn Find = Not a Barn Find