Has your shite car ever upset anybody?

[Futuramic]

I ask this because mine recently has. By upset I mean an adverse reaction from a soul-less member of the general public who doesn't understand what it is to love an old heap. Anyway, this is what happened. I had just driven to my local hairdressers as the dense chimney brush atop my skull was dangling into my eyes. The car I had chosen was my Pinto powered Ginetta. I came out of the hair cutting establishment with the once mighty crows' nest reduced to something a wren might live in and returned to my car; which was parked by the kerb. Behind me, parked on the hairdressers' concrete apron bit was an R-Reg Metro. I gave it the brief appraisal of the amateur trader and was horrified by the crumbling sills, arches and doors. An additional fact is that the Ginetta's exhaust is a home made lash up that resembles a crushed pea-shooter. Soon it will be replace by a "RUUUDE BWOYYY!!!!" rocket launcher sized backbox I got on the cheap; but for the moment it sticks out from under the back bumper at a crazy angle.It so happened that my exhaust was pointed directly at the driver's side door of the Metro. The elderly Mrs Goggins type who owned the BL relic chose this moment to return to her vehicle after being shampooed and set. I helpfully decided to mve out of her way.She glanced over in my direction. I bunged my car into neutral; opened the carb barrels wide and flipped the keys round. My hot-start procedure was successful. The quiet residential street was shattered by the raucous sound of a single cam and a straight through pipe.Unfortunately flooring it first caused the engine to ingest a load of old oil and the unburnt fuel that had pooled in the carb throats. This was emitted as the largest, most opaque smoggy cloud of exhaust smoke I have ever seen. The car went on pumping this out for a second or two before settling down. When it finally cleared I realised that the old woman had been standing behind the tailpipe when it erupted. I turned in my seat. To say she gave me an old fashioned look was an understatement. Her eyes appeared capable of melting fibreglass and I could hear the tutting over the burble of the engine.I engaged first and scarpered.

[dollywobbler]

Yes. My wife. I started up the 2CV, gave it a bit of throttle and my 2CV deposited a splodge of black water all over my wife's feet. Side exit exhausts can be bad...However, she fights fair and her Mini has now left many black slodges all over my driveway and (from the exhaust) all over the garage too!

[Father Ted]

The engine in one of my Mk 3 Fiestas let go on the M55 in the outer lane one morning at about 80ish covering the Escort behind me in oil and bits of engine block. Driver of escort was not a happy bunny.

[CortinaDave]

the tappets are miles out on my capri just now so its quite chittery when cold. I pulled out of my drive the other day to see two people stop in their tracks on the pavement when i fired it up mouthing "what a heap"

[Station]

I forgot to put the pipes back on the oil pump - to oil cooler after changing an engine and starting the car emptied the the contents of the sump (ie 2 year old crude oil) on my parent's newly laid driveway. By newly laid, I mean two weeks old and 3k's worth.My da gave me a fair offer of cleaning it up or dig a hole in the garden for my forthcoming funeral.I also picked up my mates from the pub in my old Rover 213 in about 2000. Someone laughed at it.

[Split_Pin]

I'm on both sides of the fence here. I have an Astra Coupe which I take to Vauxhall Shows and have spent years (subtly) modifying and is generally my pride and joy. Nobody even gets to sit in it except me, for fear of spoiling Vauxhalls hoplessley fragile leather interior - SADDO I know. So its stands to reason that I park it miles from anywhere and hate when people carriers/shitters park next to me for fear of parking dents etc.However, by the same token, I also drive a 10-year old Vectra LS, which while surprisingly rust free, sports the best dont-give-a-shit paint job there ever was. I laugh when I park next to 08-plate (etc) Lexus and BMW's at my local gym and watch the owners giving me ferocious glares for parking next to them. I'm not lying when I say I have experienced somebody actually moving their car from the space next to mine even though they are not actually leaving said establishment. This is of course EXCELLENT as although I would never dream of dunting their door with mine, they are, by default, skinheaded TOSSERS who, by some fate or another have secured that SALE that took them up to their Barrats Detached home woth monoblocked driveway.By the way my old Vectra is actually my favourite.

[Guest]

I managed to piss an entire congregation off in Sale with my Piazza.

 

I'd unsubtly dumped it there and moved it around every two days or so to hide the total lack of tax and \ or MOT. My mate Scottish Andy lives across the road and most of the neighbours were briefed on what the hell it was doing there. It was an emergency and we had nowhere else to put it.

 

Anyway 8 MONTHS after we got kicked out of our ex arms factory unit in Eccles (abridged story: landlord was a complete cuntrag) I finally found another place to go - the now infamous Daresbury lock up (whereby I've been shat on AGAIN - the two other gimps I shared space with have done a runner but look like they will pay their rent).

 

So here it is parked artfully to obscure the expired tax disc before the move:

 

 

There had been a cold snap and the battery was completely dead.

As the final hymn was sung at 09.55 on a Sunday morning, I boshed my jumper pack on:

 

 

After a couple of spits it fired as the whole congregation were filing out to their badly parked euroboxes. The shite Simons can really was on its last legs by now, rusty as fuck and full of water. If there was a diegetic soundtrack it went like this:

 

Church: HALLELUJAH!

Piazza (key goes in): KHRUNAKHRUNAKHURNAKRUNA VROOM BANG BANG BANG BANG (box banging on back of car) BANG BANG BANG EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHH (squealing drive belt).

 

The great and the good leave the church.

 

(Exeunt Watanabe's Piazza)

 

Mrs Jones: Thank you father, what a lovely service....

W's Piazza: VROOMVROOMVROOMVROOMVROOM TSSST BANG BANG (backfire from very badly running engine).

 

Congregation are now filing out. As the car idles it spits out a load of crap from the tailpipe all over a white A5 parked too close, and starts filling the carpark with exhaust vapour. People are staring.

 

Priest clocks me and I leap in the car and follow a massive SUV out of the car park before he can have a go.

 

I bounce the car up my mate's trailer [quickly] and help my mate fasten it down.

 

 

Priest (points at me) : Is that car yours?

Me: (nursing EPIC hangover) [points at friend] No, it's his.

 

Friend looks bemused and I LEG IT back to my C4 and wait for the off.

 

Fuck knows how I didn't get reported.

[Claypole]

A MK1 Scirocco Storm parked off road but on council land next to a garage i own but rent the space from said council.Wing was inside it along with front bumper - reported as unsafe by some gimp so towed away by council never to be seen again. They basically said "see you in court" when i asked where it was - it never arrived at the crushing place as I checked.Still have the V5 for it - DVLA sent it back as I'd reported it as stolen to the police.

[Guest]

I left a perfectly legal but engineless Fiesta out on the street for a week, looked a bit odd with no weight over the front wheels and boot full of assorted spare parts. Then an "abandoned vehicle" notice appeared on the windscreen, probably because the interfering old bastard living opposite had been onto the council.Pissed me off so much that I half considered buying a shit old double-deck bus for the sole purpose of parking in front of his window and blocking out all the sunlight. "Let's see yous tow this away ya pricks"

[Station]

Haha at Piazza tale!! Epic!

[Betaphile]

Ooh, me next. There's an annual Italian car gathering in Canberra - Auto Italia. Usually a great event, and I've done the day trip a few times, but a couple of years ago I decided to make it a weekend. Traditionally a bunch of similar tragics go down in convoy and it's good fun - Fiats, Alfas, Lannies, Maseratis, you name it. We were staying at the same motel and the parking lot resembled a Roman intersection circa 1977. Cool bunch of people, cool cars - no problem, right? Except, that is, for the gleaming red F430 which wound up parked next to my HPE, with the owner staying in the facing room. Now, just for the record, Canberra can get quite chilly. It is also good general practice to warm the engine for a few minutes before setting off. This apparently displeased Mister F430, who coolly informed me would I mind turning my car off as the exhaust fumes were, and I quote, "poisonous and unhealthy for my wife"! What a truly epic toolbox. Thankyou for confirming every single stereotype of contemporary Fazza owners.

[Guest]

This apparently displeased Mister F430, who coolly informed me would I mind turning my car off as the exhaust fumes were, and I quote, "poisonous and unhealthy for my wife"!

What the fuck was she doing? Trying to shuffle off her mortal coil with a hose on the tailpipe?What a bell end.

[garethj]

my Pinto powered Ginetta.

Coool, what sort of Ginetta is it? What'll she do, mista? etc etc

[FredTransit]

All the time, where do I start? Park some of the vans up by some allotments. Whilst it is opposite houses, they are across the road and not outside. They are always taxed, and legally parked with permits. For some obscure reason though the people opposite don't like it, and have told us so. Tough. So when one of em I had a 'repaint' for a part, I made sure it went up to the allotments....

 

 

 

classy huh?

[dollywobbler]

That is mega desirable!! Reminds me of the video Today by Smashing Pumpkins...

[FredTransit]

Twas in an epp of Law and Order UK. I never saw it, but it came back to us with 'love thy neighbours' written on it, I thought it was er, appropriate.....

[Split_Pin]

 

This is going to take some beating in this thread! I would happily rent that from you and park it up a few streets from my house where some right toss-pots live. My Astra has already upset them, I've love to see how far I could push it with the Transit.

 

By the way I actually like that bodystyle of Transit, I cant remember when I last saw one.

[Father Ted]

Looks likee ths one that is kickng round Grange Park estate in the pool...

[FredTransit]

Believe it or not, this is my least favourite style of transit, it's called the parcel van. Note the lovely mismatched indicators, and the picture doesn't show too well the stunning bonnet fashioned out of wheatabix. Somehow we have ended up with two, and possibly another one on the way!

 

Here's the other one.....

 

 

it's now without it's bull bar, I sold it to my mate and mechanic for the price on the van.....

[Guest Tony Hayers]

My Rover seems to piss the neighbours off. Not only because of the throaty noise it makes (XUD Turbo) but because the front wing is in grey primer and the N/S/F door is caved in and it has scabby arches/ grey primer patches all over it.The cheeky cu*ts who use to live next door asked me if I could park it round the back in the yard so as not to put off prospective buyers when they were selling the house they owned When the agents were showing people round the house the music went on full chat (Gabriel/Hancock/Level 42 etc ) and I went to tinker under the bonnet, looking like a Kappa wearing pikey in a string vest If they had said nothing I would have been nice as pie but as they 'dissed' my motah it was war!

[FredTransit]

I am seriously considering writing to the neighbours.Dear neighbour,Whilst we have enjoyed our time living in this lovely area, it is time to move on. Sadly, with the current economic climate, we can't afford to do so. However, if you would like to contribute to our removal and legal costs, it may be possible. We appreciate you too may be finding the current climate difficult, and understand. We can always stay, and look forward to many many more years in this area. Us and our vans.All the bestEct Ect......Do you think I will get away with it?

[Father Ted]

Eventually the neighbours tired of the caravan sat on the front garden, especially after i covered the lawn in gravel and complained to the council who said I had contravened planing regs and ordered me to move the caravan and reinstate the lawn. bastards. So I moved the caravan to the drive and parked the car on the lawn which apparently was perfetly OK with the council.

[Albert Ross]

Land Rovers are incontinent. Fact. I arrived home the other day to find three bags of sand had been emptied over the place I park mine. Cheers council!!!!!! EP90 and antifreeze make a mess apparently.Seems the old giffers across the street had dobbed me in. If I get a bill, it's getting my arse wiped on it, and sent straight back.

[Split_Pin]

I just dont understand these busybodies.Granted, loud music, kids whacking footballs everywhere or general banging around pisses me off, but one or two old motors??? How does that affect anybody? Fair enough if it was 6 or 7 taking up other peoples space.My next door neighbour has abandoned his Rover 75 opposite my house a year ago, sans tax, but all I really think is that its a shame as its a 2.5 V6 with lovely cream leather interior.[/img]

[scruff]

When I first moved to Peterborough I got a room in a nice house in a quiet cul-de-sac, part of the deal was I got the driveway. Ace. So I had my old Series 2a Landy on there and, at the time, a smartish old Range Rover which parked on the road. Next door were not impressed. At all. After varying not-so-subtle hints that they didn't like having two old bangers in 'their' neighbourhood, the woman had a right go at me one morning when I was out fiddling under the bonnet. You know the routine, 'we don't want those eyesores here' etc etc. That evening I related the tale of the hag to my landlord who roared with laughter. It turned out next door were not, as I assumed, sisters but 45-plus year old lesbians. One night my landlord and pals had arrived home pissed as farts and talking - loudly - about gays and lezzas and not in a nice way. Since then the two hags had gone out of their way to be as much of a pain as possible. A few days later I had reason to bring a 3rd LR home - a old Disco - and as landlord and I took some stuff out of the boot the two hags arrived. home. One gave it the eyesore line to the other (loudly). So landlord shouted, "Well, we think you're a bit of a eyesore love, our answer is to avoid looking at you as much as possible. Try it!"Didn't hear a peep again..

[CortinaDave]

Thats hilarious. Must remember that line. The old bag that lives across the road from me is a real hyacinth bucket type and loathes my autoshite being strewn around the street. She had a go at me one night about my "horrible" cars and i told her I didnt worry about whether my neighbour would like my car when i was considering buying it , and told her that I thought her car was offensive to look at as well (it was one of those new style honda accord estate things) and asked why she wanted to drive around in car that looked like a hearse.that seems to have shut her up since ( she traded in the honda a couple of weeks later)

[FredTransit]

 

This is going to take some beating in this thread! I would happily rent that from you and park it up a few streets from my house where some right toss-pots live. My Astra has already upset them, I've love to see how far I could push it with the Transit.

 

By the way I actually like that bodystyle of Transit, I cant remember when I last saw one.

available to loan if you wish to piss off the neighbourhood. Autoshiters only!

[Volksy]

My old VW bay window Camper was banned from the works carpark. Its look wasn't dissimilar to that Parcel van.

[FredTransit]

Are you sure it was similar? You can stand up in this one, the windscreen is a special order and DEEP!

[Volksy]

Are you sure it was similar? You can stand up in this one, the windscreen is a special order and DEEP!

I meant the paint and general appearance..