Worst eBay adverts

June 16, 2017

While I am sadly unable to offer any rubbish Ebay adverts I have noticed the pretty awful use of the English language thereon. Piss poor spelling, a vague description etc etc. On another note has anyone noticed how people now seemingly cannot differentiate between 'bought' and 'brought'? If you make a purchase then you have bought something. If you take it somewhere then you brought it with you. Quite simple. While I'm on a roll the same goes for 'lose' and 'loose'. That is all, kindly return to whatever you were doing before this broadcast.

3,526 · June 16, 2017

Ha ha

You put the er.....ahem in Scunthorpe
Put the pain in Spain
'appy days are done for
and you're the one I blame.

and yet another reason I feel old is JCC is on the school curriculum.

I saw him as support to Ian Dury in the late 70s. Everyone of our group left talking about the Salford Sage, not Ian Dury.

1,005 · June 16, 2017

So you don't like "Uni" but "maths" (instead of "mathematics") is OK?

Just being a pedant really, I agree with most of what you wrote. However change is inevitable within language, there will be those fighting for change and those fighting against it, thus we reach an acceptable rate of change. I'm pretty sure you don't refer to the radio as the "wireless" for example.

There are some words which really get on my tits, "Legos" being one of them. They are Lego, Lego blocks, Lego bricks, Lego pieces, Lego parts etc. There are no "Legos".

Anyhow this has gone hugely off topic - find some crap adverts please!

Touché! You'll get the full Greek or Latin if you're not careful.

1,005 · June 16, 2017

My son is studying 'math'That's all I have to say

A very small subset of Philosophiæ Naturalis Principia Mathematica then?

64,372 · June 16, 2017

64,372 · June 16, 2017

DEALER PX VECTRA CDTI HAVE TAKEN AS MANY PICTURES AS I CAN TO GIVE YOU A TRUE CONDITION I HAVE NOTICED SERVICE LIGHT IS ON ALTHOUGH OIL IS CLEAN AND TO LEVEL CAR DRIVES AS IT SHOULD 220.00 SPENT ON MOT IN JANUARY INDEPENDENTLY CHECKED TODAY 15TH JUNE CAR IS CONSIDERED ROADWORTHY AND RELIABLE PLEASE STUDY PHOTOS AND PLEASE EITHER COME SEE IT OR MESSAGE ME CASH ON PICK UP I HAVE A STACK OF PAPERWORK AND LOG BOOK WITH MOT APART FROM COSMETIC STUFF THE CAR IS AS IT SHOULD BE NO KNOCKS NO OVER HEATING NO SMOKE ETC PLEASE NOT FIRST PIC IS THE BLACK PRIVACY FILM PEELING ALSO SOMEONE HAS PUT STICKY CARBON FIBRE ON THE PILLARS ITS OK BUT NOT BEST JOB

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/VECTRA-1-9-CDTI-/252993440793?hash=item3ae7958c19:g:udoAAOSw-89ZQrO-

64,372 · June 16, 2017

64,372 · June 16, 2017

1 picture (with finger over the lens) and absolutely no useful info about the car;

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Hyundai-tucson-/222547463674?hash=item33d0dccdfa:g:ynMAAOSw3h1ZQush

23,392 · June 16, 2017

Here's some other brilliant advertising;

Even our sister branch when I worked at VW got it wrong;

And my absolute favourite;

With apostrophes, I always refer to a chippy in Dorchester in the early noughties. It had one of those peg letter boards with menus and prices on show - the type where each letter and number has to be manually pushed into place.

Not content with how time consuming the creation of the menu would be, the person in question decided, in their infinite wisdom, that all words ending in 's' deserved an apostrophe placed before them. Highlights included chip's, bean's, mushy pea's, sausage's, fritter's and scampi ball's. I didn't have OCD, but I caught it following visits to that place.

8,861 · June 16, 2017

Mot February 2018 miles 140 good car ready to go only exos need welding part from that's everithing is fine contact on 07425644502

140,000 miles; exhaust needs welding, apart from that everything's fine.

Maybe a piccy will help ?

FFS

https://www.gumtree.com/p/volkswagen/quick-sale/1249039324

64,372 · June 16, 2017

HI, THANKS FOR VIEWING,

HERE I HAVE FOR SALE A 1969 TRIUMPH 1300 FRONT WHEEL DRIVE

THE VEHICLE IS IN VERY GOOD CONDITION, START'S AND RUN'S FINE, EXCELLENT STRUCTURALLY NEEDS NO WELDING, AS I CAN SEE, I HAVE RENEWED THE FRONT WHEEL BEARING'S, OVERHAULED THE CALIPER'S WITH NEW SEAL'S, NEW BRAKE PAD'S AND PUT ALL NEW RUBBER COVER'S ON THE FRONT TRACK ROD END'S AND BALL JOINT'S ETC.

NEED'S THE BACK BRAKE'S SERVICING AND A GENERAL SERVICE OF THE ENGINE ETC. AND SHE SHOULD BE GOOD FOR THE MOT,

THE BODY WORK IS IN GOOD CONDITION FOR A 48 YEAR OLD VEHICLE HAS A NICE PATINA TO IT, HAS HAD PAINTWORK OVER THE YEARS, IT'S A CAR THAT'S BEEN KEPT ON THE ROAD AND USE'D SO OBVIOUSLY FAR FROM MINT, AS AGE RELATED MARK'S,

THE INTERIOR IS IN NICE CONDITION SEAT'S AND CARPET'S ARE ALL OK, THE VENEER ON THE DASH AND DOOR TOP'S IS VERY GOOD,

THE MILEAGE IS 84,000 ON THE SPEEDO AND WAS LAST ON THE ROAD IN 2011, TAX FREE HISTORIC VEHICLE, I HAVE A COUPLE OF MANUEL'S AND HAND BOOK'S TO GO WITH THE CAR,

THIS IS A TRUE BARN FIND I PURCHASED IT A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO FROM A SMALL HOLDING WHERE IT HAD BEEN STOOD IN A BARN, AFTER THE LAST OWNER PARKED IT UP,

I HAVE THE NEW V5 IN MY NAME AND SHOW'S 3 PREVIOUS KEEPER'S

THE CAR HAS NOT BEEN POLISHED FOR A LONG TIME SO WOULD LOOK A LOT BETTER FOR A T CUT AND POLISH,

AS SHOWN IN THE LAST PICTURE THERE ARE 2 BIT'S OF THE DAMAGE ON THE RAIN CHANNEL ABOVE THE FRONT DOOR'S THE PICTURE SHOW'S THE WORST ONE,

IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO KNOW ANYMORE OR VIEW THE CAR I CAN BE CONTACTED ON

07989 632624

THIS DESCRIPTION IS BASED ON MY OPINION IF YOUR UNSURE PLEASE VIEW BEFORE YOU BID NOT AFTER, CASH ON COLLECTION NO PAY PAL,

WILL MAKE A NICE UN RESTORED CAR WITH A LITTLE TLC,

DELIVERY CAN BE ARRANGED AT A REASONABLE PRICE

THANKS FOR VIEWING

I love example's like the'se

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/TRIUMPH-1300-FWD-1969-GOOD-UNRESTORD-CONDITION-NEEDS-VERY-LITTLE-WORK-BARN-FIND-/172734093405?hash=item2837c1185d:g:ShEAAOSwpONZQ7~D

I don't think he managed to use an apostrophe correctly once, not even by accident!

1,005 · June 16, 2017

HI, THANKS FOR VIEWING,
HERE I HAVE FOR SALE A 1969 TRIUMPH 1300 FRONT WHEEL DRIVE
THE VEHICLE IS IN VERY GOOD CONDITION, START'S AND RUN'S FINE, EXCELLENT STRUCTURALLY NEEDS NO WELDING, AS I CAN SEE, I HAVE RENEWED THE FRONT WHEEL BEARING'S, OVERHAULED THE CALIPER'S WITH NEW SEAL'S, NEW BRAKE PAD'S AND PUT ALL NEW RUBBER COVER'S ON THE FRONT TRACK ROD END'S AND BALL JOINT'S ETC.
NEED'S THE BACK BRAKE'S SERVICING AND A GENERAL SERVICE OF THE ENGINE ETC. AND SHE SHOULD BE GOOD FOR THE MOT,
THE BODY WORK IS IN GOOD CONDITION FOR A 48 YEAR OLD VEHICLE HAS A NICE PATINA TO IT, HAS HAD PAINTWORK OVER THE YEARS, IT'S A CAR THAT'S BEEN KEPT ON THE ROAD AND USE'D SO OBVIOUSLY FAR FROM MINT, AS AGE RELATED MARK'S,
THE INTERIOR IS IN NICE CONDITION SEAT'S AND CARPET'S ARE ALL OK, THE VENEER ON THE DASH AND DOOR TOP'S IS VERY GOOD,
THE MILEAGE IS 84,000 ON THE SPEEDO AND WAS LAST ON THE ROAD IN 2011, TAX FREE HISTORIC VEHICLE, I HAVE A COUPLE OF MANUEL'S AND HAND BOOK'S TO GO WITH THE CAR,
THIS IS A TRUE BARN FIND I PURCHASED IT A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO FROM A SMALL HOLDING WHERE IT HAD BEEN STOOD IN A BARN, AFTER THE LAST OWNER PARKED IT UP,
I HAVE THE NEW V5 IN MY NAME AND SHOW'S 3 PREVIOUS KEEPER'S
THE CAR HAS NOT BEEN POLISHED FOR A LONG TIME SO WOULD LOOK A LOT BETTER FOR A T CUT AND POLISH,
AS SHOWN IN THE LAST PICTURE THERE ARE 2 BIT'S OF THE DAMAGE ON THE RAIN CHANNEL ABOVE THE FRONT DOOR'S THE PICTURE SHOW'S THE WORST ONE,
IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO KNOW ANYMORE OR VIEW THE CAR I CAN BE CONTACTED ON
07989 632624
THIS DESCRIPTION IS BASED ON MY OPINION IF YOUR UNSURE PLEASE VIEW BEFORE YOU BID NOT AFTER, CASH ON COLLECTION NO PAY PAL,
WILL MAKE A NICE UN RESTORED CAR WITH A LITTLE TLC,
DELIVERY CAN BE ARRANGED AT A REASONABLE PRICE
THANKS FOR VIEWING

I love example's like the'se

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/TRIUMPH-1300-FWD-1969-GOOD-UNRESTORD-CONDITION-NEEDS-VERY-LITTLE-WORK-BARN-FIND-/172734093405?hash=item2837c1185d:g:ShEAAOSwpONZQ7~D

I don't think he managed to use an apostrophe correctly once, not even by accident!

Strange, managed to spell "patina" correctly unless he meant "paint"

June 17, 2017

At least he didn't describe the Triumph as being in 'concourse condition'. It's concours not concourse. A concourse is somewhere that you stand on a large railway station etc hoping that your transport will make a guest appearance. Now back to my knitting.

64,887 · June 18, 2017

A very small subset of Philosophiæ Naturalis Principia Mathematica then?

Nice use of "æ" there. A very underused letter (or is it counted as a ligature in English?).

1,005 · June 18, 2017

Nice use of "æ" there. A very underused letter (or is it counted as a ligature in English?).

I think it's counted as a ligature. Its use, and the grapheme to represent it, will have some academics in raptures and some up in arms as it's not an 'official' letter in English. The majority of people will think I've mistryped something though.

I like it though, and it's nice when I can remember the keyboard code for it.

64,372 · June 18, 2017

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Vauxhall-astra-/172724608643?hash=item2837305e83:g:giIAAOSw9~5ZPF6c

Sideways picture, Chavved-up "innit" spec, text in Alien.

64,372 · June 18, 2017

Mis-spelled make, bad side ways pictures and confusing text;

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/renualt-modus-/292149502504?hash=item440577a228:g:WsoAAOSwgv5ZQANR

renualt modus diesel 1.6 little car.has just had lot done to it for mot.new wheel hubs and brakes

see past mot fail.we have had this a year not had any problem with it. runs well.

On 14-Jun-17 at 19:10:09 BST, seller added the following information:

slight correction its a 14.61 cc

3,650 · June 18, 2017

I like it though, and it's nice when I can remember the keyboard code for it.

Which is? I like odd bits of trivia like that. Colin

1,005 · June 18, 2017

Which is? I like odd bits of trivia like that. Colin

ALT 0230 gives the 'ae' ligature (ash) if memory serves. Doing this on an iPad so can't check if it works.

ALT 0156 is the 'oe' ligature - oethel I think

1,835 · June 18, 2017

"Needs tested"...
Is this a local thing?

Because North..

My mate is from Newcastle and says stuff like that.

Needs fixed, needs tested, needs cleaned etc etc.

Mind you he always takes the piss out of me too because there is no 'R' in Newcastle or Bath etc

3,650 · June 18, 2017

ALT 0230 gives the 'ae' ligature (ash) if memory serves. Doing this on an iPad so can't check if it works.
ALT 0156 is the 'oe' ligature - oethel I think

Thanks for that. Colin

23,257 · June 18, 2017

The use of English here has been somewhat watered down by French and Spanish.

Despite this, the U has been dropped from a lot of words (first item pointed out), we study math and plenty of phrases have strange grammar from a combination of French and pidgin English.

Despite that, most eBay/Craiglist stuff is understandable. Even those adverts placed in all caps.

Phil

15,054 · June 18, 2017

Whenever I have the Bath / Barth, Grass / Grarse argument it always ends up with the other person pissing their Parnts laffing.

1,005 · June 18, 2017

Thanks for that. Colin

Just realised, the name for the 'oe' ligature (oethel) contains the oe ligature. Brilliant, recursive grammar!

June 19, 2017

Just realised, the name for the 'oe' ligature (oethel) contains the oe ligature. Brilliant, recursive grammar!

Now that I like. And it brings me to something else.

Shouldn't phonetic be spelled with an f and not ph? And doesn't non-hyphenated seem ironic.

And does anyone know what Jonathon (Wossy) Ross's speech impediment is called? Yes, it's rhotacism.

And if you have a stammer, with any word that starts with an S being particularly difficult, whoever decided to give it that name? And it's non-PC alias - stutter - isn't any easier.

Cruel or what?

We were taught at school not to commence a sentence with a preposition. Years ago, just as we were about to sing a hymn in Assembly, I raised my hand only to be told quickly by our English Master to lower it immediately. The hymn started, "And did those feet, in ancient times..."

And while I'm having a bitch about things, lawyers are no better. And I say this having qualified years ago as one. Some are overly keen to show off their knowledge of Latin expressions or maxims. Bejaysus, I struggle sometimes with English without some smarty-pants Rumpole throwing in a long series of words that I have to look up later. Only if I can remember them. Which often I don't. <<<< grammar liberties taken there. Je m'excuse.

And that reminds me, we can always fall back on our own language having the right word to sum up or encapsulate exactly what we feel without having to resort to foreign tongues. We can always, just when we need to, find "le mot juste."

Now, where's me tablets...

1,005 · June 19, 2017

^^^^^^^

Marvellous.

Though I can "get by" in a few modern languages and have more than a smattering of Latin ( helps to slap legal folks down ) I find that because English has so many words it's generally easy to find an appropriate one. That is the reason I rail against the mangling of English. That said, I find it amusing to be in the company of a former colleague's family. He's English, she's Italian and the offspring switch between languages mid-sentence if they can think of a better word in the "other" language.

It isn't adding new words that troubles me, it's because our educational system has now told a couple of generations that 'English doesn't matter'. IT DOES.

Ask a French person and they will tell you that written French is the epitome of the language and should be written correctly. Spoken French is, frankly, often as sloppy as spoken English, but French people still know how to write correctly. We should do the same.

June 19, 2017

^^^Agree with all the above. Another thing that grinds my gears is the overuse/misuse of certain trendy words and expressions in "classic" car circles. Examples: barn find, patina, iteration, starter classic. There are no doubt lots more.

Incidentally, going back to Ian Dury a few posts back, I saw him in concert and was disappointed. He bizarrely spent most of the time with his back to the audience, which I just found rude.

Well this is seriously rivalling the grumpy old man/pedant thread. What else can we moan about?!

8,916 · June 19, 2017

Yes, mea culpe. Meant to write "Higher Education" but your fix highlights yet another problem.

I guessed that. The fix was intended as a dig at breeze-block "universities".

64,372 · June 19, 2017

We were taught at school not to commence a sentence with a preposition. Years ago, just as we were about to sing a hymn in Assembly, I raised my hand only to be told quickly by our English Master to lower it immediately. The hymn started, "And did those feet, in ancient times..."

And while I'm having a bitch about things, lawyers are no better. And I say this having qualified years ago as one.

Irony?

64,887 · June 20, 2017

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Vw-T4-Transporter-/152587295106?hash=item2386e95982:g:S9IAAOSwvflZQvMQ

Worst eBay adverts

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