Help a brother (literally) - anyone close to Whitby?

[Guest Breadvan72]

I am going to get the train oop NOTH at Sparrowfart on Saturday morning unless anyone wants to drive from Fucking Wanky Toryshire to Northernland, and back again, and why would anyone want to do that?  

 

LBC, maybe I can ponce a sofa at your gaff and get the train from Watford.  I promise not to put the moves on your hot missus.  Well, only a bit. 

 

EDIT:  Screw that - I would have to get the train from Watford to Euston to get a York train, so I may as well crash in London Freda neet - after we get back, if we ever do get back, from our planned misadventures on Friday. 

[Guest Breadvan72]

KINNELL!

 

It is eight hours by train from South Oxon to Whitby.  The earliest that I could get there would be after 3pm on Saturday.  Then I would have to drive for about five hours to North East Norfolk to see my daughter and kip in the van, then three hours from there to home on Sunday.

 

I am planning to spend upwards of twelve hours in a slower van on Friday (for reasons that may be explained on AS later), so I may be one tiredy-assed MOFO by Monday.  

 

EDIT - Plan now planned: Get up mega early on Saturday, park Dolly or Rover for free in Middle Temple, (about 55 mins drive door to door in early AM), get 0700 train from King's Cross, arrive Sleights (near Whitby), after two changes, at 1147.  Spend an hour or so faffing, then eta Holt, Norfolk 1800 ish.    Recover car from London after work on Monday.  

 

EDIT EDIT:  Better plan planned - see below.

[stillOrange]

Right, I'm being serious now.

 

I was planning to visit a friend in Saltburn this Sunday. As I'm only back to work on Tuesday/Wednesday I could possibly help you out a bit.

 

Would you like to explore various options?

[Guest Breadvan72]

That is mucho kind but you live in Manchester, don't you? 

[stillOrange]

Yes but if I visit my friend Sunday, pick the van up in the evening, drive to you on Monday morning, you drop me off at train station, I should be back home Monday evening.

[Junkman]

Okay, what is going to be parked when in front of my living room window for how long?

[Guest Breadvan72]

StillOrange, that would be enormously kind, thank you.   If you send your address by PM, I can ask my brother to post the key today with guaranteed delivery tomorrow. There is a train from Princes Risborough to Manchester that takes about 3.5 to 4 hours (change at Banbury).  I would buy you lunch and a first class ticket.   

 

The van will need jump starting.  A bigger problem is the tax risk:  the DVLA online tax site is usually closed at weekends.  The V5 is in the van, AFAIK.  An ANP camera fine if any would go to my bro, and would maybe serve him right for not sorting his stuff out (though he has mitigation for this), but I would not like you to get pulled by Yorkplod or Lancplod/Mancplod on Sunday night.  

 

You should meet my bro: he is a hairy bloke with tats.   Irish people and Poles are all twins with one another anyway. 

[M'coli]

Perhaps the easiest way is a one-way car hire? Also, you can tax by phonecall at the weekend if you have the V5c, I think.

[DSdriver]

Whitby:

Trenchers by the roundabout do excellent fish and chips.

Bargains can be found - I saw a pair of flip-flops outside one shop reduced from £10 to £9.99.

[beko1987]

It's a shame the v5 can't be got at before then for the number to tax it before sunday. Unless the key got posted to a shiter local to the van, v5 taken a photo of for taxing reasons, then flat_fanta swings round to said local shiters for the key en route.

 

Does get a bit convoluted that way though, phone call sunday morning might be easier.

 

Either way, the collection fred will be good.

[Guest Breadvan72]

The simply wonderful stillOrange is putting himself out enormously.  He is going to collect the van and bring it to my place.  No tax needed or available because the MOT expired last week. The van is booked in for an MOT local to me, to make the trip lawful (and also to get the van an MOT, doh) .  

 

The van will be up for sale soon, but is worth maybe 15K so is not really an AS thing.  Ditto my brother's recentish Peugeot, which is about 3K ish.  

[Longblackcoat]

I am going to get the train oop NOTH at Sparrowfart on Saturday morning unless anyone wants to drive from Fucking Wanky Toryshire to Northernland, and back again, and why would anyone want to do that?  

 

LBC, maybe I can ponce a sofa at your gaff and get the train from Watford.  I promise not to put the moves on your hot missus.  Well, only a bit. 

 

EDIT:  Screw that - I would have to get the train from Watford to Euston to get a York train, so I may as well crash in London Freda neet - after we get back, if we ever do get back, from our planned misadventures on Friday. 

 

So let me get this straight: you're driving to London to post a key to StillOrange (who presumably has to dress as a Goth, listen to Bauhaus etc), then you're braving a sofa at my house (along with all the dogs), getting a punch from My Muscular Missus, then heading off to see yore dorta in tha mornin.

 

Makes as much sense as any normal plan.

[Guest Breadvan72]

Makes a shitload more sense than the plan that you and I are executing from 0600 tomorrow morning.  

 

If your Missus won't put out, what are my chances with the dags?  

[Longblackcoat]

SSSSHHH, ITZA SEA CRETT

[Guest Breadvan72]

I spilled them magic beans.   Sort of.  

[somewhatfoolish]

This is better than telly; I could almost imagine it as an episode of Boon or something, as orl modern teevee iz shite.

[Guest Breadvan72]

Update: van key posted to stilOrange and received by him.   Fingaz crossed that he will be able to start the thing.  

[spike60]

I'm picking him up from Redcar station tomorrow at 12.14 and going over with him to Sleights.

[Guest Breadvan72]

You are both Rock Stars.

[spike60]

Is there a mad jilted woman inside the house likely to rush out with a bread knife, or more likely, call the the (very) local plod?

[NorfolkNWeigh]

Don't worry it takes em ages to arrive from Aidensfield on a Francis Barnett.

[spike60]

Don't worry it takes em ages to arrive from Aidensfield on a Francis Barnett.

But what if I call them because it's the bread knife?

[twosmoke300]

Takes him 10 mins to pull his huge gloves on !

[Guest Breadvan72]

Good luck, fabulous dudes.    Snags Dept Vol 97:  The van having been on its arse for some time, it may have a stuck handbrake and/or a stuck clutch.  There may be some bumping and humping required to free one or both.    Does your AA card cover any vehicle? 

[spike60]

I think AA cover the member, not the vehicle. How long has it been stood? It takes a while to get a green shadow on the road. Sticky handbrake more likely, it'll be pulled well on parked at the approach slopes to Blue Bank....

[Guest Breadvan72]

About six months, I think. 

 

If my brother is my father's son (and he is), he will likely have parked the van in gear but may have left the handbrake off if he expected the van to be standing for a while.

[Guest Breadvan72]

Or he might be a wazzock and have left it in neutral with the handbrake on.  

[stillOrange]

As far as I know my recovery/assistance covers me in any vehicle I'm driving but I'm not expecting any problems to be honest.

 

And by the way, I'm on train.

[KruJoe]

Chod speed, good buddy.

[Pillock]

Had I thought about this I'd have offered to go get it, driven it to an MOT in Donington, then parked it at Download for the weekend (and camped in it) before dropping it off on my way down the M40.

 

Still, nice to see a convoluted plan involving lots of trains, lifts and bread knives come together.