FREE BMW Tradition - E46 316i FOR ACTUAL FREE - NOW GONE

[taxi paul]

Ministry? What like in the harry potter film's? I don't mind them , but if voldtermort shows up im off.

[Guest Breadvan72]

I know!  It hasn't been called the Ministry of anything since forever,  Tinfoil hat and trousers, I reckon.  

[beko1987]

So, today is the day! Lord_Sterling is currently chuffing along the train tracks to Birmingham new street, where it seems he has a long wait until a train to Wycombe comes along!

 

Still, at least it's not raining (here)

[Guest Breadvan72]

WANTZ a Kollektion thread.

 

I am in Krakow with the Countess Blondewska, so was not at home to see the japery.  My old mum just called to say that some weird guys came and took the Bimmer away, so presumably all is well.

 

 

NB:  Poland = land of shite.

 

 

​

[beko1987]

we didnt do a collection thread as such but:

 

I picked mo up from oxford at 13.24 (god I hate oxford) and we made our way to chez bv

 

 

its a bloody lovely car! got her started with a jump from the zx, and left her idling ehilst we chatted to bvs neighbor who put a ferrari through his barn door the other day.

 

after that, we hopped in to get some air in the tyres. the pez station opposite bv was shut, so we went off to chinnor, and I had a drive, and now I want one.

 

however, calamity

 

 

after failing to find the locking nut to put the spare on, we phoned the rac and started to wait. after a read of thr manual though, we found the hidden toolkit, with the locking key. a quick call to my brother in law who came with his breaker bar

 

 

we had the spare on. cancelled the rac, went to the pez station, nipped back to bvs to get my car and came back to mine for a cup of tea.

 

I filled mo's boot up with vacuum cleaners, and he has just left for a 50mph plod northwards on the space saver.

 

its a bloody good car, everything works, I reckon new discs and pads all round, and 2 new front tyres will see it right.

 

lovely to meet you Mo!

[taxi paul]

If you are in Krakow. Seek out a place called Pod wawelem. Its a hotel cum beer kellar. Opposite the castle. Its the one with the big conservatory on the side. All the locals can't be wrong. Big drinks ,big food, little prices.

[Guest Breadvan72]

I am in Krakow with a native of the place, so have been shown all sorts of fine eateries and drinkeries, nastrovje!

 

Here is the Ferrari 412 being moved from the barn rented by my neighbour.  You can also maybe catch a glimpse of his cool  80s 911 Targa, but maybe not his Corvette and his Mini Cooper.  Assorted other groovy heaps lurk in the barn.

 

Yikes re the tyre - what happened?  Just oldness? 

 

 

 

 

[beko1987]

I think so, it was very perished, even more so as we limped off the main road into a side street! once thr spare was on and pumped up from 21psi it was fine, just looks a bit stupid in the rear view mirror! Had we got to chinnor to pump it up it would probably have let go then anyway!

 

That picture looks cool. His face when Mo was mentioning his cars was a picture, we pointed him towards this place!

[Guest Breadvan72]

Some prophetic words from the opening post:

 

 

Handbook, warning triangle, toolkit, glovebox torch, one key.  The tyres are a mixed bag, mostly Wan Hang Lo Hedgebuster SportMax Ultrabollocks or similar.

 

 

[beko1987]

yea we didnt see that! opened boot, looked down not up. Then I read the manual and there it was!

 

Was still easier with a breaker bar though, the bolts had been on there a long time! Plus it added to the excitement and we got to open every cubbyhole there is!

[beko1987]

I'm actually well jell that I didn't claim it for myself, I got back in the ZX to come home and it feels broken, rattly and sparse.

 

When you get bored of your other free BMW let me know!

[trigger]

I think there will be a fight for his other one!

[Lord Sterling]

Well hello there fellow shiters,

 

Yes, it's me, Lord Sterling of Rover. I have now, once again defected to the German side....

 

As you know, this lovely car was offered by Monsieur Breadvan72, I won the car and today was collectage day.

 

During the "quiet" period which exists between 'winning' car and picking it up many, many PMs/phone calls and text messages were exchanged between myself, Breadvan, Beko and even Peugeot 605 wielding car journo, Dugong who was originally due to take to me to BMW.  In the end, arrangements were agreed and put in place. Beko1987 the tall man of hoovers was to be my host and saviour of the day.

 

Please excuse the lack of pictures, I forgot to take many....

 

The day started about 8:30am/9:00am, I rose out of my nice warm bed and rolled into the bathroom where I convinced myself I could try and pass myself off as barely human.

 

Soon I was out into the high street and confronted by cold morning and a few early rising town shoppers milling about. As I live next to the countryside (bliss) there was no Sunday Bus Service, so a Taxi was required as was mobile telephone credit in order to order said taxi.

 

I was met by a jolly driver who was expecting a "darker" guy as many do when they hear the name "Mohammed" but they get me instead.

 

Soon enough I ended up at Kidderminster railway station, due to being Sunday it was closed and locked up, but trains were running and we had to make do with this ticket selling machine spitting tickets at us in exchange for £30 or thereabouts, I was confronted by 2 ladies, one of whom didn't seem to know how the machine worked and the other was offering assistance.

 

Soon enough, tickets were purchased in exchange for £28 of my hard-earned/soon to be lost. I baled my way onto the platform and boarded the first train that vaguely seem to head in a Birmingham-ly direction, soon I was confronted with this:

 

 

Yep, the all-to familiar site of GREEN TRAIN SEATS.

 

After many texts between myself an Beko who was looking up at train timetables (because I'm a lazy arse) I got off at Smethwick Galton Bridge:

 

 

I did this because I dislike Birmingham, particularly their Americanised "Grand Centrale" station which is basically New Street Station in Brum, despite hiding out in Smethwick (which itself is a bit of a horror) I eventually boarded another train to get in New Street.

 

Entering Birmingham:

 

 

Fun.

 

Fucking New Street station man, full of confused people in a hurry whilst pouting and trying to look a "Million Dollarz", uninterested Staff who seem confused or uninterested by their own train timetables and hipsters selling coffee and croissants in funky new cafes. I wanted out of this place and after a desperate plea to Beko, I jumped on an Oxford-bound train just to get the hell out of there. Besides, the actual real times of any trains going to/passing by High Wycombe was anyones guess, even the staff didn't know.

 

Soon enough my line of site looked a bit like this:

 

 

I do have a pic of the seats, but phone/computer seemingly couldn't be arsed moving said pic.

 

Soon enough I found myself in Oxford and a Green Citroen ZX Volcane was waiting outside with a tall drivers looking for an Middle Eastern looking gentleman, he didn't Middle Eastern looking gent, he got me.

 

Soon enough we were on our way and before we knew where we were, we found ourselves at chez_BV:

 

 

 

The man has a taste and collection of cars mere mortals like me can only dream of.

 

I spoke to a lovely Mother_BV to let her know we were here to pick car up. 

 

Then, I clapped eyes on my new motor_vehicle:

 

 

From the description, it sounded like it might have needed some work, but thankfully, nothing more than a jump start and a bit of forward and reverse, a nice "DUNK" sound was heard where the brakes pretty much freed themselves off the disc.

 

Myself and Beko had a good chat to BV's neighbour who sounded much like us with regards to cars and car ownership we made our way down the road. He regaled a tale of a Ferrari that slid off the back of a low-loader and smashed through the barn doors on the other side whilst I regaled my tales of owning rusting examples of failed executive cars many of which are trying to die.

 

We stopped at a local petrol station for tyre air filling and a wash, but this didn't happen as the air machine only took tokens and the petrol station shop was locked. Joy. So, I let Beko have a drive as he knew the area better and I wanted him to have a go of the E46, the drive was good with Beko enjoying his drive when suddenly, the one tyre decided it didn't want keep air in it anymore:

 

 

After a bit of to-ing and fro-ing, Beko's brother-in-law came to the rescue with a breaker bar and the locking wheel nut was located.

 

Soon enough, the Black space-saver was on, and we were back on our way.

 

Beko picked up his ZX and soon enough we were drinking tea and chatting about Autoshite cars back at chez_Beko.

 

Then, it was time for me to make tracks back up to Worcestershire. The drive was uneventful, the BMW did everything that was asked of it and did it with confidence, sturdyness and even a bit of panache. In fact, the only thing that has failed was one rear lamp which has a dodgy wire, tyre, keyfob needs new battery, front brakes probably need an overhaul, CD changer won't come out and..er...that's it. Everything else works without failure.

 

Tomorrow is MOT day, it'll get a couple of front tyres, MOT and a deep clean, then, it'll be my everyday motor.

 

A BIG THANKS TO:

 

Breadvan72 for the car and all the help and advice

Beko1987 for all the legwork/ideas/hoovers/tea/brother-in-law supplyage

Bro_in_law_Beko for the breaker bar/tools and advice.

 

[trigger]

BV has my dream driveway.

[Lord Sterling]

BV has my dream driveway.

 

I think he has a lot of peoples dream driveway and even dream location...

 

Having looked at Beko's photo, my wifes suggestion is true, my beard does need to come off....

[taxi paul]

Good man. Good luck for tomorrow.

[Tayne]

Cd changer may just need the plastic drive wheels lubricated.

[purplebargeken]

Bagsy first dibs on this beastie. Well done Sir Mo and others of the very mobile AS Task Force.

[Guest Breadvan72]

I am glad that things went OK.  Bummer about that crappy tyre.  

 

As for dream driveway, cheers, but three of the fleet were out when you called - the 1992 XJS is in Surrey getting de-rustificated, the 1976 Landy is in a field nearby (story there), and the FREE 2002 BMW is at Stansted Airport meet and greet parking  (I am in Polska until this evening).

 

I hope that the Bimmer is OK for the MoT and turns out useful.  Sorry not to meet yer, see yer at Shitefest or whenevs.  xxx

[beko1987]

The brakes were easy, they went clonk and drive was restored. Did it a few more times but after a little drive it didn't clonk anymore! Started first turn of the key once connected to the zx as well, and idled for half an hour then started first time every time after that! Even the condensation went after an hour sat idling at the side of the road in Kingston Blount waiting for Karl to arrive with tools, which probably did it good. This when we pressed all the buttons and found everything working, even the parking sensors and cruise control (well, the cruise turned on, I don't know if Mo played with it on the way home!)

 

Even if the tyre hadn't gone flat, it was well due to replacement anyway

 

Your gold BMW is teh sex as well!

[fraser.innes.3]

I still have a set of solid rear disks for one of these if they will help you through your MOT.

 

Sent from my Hudl 2 using Tapatalk

[beko1987]

It needs them! They may have cleaned up a bit after a drive but it wouldn't hurt!

[beko1987]

Mo, you could take it to BMW for its recall!

 

https://totalcarcheck.co.uk/FreeCheck?regk=NV03EWB

 

Recall Notice 1 - PASSENGER SIDE AIRBAG MAY FAIL TO DEPLOY CORRECTLY (Click to expand)

Launch Date 26/07/2013 Recalls No. R/2013/071 Models 3 Series VIN WBAAY72020KJ76908 - WBAEX92090JZ98000 Build Dates 01/05/1999 - 31/08/2006 Concern PASSENGER SIDE AIRBAG MAY FAIL TO DEPLOY CORRECTLY Defect The subject vehicles are equipped with front passenger airbag inflators which could have been assembled with improperly manufactured propellant wafers. Improperly manufactured propellant wafers could cause the inflator to rupture and the front passenger airbag to deploy abnormally in a crash. This could result in increased risk of injury to the occupant and the possibility of a fire. Remedy Recall the vehicles that are likely to be affected to inspect and where necessary replace the airbag inflator module.

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

Rear lamp burnt out wire will be the earth wire, connector plug and the bulb holder.

 

My £100 316i Auto has new ones both sides. 

[beko1987]

It just seems loose, we could get it working just by holding the wire in the right place. Let go of the wire, connection lost.

 

Just wedge the cables with those packets of rizla we found Mo, cheap fix!

[Guest Breadvan72]

Same bodge on the E34 tail light.

 

Rizlas would be my bro - he be a right stoner.

[beko1987]

I did look for 'anything else', sadly I did not find anything

[Christine]

Lord Sterling the beard make you look like a Count  ,not a Lord.   

 

 

I never was much good at spelling  

[Lord Sterling]

BMW has passed the MOT with a few advisories and 2 new tyres have been whacked on the front, plus it got a wash and hoover, though I haven't started washing various interior trim bits yet, that'll probably be done tomorrow.

 

New tyres:

 

MOT:

 

Clean:

 

Also, the CD changer did spit out the cassette eventually and some CDs were found, can post them to you BV or bro_BV, but changer still won't read CDs.

 

Keyfob has started working more and more now, which is nice. Might look into getting a spare key sorted.

 

Fraiser: Yes, that would be good, all discs and pads need doing.

[privatewire]

I reckon that looks like a cracking wee car! Does the keyfob not charge up while in the ignition with these? It did when I had an X reg coop.