2016 AS quote thread

[Craig the Princess]

From SOC's Laguna thread

 

Result ! Sell the 2-litre engine on ebay and use the proceedings (an estimated 99p) to buy another Laguna !

[Joey spud]

 

 

 

'Lovingly hand painted in tribute to the great Chinese Beatles band, the Cheatles. Yong, Pau, Lingo and Mr Benn were very famous right up until the minute they bought out 'Yellow Submarine' which, unbeknown to them, once translated back into Mandarin came out as 'I have enjoyed bum sex with your mother's moped'.

 

Mr Cavcraft (who else) from ebay tat v3.

 

[Craig the Princess]

I'm trying to explain to my six year old son that my favourite superhero is a man who just resurrected a Renner Laguna.

[Craig the Princess]

... plus I'd probably swap it for some sort of hopeless car or other.

[Sloth in a bowl]

 

I had a J-reg diesel 825 back in the day, I filled the entire interior with logs just leaving enough space for me plus a gap above the ones in the passenger seat so I could see the rear view mirror while driving along at 25mph

 

 

Bad scotch egg?

 

 

The worst ever

 

 

 

only possible on Autoshite

[anonymous user]

From the Interesting first car for daughter thread - taxi paul

 

When getting my daughters first car she hated micras. So I bought one for her.

[anonymous user]

From Magnificent Rustbucket's XJ40 thread

 

Death was swift. In a second, all that was left in the garage of the pigeon was its head and a handful of feathers. So I put on the front spoiler and marvelled at the straightness of my bumper.

[oldcars]

This from the big bad benz thread.

 

After that, nothing else is relevant. Still, I cleaned out the interior, repaired the foglight and opened the roof hole to check the drain channels and clean and lubricate the runners. This sounds like nothing but it took ages. As a result it opens much quicker and no longer sounds like a matchstick model of the Burj Khalifa being fed through a mangle

[Craig the Princess]

0 out of 5 cars working.

[vulgalour]

Renault should have treated the laguna like fruit and vegetables- they should have put a "best before" sticker under the bonnet.

[anonymous user]

barrett on the Dyna X

 

 

Well, actually got a chance to drive it today. It's quite loud. And it jumps out of top gear, the wipers are useless and there is no heater. We fitted a fag lighter to power the satnav and did some cursory checks to fluids etc so it might be a Goer for Paris.

[quicksilver]

Not actually said here on the beige but it is a quote from a shiter and it made me laugh so what the hell, in it goes. CMS206 on the Boris Bus.

 

 

hideous fucking abortionate shed of fuck.

I don't think he likes it.

[vulgalour]

I once spoke to the owner of a very scruffy Bentley 3 litre who had taken it to go shopping at Morrisons, he'd had the car for over 20 years and said the worst thing about the car was that they are now worth so much money most are sat aside as investments, a concept that would probably have W. O. Bentley spinning in his grave and developing 70bhp at 3,500rpm.

[anonymous user]

Longblackcoat on his Cadillac STS

 

It had even been tested at the Nurburgring, though whether this was for spelling or arithmetic rather than the more normally expected handling was never fully established.

[skattrd]

'Selling my trusty Picasso due to getting a deal I couldn't pass up on elsewhere'

 

A wheelbarrow full of cat shit with a flat tyre?

 

I do enjoy Billeh's comments on some of the shite in the tat thread.

[Sloth in a bowl]

Junkman's list of current cars:

 

 

 

 

 

[Junkman]

Conrad D. Conelrad's "awards".

 

 

[flat4alfa]

I thought we already had one of these threads somewhere

[Junkman]

You are soooo last year.

[flat4alfa]

 

Conrad D. Conelrad 12 Feb 2015

 

 

"...and I don't know what's wrong with this stereogram but it's destroyed every LP I've tried to play on it"

[Bstardchild]

I would rather lie on the floor on my back, with my legs up a wall in the corner of a room, and try and piss into my own eyes all day thanks.

Cash welcome though.

 

In response to a Part-ex offer of a Laguna.........

[spartacus]

"... See if it needs a MIG bukkake session..."

 

Warren T Claim, on his rescued Punto.

[tooSavvy]

Urko, in eBay tat volume 3

 

Quote

   ' barabas alloys '


Worth it just for these, easily confused with the much more common ones from the German tuning outfit, these were handcrafted about 2000 years ago by their eponymous originator, glad to have been spared cruxifiction, albeit a little annoyed by how popular the bloke in the next cell became and how death didn't seem to hamper his career. *

 

 

TS

 

* Fabulously irreverent and 'fb'/selfie mocking too .. lolzz

[Craig the Princess]

From the EU in or out thread

 

However that would be offset by making it more difficult for us to buy Renault 20's from Isis Terrorists in Paris. Oddly David Cameron hasn't mentioned that yet....

[skattrd]

...... Spending £3 on that car was as inconceivable to me as winning an Olympic medal or eating a salad.

 

On the subject on Mazda 323s on Hirst's executive thread.

[Station]

... the central locking is all to cock - drivers side lock is siezed solid and the nearside one now just turns the barrel so I tend to go in via the boot.

Hahahaha

[cms206]

 

 

'I've found a 309 I really want instead'

 

 

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

11

12

13

14

15

16

17

18

19

20

21

22

23

24

25

26

27

28

29

30

31

32

33

34

35

36

37

38

39

40

41

42

43

44

45

46

47

48

49

50

51

52

53

54

55

56

57

58

59

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

I love the silhouette jokes in the eBay Tat thread. This one particularly:

 

Must be worth viewing this just to see his dog that's been trained to use opera glasses

 

[anonymous user]

problemhamster's introduction

 

 

The RX8 is a sensible and practical family car, efficient use of space internally - children are small and so are the back seats and doors...

[quicksilver]

From anonymous user in the FSO thread. I can't think of many places where someone would seriously suggest fitting a harmonium to their camper van in place of a cooker.

 

I still haven't decided whether to go for a fitted sink/hob, or to fit the harmonium and make do with a washing up bowl and camping gaz stove.