Pet hate automotive terms...................

[retrogeezer]

You have all forgotten the classic 'One Lady Owner'!So friggin what, doesn't mean she's been the driver for a start - and even if she was, it doesn't mean she is a good driver does it.

[dollywobbler]

Till is ok in America!! Here, it means a cash register! If you're shortening until to 'til, why would you add an extra l? Sorry, ultra pedantic, I know!!

I don't use it myself, unless I'm deliberately trying to make something look slangy, but there are bigger worries in the world! Like disk brakes. What? Computerised brakes? Wicked.

[MrRegieRitmo]

Get you're bids in now, you wont find a better exampal then this. Drives like a dream. This is a really rare opportunitie, their cant be meny left in this condishon. No messrs or ur bids will be canselled. If the reserve is not met by the end of the auction than I will frag the car as it must be worth rescquing & I will not be relisting it. Have alreddy had good offers from the banger boyz for this car so dont hold back and dont hold on until the finel seconds

[Milford Cubicle]

And while on the subject of TV, everything that Jason Dawes says.

On a UCR episode the other day he was hysterically urging the viewers not to buy any car which has had a towbar fitted.

[Pete-M]

Clarkson derogatory references to Nissan as a Datsun is something that exposes him as knowledgeless idiot. And while on the subject of TV, everything that Jason Dawes says.

Many many moons ago I worked for Nissan as a salesman, a thankless task which I am highly unlikely to repeat, especially when the model range consisted of pretty much 'white goods'.

 

Just for confirmation, this is something I'm not proud of..

 

 

Anyway, where I used to work there was a real 'Swiss Toni' type wanker, always went on about his mortgage being huger than anyone elses, about how he'd sold Datsuns since he left school, how he was the greatest car salesman the world had ever seen, and how it was obvious that he was the best salesman as he'd had a new Bluebird company car every six months for 20 odd years. He'd been driving a Primera for at least 7 years then but couldn't get his head around the model names changing.

 

He sent a few customers scarpering by referring to the Almera as the 'Sunny', Primeras as Bluebirds, Micras as 100As etc etc. I think they combination of stress related heart attacks, numerous divorces and the couple of bottles of scotch a day had finally pickled his tiny mind.

 

On the basis of Neil the Datsun salesman I can't complain about people calling Nissans Datsuns.

[Pete-M]

You have all forgotten the classic 'One Lady Owner'!So friggin what, doesn't mean she's been the driver for a start - and even if she was, it doesn't mean she is a good driver does it.

I've noticed there tends to be a high proportion of "Lady Owner" high performance stuff about. TVR Cerberas, AMG Mercs and the like. On the few occasions I've been to see such cars they tend to be owned by one of the following.A: 18 year old brat using his mothers insurance.B: Bankrupt pub managers trying to avoid repo ordersC: Flash Harry type characters who have to use the wives name to get finance.D; Women, but this is very, very rare.Another thing I've noticed is whenever you go to view such a car there'll be a bloke, normally with a couple of gold chains and a blag Rolex 'selling it the wife as she really wanted an auto / something smaller / a diesel / something to carry the dogs in / a new kitchen'. Said wife tends to turn up half way through the appraisal driving a late plate Fiesta or Polo and skulks off into the background. She'll be 4'11 tall, yet the car for sale has the seat adjusted to fit 'bloke' perfectly.

[Split_Pin]

On the subject of 'Scene' it appears to have infected Vauxhall forums too.There are some terms used to descirbe the 'look' of a particular member's car, such as 'clean' and 'euro' and then a 10 page thread (I am not kidding) ensues on whether it actually conforms to the particular label.At least here the definition of 'shit' and 'shite' is quite clear!

[Guest]

'Valver' is another one, usually in the context of early Clios or mk2 Golfs. Parts desk staff presumably have to put up with an endless stream of one-make forum-dwelling mobile chavs asking for " a set of pads for a valver ". :roll:For the record, I've never liked the abbreviation 'Cossie' either

[pandamonium]

I once bought a VW Golf that had 'one lady owner'.It was shagged.approx 155 billion miles as the speedo was kaput.Every surface was caked in white makeup residue.Every outside crevace was filled with moss and it looked like it had never been washed.But it had indeed had only one owner and the name was a female one!

[Des]

Real headturner.

[Guest]

Family owned from new.So....Grandad (dealer serviced)Grandmother (dealer serviced)Dad (tinkerer)Mum (Never serviced)Spotty thrashing 17/18 yearold tosspot (only repaired when pulled from a ditch!)Family owned-no thanks.

[ayd]

"will easily fly through an MOT" - well fuc*ing do it then and get more for your car.....and kinda harsh this one but...."I have the car advertised elsewhere so I reserve the right to end the auction early" which, to me, normally means - if I don't like the money its going for I'll pull it and relist it a few days later......never been raced or ralliedI'm sure more will come to me......

[hotford00]

Just a couple that annoy me , when looking at recovery trucks ( beavertails) MOT Exempt, no it s friggin not unless its fitted with some way of completly lifting and moving a disabled vehicle. And recently when trying to buy a certain type of MK1 Astra gearbox, I asked quite innocently if anyone had one for sale, a couple of people said they had one for sale and before I had chance to contact them some tit comes on and says I can get £500 for them, well bully for friggin you you prat now jog off and mither someone else.

[pompei]

Oil burnerRaiding the parts pinboth lazy journo cliches

[pogweasel]

"will easily fly through an MOT" - well fuc*ing do it then and get more for your car.....

Irritating, but maybe I am guilty of this, sold my 325i as 'probably not needing much for MoT', but I really couldn't be jiggered with the arseache as i'd already had NUFF GRIEF from that motor, plus had already paid the deposit on the E36.

[Guest]

When selling:HI M8 WOTS UR BEST PRICE FOR CASHMore than you can fucking afford, you gibbering halfwit cocksucker.Also, when [not] wanting to sell:......Skool.So, you'll hassle me incessantly by PM, talk me to death on the phone from a number you won't reveal, offer me a obscenely high price, promise eighteen thousand times that 'people have got the wrong idea about me' and that you 'never back out of a deal'.......and then fail spectacularly to keep contact or supply a deposit? Respect for the elders.He has a 12 car transporter picking cars up from all over the UK - did you know that? Have we had'CAR WAS KEPT WRAPPED IN BLANKETS' yet?'NOT' something else to bump the search engine results up.e.g. Datsun Bluebird 910 NOT AE86 S14 S13 EA211 JR120 DRIFT'Are we doing our lists on BBC Masters now?

[retrogeezer]

Kept in a heated garage is another one. I know there are a few but I've never seen a heated garage in my life and you can't count having the boiler located there as heated!

[Pete-M]

Nothing pisses me off more than "Ford Escort 1.1L. NOT BMW 5 SERIES / CUDDLY TOY / JADE GOODY POSTER / BMW / Mercedes / JAGUAR"

[Albert Ross]

Skin & Wind- Leather + Air Conditioning.Conservatory. - SunroofAlloys.........................GRRRRR You surely mean Aluminium wheels?"Selling on behalf of a friend with no internet" has been mentioned here recently............................Why not? Does he live in a cave?Back seat never been sat on/Rear doors never opened. Service mechanic/MOT Tester's a lazy cunt then....................

[STUNO]

Just saw this for sale in NZ

UNIQUE LEFT HAND DRIVE

he thinks it is the only LHD Meredes ever made ????

[Father Ted]

Actually what annoys me greatly is people who delibaratly mis fill in information about cars n egay. So when we were searching for the Ted-mobile-clan-karrier I was looking for a sub 50k miles motor, great, ebay let you do this as do automart, but the pages of dross I had to plough through because rather than write their ex taxi has done 11billion miles they simply put 11 miles, then pages of rhetoric about "Nice car, be quick, not to miss" and fuck all about service history, timing belts, water pumps and how many actual fuckig miles its done

5 Doors, Manual, Petrol, 150,000 miles, Metallic Azure Blue Metallic. 5 Seater, 3 Spoke Steering Wheel, 3 X 3 Point Rear Seat Belts, 5 Minutes from M6 Junction 28, 5 Seats, All Cars are EXPERIAN Clear, Alloy Wheels, Any Test Drive / Inspection Welcome 7 Days A Week, Ask For DENIS or BRIAN, Cant Get Finance ? See Our Website, Cup Holders Front & Rear, Do Not Miss, Electric Windows, Folding Mirrors, Folding Rear Seats, Handy Vehicle, Headlamp Levelling, Height Adjust Drivers Seat, Ideal Family Economy Car, Immobilzer, Insurance Group 4, Internet Price, Low Insurance, M.O.T. June 2009, Metallic Paint, Mobile 07802 585 010, Nationwide Delivery Available, Norwich Union FREE 7 Days Insurance On This Car, Only One At This Price, Open 7 Days a Week, Part Exchange To Clear, Pollen Filter, Power Assisted Steering, Rear Shelf, Rear Wash / Wipe, Remote Audio Control, Remote Central Locking, See Our Other Cars On www.goldenhillgarage.co.uk. Side Impact Protection, Steering Wheel Reach & Rake Adjust, Tilt / Slid Glass Sunroof, Tinted Glass,39.8 mpg (combined) £590

WTF???

[Guest]

Cup holders front AND rear? Sounds good to me, where do I sign?I know it's a bit specific and not really for this thread, but I hate when people put new-ish cars on Autotrader at £199 because that's what you can pay per month for it. SOD OFF. I want to see ropey Daihatsu Applauses, not a load of new TDi repmobiles.

[Guest Tony Hayers]

I know it's a bit specific and not really for this thread, but I hate when people put new-ish cars on Autotrader at £199 because that's what you can pay per month for it. SOD OFF. I want to see ropey Daihatsu Applauses, not a load of new TDi repmobiles.

That really pi**es me off too

[Mr_Bo11ox]

^^^^ and me. I dont bother looking at autotrader for just that reason, all the prices at the 'shite end' are all to cock because of cretins 'selling' a 55-plate vectra for £199.I hate these silly names people use on the internet for their car, Capper, Fester, rocco, goof and so on. One-make forums are awash with this nonsense. You wouldnt say that in real life, cos if you did, you'd look like a cock. Some moron on R-R was going on about metros, referring to them as 'tros. WTF is a 'tro? It could be a metro, a maestro, Chevy astro, Audi Quattro..... or alternatively it could be an 'I AM A FUGGTARD WHO BUMS SQUIRRELSTRO'

[pogweasel]

'I AM A FUGGTARD WHO BUMS SQUIRRELSTRO'

[MrRegieRitmo]

Think he prefers Koala Bears!

[retrogeezer]

Just saw this for sale in NZ

UNIQUE LEFT HAND DRIVE

he thinks it is the only LHD Meredes ever made ????

fookin lovely though for sure......

 

(drools like a St Bernard all over keyboard..)

[Guest Kyle]

^^^^ Also on Autotrader when it's "1984 Audi Quattro UR Turbo £199"Then says "this car is sold but I have a lovely Ford Ka for £2995"The ebay ones that really rattles me are the 1977 Chrysler Alpine auctions with the £25 buy it now, then you click on it all excited and it says "you are bidding on a wheel nut, all parts available" And people selling V5c's and VIN tags, helping to boost the theft of RS2000's.

[garethj]

I hate these silly names people use on the internet for their car, Capper, Fester, rocco, goof and so on. One-make forums are awash with this nonsense. You wouldnt say that in real life, cos if you did, you'd look like a cock. Some moron on R-R was going on about metros, referring to them as 'tros. WTF is a 'tro? It could be a metro, a maestro, Chevy astro, Audi Quattro..... or alternatively it could be an 'I AM A FUGGTARD WHO BUMS SQUIRRELSTRO'

I was very impressed when a bloke on another forum announced he'd bought a Ro.

 

Sadly it wasn't

 

But only a

[Guest]

I have been guilty of referring to the Volvo as a 'Zon.This was all well and good, until a sarky mate of mine reminded me that he didn't remember Amazons being offered with a 7.3 V12.Also, among friends, Piazza gets referred to as 'Pizza', mainly cos I did a night as a pizza delivery mong in it. Smell of cigs still remained.Celeste = another one of Jon's shit cars.