Shitest vans

[Richard]

In the early 80s someone told my mother that vans were cheaper to insure than cars.

 

They were- Group 1 for anything up to 1600cc and Group 2 for 1600cc to 2300cc. Bizarre when you consider the damage you could do in a 2.3 CF compared to something like a 1.1 Allegro.

 

If home library then I guess it has to be a big van - which rules out the Lada Riva van, the Maestro van, and the Morris 310 Metro - all of which would be shite (Maestro probably the least glamorous too)

 

VW LT35? 

 

Talbot Express? 

 

I don't think it's a mobile library as such, more of a van with some boxes of books to rummage through- also I get the impression that anything remotely suitable for the job is out.

[Eddie Honda]

I'm chucking a well-worn Dodge 50 in the mix:

 

[MarvinsMom]

what did they call the yellow dodge vans that BT used to use around the time of busby?

 

the one bigger than the bedford HA?

 

was that the space van, or something similar?

[barmatt]

Gotta be a CF,

 

stick an A-Team spoiler and stripe on this thing ftw

 

[sierraman]

Transits with the optional steel box section rear bumper, as beloved by ram raiders.

[Station]

Remember going to get a shit load of horse poo with my dad (for the roses) in his red Fiat Fiorina (?). Two up front and me in the back holding on for dear life with the mountain of horse poo.

[barmatt]

[wuvvum]

The Vanette isn't a car, by van standards the performance* on offer is adequate, and no worse than many of its competitors at the time.

 

I was driving a new Sprinter 4x4 through work at the same time as I owned the Vanette and the Sprinter stalled all the fucking time and felt no quicker except at high speeds where its inherent instability put you off pressing on.

There you go, a new Mercedes-Benz product is worse than a 14 year old Nissan van.

I think the "slowest car in teh world" Serena was the 2-litre diesel - Vanettes / Cubs all seem to have got the 2.3, which had a bit more grunt.

[Felly Magic]

Seat Terra-ble, flimsy and shite things, can tell they are a Mk1 Pandamonium under the skin

[PiperCub]

Seeing the ex-RM van at the top of this page reminds me of seeing ex-RM Marina vans for auction at BCA Paddock Wood (in Kent) in the early nineties. Christ, they were all utterly, royally (no pun intended) shagged, looked like they'd spent the last six months in Beirut distributing ammo with the insides looking as if the binmen made deliveries. They struggled to make scrap value IIRC.

[Formula Autos]

Sounds like a Hyundai H100 would fit the bill perfectly. A recycled '80s Mitsubishi van with SCoupe front lights, released in the late '90s and obscure shizzle even then.

[scruff]

Out here in the boonies the Royal Mail Corsa vans are all mostly wrecks.

[Richard]

I've a feeling RM vans are built to a lower standard than other vans. My work bought an ex-Royal Mail Escort van that was only just over two years old with under 30k up. It failed its second MOT because the sills were utterly rotten, with holes nearly a foot long. Even by Ford standards that was pretty poor.

[DSdriver]

Ex police or amblunce LDV with Rover V8 engine should see her getting her rounds done in half the time.

[DSdriver]

Or how about

Every village garage should have one somewhere around the far corners of the back yard

[D Spares & Tyres]

Surely the LDV Pilot is the worst van ever??

 

It might have just been acceptable in the sixties when design was based but not in 2000

 

Dreadful in every way imaginable

 

Driven loads of vans, most I forget as they do the job well but these were so shit they do stick in my memory

 

The LDV Maxis wasn't too bad thought apart from its Fisher Price interior

[eddyramrod]

It's amazing what you can find hidden away behind little local garages...

 

[D Spares & Tyres]

Surely the LDV Pilot is the worst van ever??

It might have just been acceptable in the sixties when design was based but not in 2000

Dreadful in every way imaginable

Driven loads of vans, most I forget as they do the job well but these were so shit they do stick in my memory

The LDV Maxis wasn't too bad thought apart from its Fisher Price interior

Saying that, anything Mercedes pre Sprinter was pretty dire. Long lasting though

[Bone]

 

100_3354.jpg

 

 

Want that van, that's life transport right there.

[eddyramrod]

Saying that, anything Mercedes is pretty dire.

FTFY

[andy18s]

 

It would have to be ex Royal Mail - faded red with an odd rear door set up 

All this needs is a crappy spec lift on the back to be the 1 from Cannock auctions last week....

[Felly Magic]

What about the new renner kangoo with the Mercedes snout, Shitan or summat? For people who want a miserable pile of shit, and have more money than functioning braincells. Or the PSA van with Toyota badges?

[michael t]

Any Fiesta van surely qualifies? especially the Mk3

 

 

Mk4 Esc'rot' vans with their lovely little quarter window arrangements

[eddyramrod]

Predictably, yes, I had one.  And yes, it was shit more than it was shite.  Should never have swopped my beloved Cortina...

[D Spares & Tyres]

Sorry I can't say the Sprinter is shite, those aren't bad at all in my opinion. Done loads of miles in them. They do feel a bit light sometimes though, unladen you get the feeling a fart would knock it off course

[eddyramrod]

It's a matter of perception, isn't it Tom?  I've driven way more miles than I care to remember in a huge variety of vans.  I'll concede that the Sprinter is a vast, even unrecognisable improvement over the wedgy shit that preceded it, but that wouldn't be difficult.  What does seem to be beyond MB is the task of making a van that is actually fit for purpose.  Therefore they are perfect for the fictional task in question.  I stand by my original nomination.

 

 

 

 

 

I stand by it because there isn't enough money in the world, or even Jeremy Clarkson's bank account, to make me drive one again.

[catsinthewelder]

How about a Kangoo with homemade bodywork?

 

Here's one I amused a friend with earlier.

 

[D Spares & Tyres]

That's why I said 'in my opinion'.... Each to his own ☺

 

What would be your favourite van? I reckon Renault Master ( latest one ) nice to drive, quick and superb economy

 

Can't comment on long term reliability though, not sure if they still use a car gearbox though the silly sods

[HH-R]

It's funny reading about Sprinters feeling dodgy to drive, they way I see them being driven you'd think they felt totally planted!

[D Spares & Tyres]

It was only the early ones that were bad. They used to aquaplane easy too. Later ones much better, I used to drive one flat out round Wales and it was actually fun.