Weirdest people you've sold a car to

[mercedade]

So...I once sold a 220 GTi to a man on eBay.

(I admit it's not exactly a Dickens-esque opening, but bear with me)

The initial signs weren't good, in so much as the eventual buyer had never seen the car, paid instantly via PayPal and subsequently disappeared off the face of the planet for 10 days. The car had no tax, 3 weeks MOT and a hefty crack across the windscreen. I'd recently done pads all round and, had I been a little more confident about curing the T-series OMGHGEXXONVALDEEZGF oil leak, I'd have given serious thought to hanging on to it. As it was, I replaced it with a ridiculous Mk1 827. Anyway.

When the buyer eventually made contact, he said he was coming up to Manchester the next day to collect it "with a mate". They were coming from Oxfordshire and he was going to drive it back. I explained it had no tax, he explained it was fine as he had A Plan.

The Plan

1) He would bring the tax disc from his Puggo 205 to put in the window of the Rover

2) He would drive half a mile away, cut the fan belt and call the AA who would recover him home.

3) Er...

4) That's it.

He arrived (3 hours late) with his "mate". By "mate", what he actually meant was "some poor and clearly unwell man who'd obviously been bullied to drive 180 miles each way on a Friday night by the enormous geezer who'd actually bought my car". This man said nothing for the whole time he was in my house. I honestly wouldn't have been surprised if after they left, I'd have found "PLEESE HELP ME" carved into my kitchen door.

The Plan was initiated (except he couldn't be arsed to drive away, so he just cut the belt on the road outside my house - THANKS THEN). Belt cut, it took the best part of 30 mins to flatten the battery with the fans, lights, wipers on. AA called by Geezer, who knocks on my door asking to dispose of the belt "cos it'll look sus if they see the edges aren't frayed, so I'll just say it must have come off while driving".

AA appears.

AA man spends approx 30 seconds to diagnose - Geezer's eyes light up.

Geezer's panic as AA hitches up the Rover to his Transit explaining "we've got a parts depot in Old Trafford, we'll get you a new belt on you'll be on your way in no time".

Beautiful.

(As a post-script, I got a phone call about 3 days later from The Geezer - "alright mate, just lettin' you know if you get anythin' through the post - I'm in hospital at the moment cos I crashed the Rover last night. Those brakes you did were shit")

I never heard anything from anyone ever again.

[Rt Hon.Tony Coleman Milne]

I once sold a 1974 Mini to a screaming transvestite.

[mercedade]

Did he/she scream throughout the entire transaction?

[Bobthebeard]

I once sold a 1974 Mini to a screaming transvestite.

Was s/he screaming before, during or after the sale?

[fordperv]

I once sold a 1974 Mini to a screaming transvestite.

 

pre or post op???

[Bobthebeard]

Wearing a 1974 Mini pre op would look ridiculous. A nice trouser suit in beige being more suitable.

Post op... May* look ok....

[overrun]

I never sell my cars. Then again, I also don't buy them.

[Rt Hon.Tony Coleman Milne]

None of the above. The tackle was intact, as was an adams apple like a camels hump.

 

No, it was a 6 foot builder called Steve with wig, make up, cowboy boots, fake tits, the works.

[Danblez]

Cavette

 

*scarpers*

[autofive]

I recently sold a chevette with no engine or gearbox to a bloke with one leg who told me he was going to drop an e21 engine in it and 'go drifting'

 

i wished him well.............

[Bobthebeard]

I recently sold a chevette with no engine or gearbox to a bloke with one leg who told me he was going to drop an e21 engine in it and 'go drifting'

 

i wished him well.............

Amazingly I recently sold an artificial leg and a chevette engine and gearbox to a transvestite.

Small world eh?

[trigger]

Word of advice, don't google the words "Tranny and Mini" together   

[Bobthebeard]

Word of advice, don't google the words "Tranny and Mini" together   

Why not?

Surely a Transit and a Mini can't be too....

Arrrgh!

Point taken.

[Bobthebeard]

Oh, by the way. Welcome to Autoshite Mercedade!

[overrun]

I recently sold a chevette with no engine or gearbox to a bloke with one leg who told me he was going to drop an e21 engine in it and 'go drifting'

 

i wished him well.............

Lad called Jonathan? Black hair and really annoying, 'maaaate'?

[mercedade]

Oh, by the way. Welcome to Autoshite Mercedade!

 

Ta.

 

And thanks for being marginally slower than me to post that joke. Makes me look cool, right?

[autofive]

dont remember his name. he came from the midlands, but he did have a mate with him

[mercedade]

Disappointed.

 

Was hoping to have discovered that actually I sold that Rover to one of you chancers.

[Sigmund Fraud]

So...I once sold a 220 GTi to a man on eBay.

 

What a story !

 

I would have been tempted to tell him to go away as soon as he divulged his master* plan, but the fact that he had paid in advance probably made this difficult.

 

Still, stories like this teach us that an elaborate bill of sale, with liberal use of phrases like 'sold as seen' 'unroadworthy condition' 'for restoration', signed by both parties and including the time of sale is essential to keep you out of trouble when the new owner drives into a bus stop full of kitten-stroking nuns at 100MPH.

[autofive]

I would have been tempted to tell him to go away as soon as he divulged his master* plan, but the fact that he had paid in advance probably made this difficult.

 

 

the fact that he paid via paypal suggests he had no money and bought the car on plastic

[Bobthebeard]

None of the above. The tackle was intact, as was an adams apple like a camels hump.

 

No, it was a 6 foot builder called Steve with wig, make up, cowboy boots, fake tits, the works.

I often wondered what happened to Burt Reynolds...

[CortinaDave]

Not SOLD - but I very nearly bought a car from a proper weirdo

 

6 or 7 years ago , 11 year old VX Calibra in Glasgow marked down as "offers"

 

Went to see it - was OK but far from perfect so I made an £800 offer which was more than fair  - in fact a bit more than it was probably worth but i liked the car - and she accepted. I left a £100 deposit and said I'd be back in an hour with the rest and a second driver to get the car home.

 

When I came back I rang the doorbell and she answered angrily

 

"Ive been checking and you are trying to TOTALLY RIP ME OFF. my boyfriend told me how much more the car is worth. Take your deposit and ram it up your arse"

 

She then literally threw my money at me there and then, on the street and chased me out!

 

I just said "oh well, up to you - but that was a very fair offer. Enjoy NOT selling your car"

 

"oh dont you F*cking worry I'll sell it" she said

 

I left and bought another a couple of days later.

 

That would be bad enough - but three months later I got a sheepish message on my answering machine "Hello, its Barbara with the calibra for sale - Just wanted to ring and see if you were still interested in the car. I've given it a lot of thought and I'd like you to to have it for the price you offered"

 

Absolute lunatic

[mercedade]

the fact that he paid via paypal suggests he had no money and bought the car on plastic

 

Also, back in those days I had no idea of the sophisticated*  "buy it on PayPal then lie to ebay that you never got the car" scam.

 

To be honest, I probably got off lucky. Could have been a whole lot more hassle in it for me.

[cms206]

I once sold a J-reg Proton to Mohammed Ali. No lies.

[mercedade]

I've had someone take a deposit for the paperwork, then when I returned later that day with the balance to collect the keys and car, it had vanished from view.

 

Getting ready for a proper angry about it, I knocked on the door to be told "oh, I didn't think you'd be coming back so I sold the car to the scrap man for £150 when he knocked on earlier - here's your deposit back".

 

She must have lost about £200 in the deal.

 

That was a Rover too.

[cort16]

Was it this 3.2 one, I just spotted on facebook?

 

[cms206]

NO! IT MUST BE SAVED!

 

It was a Lynx saloon with an equally shit bodykit though...

[Bobthebeard]

I once sold a J-reg Proton to Mohammed Ali. No lies.

That would explain a couple of things then!

[HillmanImp]

I once sold a J-reg Proton to Mohammed Ali. No lies.

 

I once sold a motorbike with the front wheel missing to Jonathan Ross. Wheelie.

[RedSparrow]

Entertaining thread.
More weirdo stories please!