Autoshite Quote of the Year

[Station]

I can't see filler in that rear arch, I think there's a bit of paint lumpiness on the seams, but that's about it.

[FredTransit]

its been on telly an all.....

[Wilko220]

I reckon if you search savvy's posts and take the 10th letter of each post he's made it will tell you who really killed JFK or what caused that Air France jet to drop into the sea or some such. It must do.

[michael1703]

The one that made me laugh was an Ebay tat thread one

 

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/HONDA-ACCORD- ... 2c692d2108

YOU NAME IT, IT,S GOT IT

Has it got a spare wheel?

SPARE WHEEL IS MISSING.

LIAR!

[phil_lihp]

cort16 wrote:

 

Looks like it's had some paint appied using a hedgehog taped to the end of a stick

 

thank you, I shall treasure that mental image.

[Cavcraft]

Uncle Albert Ross:

 

'I think he's making up for something "missing" in his life..... A penis perhaps?'

 

 

[Cavcraft]

Roadwork Uk:

 

'...was a shit idea 50 years ago, and hasn't miraculously de-shitted itself since.'

[eddyramrod]

Well, where I am it's gone midnight, so 2012 is offically over. Entries are now closed. Could we have a volunteer please to initiate a 2013 version? And no, it won't be me, I'm busy judging these.

[eddyramrod]

"Within a week" has now passed, ahem... and I'm sitting here with a shortlist, having trawled the 19 pages of this thread. The list consists of 18 quotes, not a bad haul I think.

 

Mr Harrell.

 

Metros are excellent long-distance tow vehicles

 

 

It looks shit and I need cheering up.

 

If you were a real shitist... with a penchant for unusual clothing, you'd be looking for ways to make a pair of leather keks out of the seats of a Vanden Plas 1500.

 

Finished off with a little burr walnut picnic table on the arse of them.

 

Not slow? If you found a three legged, asthmatic tortoise carrying a full three ton builder's bag of sand on it's back and nailed it to the floor it'd be quicker than a 308D.

 

And the Volvo is like a fat bird. I like it, its fucking great to be in and does everything you tell it to, but would not want to be seen with it.

 

I suppose that's shitist logic for you; 80s car doesn't work, replace it with something older.

 

Had my polski fiat delivered today, tyres were so flat I couldn't get it in the garage and I couldn't put air into the tyres as the wheels are so rotten.

 

 

 

Do you put petrol in it or feed it lettuce?

 

Easiest way to solve this would be to sell it to scooters,it would be fucked within a week.

 

Agreed, a lady shouldn't have tits that resemble the bonnet of Burt Reynolds Trans-Am.

 

I've spent literally pounds

 

Mr Lobster:

 

'Hey I've been to the zoo today, the otters did look pretty pleased with themselves tbh.

 

The smug bastards.'

 

Wat on form (as ever) with:

 

'You see, the first problem was that you bought a VAG TDi.

 

The second problem occurred when you tried to fix it. Until you sell it on for a stupidly inflated price completely at odds with what the car is and what it represents, you'll continue to have difficulties.'

 

We should put together a book of Autoshite porn..."Fifty Shades of Beige"

 

What could possibly go wrong?

 

Long live the cheap unloved car.

 

eddyramrod wrote:

 

Proper Minis! Everything you want to work on, you wind up with severe spanner rash because there's no hand-room whatsoever. And whose idea was it to let the bonnet open to about 45 degrees? The moment you straighten up from whatever it was you were trying to get at, you crack the back of your head on either the bonnet catch or the safety latch. Fibreglass flip-fronts were the best thing ever on these (voice of experience); a great idea ruined by sub-standard home-fitting. Should have been done at the factory, from Day One.

 

BMW what's-it-called...? i-Drive? Three issues here. 1: it's bloody impossible. 2: let's have capitals and lower-case in their correct places, shall we? 3: i-Drive? No you fucking don't, you're the machine! I drive! I drive you! Get used to that idea now buster because that's how it's going to be.

 

Cavette Wrote about Xsara Picassos:

 

Don't worry, I bought one when I was sober once. I wish I'd been pissed though, far better excuse!

 

I'd eBay it, they do seem very popular and it's exactly the sort of car some Jeremy Kyle fodder bint will pester her tattooed, vest wearing neanderthal husband to buy her and do it up.

Three days later you'll see it parked across three disabled bays in Aldi pissing out oil, covered in dents, pound shop wheeltrims and crayoned interior as the lovely lady in question is inside buying 88 cans of Stella for her bloke as a thankyou. Obviously she'll have to hide a couple of cans to dull the pain in the morning as he's kicked fuck out of her for Christmas, but he's a good bloke and he's always sorry afterwards.

 

And there they jolly well are. 18 glorious quotes, for you all to vote on. I think what we will have to do is add replies below, with the two names involved (eg eddyramrod/Cavette if I quoted something Billy said). There are no duplicated pairings so I should be able to find the quote in question. I'll come back in a week and see what we've got. Still don't know what the prize will be, if anything!

[vulgalour]

My vote is going to Ashmicro/PaulDupart with the lettuce/petrol car. Makes me grin every time.

[ProgRocker]

A good one from R9UKE on his Ford Cougar thread

 

Anyway.... I hadn't realised what a nice car the Cougar is - It's like the Mondeo's sluttier sister.

[eddyramrod]

PR, yes it is, but too late! That needs to go in the 2013 version, which I believe watanabe started. Good luck!

[Spiny Norman]

My vote is going to Ashmicro/PaulDupart with the lettuce/petrol car. Makes me grin every time.

+1, although the Tayne/warren line about the Trans Am tits made me lol too.

[Junkman]

Wilko on Fiat Regatas:

 

I never appreciated these when they were common bangers - but they look absolutely stunning now. More '80s Alfa than an '80s Alfa...

[Split_Pin]

I'll vote for my own quote of what Cavette said about Picassos.

[eddyramrod]

Well, it seems we have a winner, by a huge margin! This one received two whole votes, a feat replicated by no other pairing. Well done to those involved, and thank you if you voted.

 

 

 

Do you put petrol in it or feed it lettuce?

 

There may or may not be some kind of valuable, or possibly (more likely!) valueless, prize, at some unspecified future date.

[AeroNautiCal]

This is outstanding!

 

 

Excellent! About as fucking useful as an advanced Meccano set for your pet ant.

[Albert Ross]

Yes it is, but it needs to go into Wat's 2013 thread..... it has to be in it to win it.

[Skizzer]

Sorry I didn't vote. If I had, I would probably have voted for that one too - congratulations to our WINNAH

 

This is a most excellent thread/idea and never falls far down the page, so don't be disheartened by the lack of participation in the actual competition part Eddy.

[eddyramrod]

Skizzer: oh don't worry, I'm not, but thank you for worrying about me I confess though, I'm a little disappointed that people are failing to spot Wat's new thread for this year, I mean how far in are we now? 6 weeks? This is Autoshite, I thought we were sharper than this!

[hairymel]

bump for new thread

 

2013 quote of the year thread here

 

http://autoshite.commlm/phpbb3/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=15757