big money shite

[Mr_Bo11ox]

I'm getting a new job soon, and with it a bit more money. Inevitably this is causing my mind to wander to new levels of shite - i'm talking decent four figure sums. I will almost certainly not end up spending decent money on a car, but..... maybe I will, who knows. See what happens. Here are some options which have appeared on my radar while i've been mulling it over for the past fortnight. I dont have any kids, and none are forecast, so the main objective of any car I buy is that it basically needs to be able to get me about reasonably reliably without bankrupting me.

 

1) Vauxhall Signum

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/2006-Vauxhall-Sig ... 0510378030

Pretty mundane these, like a vectra with a funny ass. Got a kind of pointless vibe about them, which I find appealing. I would have a v6 diesel, i'm sure there are any number of reasons why this would end up bankrupting me of course. The one pictured is only £6k, its 4 1/2 years old which seems absurd levels of depreciation to me.

 

2) Renault Trafic/Vauxhall Vivaro

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/2007-Vauxhall-Viv ... 0617489251

Quite like the idea of having a van as a daily 'car'. I'm sure theres no penalty in terms of comfort, and the fuel economy has got to be decent with a modern 2.0 common rail effort. i reckon these are probably the most car-like, i'm just guessing though as i've never driven one! £7k for this one, 3 yrs old. GR8 4 A FRAMIN'

 

3) Volvo S60 V8 tyre shredder

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/2006-Volvo-S80-SE ... 0454929850

 

Posted this up the other day in the ebay shite thread, Volvo S60 with 4.4 litre Yamaha-designed V8. 340 bhp, cost £50k 4 years ago, now up for 10k including an LPG conversion. The whole thing is unbelievable really, £10k is really a bit beyond what I could face spending on a car though I think although the levels of VALU right here are frankly coccyx-busting.

 

4) Saab 9-2x

http://cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/2005-Saa ... 0462979031

My boss at work has a mildly breathed on bug-eye impreza estate, he's given me a demo of its abilities and it is bloody impressive. I could never drive one though, too much of a cliche!!!! And too many wankers trying to race you i suspect. Maybe one of these Saabaru 9-2x's is the answer. this ones on yankbay and can be BIN'd for £5500!!! That sounds alright, though I suppose when you've paid to bring it back to UK its a lot more than an equivalent Impreza. Also, I wonder if there would be a load of admin grief off the DVLA about emissions regs and the like.

 

5) VW phaeton

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/2004-VOLKSWAGEN-P ... 0457065062

Love these, maybe a bit out of my price range though. I say that cos the one pictured is an early V6 petrol effort with no service history, and has sold on eBay for £6k!!! I think i would have to insist on a diesel one, which i probably could not afford.

 

6) VW Passat W8

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/2002-Volkswagen-P ... 0648852088

I have had a serious LOB for these cars for some time now, looks like a taxi but comes with 275 normally aspirated horsepower!!! Class in a glass. These are getting on a bit now like, this one's 8 yrs old. Saying that its made it to 120k and has a full history, how bad can it be? £3500.

[Milford Cubicle]

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/2007-CADILLAC-BLS ... 0452872696

 

I could picture you in one of these

[Guest]

None of these will suit you, although I quite like the idea of tooling around in a van.

 

If your new job means you think you're some kind of big-shot, I reckon you should lend my Stanza and create the right impression. It's all tested up now! I'll even lend you one of my nice ties.

[Formula Autos]

How about buying an Impreza and getting the Saab bits sent to you from Sweden/ the US? I'd guess this would be a lot cheaper (and easier) than getting a complete LHD car shipped over here. It would mean it's UK spec too, so no waiting a long time for obscure parts when it needs serviced/repaired.

 

Importantly though, it would still retain that elusive WTF? factor that I'm sure you were aiming for. But with fewer headaches.

[Mr_Bo11ox]

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/2007-CADILLAC-BLS ... 0452872696

 

I could picture you in one of these

Gah!! That looks terrible, just terrible. Looking at it, the Saabaru looks terrible as well! GM deserved to go bankrupt knocking out this sort of crap.

[Mr_Bo11ox]

How about buying an Impreza and getting the Saab bits sent to you from Sweden/ the US? I'd guess this would be a lot cheaper (and easier) than getting a complete LHD car shipped over here. It would mean it's UK spec too, so no waiting a long time for obscure parts when it needs serviced/repaired.

 

Importantly though, it would still retain that elusive WTF? factor that I'm sure you were aiming for. But with fewer headaches.

nah thats all wrong, that would just meant i was driving an impreza, that i'd gone to great lengths to disguise. Seems all wrong somehow. Going to great lengths to own something identical to an impreza but which actually is not one, would be OK I think. Does that make sense?

[Formula Autos]

Does that make sense?

No.

 

Importing the Saab, to me, gives you a LHD car that's not in UK spec, with all the problems that brings.

 

Making your own RHD one still messes with the heads of the Impreza crowd, without causing you too much hassle.

 

Having said that, it's your cash and, thus, your decision.

 

For mega WTF? points, you could always create yourself one of these Saabs:

 

 

 

A Delta, a few badges, and perhaps a set of Alloys and you're away!

[Guest]

Yo Blair, I just thought.....

 

 

You could be the first in the Autoshite XG30 race! Imagine the style, luxury and image!

[Cavcraft]

Signum would bankrupt you in about 48 hours, Vulvavaro will chomp through gearboxes quicker than the Saab will depreciate.

 

Hyundai (delusions of) Grandeur? 3.3 V6, made by dog eaters and will probably be worth about 27p when more than a week old?

[Mr_Bo11ox]

Does that make sense?

No.

 

Importing the Saab, to me, gives you a LHD car that's not in UK spec, with all the problems that brings.

 

Making your own RHD one still messes with the heads of the Impreza crowd, without causing you too much hassle.

 

Having said that, it's your cash and, thus, your decision.

 

For mega WTF? points, you could always create yourself one of these Saabs:

 

 

 

A Delta, a few badges, and perhaps a set of Alloys and you're away!

Creating one is all very well, but i'd want a pukka one!!! I wonder if any exist still. There must be one or two knocking around mustnt there.

 

I'm afraid in my eyes, finding one of those over the internet in a country you dont know and whose lingo you dont speak, buying it blind, then flying out there, attempting to drive it home, breaking down halfway etc etc makes more sense than creating a fake one even if the resulting vehicle is totally identical!!!

[Formula Autos]

I suppose Bo1 that it would be an adventure into the unknown. Go for it, but when you're done please triumphantly parade your obscure vehicle here.

 

Or you could buy a Signum.

But please don't. It only encourages GM to make more things like this.

[warren t claim]

If you're buying a Vivaro go for the Nissan version for extra shite points.

 

A W12 Phaeton has to be a better option than the V6 if only just to piss off Pete-M and win the 2010 Autoshite excessive power and complexity award.

[Mr_Bo11ox]

The more obscure, the more effort it deserves I reckon. That 'Saab Delta' is a class example, you'd properly have to bust a gut to get one back to the UK, and even when you had, no-one would know what it was or give it a second look. It would be totally worthless and unremarkable to drive. Thats SHITE DEDICATION! Anyone who did it, including myself, would have my lifelong admiration.

[wuvvum]

Surely an evening on leboncoin.fr and a subsequent trip to rural France to collect and drive home a slightly scruffy PL17 would be a far more sensible use of your new-found wealth than all this modern rubbish?

[Formula Autos]

Now you've tied down your criteria BO1, can I humbly suggest you seek one of these out, for a shedload of shite kudos:

 

 

 

 

[MK5 Escort]

An early VW Phaeton for £6k already? Oh yes...! I see it’s listed as a Cat D though - although if repaired properly, it wouldn't bother me. I'm not really a great fan of VW’s but I must admit, I do like the Phaeton.

 

Aye, the Nissan version of the Vivaro van has rear parking sensors as standard - I think. But they're usually hard to track down though and sell in relatively small numbers. I've always fancied a van myself.

 

I wouldn't knock the Signum too much. It has masses of space in the rear to carry all sorts of rubbish and something a bit different than the Vectra estate. It also has adjustable rear seats if and when you carry any rear passengers. Despite badging, the rare 3.0 CDTi is actually an Isusu lump. Not many are aware of that... VERY juicy around town though - Cavette has a point there. One of my father’s work colleagues has an 04 plate Vectra Elite auto with this lump. He bought it direct from Vauxhall (it was an employee’s car - a friend of his had it) when it was six months old. It’s never missed a beat. You can pick up an earlier Signum with a smaller diesel for much less than that. The 150bhp 1.9's can suffer from water pump issues though, although no Vectra's with this engine in our fleet at work have had these yet...

[eddyramrod]

In one of my last UK jobs I was driving a first-gen (04) Zafira 1.6. Tall Astra, you might say, what's to like? Actually you don't notice the height after a couple of miles, and they did bigger-engined variants that should be accessible in your budget, now the new model is well established. New shape drives well enough too, but for shite points, always go for the first one. If what you want is a shite modern for daily use, it has to be worth a look. DO NOT be tempted into a Scenic. My friend has one and has nothing but trouble with the electrickery. Well it's French...

[Mr_Bo11ox]

A zafira, WTF!!! Leave it out prov.

 

I'd have a scenic RX4 mind you - a Matra Rancho for the iPod generation

[Formula Autos]

A zafira, WTF!!! Leave it out prov.

 

I'd have a scenic RX4 mind you - a Matra Rancho for the iPod generation

Surely the Rancho's spiritual successor is the Honda HRV (AKA Joy Machine)? The most ineffectual soft-roader of recent times.

 

Or perhaps even the Nissan Qashqai in 2WD form?

 

Not that I'm saying you should buy either one though.

 

No, no, nooooooo.

[eddyramrod]

A zafira, WTF!!! Leave it out prov.

 

I'd have a scenic RX4 mind you - a Matra Rancho for the iPod generation

I'll take that as a No then...

[Guest]

BOLLOX!!

 

2010 Chevrolet Epica 2.0 LS

 

It's the one with the Porsche straight six, brand new, £9999!

 

I think I'd de-Chevy it though, bring it all up to SKDM "Daewoo Tosca" spec.

[Mike D]

Do you travel far to your new job Bol? I'd defo go for a monster petrol if not, that Volvo V8 looks absolutely superb, i'd love one. Mercedes S class and Audi A8's are MEGA VALU too.

[eddyramrod]

Surely the Rancho's spiritual successor is the Honda HRV (AKA Joy Machine)? The most ineffectual soft-roader of recent times.

Cyprus is crawling with HRVs, they're everywhere. There's even an English car dealer comes on a radio show on Saturdays and brags when he has some in to sell!

[Milford Cubicle]

Hey Sven Bo11ox why don't you buy a Citroen Xsara Picasso or a MINI Cooper S?

 

I've been looking at a few videos of the S80 V8 on youtube and love the sound it makes, if I had a few bob I'd definitely be looking at multi-cylindered cars.

[Lankytim]

I think the Signum sounds the best bet, I have admired them from afar for a while. I think it was WhatCar? that described the Signum as "answering the question nobody asked"- a fairly fair appraisal! Ive read the 1.9CDTi is the one to have, the 2.2 dizzle can be an expensive liability.

 

Dont buy a Chrysler. Theyre simply dire on every level, although that epica does look good value... Ive actually delivered cars to the very compound on the pics, and spent ages trying to hitch a lift out of there. Ah, memories!

[M'coli]

Go for the van. Decent enough economy, decent performance and handling. The clincher though is the view, I've been driving the Ducato-based motorhome about and the amount of walls and hedges you see over - it allows you to see so much tat.

[Station]

I remember the W12 engine cost 50 garage man hours to change the clutch!

I personally wouldn't go for any of them, the Volvo V8 looks nice though.

[garethj]

I think the Volvo V8s are quite serious if something goes wrong, our S80 can eat up garage time and that's only a FWD 5 cylinder thing.

 

A mate of mine has a Subaru, it goes like hell, well put together and got a nice engine note. The only bad bit is being waved at by other Subaru drivers... His is some top-spec one with a bonnet scoop, and sometimes he gets waved at by other drivers with a bonnet scoop and not by normal spec ones

 

Last time I spoke to him, he was going to get a sunshield made up with "I bought this car because I like it, not because I want to be your friend". As it's a lot longer than the normal "Terry + Tracey" he was having difficulty getting it laminated up

 

I vote something fairly odd that won't bankrupt you. That's what old cars are for and I'm sure there's room in the Bo11ox garage for one?

[Angrydicky]

No, no, no Bo11ox, you've got it all wrong!

 

There is so much class tat you could buy with four figures. And I'm not talking one car, I'm talking several. I reckon a £300 Austin Ambassador would handle motorway cruising as well as any Signum would. An old smoky "Albert Ross" style Land Rover for winter motoring. A rusty old Cadillac for when you want to appear hard. A shite old bus of some kind, an MCW Metrobus or Leyland Olympian to annoy the neighbours.

 

And a Tagora from Leboncoin.fr, drive it home, stick it in the garage just so you can occasionally go in there, stroke the velour seats and exclaim "OMG" repeatedly.

[eddyramrod]

No, no, no Bo11ox, you've got it all wrong!

 

There is so much class tat you could buy with four figures. And I'm not talking one car, I'm talking several. I reckon a £300 Austin Ambassador would handle motorway cruising as well as any Signum would. An old smoky "Albert Ross" style Land Rover for winter motoring. A rusty old Cadillac for when you want to appear hard. A shite old bus of some kind, an MCW Metrobus or Leyland Olympian to annoy the neighbours.

 

And a Tagora from Leboncoin.fr, drive it home, stick it in the garage just so you can occasionally go in there, stroke the velour seats and exclaim "OMG" repeatedly.

Nice selection! But you don't think the Cadillac and the Landy would be enough to annoy the neighbours?