You know you're driving shite when....

[ajcherry]

...when you fill you car up with petrol and it doubles in value....the tyres on the swings in the local kids playground have more tread on than yours.

[pompei]

You've got a sticker on the back window which says We've seen the lions at Longleat

[Albert Ross]

When a bird shits on it, you leave it, thinking that it looks like the face of an old History teacher from years ago...........You name the car, and always refer to it as that, even to people who hardly know you. i.e. "Colin had trouble getting up that long hill yesterday, must check his oil and water soon"

[Justin Case]

.....when the fenders on fishing boats are in better condition than your tyres

[mouseflakes]

You've got a sticker on the back window which says We've seen the lions at Longleat

...or 'Watch out, watch out, there's a Humphrey about'

[Albert Ross]

If it got pinched, you would be more concerned about the tenners worth of fuel you had put in the previous night, and the 2 quid socket set you got from thecar boot sale...................

[Marty]

You've got a sticker on the back window which says We've seen the lions at Longleat

...or 'Watch out, watch out, there's a Humphrey about'

Or a sticker saying "Dont blame me I voted Labour" (circa 79 IIRC)

[MrRegieRitmo]

You've got a sticker on the back window which says We've seen the lions at Longleat

...or 'Watch out, watch out, there's a Humphrey about'

Or a sticker saying "Dont blame me I voted Labour" (circa 79 IIRC)

Or "Put a tiger in your tank"or "Just ask for Tom"(Texas Homecare)or on the rear bumper "Keep your DISTANCE"You still have a Comic Relief squashed tomato or red nose attached to the front of your car from circa 1991 / 93.You have a set of those Halfords human fingers protruding from your boot bought when they were the height of fashion.You still have a set of those travel sickness strips of plastic that ran from your rear bumper down to the ground (god knows how they were supposed to work).Your car has become eligible to park in the 'One Make parking' zone at the Bromley Pageant (currently accepting cars upto 1992).

[Richard]

.... Local pikeys post notes through your door offering free pickup for scrap cars, as seems to be happening to me a lot lately

We must have a shite caravan cos we've just had pikeys at the door trying to buy it. Did any of your pikeys drive a rusty white Transit with ladders on the roof?

[MrRegieRitmo]

Did any of your pikeys drive a rusty white Transit with ladders on the roof?

That's probably not specific enough!

[Richard]

I know OK, I think it was either a V or an X plate and the driver was a woman who looked like a man.

[Mr_Bo11ox]

[Richard]

I wouldn't say that woman looks like a man but if her jeans were cut any lower we'd know for sure

[ChinaTom]

When the smell of the vinyl and whine of the back axle trigger a hankering to call into a Jet station and buy a Texan (...the big one).

 

[mk2_craig]

You know you're driving shite when you're secretly pleased that somebody's nicked the cheapo wheeltrims fitted by a proud previous owner.

[Milford Cubicle]

When a gaffer-taped bumper is the least worst thing about your car.

[j-j]

..when you pay less for the higher spec version that's the same age as the lower spec..when you can tip neat cooking oil in the filler and it makes no difference at all

[Justin Case]

..... when you apply the brakes and the headlights come on (it did happen to me on one of my Saabs )

[Cavcraft]

You know you're driving shite when...you wish the temperature gauge and the petrol gauge were the other way round.

[Milford Cubicle]

..when you can tip neat cooking oil in the filler and it makes no difference at all

I've been tipping all kinds of stuff into mine, used engine oil, petrol, kerosene, waste vegetable oil - anything but diesel. Still keeps running - blast it!

[Mash]

....when someone would be doing you a favour by running into that rusty wing so you could have it fixed for free.Please, anyone????

[Volksy]

You know you're driving shite when you're secretly pleased that somebody's nicked the cheapo wheeltrims fitted by a proud previous owner.

One of mine on the Shitcento flew off the other day.. one down three to go..

[CortinaDave]

Your phone is worth more than your carThe change in your pocket is worth more than your carYou pass a banger racer's lorry and they look down at your car, drooling.Your neighbours would rather you were gary glitter than have you lowering the tone with your motor in the streetunenlightened people say "why dont you just buy a DECENT car"any old key will open your car... in fact a penknife will.

[Timewaster]

Someone else will always insist on driving.

[VWPowered]

when old people overtake you in crappy 206's :?the badges are metal not plasticthe bumpers are chrome not plasticthe number plate isnt yellow/white or plasticyou put more oil in than petrol, in winter you light a small candle to defrost the windscreen when your landlady asks if your opening a scrapyard

[garethj]

any old key will open your car... in fact a penknife will.

You lock your car? There's nothing valuable in mine so I'd prefer toerags didn't smash a window to find that out

[j-j]

... when your petrol sounds like a diesel

[Guest]

When your sounds are via an 8 track tape system and your security system is a krooklock.

[CortinaDave]

you develop a sixth sense for which of the many knocking noises your car makes you can ignore, and which are "stop driving now" noises

[25v6turbo]

When after its rained the drivers door is difficult to open/close due to the whole car flexingpeople look at you in disgrace after remembering how nice the car was when new...no boy racers tailgate when they eye up the Witor towbar...neigbours ask if it actually runs/moves under its own steam....When you got to go outside 10 mins before work to warm it up,as it just won,t run when stone cold...When you cause road accidents as people stare in disbelief that this thing is comming past themAny key including your house key will enter your car and maybe even start it,my house key does both,and my wifes key does both aswell.The neigbours who are nice people don,t even say hello when you are working on your Shite.You leave a trail down the road of either oil,water,coolant or smoke every time you go outEVERYONE in a posh area lets you out at junctions through sheer fear!