A fleet of shite

[Matty]

Twats mate. They're all fucking twats

[Rustybullethole]

The insurance saga continues. I shan't bore us all by explaining though will say Churchill have been great and Hastings have been totally dog shit. 

In far more exciting news I have bought this. 

Picked it up Weds night and today was my first chance to have a butchers at it. 

Genuine barn find dust. Was not lost as such though layed up in a barn with the last mot in 2021.

Had high hopes for an easy return to glory so grabbed a gallon of splosh and dumped the old stuff then set about the carb. 

Lots of evidence of former fettling though it after all 40 odd years young. 

Slide was jammed wide open. Turned out to be the shorter carb cable from the splitter was seized solid. Some patience, gravity feed and a fuck ton of jiggling was implemented and its good as new/that will do.

I did think about utilising a cycle cable and doing away with the pump and mixing gas/slapping ass though this would necessitate a trip to halfords so I carried on with the lots of lube and vigorously wanked it back into life.

Carb was cleaned. Twice as it happens. Most time was spent removing pencil lead from the emulsifier tube after i used said pencil to unsuccessfully push it out. 

Being the deluxe model it has electric start. Which of course doesn't work. Bat flattery is surely to blame here shall grab a good one and chuck it in. 

A few mates popped round to laugh at me and take the piss and eventually it made it up the drive under its own steam.

Bit scary at speed back down the hill.

Power* wheelies on the way up

And much joy 

Plastics put back on and then did the best performance mod you can make to any motorcycle. Yep i put air in the tyres. The speed and handling were transformed. What a machine.

 

 

[Rustybullethole]

Brittle and porous

Upcycled artisan 

Nigh on silk purse from the front. Pigs ear at the rear.

Now factory look

[Rustybullethole]

All sorted* and on the road. Went double quick down my hill, by the time it hit 25 it was proper seat of pants action on those diddy wheels. Glad the old sofa was brown.

Due to safety* reasons it was back streets all the way. Things went down hill on the first uphill. Rapidly, I was down to 10mph.

A short trip to my mates house to revive my old transit took slightly longer than the usual ten mins. But we got there.

He weighs a fair bit less than me which made a marked difference on the cul-de-sac sprint times. Was running great, now not so much. Shit in the carb, shit in the tank (someone has done) is my best guess. 

Made it home though. 

Am doing my best to keep the prices under 3/4 of a mil for them posh houses over the road. 

Was it fun. Yes very much so. Could it be better. Yes I fucking hope so. 

[Rustybullethole]

Latest news hot off the press;

New part time job in the Cotswolds means a break from building in the smoke and the chance for some long runs for the fleet. Best give the Berlingo a once over as its the only (legal) runner out of the 20 odd available currently.

Air added to tyres and oil to engine as per norm. Made the mistake of opening the expansion tank rather than just taping the side. Mixing again. Bollocks.

Used the 'that'll do' method nipping up the head 15 k ago some probably just loosened up in bedding in period, yeah that'll be it.

Nipped it up and so far so good. 

In a flush of success I attempted to polish the headlight. 

Which cleaned some actual shit off though little else. Undeterred I fixed the side repeater.

And its been just fine for the last few k getting me to work where I now live here.

And this is my new work vehicle.

On return to London I ignored the broken moped and caravan storage unit and decided to fix the Himalayan. 

Brakes sorted. Rear had shat the master cylinder seals which as id changed the rear calliper and hose took far too long to discover. Used it the next day and it promptly upheld British bike tradition by shitting its oil.

Need to go to Wales then Cotswolds next week on it so ordered the needed seals which i fitted this morning.

Sorted. Hopefully.

Transit is off to its new home soon so had to get an mot. Bit of an arse as have no insurance on it anymore and off course out of tax plus now requires ulez if moved. A frame and gaffer tape to the rescue. Gaining a ticket has required some spending though got the pass required on first attempt. 

 

[Rustybullethole]

Success.

15 hot miles in and all oil safely staying put inside engine. 

 

[Rustybullethole]

May have been putting this off and keeping it dirty so i didn't have to look at it. A 100 mile drive in a summer deluge (honestly could of got the canoe off the roof and rowed home)  washed it clean. The evidence was clear to see and the soon come mot means finger must be extracted from arsehole.

Dont look too bad

let me poke that with my thumb

Hmm. Screwdriver activate

Arse. Chop chop

Defo don't have enough metal

Raided the bin cupboard and came up with this

Inner sill now treated and zinc weld through primed. Need to go back to lock up as forgot to pick up the gas.

Encase you ain't guessed this is gonna be get a ticket rather than resto spec. 

[Rustybullethole]

Didn't tie the bottle up so of course knocked it over breaking the regulator. Went in anyway and the results are very much that'll do.

Got a few updates on other tat though getting agd about having a shower before we go out so best get moving.

[Rustybullethole]

Bit of an update. 

£300 quid clio still not ftp. A nice little car really. Runs a bit shite periodically but runs and stops and has moments enough of being quite a good steer. Could/should invest in it somewhat though caught in the balance of time/money investment with my zen in the field of keep an eye on the vitals and wait till she complains about it. Half a dreamy eye out for something better though not the wedge to follow that through. Great on fuel is a massive bonus in its favour. May require some love for mot. Must remember to run it in early to make this a relaxed experience. 

Wanted a ladder for the Berlingo as climbing up the bonnet and screen is hazardous in the wet. Two climbers holds works a treat. Well another centre left of rear screen would be ideal but hey it works. 

Knocking on the door of 20k into ownership now a cracking machine its proved to be. Not really much out there to tempt replacement and whilst I still yearn for a big van this things a more useful all rounder. Keeping it and buying a ulez compliant luton to convert to camper/work van is the dream. Again more than a fiver in my wallet would help there. 

Scooter ran well then didn't turned out to be my own do gooding by adding a restrictive fuel filter and being a cock by fitting a pod filter. Clearly i've learned not much since i were 16.

Have done 1500 miles on it which is a lot of seat time in a melody. One of my all time favourite bike trips happened when me and bunch of mates did a ride/camp in Norfolk taking in some green lanes along the way. All scoot mounted newest by a 98 and oldest a 71 all under 80cc. Honestly up there with by most fun road trips of all time and defo the slowest.

Still getting to play on the quads at work. The little 250 is 2 wheel drive and drifts a treat, more so with a trailer on the back. Am banned from the mower now though.

Himi has done loads this summer. Got a few hundred miles to do on it next week am hoping its lucky streak of keeping me out of the rain continues. Best go pull it out the lock up give it a once over and pack my bags. 

Kdx had a good outing in Wales once again. Its due some love though probably wont happen till the winter now.

No longer mine though I still get to drive my old Transit at its new home in the Cotswolds. Bitter sweet as I do miss it and it was always a good one. 

Am working on rehoming the caravan up the woods too. Converted the shower room into bunks for the kids years ago though now at 16 and 19 coming away with mum and dad is not on their radar anymore. Thinking ill turn it back into a shower room with a shitter and live in it up the woods when working there. Shared house is nice though own smoking/wanking space would be nicer. 

Neighbours probably be glad to see it out the way too. 

 

Edited July 30, 2024 by Rustybullethole
Corrections and more infos

[Rustybullethole]

My latest conveyance. 

So gar have hit up the river Medway and the river Mole. Defo wasn't us in Danson park lake. No officer not me. 

Bloody great fun. 

[Rustybullethole]

Collections has happened. 

Firstly the Canadian canoe is now mine. After many adventures including a bank and bail after nearly capsizing at Sluice weir chute on the Medway I decided that I should return it to work where I had borrowed it from.

Tie hull was weak and after navigating the Sluice chute matters did not improve so some professional* repairs were hastily added. 

Due to settings off late oclock I overnighted in the byway by the stones on the plain. 

Then made an early getaway to arrive in Devon for breakfast.

Best part of a tank and a litre of oil burned by this point. Seems the slippery shape is not great for mega mpgs.

Maybe a canoe trailer for the bike is a better plan. 

Lovely weekend with my folks. My whole family were due to come who her ma you s moby dick so they all elected to stay at home. Was a all last minute else would of binned off the boat return and gone down in the bike. 

Much as the family were missed it did enable some more adventurous walks with mum and dad. After years of pretending he's alright the old man is now fighting fit again thanks to a pacemaker. 

With my ma 70 years young and the old man knocking on the door of 80 the walk was the kind I did with them as a kid. i.e not a path.

Was great to see first hand that they're just as reckless as they used to be when they had their three kids clinging to the side of a mountain in fear of death. Happy times. 

Talking of reckless my ma expressed and interest in my little Honda scoot. Exact words were I want one.

When I saw @jollyfkr2 advertising a working though frankly shonky looking Vespa the hand of fate couldn't be denied. 

Mum rather predictably upon being showed a of the gallant steed said 'what you bought that for, ive got a lecky bike, dont need one of them' 

Fine. 
In truth and like all the best gifts I had bought it because I wanted it myself. I say bought though it was still in South London as a gentleman's agreement had been made to hold it till I got paid. Never one to go back on my word and also never the type to let small matters of I really shouldn't and actually can't afford it get in the way collection was planned for as soon as i cam get back to the smoke after a weeks work in the Cotswolds. 

Turns out that work are also up against it and wanted to sell the canoe. Of course i've bought that too. 

Payment for that investment has again been deferred to next pay day though for fear of them getting a better offer I've lugged it back to London. And borrowed another too. 

Ped collection deserves a post in its own right. I'll be back though here's a sneak peek.

 

[Rustybullethole]

So newest purchase collection was on return from the Cotswolds conveniently located at the legendary dungeon which was in my way home. Again the hand of fate.

A pleasure to meet Kev again a legend in his own right and a man with both the most fantastic tat storage/community workshop facility and the ability to fill it with motorcycles. What a guy. I have wondered over the years if I have a problem with the amount of motos I own. I now feel better about this.

A tour of the dungeon was a real treat, not only kevs treasure but also a whole host of other treats, I really was in awe and walked and felt blessed to be there and be driving away with a fine piece of the collection.

In reality I may as well have asked whats the shittest conveyance here and can I buy it.

Bam

Thats probably harsh. It has that retro charm and potential for greatness. 

Paid the asking, I feel it's rude to make offers on a reasonable price plus it had been held till I could pay up. 

At this point i noted two things. One its heavy and two it aint gonna fit in the berlingo. 

Box was dropped off along with the mirrors to aid passage and it was mostly squeezed in the back. At this point I realised all my straps were holding canoes on the roof and after the headrest proved a rubbish tie mount lashed it to the drivers seat belt and used the strap that acts as the clips on my halfords PROFESSIONAL kit to tie the boot shut. 

Said good bye to Kev and then came the most amazing bit of the whole experience. I made it home without either shit falling out the gaping tailgate (fnarrr) or getting nicked. 

Winning. 

Getting it out the van last night proved again its heavy and a quick* lap round the block proved it as promised works. 

Happy. 

 

[Matty]

On 27/07/2024 at 18:28, Rustybullethole said:

Didn't tie the bottle up so of course knocked it over breaking the regulator. Went in anyway and the results are very much that'll do.

Got a few updates on other tat though getting agd about having a shower before we go out so best get moving.

That's come up well actually 👍

[Rustybullethole]

1 hour ago, Matty said:

That's come up well actually 👍

Passable would be my appraisal. Hopefully my tester thinks the same.

This is great. 

Delightfully shonky. 

[Rustybullethole]

So the Vespa has seen a bit of action. Fitted the muffs one rainy day do like a cosy pair. Not sure on these ones as with the handlebar variety I prefer baggy to tight. 

Lot to like about the ped, quick enough, loads of storage, sips fuel. Turns out my mum isn't interested in it though its different enough from all my others and i've warmed to it so is looking like a keeper. 

Have checked over the vitals, new filter on it, oil looks fine though be getting changed as a matter of course. Chucked some front pads on as one was down to the metal. sliders were free I reckon it just parted ways with the steel. 

It shakes its head a bit when you take one hand off the bars, take both off and its like a toddler in the NnnnnnnnnNo stage and really gets a strop on. Front end seems all good was starting to fear a bent something then spotted the engine mounting is flapping about a bit. Well a lot a bit. That'll explain the shit handling and ever increasing exhaust blow then. Best sort that. Looks a shit job though one thatll make a big difference at least. 

In the lock up it goes awaiting funds.

Riding about since forever on knobblies on the Himi and the rear especially has seen better days. Have a load of road miles to do next week so have chucked the 50/50s back on as they are much more pleasant on the smooth stuff. 

Id chucked the rear in the bin cupboard a year and half ago as wasn't thinking i'd ever bother refitting it as it is quite worn. Lucky for me the council haven't seen fit to remove it and not having new tyre money at present means back on it goes. 

Front swapped too, jobs a goodun. 

In a fit of what else can I do that costs nowt i've cleaned the Berlingo. 20 k has added some scuffs and marks though don't look too shabby from a distance. 

Well , least it ain't covered in bird shit. 

 

[Rustybullethole]

Many more miles and adventures. Berlingo has taken a back seat due to the cheaper fuel costs, faster journey times and of course the fun factor of using the bike. 

Many adventures have been had.

Including a visit to the Ipswich magistrates court. Nb; If you camp overnight before your court date be aware many of the items in your baggage are on the prohibited list from bringing into court. Couldn't thank the security enough for letting me leave my bags with them really didn't fancy having my tools, knife and stove fuel confiscated.

After a brush with the man I thought maybe I should fix my indicators. Rears were MIA so some more suitable flexi jobbies gladly found in the lock up of dreams were fitted.

Have some kinda matching fronts too though opted to just tape the oe ones up for now. Like to get my money's worth. 

Good few thousand miles on the bike over the last month. It's dry lucky charm streak finally ended a few days ago by riding 3 1/2 hours home in flood conditions. Waterproofs and machine took it well and being a bit of a kinky perv I kind of enjoyed it. Have some muffs in the garage they'll get chucked on when it gets proper cold. 

Bit of a vibe had started on the journey up to work had a feeling I knew what it was.

Yep that's the linkge fucked. Being miles away from home or chance of spares I did what I could, clean and regrease.

It now moves and vibes less though of course mow knocks instead. Finding info for bearing sizes for the Himi is hard work. Lots of places want to sell a whole linkage complete with bearings. Have tracked down a bush and pretty sure i've some likely looking needle rollers in the lock up. Of course the oe ones numbers are now unreadable. Changed the oil again, works hard on a big single and only holds a litre. Split most on the floor whilst draining. Text book. 

The reward for all this love. Clunk click from the drive chain. Noticed it pulling away from work and thanks to the noise of the rain not again till filtering through the London traffic. 

Apart again and new cush drive bearing fitted. Noted all the bearing numbers and pleased to find all in stock in my tat storage facility. 

Continued to lower the tone in the street by swapping the spare onto the Berlingo. 

Think the additional power from this sports sticker and some enthusiastic driving on the Cotswold twisties killed off the front offside! 

Noted the rear beam is not getting less crispy. Needs an mot, also needs to tow the caravan next week. Sure it'll be fine. 

[Bmwdumptruck]

Thats a rare Pug you have there. From what I can tell nearly all of these type of motors go straight to the converters to make them Wheelchair accesable. I reckon the dealers know they can out them as soon as they arrive at the end of there initil PcP or Motobility lease deals.  I’ve considered swapping my VX Combo van for the car version at some point in the future, fully expecting MK or Luton to introduce a Ulez at some point so will probably need a pez motor to work from before I retire in 2032. 
Hows the old GS, still laid up?  I’ve a rare 850 model, identical to the early 1100 but with the smaller engine. Owned it since 09, mostly use it in the winter momths, but no commuting, SE Plg +Htg engineer so always in the van.  Not got quite as many bikes as you, just 6 of mine and a rare Yam FZS250 Zeal project which was meant to be the wifes but more likely end up with the daughter.  (XT1200Tenere, Pan European, FJR13, R850GS, Blackbird, CBR600). 

[Rustybullethole]

1 hour ago, Bmwdumptruck said:

Thats a rare Pug you have there. From what I can tell nearly all of these type of motors go straight to the converters to make them Wheelchair accesable. I reckon the dealers know they can out them as soon as they arrive at the end of there initil PcP or Motobility lease deals.  I’ve considered swapping my VX Combo van for the car version at some point in the future, fully expecting MK or Luton to introduce a Ulez at some point so will probably need a pez motor to work from before I retire in 2032. 
Hows the old GS, still laid up?  I’ve a rare 850 model, identical to the early 1100 but with the smaller engine. Owned it since 09, mostly use it in the winter momths, but no commuting, SE Plg +Htg engineer so always in the van.  Not got quite as many bikes as you, just 6 of mine and a rare Yam FZS250 Zeal project which was meant to be the wifes but more likely end up with the daughter.  (XT1200Tenere, Pan European, FJR13, R850GS, Blackbird, CBR600). 

Aye, mainly about in diesel flavour though the 1.4 and 1.6 with windows seem some of the more common emissions zone and budget friendly van alike vehicles available in the slim pickings petrol pool. Lots more choice in big estates of course though very little useful for carrying bikes about. This one's had the odd ped of two in it. Will at some point get around to fitting the front swivels I have kicking about and then with back seats removed will swallow a moto. Seats in the back get use though so have stayed in to date. 

Yep you guessed it, 11 still mothballed. Keep threatening to get it sorted probably an over winter job now. Course thats not ulez too so likely up for sale with a fresh ticket come the spring. 

Nice collection you have. Have to look up the zeal. Nice looking bike that. 

GS is the closest ive had to a big comfy cruiser. It does that job well and did a load of off road too. Quite fancy a mile munching fast road steed. Have excuses up my sleeve for buying one just not the funds at the mo. 

Ever take the xt in the dirt? Have seen them ridden off road in anger, quite capable in the right hands and good for a plod about too id imagine. 

Roll on 2032. 

[Bmwdumptruck]

23 hours ago, Rustybullethole said:

 Ever take the xt in the dirt? Have seen them ridden off road in anger, quite capable in the right hands and good for a plod about too id imagine. 

Roll on 2032. 

No, it’s my first ever new bike, bought mid 21 pre registered late 20 just before the emmisions changes killed these and FjRs off as Yamaha decided not to upgrade either.  Love it to bits, best bike I’ve ever owned, just turned 29k coming home from a Normandy trip last Monday.  I’d take the GS if I was going off road, but it would need better tyres.  
The last three Easters the wife n I have taken our Moho to Wales, taking the Tenere the first two years and the Gs this year, but while there I have done a day at MickExtance offroad school in Snowdon.  Had three cracking days with them.  Each year I’ve been the only one to turn up on a bike, which has given me a bit more credibility with the instructors.  First year I got directed to the best of the Rieju300s, I believe it was the only one that still started on the starter, the others were constantly kick starting theirs.  2nd year they’d got new Beta300s, much better.  This year I also got to try his son Adam’s Stark electric offroader.  We had a wee slow riding competition to see which two would get to try it, me and the only other regular rider won…..supposedly….. and got our turns after lunch.  Not for me, but fun to try it.  I want the full interaction, noise and changing gears etc.   It’s why I really dislike the new GSs, hate the tech.  If you left the Stark to just sit while waiting for others to complete a stage it would shut down. I then struggled to get it live again, even after Adam showed me how, it still just wouldn’t fire up as he said it would.  They now have a whole fleet of them, but I’ll be electing for a Beta again next year, unless I’m allowed to buy myself something.  Until I’ve made room I’m on a ban atm, but the CRF250 for sale on here is mighty tempting.