I'll get round to it at some point - Hydropneumatic Misery Machine

[fatharris]

Really glad I sat down and caught up with this thread, it's remarkable how many parallels I've been drawing with my own vehicles....

 

......shall we go in a corner together and have a little weep?

 

SAFE TRAVELS!

[Rust Collector]

Nuremberg achieved!

Look at the poor little bastard scraping its arse along the floor like it has worms. I’ve definitely gotten familiar with the feel of the bump stops on this journey.

It made it on a single tank’s worth, but due to sludge issues I pussied out and chucked 15 litres in when it was at a quarter tank just in case. For anyone who likes fuel figures, the onboard tripe-computer says it’s done 61.8mpg - that does include all my local driving though, I reckon it’d be higher if I was organised enough to reset it before I left. Not bad considering it’s spent most of the day going 80mph, filled with family, tools and assorted crap.

Phun Phact: I was desperate for a piss whilst on the autobahn, and randomly chose an exit hoping for an unsuspecting town to urinate on. As chance would have it, I stumbled on the German twin town to Wokingham. Here’s my son enjoying their kinder-egg-surprise-platz, or whatever a play park is called in German.

The only mechanical issues today have been my son kicking my seat to the point that the airbag and service light now flash on randomly which makes my heart palpitate each time, there’s a knocking noise between 58 and 64mph (easily sorted - speed up, or slow down if you have no sense of adventure), all the trim whistles like a bastard at motorway speed, Bluetooth fm adapters are somehow even worse than they were 10 years ago, and then finally to round it all off, I suffered catastrophic underpants failure when getting out the car and so I had a brief moment of panic when checking in at the hotel where I realised that my cock and balls were on the loose and I couldn’t recall if I’d done my fly up after watering German Wokingham. So all in all, a fairly normal journey.

No free parking left, so I had to stump up ten Europe pounds for a space in the proper carpar. Serendipity struck, and I parked my 22 year old car in space 22, without realising.

This is the leg left for tomorrow.

Less miles, but somehow still hours and hours of getting my chair kicked whilst the air conditioning doesn’t work.

Pray for my soul.

[rob88h]

Smol car, big trip. 
Enchanting levels of misery. 
Just goes to show you that luxobarges are completely unnecessary.

[Rust Collector]

  On 17/09/2024 at 21:10, rob88h said:

Smol car, big trip. 
Enchanting levels of misery. 
Just goes to show you that luxobarges are completely unnecessary.

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All this time we’ve been asking ourselves ‘can a family of four travel 1000 miles in a mk2 Clio’, instead of ‘should a family of four travel 1000 miles in a mk2 Clio’.

Or something like that.

Don't get me wrong, I love the car and I think it’s a determined little thing. it’s not the most comfortable way to cover the miles though.

If the aircon was working, or it was freezing cold out, it’d probably be fine to be fair. I don’t even notice the kicking now, after 15 hours 🤣

[Rust Collector]

We made it!

7 hours of 80mph on autobahns, 63+ mpg delivered. No functional a/c so I’m fucking cooked.

Proud of the car for getting us here though, and now I filling myself with beer and plum spirits.

[IronStar]

Surely there’s a aircon shop in Bratislava that will fix your aircon for less than it would cost in the UK so you don’t get cooked on the way back?

[Rust Collector]

  On 18/09/2024 at 17:49, IronStar said:

Surely there’s a aircon shop in Bratislava that will fix your aircon for less than it would cost in the UK so you don’t get cooked on the way back?

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The thought has definitely gone through my mind, although I guarantee that if I fix the a/c then it snows all the way home.

[wesacosa]

great news. Enjoy the holiday . Will be in Bratislava myself in November but not via Renault Clio and suspect Aircon won't be needed 

[somewhatfoolish]

  On 18/09/2024 at 18:02, Rust Collector said:

The thought has definitely gone through my mind, although I guarantee that if I fix the a/c then it snows all the way home.

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That would be a win on points shirley? Guaranteed arse sweat avoidance.

[artdjones]

  On 18/09/2024 at 18:02, Rust Collector said:

The thought has definitely gone through my mind, although I guarantee that if I fix the a/c then it snows all the way home.

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Working a/c would make sure the car isn't steamed up all the way home in that case.

[Rust Collector]

I need to do a proper write up (rapidly becoming my catchphrase), but we are now en route to England again.

Well done Clio, only a couple more hours of limp mode until home!

[High Jetter]

Hope it's still watertight, rain has been heavy.

[Rust Collector]

  On 26/09/2024 at 21:53, High Jetter said:

Hope it's still watertight, rain has been heavy.

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It’s a French car with a pop up sunroof, so it’s watertight qualities are questionable at best!

[rob88h]

  On 26/09/2024 at 20:37, Rust Collector said:

I need to do a proper write up (rapidly becoming my catchphrase),

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Highly anticipated.

[Rust Collector]

I’m very overdue a catch up on here.

I promise* that I’ll back fill some of the stuff that I’ve done since then, because I’ve definitely done loads of car stuff and haven’t been sat around holding my cock the whole time, but for now let’s look at the present.

You may or may not recall that I was taking the XM to the Flower Farm meet, and that it started pissing fuel out of the fuel pump a day or two before.

It has been sat in the corner of shame since, because in all honesty I don’t really need a car these days, we can get by with one.

However, I have a timing belt kit for this car, and I picked up another pump rebuild kit this week as I can’t remember what I used from the last one.

I’m planning on making the most* of the long weekend, by doing the timing belt, water pump, thermostat, and rebuilding the fuel pump for the XM. Fun.

Best get started then:

I find the easiest way to get the front of the XM airborne is to drive onto ramps with the suspension on high, put axle stands under the subframe, then drop the suspension. I’ve pulled out the driver’s side wheel and ramp for access:

Coolant drained next, and for the first time in my life I didn’t make a mess.

Like a twat I put it into a tub containing oil, so I couldn’t check what condition the coolant was in.

Next the engine mount and aux belts came off, with some creative use of the big trolley jack.

The lower timing cover is warped, and the alternator belt is cutting into it. I will have to see if my spare is any good.

I hate this bracket, although going in from underneath today made the job a bit easier.

The timing belt doesn’t look too bad to be fair, but I don’t think I have any history for when it was done, or I’ve been too stupid to check. Either/or.

Next up the starter motor came out, because some cunt put the timing hole here.

Zoomed out location for context as to why we should all hate old Citroens.

The impact gun pissed through the crank bolt, which was a result.

Cobbled together timing pins inserted:

It’s looking quite fresh down here too, so I’m wondering if I’ve made myself an unnecessary job here. Oh well.

Ive just been and bought a meal deal plus a few beers, so expect the quality of work to rapidly drop off… More to follow later.

[Rust Collector]

@wesacosa it’s fair to say I had some anxiety worked up over this bit, after your experience!

Luckily for me that stud came out without issue.

Topical:

I reckon my good luck was due to my excellent tools, looted from the Lada’s tool kit. There’s nothing better than a prcoizios tool, made from Chrom.

I actually went for that spanner as it’s nice and slim!

 

[wesacosa]

  15 hours ago, Rust Collector said:

@wesacosa it’s fair to say I had some anxiety worked up over this bit, after your experience!

Luckily for me that stud came out without issue.

Topical:

I reckon my good luck was due to my excellent tools, looted from the Lada’s tool kit. There’s nothing better than a prcoizios tool, made from Chrom.

I actually went for that spanner as it’s nice and slim!

 

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nice one. I think you deserve a bit of luck with this car 

[Matty]

  14 hours ago, wesacosa said:

nice one. I think you deserve a bit of luck with this car 

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I've a hunch there's a good car in there. Fuck knows where as @Rust Collectorhas looked pretty much everywhere but we live in hope!

[artdjones]

No need to take the starter off, you just need this:-

The bendy rod, the three bolts are for timing the cam and fuel pump.

[Rust Collector]

  11 hours ago, artdjones said:

No need to take the starter off, you just need this:-

The bendy rod, the three bolts are for timing the cam and fuel pump.

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I hadn’t done my research so had to work with what I had at hand - the Haynes shows that tool, but in all honesty I think I would’ve needed to pull the starter anyway as o had no idea where the hole was, and it was plugged with grime. Finding the hole in the flywheel was very finicky too, being able to peer inside was helpful.

  14 hours ago, wesacosa said:

nice one. I think you deserve a bit of luck with this car 

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  13 hours ago, Matty said:

I've a hunch there's a good car in there. Fuck knows where as @Rust Collectorhas looked pretty much everywhere but we live in hope!

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Thanks chaps - it’s that thought that keeps me going with this car 😂

I do keep getting to a point where I think it’s ready to be used, and then it breaks again.

Hopefully I’m getting closer to the point where it will just work with not much more than some preventative maintenance.