Your worse bodge?

[Cavcraft]

Right, bear in mind these were from many moons back and I wouldn't do it now:Ford Cortina Mk4. Rear arch had rotted to hell and when the o/s/r door was opened there was a gaping big hole. Having the square root of naff all money to spend on clever stuff like fibreglass or, God forbid, welding, I took a look at the cheaper options. At the time this happened to be a 'long vehicle' sign off the back of a wagon, a lot of bodyfiller and some black paint: roughly (very roughly) cut tin sign to shape. Hold in place, badly bodyfiller over the top and underneath. Paint black. Take down lanes in winter, wheelspin in/out of fields to cover in crap. Remove door trim, push locking pin thing into shut position, cut wire so can't be opened, sell car in dark miles away from home. Run like mad. On more than one occasion: remove expansion tank, jet wash out, plug hole with spark plug/massive bolt/whatever. Top up with nice clean water and screen wash so looks like antifreeze. Take to auctions, sell, collect cheque, try not to laugh.Mk1 Fiesta bonnet: leading edge well knackered. Not much filler left. Fill holes with lollipop sticks, mud, tin foil, old bits of pebcil and pens and carboard. Fill over top, spray roughly with rattle cans, sell in dark away from home. Maestro: rear exhaust pipe jagged/rough. Find plastic torch, cut body off, insert over exhaust, spray with non-heat resistant black paint, try not to use as the smell of burning plastic not nice. Sell away from home in dark.There were a few more examples and if anyone from here ever bought a white Sierra diesel estate from me years back I apologise. You'll know why Trying to retrieve some credit I didn't sell anything bent or ringed or clocked. To make me feel better in myself please tell me YOUR bodges and dodges...

[FredTransit]

Still a favourite - bacofoil to fill in large holes. Justification - doesn't trap the damp like newspaper does. Gaffer tape on the inside of panels to avoid filling the whole van with plod.Masking tape over big holes, painted over before taking pics to send off (replaced the wings after that, just didn't have time to do it before)None of this was to sell to unsuspecting buyer might I add! Lolly sticks on the bonnet edge!!

[25v6turbo]

I remember my MK2 escort ghia having VERY poor floors,so i used tons of filler which cost a fortune,and just bodged all the floors on both sides,then gave it a thick underseal,the MOT tester wasn,t impressed,so i used an old MOT and dipped it in Castrol brake fluid,which removed all the ink,i then washed it under a tap and got my mum to write the fresh MOT for me!!And it passed a 7 day wonder at the local nick,3 years in a row i did this,next year my dad wrote it out,then my mat all on the same certificate,even taxed it on it,good old days(about 1988)

[Claypole]

A bit more of a modern one, I had a Polo breadvan I got for next to nothing off a forum but didn't have the time to fix it up.Put it on Ebay after a few weeks after a wash and polish and a bit of photoshoping to remove some of the rust scabs and scratches and a hole in the hatch... Sold to 1st buyer too.

[warren t claim]

My worst is the "by passing the water pump with a shorter fanbelt story" featured elsewhere on this wonderful website.

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

My first car had a short in the sidelights circuit. This wasn't a problem except at night, because I didn't have any tail lights. Solution: spare bulb taped onto 9v battery and shoved behind the lens. Worked for shorter trips until I found the source of the wiring problem (it was the radio).

[FredTransit]

I remember my MK2 escort ghia having VERY poor floors,so i used tons of filler which cost a fortune,and just bodged all the floors on both sides,then gave it a thick underseal,the MOT tester wasn,t impressed,so i used an old MOT and dipped it in Castrol brake fluid,which removed all the ink,i then washed it under a tap and got my mum to write the fresh MOT for me!!And it passed a 7 day wonder at the local nick,3 years in a row i did this,next year my dad wrote it out,then my mat all on the same certificate,even taxed it on it,good old days(about 1988)

So the brake fluid isn't a myth! Them was the days, does it work these days if you dip the computer in brake fluid?

[HillmanImp]

There is a reason that your avatar is Terry Tibbs isn't there?Will be careful in case that hat you sold me catches fire unexpectedly. I did once sell an Imp for not a lot as needed the cash. Before the bloke came to pick it up swapped the rather pricey rally dash over for a standard one. I had told him i had done this beforehand, but i think he though i had connected everything up. Unfortunately i had only connected the speedo. He rang me 20 mins later when it started raining on his way back to Essex from Worthing.SOLD AS SEEN! SOLD AS SEEN!

[Negative Creep]

Having a sticking rear calliper on a Volvo but couldn't find one in the scrappy. So I just removed the brake pads

[25v6turbo]

Now i,am grown up i can confess that certain brake fluid didn,t workBut the castrol fluid did,it was brilliant,i did a couple for friends as a poor student,but it did worry me i would get caught!but they did have a funny smell to them and a slightly greasy look,but it fooled all those it needed to...

[Station]

Does this include 'forging' the government out of paying road tax and breaking stupid laws?

 

OK then. More of a sibling bodge. Sold my Orion to my brother tax'd and MOT'd. I then took the tax out of the car I had just sold him a couple of weeks later to put in my own car, much to his chagrin.

 

To be truthful, I miss the days when you could just put another car's tax disc in your own. I scanned my dad's in and then printed it out and then put it in my own car. Nowadays you could be hung for such a heinous crime - even dare write about it on car forums! Well, it means your insurance is invalid and I wouldn't be happy if you crashed into me etc!!

 

Actually, I think I GAVE that Orion to him, as it had had it.

[FredTransit]

Orther half's alternator bracket snapped half way across France (2.5 DI), on the way out to Lyon. So he hammered a can of corned beef between the alternator and the block, to keep the tension on the fan belt (and otherwise no brakes!). Lasted all the way across Europe and back, still have the tim of corned beef but not brave enough to open it.....

[warren t claim]

Does this include 'forging' the government out of paying road tax and breaking stupid laws?

 

OK then. More of a sibling bodge. Sold my Orion to my brother tax'd and MOT'd. I then took the tax out of the car I had just sold him a couple of weeks later to put in my own car, much to his chagrin.

 

To be truthful, I miss the days when you could just put another car's tax disc in your own. I scanned my dad's in and then printed it out and then put it in my own car. Nowadays you could be hung for such a heinous crime - even dare write about it on car forums! Well, it means your insurance is invalid and I wouldn't be happy if you crashed into me etc!!

 

Actually, I think I GAVE that Orion to him, as it had had it.

My family ran an isurance brokers and I stole a cover note and wrote out my details in erasable biro! I used to rent it out for plod and taxing purposes!

[Guest]

I bought a Renault clio diesel in the early 90's from Newark car auction. On checking the oil / water the next day it wasnt water but a type of grease in the cooling system to stop it overheating so quickly Stuck it in the garage for a couple of weeks as I wanted to stop myself doing something silly with it-stuck the water tank cap down with high strength glue and bunged it back through the auction later that month

[Station]

Had to post this up ...

A motorist who put cooking oil in his car's brake fluid has been given a suspended jail sentence and banned from driving by Swansea Crown Court.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/south_west/5110270.stmA previous offence of using rolled up carpet in place of a missing bumper on his Rover.PMSL

[Cavcraft]

ROFL at rolled up carpet for bumper I have to say, rightly or wrongly, that car auctions are fair game to 'honest bodges' and it reminds me of another fairly epic time years back.Puts really rough (but half decent looking) car in auctions. Had had the stereo off so bunged in a 'front off' CD player into the slot with the aid of some craftily placed Blu-tak. Wrote on screen sticker 'CD front in office' and the car sells.Stood right next to it as the cocky twat back street bodger trader gets the keys, shouts to his mate to get the CD front and then watched him push it on as the stereo fell into the dash Leaving a few minutes later after a rather large smoke screen filled the road I nearly crashed laughing at him with the bonnet up looking more than a little pissed off

[ashmicro]

 

One of these, topped and tailed and flattened out. Fibreglassed in to the scuttle panel of a mark 4 Escort.

[Mr Lobster]

1983 Renault 4. About 1999. Fuel pipe front to back was rotten. soon solved with a length of hosepipe chopped into bits to cover the many leaky bits and lots of jubilee clips. Covered in lots of underseal, dust and general crap, hidden roughly where the fuel pipe should be and sold on.

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

A previous offence of using rolled up carpet in place of a missing bumper on his Rover.

Surely rolled up carpet would work better than a standard plastic bumper.

[Station]

I'd rather get hit with a nice soft carpet than a hard plastic bumper. They should've AWARDED him!

and then watched him push it on as the stereo fell into the dash

[seth]

I used Copydex as a threadlock on the clutch linkage that kept loosening in my A35. Worked a treat! No more crawling underneath do do the nut back up every couple of weeks.

[FredTransit]

I used Copydex as a threadlock on the clutch linkage that kept loosening in my A35. Worked a treat! No more crawling underneath do do the nut back up every couple of weeks.

Sorry that sounds more like a top tip than a bodge!

[Station]

I broke clean off the wiper switch in my ol' 213 (in another random rage moment), so used one of these:

 

 

as a replacement, and it sat in the 'coin' tray underneath. It worked a treat, but it didn't 'park' automatically.

[wuvvum]

Well, it means your insurance is invalid and I wouldn't be happy if you crashed into me etc

Isn't that something of an urban myth? In my experience it's very difficult for an insurer to get away with denying a third party claim for something that petty. Granted they'd probably use it as an excuse to invalidate the fully comp element of a policy, but I don't think they'd get away with not paying for third party damage. My policy specifically states that "any vehicle being used on the road without a valid MoT certificate will be covered third party only".

 

Can't recall too many bad bodges to be honest. I used a household light switch as an ignition switch on my Mobylette (it's still there 15 years later) and, to be fair, the Austin Ten has had a couple of minor bodges done to it in my attempts to get it going again, but nothing too heroic.

[pogweasel]

Do you know, I can't recall any REALLY bad bodges since the early days of motoring. Well, unless you count that incidence when I reconstructed the rear arches of my brother's E30 out of wag and chicken wire... it was all going so well until we got to halfords to buy paint, and just guessed at something that looked like it might match. It didn't, not by a long way. Still, he did not care, neither did the Man from the Ministry, so meh. Back in the dim and distant, we used to do some horrendous things, like clamping these big things round your front springs for 'lowering', or the endless extra rocker switches that appeared to replace dud electrical circuits, or bits of domestic stereos wanged into MDF in the boot, but as we were generally "end of life users" it really didn't matter

[Pete-M]

I cut a set of Michelin TB15 slicks, buffed the "Not for road use" sign off the sidewall and they passed the MOT :-)It's hard finding tyres to fit 10" wide 13" rims. Especially when you're skint. Only problem was, they didn't warm up until you'd done about 5 miles. Until then the thing was a tad skittish.Didn't drive it in the wet.

[Volksy]

I traded in a VW bay camper for a bug years ago, the camper was a complete shed, rotten to the core.. The garage (now defunct - thankfully) repaired the bottom of the screen by crushing ribena cartons in - in series, and blowing them back up with the straws, then bogging over the top with a skim of filler.

[binhoker668]

 

One of these, topped and tailed and flattened out. Fibreglassed in to the scuttle panel of a mark 4 Escort.

LOL - had to be harp Ash eh!!

Altho in Whitehead our beershite of choice was LCL Pils...

Ah the memories.

Or not - as the case may be.

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

I traded in a VW bay camper for a bug years ago, the camper was a complete shed, rotten to the core.. The garage (now defunct - thankfully) repaired the bottom of the screen by crushing ribena cartons in - in series, and blowing them back up with the straws, then bogging over the top with a skim of filler.

That's brilliant. When you drop your car off for bodywork repairs and the guy's first job is to down six cartons of Ribena, you know they've earned that good garage scheme sticker.

[STUNO]

Rolled carpet is a great replacement bumper.Cooking oil was an accepted "get you home" bodge as it did not destroy the rubber components and could be flushed out. But methinks he went a bit overboard.