Sold Suzuki Baleno GSR

[dollywobbler]

LIKING MUCHLY.

[Jim Bell]

What does it drive like misters?

 

It just drives like what you would expect it to drive like. Quick and rev happy. Reasonably composed and reasonably stable. Really light controls. Brakes are pin sharp. Rides comfortable and doesnt seem to lean very far when you throw it around.

[The Moog]

Perfect autotest material then!

[Jim Bell]

Perfect autotest material then!

 

Mate Im just saying random phrases Ive heard better men say in the past.

 

I think it will be though. Its got the dimensions and poke and the platform to be a fair steer.

[The Moog]

Fair enough.

 

Can you please go to Tesco car park at 6pm on a Sunday and try ragging it round I first,, weaving out of imaginary cones then some handbrake turns and then update on your findings pleasethankyou?

[Dick Cheeseburger]

That's quite nice.

[barefoot]

Is it possible to de-badge it completely?

[Jim Bell]

Is it possible to de-badge it completely?

 

Thats always possible. Theres nothing on the clocks or wheels or steering wheel so youd only need to take the boot and grille badges off.

[garethj]

Even with no badges the alloys, front driving lights and rear spoiler are a dead giveaway to anyone who knows about obscure Japanese almost-hot-hatchbacks

[Bucketeer]

The air lay heavy and dense over us, like a dense and heavy blanket. We still had many miles to travel, my Japanese companion and I.

It was time to take a break. The relentless, pounding, quivering pace was taking it's toll on me. We stopped just off the Motor Highway and I found some nearby facilities to powder my bits.

 

 

After visiting a quaint little artisan bakery by the name of Gregg's (no Quail eggs or three duck roulade though. These poor deprived northern neanderthal folks!) the heavens opened so I slipped back inside my warm, willing oriental accomplice.

 

 

He accommodated my ample girth comfortably. His seats were beautifully curved, like a well made bell, and they accepted my taught rippling torso with relish.

Looking ahead, there was anonymity. No badges or brands. A cabin of grey simplicity, no clue to the character beneath. It was almost like he was trying to hide, maybe running from something. Or someone.

His previous master, a Mr J Gareth, had sent me a telegram in the preceding days urging me to 'give it the beans in 2nd, 3rd and 4th'. As my Asian amour and I exited the Motor ServiceWay Station I gave him all my beans. A big tin too, not one of those little ones, and with the sausages that look like newborn mice.

He took my stick and with a small quiver, we flew into the distance. By crikey he can move. And being Japanese he can take these spankings and come back for more, over and over again.

 

Upon our arrival in Newcastle by the sea, we were met by the men of the north. They were gentle men, but firm in all the right places. They were dignified men of honour, their manes billowing in the sultry wind, rippling and quivering muscles barely contained under their silken garments. They took their Suzuki, plied me with alcohol, pecked me on the cheek, patted my bum and sent me on my way.

I got an express motorcoach from a ladyboy revue bar to a village called Milton Keynes. From there I walked along many wistful country lanes, my long fluttering golden locks shone in the ravishing sunlight.

 

 

It was a very pleasant promenade through the countryside, with joy in my heart and sweat in my crack.

 

 

I then had a poo in a field, saw some geese and went home. The end.

 

[Jim Bell]

Saved the poo count to the very end!

 

What a pro.

 

10/10 write up. Would deffo read again with no pants on.

[loserone]

Given you were sending me pictures of thw gsr at 0630, does that mean you had no pants on whilst on the metro?

 

Wait, forget I asked.

[The Moog]

Quote of the century - I have already pitched it to my friends at Heinz

 

"A big tin too, not one of those little ones, and with the sausages that look like newborn mice."

[loserone]

Cpuld this be real?

 

 

Not bad if so. It didn't feel that quicl

[Jim Bell]

Cpuld this be real?

 

https://youtu.be/pwUff7Jm_SM

 

Not bad if so. It didn't feel that quicl

Nah. Doubt it. It loves to rev but not THAT quick. Ill try and get a comparison vid done.

[NorfolkNWeigh]

At the bus station of Milton Keynes , you were only 1/2 a mile from my house. You would have been more than welcome to poo here, and as we are not in the land of Northern men we have indoor facilities with running water.

Not only that you've know where I live since you visited in a Vel Satis on a quest for Lord Sterling of Bewdley.

[loserone]

I've always assumed that when you get that far south the water runs away from you.

[Christine]

When I was a kid , playing Top Trumps you always wanted the Porsche Turbo card ,as you knew it would win ,with 0-60 5.5 seconds      This is what 7 ? For  less than £500 ?  Top Trumping !!

[garethj]

I think the 0-60 time is about 8.8 seconds so not bonkers fast but quite brisk in the real world and it feels fast enough to be fun.

[Bucketeer]

It didn't feel mega quick to me from a standstill but once you get into the upper reaches of 2nd and 3rd gear it's a whole different kettle of ballgames.

[Jim Bell]

Standby for some SPEED SCIENCE.

 

I have conducted three terrible speed runs to see just how fast  or not fast this car is.  whom ever is driving the car not a very good driver and straddles lanes. Dont worry though, I'm sure there was no other cars anywhere near the GSR.

I couldnt safely mount the potatofone to point at the speedo so I pointed it out of the front of the windowscreen and shouted out the speed.  

 

 

Run one.

 

Around a corner and up a hill. Verdict 11 seconds

 

 

[Jim Bell]

Run two.

 

 

Kind of around a corner and downhill.

 

Verdict: 9 seconds.

 

 

 

[Jim Bell]

If you add both of those times together and divide them by two, you get the final verdict, which is probably what it would do on the flat:

 

 

10 SECOND CAR (to 60 mph)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Obviously, a better driver will probably do better in a dead straight line.

[loserone]

Where's the third run?

[Jim Bell]

Where's the third run?

 

Third run was a 0-40 because Speed Limit.

 

 

https://youtu.be/NYM04rk-eBI

[garethj]

I’m sure it’s quicker than that, a Mk2 Golf GTi makes about 115bhp, weighs about the same and does it in about 8.5 seconds.

 

As I believe everything I read on the internet, this is pretty good for 119ps and 985kg plus 75kg for a driver and whatever half a tank of fuel weighs

https://www.carspecs.us/calculator/0-60

[Jim Bell]

I’m sure it’s quicker than that,

Probably!

Just not with me driving.

[Bucketeer]

Aye but you've got to take into account road flex, time of month, ambient lighting levels and shoe happiness before you can get a proper accurate figure.

[Jim Bell]

Aye but you've got to take into account road flex, time of month, ambient lighting levels and shoe happiness before you can get a proper accurate figure.

 

It was carrying a full tank of fuel to be fair. And I had a big dinner.

 

 

Probably more like 7 seconds with Frankie Detori driving it with just a couple of litres in the fuel tank. With the back seats folded down and the windows closed.

[garethj]

That’s true, I wonder if Barrett has got a Tapley gauge from those old road tests, then we can compare the cubic feet per ton mile for more accuracy