Genuine Granadaland Jaguar Reintroduced to Granadaland! Caution: New MoT content!

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

Junkman, what's your thoughts on that number plate passing the UK institution that is an MoT?

They did a really good job making the rear one match.

 

Nobody's mentioned the foglight/DRL thingies yet. BIN.

But 60% of the LEDs still work!

 

I'm sensing Junkman may not have entirely bonded with Lincolnshire.

 

Did Conrad make it out alive?

 

There are still two German Goo Girls. I have no beef with Lincolnshire, and it none with me.

[Junkman]

I'm sensing Junkman may not have entirely bonded with Lincolnshire.

 

Did Conrad make it out alive?

 

 

Yes, we both made it back. And both cars, although, in case of the Piggo, that isn't a surprise, really.

 

There is basically nothing wrong with the Jag, it has only travelled a mere 129,000 miles in its life.

What went wrong on the way back is that the indicators stopped working and it made a horrible howl inside,

which we quickly traced to be caused by those stupid parking sensors.

I mean, PARKING SENSORS, for God's bloody sake!

Either learn how to drive, or ram them bloody heaps around you!

 

Anyway, after we had removed all the steering column cowling to no avail, we reckoned the fault could be

in the boot, courtesy of the freshly installed tow bar electrics. A bit of wire wiggling there solved the problem.

As to why people even contemplate to disturb the electrics of such complex cars with their terminally retarded

add on crap is completely beyond me. Dinglebrains.

 

Apart from this, I find a similar discrepancy between hype and reality as I find with Mercedesessers.

They aren't nearly as comfy or smooth as people praise them. See, the Range Rover for example exceeds

my expectations in that respect.

 

A real let down is the engine. I expected proper six cylinder sound, but any other six cylinder car I've driven

so far sounds better.

 

Also, if a car has a 4 litre engine, You'd expect two things:

 

1. The first thing I do is give it full welly

 

2. I'm launched into hyperspace

 

Well, your first expectation is met, your second not.

Having said that, it sips the old petrol surprisingly moderately.

 

That one wiper system is the most half arsed one I've ever experienced, despite I had two Citroen CXes, a GS and a BX.

The headlights are hilariously shit, so is the steering lock. You need a bloody airport to make a U turn with this.

 

The brakes however, the most overrated component of any automobile, are razor sharp. So that's where they put the money.

 

 

Things encountered in Lincolnshire in one afternoon:

 

- Two zombies, carrying multiple shopping bags, walking in the middle of the road,

  miles away from any dwelling suitable for human inhabitation.

 

- A major A road intersecting with another major A road without any advance warning whatsoever.

 

- Tractors in the outside lane of a dual carriageway.

 

- A zombie carrying a five foot bludgeon walking his dog on a major A road.

 

- A toll bridge (40 pence) in the middle of absolutely fuck all.

  The travel expenses of the zombie freezing its arse off in the toll booth alone must exceed the revenue.

  But since it's in Lincs, it probably lives in it.

 

 

I CAN HAZ SCAREFRAID!

[Skizzer]

Just remind me again where Shitefest is this year?

 

[DeeJay]

Mother Deejay worked in Red Arrow, Granadas rental shop.

They used to give away these little plastic/rubber dolls to renters  

[anonymous user]

Did Conrad make it out alive?

I was wondering that as well, if not, I can only assume that Junkman can run faster.

 

Edited to add that although he has posted sincr, I'm not completely convinced that it is him and not just a ploy by Junkman to continue to claim the family allowance

[Junkman]

Just remind me again where Shitefest is this year?

 

Yeah, there is that. Consequently I haven't put myself on the list yet.

[Felly Magic]

I once drove from Leeds to Lincoln in under an hour, best way to deal with the place is to drive as fast as your car will manage, so the zombies don't get you

[Junkman]

Mother Deejay worked in Red Arrow, Granadas rental shop.

They used to give away these little plastic/rubber dolls to renters  

Those were the days when everything was still delightfully politically correct*.

[Junkman]

I cannot be held responsible for Mr Conelrad maintaining radio silence.

He was alive and well when he set off from the Junktowers an hour ago.

[Felly Magic]

Their own brand gear I'm sure was Grundig, badged bizarrely as Finlandia. I remember my grandparents having a coin op telly, so utterly bizarre. Anyhow, I hope this Coventry cat serves you well Junkman

[Shep Shepherd]

Their own brand gear I'm sure was Grundig, badged bizarrely as Finlandia. I remember my grandparents having a coin op telly, so utterly bizarre. Anyhow, I hope this Coventry cat serves you well Junkman

 

My aunt had a Finlandia TV in the early 1990s. I thought it was something to do with ITT/Nokia.

[Pillock]

We once stayed in a rental cottage in Norfolk that had a coin operated TV that had a teletext printer on the front.

 

Teletext printer.

 

Yeah.

[Bren]

They bought a portable telly for my room from Radio Rentals and it had the common decency to blow up 2 days before the guarantee ran out, someone must have set the internal self destruct mechanism incorrectly

I would venture correctly.

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

We once stayed in a rental cottage in Norfolk that had a coin operated TV that had a teletext printer on the front.

 

Teletext printer.

 

Yeah.

 

Oooooh shit

 

 

#baller

[Pillock]

That was it! The coin bit was where it plugged in. There was no paper in the printer though

[Guest Breadvan72]

I doubt that Teletext has reached Lincolnshire yet.

[Skizzer]

WOW. I mean... just wow.

[dollywobbler]

If there is a sport mode, you will need to engage it to get any sense of acceleration. The XJS I had over the summer was positively sluggish unless you told it that yes, I would like all of the performance please. The noise is definitely too smooth. Rather like the V12. Nowt tubular manifolds and a nice exhaust couldn't sort out.

[Guest Breadvan72]

http://viz.co.uk/internet-reach-wales-2020/

 

[Skizzer]

Et tu, Brutus? (Panis?)

 

That is quite funny though, to be fair.

[Felly Magic]

In parts of Wales, electricity is the work of the devil himself, especially around Welshpool

[Junkman]

We literally brought our car back home! Look: http://regarchive.com/plate/J243OHG

It is a veritable Granadaland Gem!

We liberated it from being held captive in Lincolnshire!

[Felly Magic]

Was fate Junkman

[Junkman]

Might be possessed now, though.

[Felly Magic]

Get it exorcised

[Junkman]

Let's first see what's underneath those toilet embellishers.

If I find traces of ectoplasm there, I'll follow your advise.

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

Photos and fixings were planned for today, but instead we are having an extreme weather event. 

[Junkman]

If there is a sport mode, you will need to engage it to get any sense of acceleration. The XJS I had over the summer was positively sluggish unless you told it that yes, I would like all of the performance please. The noise is definitely too smooth. Rather like the V12. Nowt tubular manifolds and a nice exhaust couldn't sort out.

 

Funnily enough, when I described the sound to Conrad yesterday, I said it sounds like a V12 running on six cylinders.

I shall press that 'S' button to see whether that alleviates the issue. Believe it or not, I have never pressed this button in any car ever before.

[Junkman]

Photos and fixings were planned for today, but instead we are having an extreme weather event. 

 

Extreme weather events only happen on other planets.

It's a tad windy.

[Skizzer]

Let's first see what's underneath those toilet embellishers.

If I find traces of ectoplasm there, I'll follow your advise.

Ectoplasm oxide, more likely.