Hirst Cabs 2029: Chevrolet Epica

[Guest]

Spotted one of these in the cab ranks of a train station far up north, a CHEVROLET EPICA, is it really an "EPIC CAR"? The Daewoo version is called TOSCA, which maybe means it is a "TOSS CAR". Sounds interesting to me, what do they think?

 

The Chevrolet Epica is a delightful combination of sophistication and luxury – a perfect fusion of design and technology for drivers who set their standards a cut above. From its innovative engine offering to its distinctive style and rich equipment, everything about the Epica conveys ease and elegance. A solid build, a dynamic drive, and thorough attention to detail make it both a state-of-the-art machine and a vehicle of personal expression. The Epica is a superbly equipped car matched to a ride of sublime quality. From £14,255.00.

 

I set my standards "a cut above" so this sounds like my sort of automobile, let's have a look at the back first, because it is the best bit.

 

 

Big red strip which joins the brakelights together? Instant winner in my eyes, I already love it. Stunning.

 

 

Front isn't wholly unreasonable, I like the normal-ish grille instead of the enormous gaping mouths of the current Audi range. What's the interior like?

 

 

Not great, oh well.

 

What's the colour range? Pleasingly you can get "Galaxy White" which will be a boon. Sadly the other colours are all variants of silver, grey or black. And one blue. Where's the metallic beige, or awkward brown? Only one interior colour, black. Feeble, 3/10 - see me.

 

OK so the engine and specifications, there's two specifications - LS and LT, the latter being better in that you get bigger wheels, climate control etc. There's two engine options, a diesel which I will instantly dismiss and a Porsche-designed inline-6 2.0 DOHC petrol. Incredibly, you can only get the inline-6 on the LOWER spec version - I love it! They might as well have called it "Hirst Edition" as I suspect it'll be the most unsaleable item ever - a low spec thing with a strange daft engine. It's great!

 

Right let's jazz things up with some more pictures, what are the optional accessories?!

 

 

You can get a bodykit for £782, which adds even greater "style and elegance".

 

 

Nah, I'll just have this £6 hi-vis jacket.

 

In conclusion, great work! First the 4-door Lacetti, now this - I look forward to more sales disasters.

 

P.S. I genuinely like the car, I would happily own one. I just think it will be a dismal failure in the UK like any off-brand 4-door saloon seems to be. Look forward to getting a crappy one in 20 years. Cheers!

[Station]

The car looks fine. I assume it's Malaysian though, they just can not do headlights.

[andrew e]

There actually quite pleasant inside Hirst, but the major selling point is that inline 6 is TRANSVERSE!!!!! Possibly the first car since the Princess 6 pot to be so

[Guest]

The Chevrolet Epica is a delightful combination of sophistication and luxury – a perfect fusion of design and technology for drivers who set their standards a cut above. From its innovative engine offering to its dist...

 

I set my standards "a cut above" so this sounds like my sort of automobile

What's innovative about the engine? Volvo chucked a transverse straight-six with end-on gearbox in the S80 years ago!

 

 

I immediately confused the dressed-up Epica with the Mk2 Mondeo ST200.

[dollywobbler]

Buying one in 20 years? They'll surely be worth no more than a fiver by half twelve in the afternoon, Tuesday next week.I applaud the ambition and yes - strangely I wouldn't mind one either...

[Justin Case]

The Kia Magentis now has a credible rival I'm spoilt for choice.

[Station]

The directors in the last company I worked at used to get a new company car every year or two, and obviously, everyone got BMW's, a new Audi S4 and a Porsche Turbo. The IT director got a Hyundai XG.

 

Not a bad car, but ...

[Guest]

I would be well-chuffed with a Hyundai XG30 company car. You can still get the XG but it's called a Grandeur here nowadays, only available on special order.

 

 

Unfortunately, my job does not give me a company car, but one time I found an old stapler and kept it in lieu of that.

 

I love all this luxury Korean stuff though, if I actually had the budget to be buying new cars I would well have some chintzy K-tin over some German thing.

[reallyloud]

I sent off for a Kia Magentis brochure the other day, not only that but they sent me two, with some garb about a massive reduction in price. Seems like the car has depreciated before its been sold.

 

 

There's a taxi driver who drives one of these around Didcot Power Station. I don't think he's quite aware what a hero he is.

[Ratdat]

I saw some online new car retailer flogging Magentis in a BOGOF offer recently. Can't remember who it was. Basically it was under !0k for a new Magentis which is about £7 under list price I think.Talking of really cheap shit cars, Nissan have a new one coming called a Pixo, which is basically a badge engineered Suzuki Alto made in India. Sinking to new depths indeed for Nissan. It is £5995 on the road though which is pretty cheap.

[michiel]

Isn't Epica a Finnish metal band?Nissan's selling it here too, althought the Dutch corporate site ignores its existence; I don't really like either of them. Alto goes from 8000 euro, Pixo not yet priced. I'd still buy a Cuore, even though they start from 9200 (silly buggers just raised the price and went from 2 versions to 5, the Complete is 16000 euro!!)... I don't want power steering but I do want the cleverish rear seat, but that combo's impossible now. Will have to track down a 2nd hand probably, although they are still quite expensive.

[Father Ted]

Unfortunately, my job does not give me a company car, but one time I found an old stapler and kept it in lieu of that.

Brilliant - neither does my job - apparently if I do more than 2K buisness miles a year I can apply for a "crown car" for the sum of £80 a month I get a Nissan Micra - the arseflakes thing is thats 2000 miles from my base, not home - my base and my clinics amount to about 30 miles a month.Still, like you there are some perks and only last week I availed myself of some Tia-Maria flavoured condoms and a sashet of lube...

[RedSparrow]

Hmm.Certainly future-shite. The interior is definately minicab style. Reminds me of the dash of the Skoda Octavia, which are the cab of choice round these parts.

[andrew e]

This thing is horrible... felt and looked cheap, but the driving postion was o.k, snapped under the geneva lights - I know my local dealer has the Alto out allready.

[AnthonyG]

Dan, with 'Chevrolet's depreciation you will be able to add one to your fleet in four years time easily.

[Guest]

Hope so! Received my Epica brochure and a load of others by first class post, they're trying really hard, bless em.

[Split_Pin]

I like that already. Intsantly in XG30-class for me. Tonight I saw one of those large Hyundai cars, kind of XG30 in mould but looked like the rung below it. It made me look back as it drove past in the street.Incidentally, I thought my local XG30 had disappeared, but its owner had simply moved to the retirement flats up the street, which is alright then

[STUNO]

I read a test of the Holden branded Epica yesterday. Tester found the car was well put together and "quite serviceable " but was quite critical of the gutless and short on torque 6 cyl engine

[Gompo]

Isn't Epica a Finnish metal band?

They're Dutch.

[vicsmith]

Isn't Epica a Finnish metal band?

They're Dutch.

I saw them at a festival in Holland, they came across to me as not so much a metal band as a fairly polished and surprisngly listenable but slightly cheesy Goth combo.I`m sure they`ve entered some sort of lucrative deal with Chevrolet by now, whereby they all get to tour round in a special really long 6-wheel edition with plastic spiders and cobwebs and pentagrams and stuff all over it, maybe a picture of Herman Munster on the bonnet or something.

[michiel]

Whoops, confused them with some other 'fairy metal' band, and LOL!