Sold Suzuki Ignis Sport For Sale.

[Jim Bell]

Disclaimer. Do not read if you hold no fondness for boring moderns cars.

 

 

Chapter 1

 

It was the best of times, its was the worst of times.

It was the age of no wisdom. It was the age of foolishness. It was the end of the winter of despair. It was the dawning of the summer of hope. We had everything before us and we were going straight to heaven. Hopefully in a small yellow car.

There was a dealer in Hexham with a large jaw and a small yellow car and I was in Newcastle and had 50 pictures of a Queen with a plain face in my pocket.

In both places it was clearer than crystal what needed to be done.

 

I traveled by train on a hot summer afternoon.

 

 

I haggled.

I drove away.

 

I paid too much and didnt really check it over as well as I should have.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I stopped for fuel.

 

Munny.

 

 

 

It dove better than I remembered them to. Theres an awful howl from the rear though. Bearing required.

 

Stopped off at Asda on the way home. Its a car you will never lose in the car park.

 

 

 

 

Its a great little thing.

[Jim Bell]

A quick walk around and inspection at The Asda revealed that one fog light was holed and taking in water.  The reflector was suffering from the ingress.

 

Drivers side:

 

 

 

 

 

She was also missing a rear towing eye cover.

 

 

 

 

 

Small things really, and easily resolved.

 

 

I booked it in for a bearing and had a look on ebay.

[Jim Bell]

Boot with fishnets exposed.

 

 

 

 

Includes reasonably rare load cover.

 

 

 

 

Not low miles, but not high either.

 

 

 

[Jim Bell]

Investigations via telephone and internet bore distressing fruit.

 

Fog light lenses cost more than is reasonable.

 

So I bought some OMFGSCENE film to cover the hole and keep the water aoutside.

 

Spend: £2.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I didnt apply the film pericularly well, but I did do both sides.

[Jim Bell]

I thought that was enough to be getting on with, put fresh oil and a filter into the mix and started driving it around.

 

 

It was great fun.

 

The missus then started speaking of a need for more MPGs.  This talk spawned the Roffle of the Rover 25 gti and started me off singing loud the praises of small Japanese yellow warm hatches.

 

 

"why dont you get an Ignis Sport darlin?"

 

I ventured as she sat crocheting calmly.

 

 

"I wouldnt mind one" she said.  "they're quite cute".

 

 

"Ah cool" Said I.  "theres a yellow one for sale in Arbroath"

 

 

*pause*

 

 

"WE'RE NOT HAVING MATCHING FUCKING CARS YOU MORON, I'M NOT BEING ONE OF THOSE FUCKING MATCHING CAGOULE COUPLES THAT EVERYONE LAUGHS AT FOR FUCKS SAKE."

 

 

 

So that was that.

[billyboy406v6]

Why is there a horse standing behind you ? ( second pic up )

[Jim Bell]

................... Only it wasnt, because I went and bought her one anyway.  With her own money.

 

 

 

 

 

 

There was no way for me to collect it, the missus refused to collect it so we were left in a bit of a Branston.

 

 

 

 

Thankfully, Autoshite is a great place, frequented by great people and Mr and Mrs FOAD offered to assist.  They are lovely folk.

 

 

 

Stolen FOADPICS:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A SECOND IGNIS SPORT HAS ENTERED THE GAME.  PRESS START TO CONTINUE>

[Jim Bell]

Why is there a horse standing behind you ? ( second pic up )

 

Because if you let them in front of you, theyre prone to kick you in the head.

[Jim Bell]

The second Ignis contained some (pointless) but reasonably valuable and desirable options, so I stole them all.

 

 

Sports? meshe grille. +12hp

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sill embelishers. +23hp.

 

 

 

 

 

 

A rear towing eye cover!

 

 

[fordperv]

the world needs more brightly coloured cars

[Jim Bell]

The second car also had a JENUINE KANE ENN INDUCTION KIT.  Which sounds nice, so that was also stolen

 

 

 

 

 

Check out the pedal rubbers.  I cant remember the last time I had a car with a throttle pedal rubber on it.

 

[Jim Bell]

One of the minus points of the Ignis Sport is the long sloppy gearshift, much critisized by the motoring press at and post launch.

 

Happily, there is a nice man called Tom Sizer, who mods the selector to reign the throw back into a snick snick short shift. 

 

 

 

I got my credit card out.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Many thanks to Overrun for helping out at no notice.  I generally have no what idea what I'm dong so appreciate the aids.

 

 

 

It now feels more like an actual hot hatch, and sounds more like an actual hot hatch.

[Jim Bell]

One is good.

 

Two is better.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Jim Bell]

The second car had some interior painting which had to go:

 

 

Yellow pannel is not want:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Employ colour coded tools (and butter knives.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thats better.

 

 

[Jim Bell]

And thats us pretty much done.

 

Second car goes for MOT tomorrow.

 

Two boring, modern cars that really have no place on Autoshite, hopefully staying for the long term.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you ever get the chance to have a go in one, please do.  They really are pretty good, and absolutely underappreciated.

[garethj]

[Arthur from Cabin Pressure]

Yellow car

[\Arthur from Cabin Pressure]

 

I've somehow managed to own 4 Suzukis in my proud car history, making it the second most popular marque.  However owning two cars which are the same makes you look like Howard & Hilda

 

Verdict: Well played but be careful of what's chosen from the wardrobe.

[schonker]

You sir are a legend

[bub2006]

They look a lot like Corsa b heater controls with added buttons nice colour though

[BorniteIdentity]

MOT PRICE: £40.

MATCHING NUMBER PLATES: £20.

 

Catch on already.

 

(!)

[hairnet]

when are the legs getting their own thread

 

they both need spacers.

 

badly.

 

respec for buying two flying bananas

[Jim Bell]

10/10, would read again.

 

Why did you steal the options, instead of just fobbing Mrs Wilsons off with the original car? "Because autoshite" presumably.

You should have just swapped round the way they were parked and thrown her the keys to her* new car

Because even though its higher mileage, mines better round the body. And has the foglamp bumper. Which was also an expensive option.

 

It makes sense in my head anyways

[overrun]

when are the legs getting their own thread

I'll do a build thread.

[Noel Tidybeard]

Because even though its higher mileage, mines better round the body. And has the foglamp bumper. Which was also an expensive option.

 

It makes sense in my head anyways

 

and because speshul black trim on doors obvs

[2MB]

You never did mention her reaction to the matching yellow cars, was it unrepeatable?

[purplebargeken]

Mmmmmm, yellow!

[billyboy406v6]

Think matching screwdrivers is so last year, darling ? Love those legs !!!!!!!!

[Jim Bell]

Mot pends.

[dollywobbler]

Do they have remote central locking? Or is it a pain remembering which one is yours?

 

I think they qualify as Autoshite. Modern, perhaps, but I reckon most people won't know what the hell an Ignis is. Plus, yellow is ace.

[Jim Bell]

They have remote central locking but mine doesnt work. Theyre really easy to tell apart though. His has spotlamps and Pac Man decals. Hers has smooth front bumper and a black rear loading protector. Theres also the registrationz.

[Jim Bell]

Goble