I can haz cupholders - 21st century motoring HAPPENS. E39 Bimmerheap acquired for NOWT

[Guest Breadvan72]

Freebie Bimmer now MoT'ed up the Wazzoo.

[skattrd]

for shitefest this year, maybe I should rustle up volunteers to bring several of the heaps over in order to enjoy the derision of the Autoshite community at large - I am not far from the venue.

 

Bagsie driving Lotus

[Guest Breadvan72]

New tyres grip like MUTHAFUKAZ.   All is good.

[Longblackcoat]

New tyres grip like MUTHAFUKAZ.   All is good.

Spinz n donuts innit

[Guest Breadvan72]

Yikes!  This car is fast.  It's just the boggo 530i SE, so what must the Sport and the M cars be like? 

 

New tyres, and the 75 mph wobble has gone,  There is a bit of brake judder when decelerating through 75 ish.   This car is soooo modern seeming that I fergit that it's nearly 14 years old.

[Longblackcoat]

It's a genuine 150mph car; the Sport version is no quicker than the SE.

 

The M5 is an absolute beast, but try a 540; you'd love one. Waaaaay quicker than the 530, but in an understated way.

[RoadworkUK]

I always thought it was a shame that BMW cheaped out on the E39 and used Rolls Royce Silver Seraph switchgear.

[Urko]

Er....I don't get the love for these. I mean, I get the love for a free motor, the interior's nice and so on, that is a nice colour, too imho, the shape at least can be filed under not ugly. But I drove one (albeit lhd) back in the day; everyone telling me how wowed I'd be, and I wasn't. It reminded me of my Dad's Cortina to drive, quiet, competant but not stunning. Am I doing it wrong?

[RoadworkUK]

"... quiet, competant but not stunning. Am I doing it wrong?"

 

Nope. Extreme competence. That's what the E39 is all about, and is all the better for it.

[rantingYoof]

Not popped my straight-six cherry yet, in terms of owning one.

When I was having a belm moment and sold a perfectly good V70 because it was a bit slow, I went out test driving some replacements, and one of those was a BMW 530. This one was being sold by a dealer who'd taken over an overgrown car-park in the centre of Luton. It was incredibly overpriced - £2,500 for a car without much service history and a shortish MOT that the guy refused to renew because "It's at a rock-bottom price and if I MOTed it I'd have to sell it for £3000" (not realising that this was basically another way of saying "I've had this car up on ramps and it's utterly fucked so fuck getting it in a saleable state I'll just palm it off on some hapless soul").

 

I could see how it would appeal to people - it was SO FUCKING FAST and wafted like a dream, and I'd never driven such a powerful car with a manual 'box before - but the ONE thing that put me off, and maybe because I was DOIN IT RONG, was the strange off-set position of the wheels to the driver's seat. It was like I was driving at an angle.

 

Whether the car I drove was utterly monumentally FUCKED or whether this is the optimum position for a great driving experience, I don't know, but that individual thing put me off the E39.

 

Many, many things put me off that particular car, as above.

 

 

Top freebie acquisitionatering - my dream is to stumble across an old boy getting rid of their Omega 3.2 MV6 or Volvo 850 2.5 20v or Rover 825Sd and win them over by genuinely and accidentally complimentating their car in such a gushingly nauseating fashion that they opt to pass the keys onto me for freeeeee.

 

Oh shit, now I look like a manipulative prick.

 

As you were.

[Magnificent Rustbucket]

Competence is the word for them. They feel really quite modern to drive, ride fairly well, have excellent performance with a large engine and the interiors have plenty of high perceived quality materials and are comfortable places to be. I like them, though possibly not to the extent of the average Piston Header, who seems to have elevated them to the pedestal of perfection it shares over there with the Mercedes W124. I like a car to have a bit more character - but this is a personal foible and if it is all-round competence you're after, then a good E39 is a strong contender. A friend of mine ran a 530i for a while - it felt considerably more modern than my Jaguar, for example - and was faster than it.

 

The problem comes if it is not a good E39. A fine example will impress you with its handling/ride compromise, its performance and all-round roadability. But they can be temperamental cars, with commonly occurring brake/ABS/Stability control unit failure which is expensive to fix, together with inherent weaknesses in the cooling system and automatic transmission and the sorts of electrical niggles which would cause an early XJ40 to blush. They are not easy cars to diagnose and once you start to disassemble them you realise that some of the quality is rather superficial. They also rust.

 

My friend's was not a good e39 and he spent a lot of time and far more than the car was worth attempting and failing to fix its constantly occurring faults.  The final point is, in some ways, praise rather than blame. When they're in fine fettle, the E39 is good enough that it motivates you to try to fix it which can involve spending more money on it than you should - and yet still have a worn out, unreliable car. My friend ended up in this position.

 

They share a problem which affects a lot of once expensive cars - that of neglect over a long period of time. Most of them have not been maintained properly for years - and the E39 is perhaps too sophisticated and fragile mechanically to shrug off the neglect in the way some other cars can.

 

A good one - an E39 which has been maintained properly by an owner who could actually afford to fix it - like Breadvan's new car - will be a much better prospect and will impress with its genuine all-round competence. They are very capable cars.

[Urko]

Nope. Extreme competence. That's what the E39 is all about, and is all the better for it.

Gah, I couldn't even spell it.

[Guest Breadvan72]

Any car that was expensive when new tends to be a problem if it has been through the hands of people who skimp on running costs.  This is notably true, in the classic car world, of  cars such as Jaguars and Jensens.  These were never cars intended to be run on the cheap, so neglected ones are right doggy.  

 

I think that the E39 has rather bland looks, although this wine/plum colour suits the car (and makes it look smaller, which is good).  The interior looks and feels good. I would describe the car as more than competent - it's got surprisingly good handling for such a long and heavy car, and much better steering than the E34.  It has some driving character, but not nearly as much as, say, a Rover SD1 or an older Jag.  The  step up in performance between the E34's 2.5 litre 12 valver and the E39's 3.0 litre 24 valver is quite remarkable.  My Rover 2600 feels as quick or quicker than the E34, but way slower than the E39.  

To make a 1990s comparison (the E39 being a 90s design) I would  say that the E39 is a less characterful but on balance better car than the 2001 Alfa 156 2.5 V6 that I flogged to Six-Cylinder last year (another 90s design).  That car has a super Busso engine and is mega quick, but doesn't handle as well and isn't as well put together as the Bimmer, although the Alfa does have better seats.  

 

So far, this E39 seems to be a good one, and for nowt quid I ain't going to be complaining anyway!  

[Longblackcoat]

So long as you accept you're driving a £50k car (in today's money) and that you'll never maintain one properly for £2.20 and a bag of chips, the E39's excellent. You'll never get over the fact that it's a thirsty beast - mid 20's is all you can hope for - and coupled with a small tank the range is a bit shit. And the styling's obviously a matter of taste, but I love it; appeals far more than its successor ever did.

 

On the other hand, I ran BV's E39 for 30k miles as a commuter and other than an ABS sensor, a wheel bearing and tyres/pads, it just needed fuel and normal servicing. I never bothered with the famously rubbish pixels (probably £200 to fix) or the tyre pressure system (no idea on cost), but they're well-known weak spots, and specialists can easily fix them. If I'd kept it I'd have replaced the cooling system in the next 20k miles, but other than that not a lot needed doing.

 

A well-maintained one of these will start to appreciate in the next five years; try one of the world's best straight six engines before they all get trashed by innit blud types who cannot help but wreck them.

 

I love these cars; perhaps you can tell that by the fact that I chose to give it away rather than sell it to Webuyanycars or the eBay wankers. I'd have got £500 for a quick sale, and a lovely car would have been destroyed within months. This way it continues to be used by someone who starts with a clean slate and therefore doesn't mind spending a few quid on it.

[Magnificent Rustbucket]

I love these cars; perhaps you can tell that by the fact that I chose to give it away rather than sell it to Webuyanycars or the eBay wankers. I'd have got £500 for a quick sale, and a lovely car would have been destroyed within months. This way it continues to be used by someone who starts with a clean slate and therefore doesn't mind spending a few quid on it.

 

 

Very generous too, both to BV - and particularly for to the car. I admire that.

[RoadworkUK]

I adore the fact that the Rover 800 and the E39 were being built simultaneously and, to a certain extent, competing with each other.

 

Seems even more laughable now than it did then. That's one reason I look forward to owning one of each.

 

Sent from my HTC One_M8 using Tapatalk

[cort16]

I'm currently having dirty thoughts about getting a 540i

[EssDeeWon]

The E39 is a great car. There are one or two things that fail on them but once those items are replaced they knock on forever, more or less.

[RoadworkUK]

I'm currently having dirty thoughts about getting a 540i

 

Do it, immediately. In debadged non-Sport SE spec for max WTF?

 

(Although EXPERTS will tell you that the six-cylinder cars are better because of their rack and pinion steering. Like saying that having a small penis means you're more sensitive or something)

[Mr_Bo11ox]

Hey!!!!! Its true that.

[320touring]

I'm currently having dirty thoughts about getting a 540i

If its that one in Tranent that is cheaps its overheating according to the vendor

[cort16]

No it's down in England and it's a 6 speed manual

[martybabes]

Do it, immediately. In debadged non-Sport SE spec for max WTF?

 

(Although EXPERTS will tell you that the six-cylinder cars are better because of their rack and pinion steering. Like saying that having a small penis means you're more sensitive or something)

 

Rack and Pinion steering doesn't make that wonderful V8 sound tho!

[Guest Breadvan72]

I drove my SD1 the other day on the first long trip that it has done for a while.  

 

You know what?  In terms of competence and being a good place to sit while driving, the (designed in the 70s, made in 1982) Rover is almost as good as the (designed in the 90s, made in 2002) Bimmer, and it has, to my way of thinking, more driver appeal, but I will still use and enjoy the Bimmer, which is I thin a fine and (I hope) dependable car.  The front suspension bushing can be done in due course.

 

Both cars run too cool, BTW.  The Rover has, I know, an 80 degree thermostat when it should have an 88 degree one.  Not sure why the Bim runs so cool.  No apparent leaks or other apparent probs with cooling syytem.    I gather that I need to keep and eye on the cooling on this type.

 

Tyre pressure sensor and pixels borkulated: who gives a toss? 

[skattrd]

BV - if the car is running too cool it could be a knackered thermostat being stuck open.

I've replaced the thermostat on half my motors in the past 12 months.

[colino]

Best to get the thermostat changed, its not a true meter on the BMs, the dashboard gauge is kept in the happy medium middle by the ecu unless it is very cold or very hot.  If it has an electric fan, a doddle.  If it doesn't, a whack on the fan hub loosens the fan and after you've taken it and the plastic rivets off,  and unclipped the hoses from the shroud, the fan and shroud can be lifted out together.  Good time to check for play/leaks in the waterpump, replace as necessary and ditto the hoses, radiator and header tank.  The cooling systems do need looking after in middle age.

[andrew e]

The header tanks crack and are a Bugger to spot too.

[RoadworkUK]

The header tanks explode and are a Bugger to spot too.

 

EFT. That's the one breakdown my Dad's has suffered. Apparently when it went it was like that big wave scene on "A Perfect Storm", only on the A12.

[Guest Breadvan72]

Must deffo check the cooling out, as this morning the needle was only just out of the blue all the way from south Oxon to central london.  

[Longblackcoat]

Must deffo check the cooling out, as this morning the needle was only just out of the blue all the way from south Oxon to central london.  

 

 

At least it's not overheating ..... which is one of the more normal problems with E39s