The problems that drivers of Modern Cars face

[Junkman]

I've heard of late Skylines (GT-R?) written off after very slow speed - walking pace - collision because of the Pedestrian Protection System and the cost to repair.

That's what I said above. And I was wrong, it's not 8k, it's 11k to fix. I'm NOT making this up!

 

The Pedestrian Safety System, where the bonnet pops up, is a one use system.

This innovative daft pop up bonnet system is required when there is insufficient clearance between the bonnet and the top of the engine to comply with the

European directive 70/156/ EEC as amended by 2003/ 102/ EC for pedestrian safety.

 

 

Funnily enough, it deploys when you hit a traffic cone on track day. I'm NOT making this up either!

 

I can only hope people vote for England out of this madness in the upcoming.

[Asimo]

A few years ago I read a 1960s SciFi short story in which a car was described that spat flames from the exhaust, vibrated and made a hellish din inside, speedo showing fabulous speed.........and all the while going very slowly under automatic control.

 

Driver was only in control of the "effects".

 

Not long now.

[scaryoldcortina]

http://time.com/4122084/microsoft-diverless-car-volvo/

 

Microsoft powered driverless volvo. WCPGW?

 

 

Can I go back in time 30 years and write in to "Bike" about it please?

[Junkman]

Why do I get the feeling this guy's definition of "heavy corrosion" differs significantly from ours? 

 

"In October 2040, I won an Audi SQ5 for £5,000,000 in an Autoshite Roffle. After a couple of hours of ownership, I noticed heavy corrosion on the exhaust box when it exploded and scattered its innards all over the motorway. I immediately went to a service station where a passing vagrant had a look. He wasn't sure what was going on. Eventually it turned out that a used exhaust cost £10,000,000 so I bought nine tubes of EXTREME AUTO exhaust paste from the 1,000,000 pound shop and sculpted a new exhaust from that."

 

Adjusted for inflation.

[Bren]

Can you imagine the autoshite contribution -

 

 

 

 

 

A daddy long legs flew in front of my metro and left quite a mess - is there anything I can do?

 

Reply - it only got one star in NCAP so tough shit. Frag man will offer you £20. Buy yourself a nice vectra.

[Junkman]

Guys, we are safe.
 
http://www.carfixer.co.uk/
 

Car fault diagnosis can be straightforward - plug in the scanner or code reader, identify the fault, correct it and clear the code 
 

Suppose we get sluggish performance and a lack of power. Plugging in a scanner reveals the code P0100. This is an industry wide code and applies to any make or model of vehicle
P = powertrain
0 = generic
1 = emission control, air and fuel delivery
last two digits indicate a specific problem, in this case Mass or Volume Air flow Circuit Malfunction
Essentially this shows there is a problem with the Mass Air Flow (MAF) meter/sensor or circuit.

Solving the problem

•  Check the wiring to the Mas Air Flow meter (MAF) . It may be frayed, broken or there may be corrosion.
• Unplug the MAF wiring connector blow through and reconnect
• Check the MAF voltage and resistance ( see management data for the vehicle)
• As a last resort replace the MAF unit

 

What's the code for "bonnet slightly ajar because that fucking nun ricocheted off it"?

[scaryoldcortina]

^ That's about as much use as a DIY heart surgery guide.

[anonymous user]

^ That's about as much use as a DIY heart surgery guide.

That reminds me of this http://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2011/03/antarctica-1961-a-soviet-surgeon-has-to-remove-his-own-appendix/72445/

[twosmoke300]

Cos car diagnostics is THAT easy . Code reader tell you exactly what it is 100% of the time and all garages are crooks etc 😄

[anonymous user]

Guys, we are safe.

 

http://www.carfixer.co.uk/

 

 

the Junkman version

 

Car fault diagnosis can be straightforward - plug in the scanner or code reader, identify the fault, correct it and clear the code It's fucked

[Timewaster]

My colleagues 63 Kuga had a good go at killing us all yesterday by repeatedly going into limp mode.

A total lack of acceleration is just what you need at a junction that crosses 4 lanes during rush hour.

 

Poxy thing.

[Junkman]

That reminds me of this http://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2011/03/antarctica-1961-a-soviet-surgeon-has-to-remove-his-own-appendix/72445/

 

That's bloody brilliant. I bookmarked it so I can show it to anyone who thinks he's tough.

[Junkman]

the Junkman version

 

Car fault diagnosis can be straightforward - plug in the scanner or code reader, identify the fault, correct it and clear the code Where are the carburetters on this?

 

EFA

[cros]

The Citroen C6 had a pop-up bonnet to cushion the impact of a pedestrian. They also cost thousands to repair in the case of a front ender. Terrifying.

My A 35 has its 'flying A badge' sticking up at the front of the bonnet. Also Terrifying.

[anonymous user]

My A 35 has its 'flying A badge' sticking up at the front of the bonnet. Also Terrifying.

Apparently the flying A was deleted from the J40 pedal car due to children being injured by them.

 

Which reminds me I have a nice spaniel mascot to bolt onto the bonnet of the Land Rover, if anyone is getting injured by it they are going to be in big trouble already from the amount of Land Rover that's hit them first.

[Tamworthbay]

Pumped up the tyres on a bini for a lass at work today. It had gone into limp mode and kept threatening her. It then sat for an age telling me I had to drive the abomination to reset the tyre pressure mode before it was happy. The thinghas. Ore lights inside than a cheap Amsterdam brothel. At least it doesn't have an electronic handbrake though.

[Ben_O]

Pumped up the tyres on a bini for a lass at work today. It had gone into limp mode and kept threatening her. It then sat for an age telling me I had to drive the abomination to reset the tyre pressure mode before it was happy. The thinghas. Ore lights inside than a cheap Amsterdam brothel. At least it doesn't have an electronic handbrake though.

Stupid thing...

 

As far as i am concerned, the only useful gizmo to ever be added to a car is a chime to remind you that the headlights are on. Other than that, it's all pointless.

All of these stupid driver aids are encouraging people to take less notice on the road and do less of the driving.

 

If you don't want to drive a car properly, then get the bus

[HH-R]

Exhausts are only an issue when it has snapped off at an angle that prevents forward motion because it's digging into the road.

 

The solution for this is to get out and kick it off with your size tens, lob it in the boot until a week before the MOT is due and bribe someone who can weld to reattach it for a crate of Carlsberg.

[fred]

Im rather looking forward in ten or so (or sooner) these cars with braking assist being about for a few hundred quid and Chavs doing a OO TOOBE vid of his in the weeds Toyota mashymuka hai karate thing

Performing a braking assist whilst racing towards his pissed up mate showing his pimply bottom at the car - and *SPLOT*  sod it dont work any more

[For Fiats Sake]

Stupid thing...

 

As far as i am concerned, the only useful gizmo to ever be added to a car is a chime to remind you that the headlights are on. Other than that, it's all pointless.

 

I'm always suprised that more cars aren't like the old pandas, turning off the ignition and removing the key turns off the lights.

 

To leave sidelights on a reverse turn of the key, pressing a button on the lock bezel and selecting the appropriate indicator direction does the job.

 

Witchcraft!

[fred]

I'm always suprised that more cars aren't like the old pandas, turning off the ignition and removing the key turns off the lights.

 

To leave sidelights on a reverse turn of the key, pressing a button on the lock bezel and selecting the appropriate indicator direction does the job.

 

Witchcraft!

Aye like the Forester have to flick a switch to leave them on - otherwise it will turn them off as soon as said key is removed

[mouseflakes]

I think the car brakes its self or something.

Nah. It's this newfangled thing of the bonnet blown upwards by little explosive devices to cushion the impact for the "I'm a road user, too".

I've heard this the first time in regards to a Datsun Skyline, which left the owner with an 8k repair bill

Shumarialto was right then? The car brakes breaks itself.

[Barry Cade]

Me Volvo has all of these things.... auto braking, exploding bonnet bolts and an airbag that farts itself across the windscreen if a pedestrian runs into the front. Don't get any ideas of check braking me in your Datsun... I may or may not have switched them off.

 

 

[cros]

That's what I said above. And I was wrong, it's not 8k, it's 11k to fix. I'm NOT making this up!

 

The Pedestrian Safety System, where the bonnet pops up, is a one use system.

This innovative daft pop up bonnet system is required when there is insufficient clearance between the bonnet and the top of the engine to comply with the

European directive 70/156/ EEC as amended by 2003/ 102/ EC for pedestrian safety.

 

 

Funnily enough, it deploys when you hit a traffic cone on track day. I'm NOT making this up either!

 

I can only hope people vote for England out of this madness in the upcoming.

If the bonnets not strong enough to support a dummy leaning on it I dread to think how it would fare in an accident

[steve_earwig]

Relaxed crash test dummy is relaxed. I'd love to get hold of some stickers like that to wear when I'm crossing the road here. (As an aside, although I complain butterly about Croatian drivers' and pedestrian's complete lack of understanding of pedestrian crossings, on a walk across town on Monday the only car that didn't stop to let me cross one was.... a police car)

Who is Mrs 3? Seems to be important. Mrs 1 and 2 not mentioned... Divorced presumably.

I actually read that as Mrs. ILL

[steve_earwig]

I'm always suprised that more cars aren't like the old pandas, turning off the ignition and removing the key turns off the lights.

 

To leave sidelights on a reverse turn of the key, pressing a button on the lock bezel and selecting the appropriate indicator direction does the job.

 

Witchcraft!

I'll be surprised if some clever bugger doesn't point out that these are also pointless, if you can't see that you've left your lights on you need waterboarding. Or something.

 

I was spoilt by my Pug's different tones for different things, the old yoyo just had the one. So, key left in ignition, fine, I'm working a few feet away. Lights left on, not so fine, 30 minutes later and the puny battery is too flat to turn the engine over. And don't bother trying to fit a bigger one as it's in a box at the base of the windscreen and would require a significant amount of modification to the car to get anything bigger in there.

 

Oh dear, I just seem to be moaning, rather than contributing, sorry.

 

I did read that, because these driverless cars can detect a pedestrian in front of them and stick the brakes on, so they're expecting crowds of bored teenagers to keep running out in front of them for a laugh. Expect journey times to increase dramatically. Still, they'll only do it until they run out in front of a classic* Prius or similar

[Cavcraft]

CBA

[steve_earwig]

What like? "Why does a car need a heater? It's just more to go wrong!" 

[Tamworthbay]

That's what I said above. And I was wrong, it's not 8k, it's 11k to fix. I'm NOT making this up!

 

The Pedestrian Safety System, where the bonnet pops up, is a one use system.

This innovative daft pop up bonnet system is required when there is insufficient clearance between the bonnet and the top of the engine to comply with the

European directive 70/156/ EEC as amended by 2003/ 102/ EC for pedestrian safety.

 

 

Funnily enough, it deploys when you hit a traffic cone on track day. I'm NOT making this up either!

 

I can only hope people vote for England out of this madness in the upcoming.

Is that first picture from a crash test dummy clothing catalogue? Freddy is seen in this month's hottest fashion leaning rakishly over......... etc etc

[Ben_O]

I'm always suprised that more cars aren't like the old pandas, turning off the ignition and removing the key turns off the lights.

 

To leave sidelights on a reverse turn of the key, pressing a button on the lock bezel and selecting the appropriate indicator direction does the job.

 

Witchcraft!

I took my old Fiat to work to do some welding the other day. I pulled up in the workshop and turned off. When i got out, i was told my sidelights were on. It was then i was told about the parking light switch on the barrel,

I never even knew about it. I must have pushed it accidentally whilst taking the key out