There is no Granada in Granadaland! Caution: Contains Granada Beast!

[Junkman]

Pity. Cadwell Park's in Lincolnshire. And Ratdat.

 

Thankfully my Granada wasn't. It'd still be there if it was.

[Junkman]

It was quite a find that granny, everything about that picture above hints to there being little floor or sill structure intact.

 

There is absolutely zero rust underneath. Not even beginning corrosion.

[EssDeeWon]

Cos wax oiled from new, Innit !!

[fred]

[rawy]

Are there actually any K-Jetronic expert shiters in the vicinity?

 

When I had a capri 2.8i there was a guy in a garage on the Empress Industrial Estate, Off Anderton st, Wigan who could work magic on the k-jet system, mine was running terribly and he got it sorted, not very expensive either, not many people have the knowledge on the k-jet system anymore.

 

Not too far away from you either.

 

Rawy

[Junkman]

Would that be J.W. Motor Repairs by any chance?

Getting the car there if we can't get it running might be an issue, but thanks for the tip!

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

I was already quite familiar with this car, since it shared a yard with my Rover for several months. That said, I'd never really had a proper look at it until we were suddenly re-aquainted yesterday, when I was summoned to help push it off a busy road and into Junkman's garden. This afternoon I grabbed a bottle of anti-bacterial spray and went to have another look. 

 

You can't help but wonder what happened to the previous owner when this car was taken off the road. The boot contained a box load of health and safety in construction paperwork, plus a hi-viz and hard hat:

 

 

…and inside the car was a complete kit of driving essentials:

 

 

There was also a half eaten bar of Whole Nut, none of which remained edible, plus 57p in cash, two pence of which remained spendable. When I was done nosing about inside the car it was time to put that anti-bacterial spray to use. At this point I will provide you with a "before" picture to study closely:

 

 

Clearly one or two of those cigars had been smoked in the car because the melamine sponge I cleaned the steering wheel with went brown. So did the cloth I cleaned the dash top with. All of the switches were gunked up with… uh, gunk. The whole interior was just filthy. So I bet you can imagine the transformation resulting from a couple of hours of scrubbing, can't you?

 

 

That's right! ARSE ALL DIFFERENCE. You couldn't tell I'd even been in there. Sure, I had a bucket of brown water to prove it, but I also had a half eaten 20 year old chocolate bar and some scotch so if I'd dropped dead there and then who knows what the coroner would have concluded. 

 

Still, it's a start. Besides, you don't have to spend very long with this car to realise how good it is underneath all the grime. 

[EssDeeWon]

Double Damn!! I wish I had bought one of these MK2 Granada's when a nice one was £500 and not £5000!

[danthecapriman]

A bottle of scotch and a cat turd can make great driving companions that's for sure!

 

I ended up wet vaxing the interior on mine. The carpets were minging and the lighter coloured velour on the seats was brown with grime. They came up very well after the vaxing but the water that came out of it was rank!

[Junkman]

Double Damn!! I wish I had bought one of these MK2 Granada's when a nice one was £50 and not £5000!

 

EFA

[vulgalour]

Interestingly* the same brand of cigar packet was found in the Renault 6.  As you were.

[danthecapriman]

EFA

It wasn't all that long ago the banger racers were getting them for free.

[RoadworkUK]

That's the absolute tits, that is.

 

Although, my favourite model of MkII was the "Injection". My uncle owned a Capri Injection and his next door neighbour had a Granada Injection with the same typeface on the bootlid. And recaro seats. And white TRXs.

 

Junkman, you need to find an ESRT32PS and "rehome" that Radiomobile.

[Junkman]

Junkman, you need to find an ESRT32PS and "rehome" that Radiomobile.

 

I couldn't agree more. However, I'm not Baron von Rothschild.

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

The Radiomobile might not be original, but it is in very nice condition and suits the car. 

 

[Junkman]

Interestingly* the same brand of cigar packet was found in the Renault 6.  As you were.

 

Even interestinglier* it's an Austrian brand.

[forddeliveryboy]

Fully-charged massive battery, small hammer for tapping things back to life, bit of tape for sealing dodgy vacuum lines, brake cleaner (sprayed into the inlet) often works with old K-jetronic cars. I'm assuming the fuel filter's been changed and primed with the same fresh petrol which has gone into the tank? And there's a spark to the plugs?

 

Since it started once but wouldn't again, is it possible that tank gunk/line gum has lodged somewhere further along? I once lit a fire in each cylinder to warm things up a bit (syringe of petrol squirted in through the spark plugs holes, then a light) before trying again with a fresh set of plugs. It worked when nothing else had, even having popped the new plugs into the oven.

 

Looks a great car, well-rescued!

[Junkman]

Unfortunately we didn't have time for any of the above, but that's the general idea, yes.

 

However, I'm currently doing a bit of parts search and the situation is similar to old Jap stuff.

You can't get bugger all for these.

[EssDeeWon]

Do it up, getting it running sweet as a nut m8 and Raffle it...

 

Please.

[andrew e]

It's all very well you showing off this Granada, but has anyone seen Junkmans tattoo's yet? Does he have a neck? How are his homophobic/racist/badly spelt Facebook rants? Frankly unless he can produce the evidence he shouldn't be allowed Granada keys.

[Junkman]

Sorry, I'm unable to comply.

 

It's actually Junkman's tattoos (so much for badly spelt) and there aren't any. Neither did I sign up to any so-called social media.

Many of my friends are screaming nellies, with a transgender drag queen (Hell-N, she sometimes wears suits and collects hearses,

besides being an absolute artist when it comes to car modelling) particularly respected.

There is even a black guy I hang out with, who is actually the only person I know that's born and raised locally.

He tries to teach me how to play my six-wired egg slicers, a rather futile endeavour, I mustard mitt. He also teaches convicted criminals

locked up in HRM's prison, of whom a few I hence am acquainted with, a connection you sadly forgot in your list.

I'm a bloody migrant myself and I seemingly have a neck, judging by the bloodbath from it every time I shave.

 

SO SOMEONE TAKE THOSE KEYS AWAY FROM ME!

 

The weird bit is, however, that all my friends, without a single exception, love this car.

[hauserplenty]

Check the cold-start valve, it should be connected to a line from the top of the distributor. Remove it and put it in a container, and on a cold start there should be much fuel sprayage. If not:

It's a guranteed MOT pass.

The KE jet has a thermo time switch, kjets have a warm-up regulator. I found a Bosch manual online, soz for no link but it's a cracking read. K-jets need fuel volume as well as pressure but teh Junkman knows that already because he's the Junkman. That's why.

Also +1 on checking for gunked-up fuel tank, pump, filter and lines, in that order. I just dealt with the opposite problem: an engine which would not run once it was warm. K-jets are a bugger to sort, er, a pain in the ass to fix after they've been left sitting.

Crashing the yogurt truck, as I've never seen one of these in the metal. It reminds me of a Merkur, actually. Ooof!

[Junkman]

I will start with checking the start valve before I do anything else.

It's a K-Jetronic, so warmup regulator. The real problem is, that I have pretty much forgotten everything I once knew about them.

[Junkman]

I received a new battery yesterday.

So today during lunch brake, a bit of further investigation was done.

 

It turns out, that The Beast currently violates Junkman's first law of thermodynamics by not pumping any fuel. Even the best K-Jetronic can't work, when it remains void of any pez.

 

It also turns out, that the interior illumination does not come on with the doors (but all interior lights work when one switches them on manually) and the cigarette lighter doesn't work.

So these severe faults have herewith been declared as Severity 1 items.

 

On the plus side, the passenger window actually works, so does the sunroof, all exterior illumination except one numberplate light, wipers, washers, the board computer,

the radio including the tape deck, the electric bootlid release and, as is usual for these Granadas, ca. 63% of the central locking.

 

Oh, and it has a perfect spark.

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

While we wait for the next update, here's a fun diversion befitting of a Granada parked in the heart of Granadaland. The story of how Granada (television) tried to stop Ford using the name on their new car. 

 

 

My [Norman Frisby, Granada press officer] phone rang one afternoon. A senior PR person from the Ford Motor Company said he had wonderful news for me. But I had to keep it to myself. It was absolutely secret. We were not to tell a soul. Ford were launching a new up-market luxury car and had decided to call it Granada. He was sure we would be delighted. He had reckoned without Sydney Bernstein. I knew how jealously Sydney guarded his precious Granada, so I decided to break my oath of secrecy to Ford, and tell him. Granada's legal department were alerted at once, and told to set in train the legal mechanics to stop Ford calling their top of the range car Granada.

 

Using Granada's revered name in this cheap way on their nasty car was, Sydney alleged 'passing off'. In vain I did urgently hint that there was already a car called an Anglia and a van called Thames. Even a city called Granada. It made for a fascinating day or two in court. We lost, and law students have been tackling the case as a project ever since. 

 

From the book Granada Television - The First Generation

 

The court papers are available online (and considering this is a case concerning 'names you might confuse with cars', Granada's legal representative is the appropriately named Morris Finer). It's ten quite interesting pages in which it is established that no, in general, people probably will not believe that the Ford Granada is affiliated with the Granada television or hospitality brands. In summary, "duh". 

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

There's the next update. That'll teach me to leave a tab open while I have tea. 

[hauserplenty]

K-jet explainage:

 

 

http://vwts.ru/injector/k-jetronic/gasoline_fuel_injection_system_k-jetronic_eng.pdf.

 

 

http://www.auto-tat.co.uk/Escort%20Upgrades/Chapters/Engine/CVH/Bosch%20K-Jetronic.htm

[Junkman]

Well, we started at the fuel pump, which is about half a foot from the tank and connected to it via a 3/4 inch rubber hose.

What none of these guides state is, that the fuel pump is only running, when the fuel pump relay receives a signal from contact #1 of the ignition coil.

This is to make sure, that the pump stops when the engine isn't running. In other terms, it means the pump only starts pumping, when you crank over the engine.

 

Well, it doesn't. It gets the 12V alright, once you start cranking the engine over, but no fuel pumpage ensues.

So I had to take the pump out. Blocking off the 3/4 inch hose leading to it from the tank proved to be unneccessary, because no petrol is leaving the tank,

even if you poke into the connection with a big motherless screwdriver. And yes, 20 litres of pez were put in it, in a rare moment of non-daftness.

 

Conclusions:

 

1. The tank must be so full of bog, that petrol can't even flow out of the bottom connector. All we ever managed to get today was a bit of a dribble.

2. The pump must have committed suicide by running dry. We rigged it up directly to the battery for testing and it doesn't do anything.

 

Consequence: New fuel pump and filter on order now.

 

Further proceedings: Tomorrow, the tank will be removed from the car for inspection. This will be facilitated* by means of the tow bar braced directly under it

and bolted to the car via the infamous Granada Differential Mounting Bolt®, which, as everyone knows, was devised by the Beelzebub, after he took

a healthy sniff of yayo. So stay tuned for tomorrow's report, which will be the source of maximum hilarity.

 

 

Wishful thinking: Once I get get the goddamn petrol actually to the bloody K-Jetronic, it'll fire right up and settle to a nice tickover...

More likely: The result of our doing will be on the BBC news.

[HMC]

Good progress! Re the tow bar diff mount- a former banger racer came over at the petrol station in the summer explaining why they were brilliant bangers and that the tow bar arrangement made them gr9 as a tow car too.

[fatharris]

I remember sitting in an abandoned one as a young 10 year old rapscallion (So about 2000) and there was no gearbox.

Seems silly when you think about how much they're worth now.