All modern cars is ghey.

[Des]

My poor snowmageddon victim was collected for repair or whatever this morning and I was given a loan car, a diesel Vauxhall, then having enough of my morning wasted set off to a job in Brighton. Going to Brighton is about the most hateful thing for me, but now we have a contender, what a hopeless miserable piece of shit.

In fairness I approached the thing with a 'let's see how shit this is' bias, fair enough as it looks pretty ridiculous, styled like most contempt inducing current stuff to resemble an upturned clog smeared in dogshit then rolled in glitter, exterior the size of a Cavaliers, interior the size of a Novas, all plastic, like hiding in a wheelie bin, went well mind, very lively, good brakes although with Citroenlike fierceness, big thick screen pillar spoiling forward view a little but easy enough to crane my head side to side to compensate, but going backwards posed a real problem, an inexcusably awful rear view, reversing down to my workshop was very difficult, I do this regularly in allsorts from proper cars to lutons at full pelt if I feel the need, but this Vauxhall needs reversing using the door mirrors as you would a van, the mirrors are less than half the size needed for such a bloated impossible to judge chavbarge, and no chance checking your blindspot with a glance over the shoulder. No handbrake, just a switch I cant be arsed to work out, heater controls part looks like a radio that I cant be arsed to work out, headlight switch like an ipod control, another thing I cant be arsed to work out, and as I opened a passenger door unloading this evening it turned its headlamps on. That made me quite angry, anyone responsible for a stationary cars headlamps left on deserves beating to death, this shitbox thing does it for you. Shame on you Vauxhall, I was never a fan of your wares but you at least used to build actual cars, I've no idea what you were up to here, perhaps your designer should spit the cock out of his mouth and have a look on google for inspiration rather than a sex aid catalogue, for fucks sake I did just 300 miles and both knees are stiff, lower back a bit iffy, feeling knackered, and the sharp jab right in my already aching shoulder from the corner of the ridiculously oversize door was a nice touch. I can do 1000 miles in a proper car without such suffering. Suck my balls Vauxhall.

[M'coli]

Fantastic - isn't it contrary to the Highway Code to have your headlights on whilst parked facing oncoming traffic? Cheers Vauxhall, that explains everything...

[Ben_L]

When the Cavalier went into Vauxhall, they gave me an Astra SE 1.6 which I thought sounded quite posh...

 

But...

 

To get the cars lights to be off, you had to turn them off with the switch. Then, upon restarting, they'd come on again. DRL and/or Headlights. No way to kill off the Auto Lights/DRL properly.

Every time you pulled off, the TC light would come on and virtually stall the car which in turn meant you missed your chance of getting out of the junction or had to give it 1.5 seconds to get its act together and let you "Drive".

Brakes were lemon sharp.

Visibility was shite.

You had to unlock it twice to get the doors open.

The engine felt dead compared to my 1.6 Carb Cavalier, numb almost with no pulling power at low speeds.

The fuel economy was disgusting.

The radio on Volume 1 was too loud for the lowest setting, it almost needed a 0.5 and 0.25 setting to make it good for having it in the background and retain the ability to converse with the engine off.

The gearbox and I didn't get on. I managed to grind and find quite a few times, which was really annoying. But, my Cavaliers clutch pedal was where the manual choke should have been.

 

I complained fiercely about it and from there on, I got given the Vauxhall Agila 1.2 which feels more nimble and drives like a car should imho.

[Ben_L]

You had to unlock it twice to get the doors open.

 

I imagine the first press merely opens the driver's door and the second does all the rest.

Its a security thing.

 

Yeah, that sort of thing. Vauxhall assured me there were ways to prevent it happening, but by that point, my simple "One press" Cavalier was ready and I was happy again...

[Cavcraft]

It is indeed a security thing, and probably not such a bad idea (on any car) given the amount of crackpots, car jackers and handbag thieves about these days. One thing I didn't really 'get' about Vauxhalls though is if you press the remote fob once it locks all the doors, but if you do it twice it 'deadlocks' them too. Why can't they just have one click that does both?

[R9UKE]

That selective unlocking is shit, I hate it. The Vel Satis and Laguna have it and it always gets me.

[beko1987]

I've just gone out in the meriva, and feel your pain about the a pillars. I may as well have had blinkers on, had to look so much harder around the fucking thing.

 

May have to go for a drive in the zx later to feel happy again

[Mr_Bo11ox]

My mate at work has a mega shit old VW Bora 1.6 petrol with a hideous bodykit on, anyway he had a bump and the insurance co gave him a brand spanking new Astra 1.6 petrol. After 48 hours he says 'flipping heck i hope the insurance company hurry up and make a decision, this astra is shit man. It only does 28mpg, I was getting nearly 40 in mine!' Brilliant innit.

[Barry Cade]

Does anyone know the correct proceedure for opening the boot on a new shape Vectra? Folk just usually stab at the button until it eventually opens...and why are the numberplate lights almost permanently on. I hate Vauxhalls. 2 down this morning already.

[rover420]

Does anyone know the correct proceedure for opening the boot on a new shape Vectra? Folk just usually stab at the button until it eventually opens...and why are the numberplate lights almost permanently on. I hate Vauxhalls. 2 down this morning already.

 

Best way to open the boot on the Vectra is to use the remote and then just press the button. The numberplate lights will stay on if you dont lock the car, if you lock it they should go off.

[brickwall]

So it basically tells everybody in the carpark that this car is unlocked.

[rover420]

So it basically tells everybody in the carpark that this car is unlocked.

 

Yes pretty much so. Mine was a 53 reg so pre facelift. I don't think the facelift ones even had a keyhole in the button on the tailgate.

 

I always wondered why the number plate lights stayed on then I realised that they went off as soon as you locked the car, pretty sure it says in the handbook that's how it's supposed to be

[davidfowler2000]

My dad's got a 10 plate Astra SXI that was a replacement for an 05 plate Enjoy model that got written off and everything I've read here is exactly how I feel about the thing -

 

Big window pillars mean you can see hee haw round a corner.

You can't reverse into a space.

Radio at volume 1 is horrendously loud.

The fan is horrendously loud. Not the wind noise - the actual motor. It sounds like it's PWM controller which means instead of being on a low power setting, it's basically being pulsed at full power many times a second - means it buzzes.

The 1.7l 125horse CDTI engine is less refined, less powerful and less economical than the 2.0 140horse Diseasel in my 09 Golf. It only seems to get about 45mpg.

The handbrake is a switch.

It has an automatic hill start brake whether you want it or not meaning you can't let it roll back into a parking space unless it's in reverse.

To compound the hill start and electronic handbrake woes, the clutch isn't smooth so it bangs right into the bite point. A pain when you need significant bite / revs to make it release the brakes - this will no doubt result in significant clutch plate wear as well.

It has DRLs whether you want them or not and has a little green light on the dashboard to tell you they're on. The same green light comes on when the sidelights or dipped lights are on.

The radio and computer displays are light red on dark red making them look very VERY cheap and the glow profusely in the dark. The white on black LCDs in my Golf look much more sleek.

It had auto door locking like a black cab but we turned that off immediately - it would lock when you started to move and would only unlock manually or when you turned the ignition off.

It's not that old and already sounds like it's needing significant work to the rear suspension.

 

Like Des says - it's a chavbarge.

[bub2006]

Our 03 plate vectra boot unlocks with all doors but auto locks after 30 seconds. Unlocked via button on key or button on driver and passenger doors. Number plate light comes on with boot unlocked or all doors but goes off after 30 seconds even if car still unlocked. The one touch unlock function is good as my wife works nights and only uses drivers door.

[Bobthebeard]

Surely not that difficult to press a button on the key fob twice? Better than walking around to the passenger side/ leaning across to unlock passenger door etc. Things have moved on since the days of stabbing a key blindly into the door lock after dark. Thankfully.

True, most moderns are a bit too clever for their own good etc, when the time/safety features are just normally annoying.

Pressing a button twice isn't a bother IMHO.

[rml2345]

To be fair, the only "modern" thing miss is remote central locking as stabbing keys at doors when it's freezing or pelting is a load of arse.

However, it's not worth all ther hassle that comes with a new car. Like that Chevroletwoo Spark Miserable Edition that they gave me as a courtesy car last year. A vehicular conveyance with nothing to recommend it.

[Cheggers]

I recently had a new Focus as a rental car, and I have never seen so many buttons, switches & knobs on one small dash. At night it lit up like a bloody Christmas tree. So much uglier & more complicated than the German iPod type arrangement.

[Bobthebeard]

To be fair, the only "modern" thing miss is remote central locking as stabbing keys at doors when it's freezing or pelting is a load of arse.

However, it's not worth all ther hassle that comes with a new car. Like that Chevroletwoo Spark Miserable Edition that they gave me as a courtesy car last year. A vehicular conveyance with nothing to recommend it.

 

Agree with the remote central locking. Fitted a (Hawk) remote system to my 944. Much easier than poking around with a key.

£19.99 well spent.

[Spiny Norman]

Pressing a button twice isn't a bother IMHO.

 

I have to press the unlock button on the Merc twice before it'll let me in.

It's not got any fancy 'driver's door/all the doors' thing or a deadlocking system or anything, it's just a bit old and shit!

[Bobthebeard]

Looks like I will be finding out very soon just how irritating/shite new cars are.

After a low speed rear end whack the insurance company ( not mine ) have agreed to repair my Honda daily. A Vauxhall Insignia is being dropped off next week for me to use in the interim.

We shall see....

 

Edit.. I have no idea what a Vauxhall Insignia is/looks like!

[Ben_L]

Think Cavalier.

 

Then think of when a child puts it Thomas The Tank Engine plastic bowl in the oven, or too near the electric fire...

 

You have an Insignia. The interior is nigh on identical to the Astra, in fact, I'd say they're the same car save for the Insignia's 1980's upright parking windscreen wiper.

[Bobthebeard]

Think Cavalier.

 

Then think of when a child puts it Thomas The Tank Engine plastic bowl in the oven, or too near the electric fire...

 

You have an Insignia.

 

Oh goody. Can't wait*

Hope our old Honda is repaired quickly!

[HMC]

Had a ride an a newish car the other day. By far my biggest irritation was the crap visibility. Obstructive thick pillars are all very well in an accident, but you are far more likely to be in one if you cant see out properly in the first place!

[Bobthebeard]

Had a ride an a newish car the other day. By far my biggest irritation was the crap visibility. Obstructive thick pillars are all very well in an accident, but you are far more likely to be in one if you cant see out properly in the first place!

 

+1.

The windows on new cars seem to get smaller whilst the pillars get thicker and bigger. Surely a recipe for disaster!

What could possibly go wrong? Milf on school run, distracted by loud and demanding children, can't see 50% of the road and traffic.....

My next door neighbour wrote off her modern due to the above. She was distracted by the kids, missed seeing a car due to it "vanishing" in a blind spot. Thankfully no injuries.

[Junkman]

...Better than walking around to the passenger side/ leaning across to unlock passenger door etc. Things have moved on since the days of stabbing a key blindly into the door lock after dark...

 

What's wrong with that all of a sudden?

[Bobthebeard]

...Better than walking around to the passenger side/ leaning across to unlock passenger door etc. Things have moved on since the days of stabbing a key blindly into the door lock after dark...

 

What's wrong with that all of a sudden?

 

Nothing at all... If you enjoy groping around for the door lock in the dark!

Surely some modern technology is ok? Even on here? Starting handles were a PITA back in the 1920's. Nothing wrong with them, but hey!

[freebird]

To be fair, the only "modern" thing miss is remote central locking as stabbing keys at doors when it's freezing or pelting is a load of arse.

However, it's not worth all ther hassle that comes with a new car. Like that Chevroletwoo Spark Miserable Edition that they gave me as a courtesy car last year. A vehicular conveyance with nothing to recommend it.

And that, surely, is one of the key points of an Autoshite forum?

Whats more nondescript than a 306 diesel, Polonez and the like.

That kind of cack you drove will be the life blood of the forum in years to come.

[eddyramrod]

A Vauxhall Insignia is being dropped off next week for me ... I have no idea what a Vauxhall Insignia is/looks like!

 

You haven't missed anything. I had a rental Insignificant in Scotland a couple of years ago. It was grey. That's all you need to know really. It's way bigger outside than in, and you can't see out, especially behind.

 

I recently had a new Focus as a rental car,

Yeah, me too, just before Christmas. Again, it's much bigger outside than in, but at least you have a chance of reversing it; the windows are still slits, but there isn't nearly so much car beyond them.

 

I don't get these WW2-pillbox windows. They can't possibly be safe.

[Junkman]

...Better than walking around to the passenger side/ leaning across to unlock passenger door etc. Things have moved on since the days of stabbing a key blindly into the door lock after dark...

 

What's wrong with that all of a sudden?

 

Nothing at all... If you enjoy groping around for the door lock in the dark!

Surely some modern technology is ok? Even on here? Starting handles were a PITA back in the 1920's. Nothing wrong with them, but hey!

 

I'm not sure how to put this. But IMHO a gentleman will never find himself in an environment so dark that he can't find the doorlock of his motor with a key, unless he is in a condition he shouldn't drive in anyway.

Also, there are not many activities outside a bed that beat the courtesy of unlocking the passenger door of a car, opening it to facilitate a lady's ingress, then closing the door for her, then taking the long way around the back of the car to unlock the driver's door. It's such galantry that can immensly help you landing in aforementined bed, young lad. All this goes completely down the toilet with those newfangled unromantic press-me-twice-bleep-blink-gadgets.

 

Besides, my Rover P6 has central locking. I can reach all lock knobs while seated centrally in the driver's seat.

[Albert Ross]

As a side thought do do with gallantry, I have a friend. Yup, one. Many moons ago, he was exiting a place of imbibification with his good "lady", and it had started to rain. He, as the designated driver, was doing the sensible bit of getting in the car first, so he didn't have to wipe his glasses too much. He may have been fumbling for the lock, when the "woman" blurted out "hurry up, I'm getting wet"................ He, in turn said "there's a fucking first".

Apparently, it's NOT the best response to use.... They're not together any more. Good thing too, because his Wife is bloody wonderful.

 

Back on subject, The Insignia looks like a Warthog with someone's thumb up it's arse. The reflective panel on the nearside of the dash will drive you to distraction, and the jiggly ride will kill you . Handbrakes are shite, visibility out is shite, seat comfort is shite, to reach the fore/aft adjust, you have to pretty much get in to put your hand on it, as it's under your left knee. Great planning there Poxhall. Watch the tyre pressures, as if they are set to ECO, they will be something like 2.6/2.8 BAR, equivalent to the pressure experienced by Captain Nemo. Drop them to the better lower setting (info panel inside passenger front door shut, on the B pillar.... it doesn't have a keyhole, you have to unlock it on the fob....!)