OUTRAGE AS TORQUAY TAT POPULATION CONTINUES TO DECLINE

[Negative Creep]

Exclusive report by our Devon correspondent Rupert McBastard

 

News has reached this office of another old Japanese car being taken from Torquay, the English Riviera, and relocated to Plymouth. This comes a mere 4 months after the previous victim, identified as a Nissan Bluebird, was relocated from a life of never being driven by its old giffer owner and pressed into daily use. Having a short MOT and a spec list that doesn't even include a cassette player would normally be enough to make a car undesirable, yet an anonymous source has told us that a bored ebay session, and the mantra of "what's the worst that could happen?" has once again led to a shocking turn of events.

 

These high quality pictures show the latest victim, believed to be a 1986 Mazda 323 LX. It is believed to have spent most of its life in Maidstone, covering only 80,000 miles and even has the original toolkit and an unused spare wheel

 

 

 

 

A neighbour, who gave his name as Bruce Knickers But Please Don't Print That, Just Make Something Stupid Up told us "oh great, another fucking old Japanese car in the street. He really needs a life. And a girlfriend". After sifting through the voicemail and bins failed to provide any tangible evidence, our reporter went to the premises. The door was answered by a slightly overweight cat who refused to confirm or deny rumours that the plan is to get an MOT on it then decide which of the two cars will be sold, instead sniffing the front bumper and spending 5 minutes deciding if he would go back through the front door or not.

 

A source form Pistonheads admittedly they were "disappointed" by the choice in vehicles but adding "but then after 13 years of Labour what do you expect?". Retro Rides also released a statement in the form of a few google image results and several pictures form Stanceworks with jizz stains on them.

 

 

 

Got a story? Do you know or have you ever slept with its new owner? Can you confirm if that tape on the lights will pass the MOT? Call our 15 Minutes team at our office today

[retrogeezer]

Mazda must have bought a job lot of that metallic blue!!

 

That's a great score and they are a fab little car, how much was it?

[cms206]

That looks bloody lovely. If it had been removed from my town by another other bloody southerner I'd have been fucking livid.

 

 

Seriously though, top purchase... !

[retrogeezer]

Hey Andy,

 

I snapped WBW735X again the other day, now in a two-tone green paint job....have you seen a pic of it yet?

[loserone]

That looks cracking. Top purchase.

[boobydoo]

Another what I call 'under the radar' car, forgotten all about them, not seen one in years.

 

Interestingly, the world record for driving a car the longest distance in totally the wrong gear, is currently held by Torquay pensioner, Betty Scrutbucket, 84 , who drove her 1985 Mazda 323 from 'The Bide-A-Wee' Nusing Home, Torquay, to her sister, Renee's home in Taunton, Somerset without ever changing up from second gear.

 

Despite smoke coming from under the vehicle and a terrible smell of burning, Mrs Scrutbucket, failed to notice other road users flashing their lights and waving her to stop.

 

When eventually stopped by concerned police,the shaken pensioner said, "I'm a widow, I am" and broke wind.

[r.welfare]

Chain cam on those early ones. I had a later (E-plate) 1300 a few years back, nice little motor but heavy steering and bugger all performance over about 50mph. Does the driver's door lock have a little light round it? Well bought, they don't seem to rust much for an 80's Japanese car.

[RobT]

Very good, and the slightly tatty steel wheels need to be kept that way, patina!

[eddyramrod]

I see loads of those around here, but not many as tidy as that one. Well done!

[Negative Creep]

I do like the colour but it seems very common. There was a D plate around here at least until very recently. That aisde they've vanished, although they (and their Ford Lazer cousins) are everywhere in NZ. Unfortunately the other side isn't quite as clean, as the rear arch does have the requisite old giffer damage

 

 

so the arch is a bit scabby but doesn't seem to have spread to the sill, which has been patched before, so I am hoping it will be ok for the MOT. Anyone know if that tape on the NSR light will pass?

[Felly Magic]

Dunno tbh, but it could be one of those light repair tapes. If it is showing red & not white, it could be OK. We need someone like Albert, or Oldford to confirm.

[Craig the Princess]

Dunno tbh, but it could be one of those light repair tapes. If it is showing red & not white, it could be OK. We need someone like Albert, or Oldford to confirm.

 

I think /\ This, but our MoT wallahs will know for sure.

[Negative Creep]

Well it's booked for tomorrow so we're about to find out! Along with if I've wasted all my money buying it

[Negative Creep]

Well now it wont be going for an MOT after the battery drained itself overnight, thus making me late for work. I lent my jump leads to a friend last night, reasoning I hadn't needed them in about 6 months

[Negative Creep]

FUCKBEANS

 

It now turns out the starter motor has gone. So now i need to decide if I shoul source another one in the hope it will get through the MOT, or cut my losses and send it over the bridge

[Craig the Princess]

FUCKBEANS

 

It now turns out the starter motor has gone. So now i need to decide if I shoul source another one in the hope it will get through the MOT, or cut my losses and send it over the bridge

 

I take it beating the shit out of it witha hammer didn''t work?

 

EDIT: The starter motor, not the car.

[dollywobbler]

Walloping the starter, rocking in gear, all worth a go. Or just bump start it. The joy of no cat!

[Negative Creep]

Ok, I really cannot procrastinate on this any longer. With the MOT out tomorrow and a knackered starter motor, it isn't looking good. My two options are:

 

By breakdown cover because I cannot find anyone who will help me move it, get it MOTed and then buy a starter plus whatever it needs - probably £150 cost

 

Cash the tax in and scrap it. Does anyone know what scrap value is at the moment? I'm saying that will be about £200.

 

As much as I hate scrapping things, the bridge is beckoning. Anyone want to make me an offer as it sits right now and save it?

[dollywobbler]

Have you tried rocking it in gear or hitting the starter motor with a hammer? I don't think I've ever had a starter motor just suddenly die. They usually degrade over time. 99% of the time when a starter has failed to work, hitting it or rocking the car has got it working again. Or at least have a check of the wiring - direct wire between battery and starter? (make it a thick one!!)

[Cavcraft]

Sady the weigh in for that won't be much. If you saw £150 I reckon it'd be a result I'm afraid. Possibly best off offering it up on Retro-Rides or a banger forum for £200 and seeing what happens. Failing that eBay with a £175 reserve might be worth a bash.

[Negative Creep]

Just tried a company who quoted £120 to collect it. Tried rocking and hitting it but no joy. Probably not helping that I'm trying to do it on my own either

[Negative Creep]

Update - when all else had failed I charged the battery overnight, plugged it back in and it started first time. I'm a bit bemused by this since a previous jump start failed to work and I could clearly hear the solenoid clicking. So either the battery is duff or the starter is sticking.

 

Unfortunately I cancelled the insurance (who charged me £70 for the privilege) and declared it SORN yesterday. Arsehats.So the offer still stands (and I've parked it where it can be bump started if needed)