Autoshite - The game

[504GL]

I was (rather sadly) watching a youtube video of the Forza 4 car list and I thought that there should be an Autoshite game

 

So if Autoshite was to have a game what features would you suggest for it? What cars would it absolutely need to have? Etc etc

 

My idea would be to have a realistic smell cartridge. So if for instance you were driving a Subaru the console (a dreamcast or gamecube or something equally consoleshitetastic) would chuck out the smell of oil dripping onto hot headers and if it was something Italian you could have the smell of burning insulation off the wiring loom.

 

I think you would need to have the absolute bottom spec cars available as well as the top ones. K-series engined cars should be prone to HGF's and the like.

 

I think you'd have to pretty much have every British car from the 1960's till when they stopped making cars here. There would have to be a walkaround mode where you can enjoy the orange peeley paintwork and look at all the filler in the wings and doors.

 

Also, instead of having Jeremy Clarkson doing some of the voiceover work it would have Mike Brewer.

 

Any other ideas? Is anyone any good with q-basic?

[Shep Shepherd]

The smell cartridge would be GR9 if it featured the aroma of Feu Orange air fresheners, especially if the game included cars that British families of the 1970s and 1980s commonly owned

[warren t claim]

Here's a good start. A Dacia/Renner 12 cruising around in the game WR2.

 

[Guest]

Mike Brewer? this is autoshite so look to William Woolard former 1980's Top Gear presenter An Autoshite game would need to have a series of challenges to unlock a secret car like other pc - console games. I vote that that is either a Talbot Tagora 2.0 base or a Renault 15.

[Magnificent Rustbucket]

A piece of beige or grey authentic nylon Jaguar or Rover headliner material to be worn on the head of each player. The material will naturally smell slightly of wet dog.

[504GL]

Here's a good start. A Dacia/Renner 12 cruising around in the game WR2.

 

 

That is FANTASTIC! You have to indicate and seemingly obey the rules of the road. That is bound to suck the fun out of it as a good Autoshite game should.

[504GL]

The smell cartridge would be GR9 if it featured the aroma of Feu Orange air fresheners, especially if the game included family cars from the 1970s and 1980s

 

I've just thought of another smell! Mouldy wet carpet due to dodgy weather seals or a large hole in the floor. There can also be a wet dog smell too.

[Cavcraft]

Ford Escort Mk6. The uber shit one with non-painted bumpers of course. It'd need to have sellotape on the bumpers, no wheel trims, rusty steels and the interior would have to smell of heroin and dog piss.

This would be chased round a housing estate by Carl and Rosie at 3.00am as it was piloted by a 14 year old high on crack. The ending titles would see the news that they got a thirty second detention order before appealing to a human rights court, getting the decision over-turned and receiving £15,000 compensation.

[Pete-M]

Need the smell of an ex-taxi in there as well, and the whiff of pensioner on anything Japanese. Kinda broken biscuits'n'piss.

[warren t claim]

Here's a few more...

 

W124

 

Skoda 120

 

Polski Fiat!

[Craig the Princess]

The National Express level where you coach your way 300 miles to buy shite blind.

 

The LDV and tralier drive home and banger racer baiting levels?

[Shep Shepherd]

Need the smell of an ex-taxi in there as well

 

Forest Green 1980 Granada 2.8GL saloon with a couple of pine-scented air fresheners hanging from the rear view mirror

[504GL]

Need the smell of an ex-taxi in there as well, and the whiff of pensioner on anything Japanese. Kinda broken biscuits'n'piss.

 

I like your thinking. I think we've got enough smells though

 

That WR2 game looks a bit too sophisticated for my liking. I want something more like this

[Albert Ross]

You'd have to gain credits to buy a shite toolkit. Jump leads, a petrol can (the fuel gauge is iffy) , a roll of spanners made from cheese, footpump, roll of insulating tape, hammer for the stuck starter solenoid, and the crowning glory, the Haynes book of lies. And a AA book of the Road that has got damp, and some of the map pages are stuck together, meaning you have to guess the route! A tin of travel sweets would be a good bonus. The credits could be Esso tokens, or Green Shield Stamps!!!!!

[dollywobbler]

It would have to be the only game where you start with a really good car and end up with a Morris Ital. In beige. With blanking plugs instead of head restraints.

[The Moog]

All cars would have mats and flaps. Luxobarge would never make it out of the pits due to wheel changing issues

 

The animated chicks would go wild over the beige Aggro.

 

Could we all be animated characters in the game?

 

There could be a hidden mini Fridge banger game that you could unlock... with Norm doing the voice over ...

 

And you start with a fully loaded car and as you progress you get to remove items ... the final level you can have the choice of pound shop wheel trims..

[504GL]

It would have to be the only game where you start with a really good car and end up with a Morris Ital. In beige. With blanking plugs instead of head restraints.

 

That is a fantastic idea. The complete opposite of most of these career games

[tonedepear]

That WR2 looks the shizz. Well, it looks like Euro Truck sim actually, but with fewer gears.

[warren t claim]

That WR2 looks the shizz. Well, it looks like Euro Truck sim actually, but with fewer gears.

 

I wish I had a working pc powerful enough to run it.

 

Has anyone here played it?

[tonedepear]

I fully intend to investigate getting hold of it tomorrow when I'm not at work.

[gricer]

The cars would decay over time - rust, lost wheel trims, dirt, mechanical failures. Like those Japanese Tamagotchi virtual pet things that died if you didn't feed them.

 

It would never be sunny in the virtual world. Always grey and raining. And in Birmingham.

[tonedepear]

Difficulty levels. Easy you own a barn in Suffolk with a load of dehumifiers. Ultra hard you live on the hebrides. In a static caravan.

[warren t claim]

I fully intend to investigate getting hold of it tomorrow when I'm not at work.

 

All the interesting cars and roads are downloadable add ons I believe.

[ashmicro]

The patented brand-new speedo cable in the boot in case you get picked up for having spoked her aff. "I'm just going to my mate's Constable, to get him to help me fit it. Just went a couple of days ago"

[boobydoo]

Hmmmm....being an old fart, my immediate thought was a really crappy board game for 2-6 players aged 8 and above.

 

The winner would be the first person to build their shite car from scratch using various plastic pieces that clip together to make the finished article.

 

Each car has the same number of pieces needed to complete it e.g wheels, doors, roof, chassis etc and you can only obtain the parts by going from garage to garage on the board ( a bit like the rooms in Cluedo) using one of those 'POP-O-MATIC' dice things, and buying them, winning them by answering a really crap car-related question, or swapping them with another player who has the part you need.

 

Models to build would be:

 

TALBOT TAGORA (duh!)

LANCIA GAMMA SEDAN

POLONEZ

RENAULT 14

FIAT ARGENTA

AUSTIN AMBASSADOR.

 

I can't be arsed thinking about all the rules , but the parts would soon get lost and be of such poor quality that they break easily.

 

Lots of toddlers would choke to death on red plastic Tagora doors (found possibly by the dog bowl), so the game would be hurredly withdrawn from sale and become a collectors item worth a fair bit in years to come.

[rml2345]

I've played/have WR2, and all the decent chod is in download form. There should be a trio of Volgas knocking about somewhere on that internet for it, and some HAWT VAZ action too.

No Sherpa AFAIK though...

An Autoshite board game or computer game would become an instant and sought after classic remembered by at least 20 people for generations. Or a couple of months.

[scooters]

a collection of sticky hardboiled sweets, polomints, a couple of soft hula hoops a Ginsters packet, a pound coin covered in somthing sticky and horrible, loads of fluff mixed with grease and a few dog hairs and pubes - this in a packet to put down the side of your sofa!

[Guest]

There's already a game, New Wheels John.

 

[garycox]

What's the program that you need to play New Wheels John? I think I have the NWJ file still somewhere but I lost the emulator thing when I changed computers.

[Shep Shepherd]

I so want that game