Lesser spotted idiot

[Guest EccentricRichard]

Which reminds me, once upon a time way back in the late 70s/early 80s in a supermarket car park in Sutton, Surrey, were two identically-coloured Cortinas (I think Mk2s). One belonged to my grandmother, but was being driven by my mother. The other, who knows. Anyway, my mum came out of the supermarket, went over to the Cortina, put her key in, unlocked it, put her bags in, got in, then realised it was the wrong bloody Cortina!

[scaryoldcortina]

Which reminds me, once upon a time way back in the late 70s/early 80s in a supermarket car park in Sutton, Surrey, were two identically-coloured Cortinas (I think Mk2s). One belonged to my grandmother, but was being driven by my mother. The other, who knows. Anyway, my mum came out of the supermarket, went over to the Cortina, put her key in, unlocked it, put her bags in, got in, then realised it was the wrong bloody Cortina!

 

now that sort of thing did happen... My aunt did the same trick with her 1275GT, got into the wrong car and drove away with it. She noticed half way home that those weren't her gloves on the passenger seat, and her child seat was missing... went back to the car-park, parked the mini up where it was before and quickly found her own car and left.

[mattblack]

Note the lack of door handles on this...

 

 

...driver's door was opened by a solenoid, there was a reed switch in the corner of the screen and a magnet on the keyring. When I picked it up the seller warned me not to close the door with the keys inside. Guess what I did at a petrol station a few minutes later?... with the engine still running. Luckily he had also told me about the emergency back-up system. A needle file tucked under a cable tie in the engine bay (bonnet could be opened from outside) that could be used to flick open the quarterlight and thus allow you to reach in and open the door.

[Guest EccentricRichard]

Note the lack of door handles on this...

 

 

...driver's door was opened by a solenoid, there was a reed switch in the corner of the screen and a magnet on the keyring. When I picked it up the seller warned me not to close the door with the keys inside. Guess what I did at a petrol station a few minutes later?... with the engine still running. Luckily he had also told me about the emergency back-up system. A needle file tucked under a cable tie in the engine bay (bonnet could be opened from outside) that could be used to flick open the quarterlight and thus allow you to reach in and open the door.

 

I know I'm probably being an idiot - but what is that car?

[trigger]

I'm only guessing but going by the rear badge I'd say a Rambler Ambassador.

[Guest EccentricRichard]

Which reminds me, once upon a time way back in the late 70s/early 80s in a supermarket car park in Sutton, Surrey, were two identically-coloured Cortinas (I think Mk2s). One belonged to my grandmother, but was being driven by my mother. The other, who knows. Anyway, my mum came out of the supermarket, went over to the Cortina, put her key in, unlocked it, put her bags in, got in, then realised it was the wrong bloody Cortina!

 

now that sort of thing did happen... My aunt did the same trick with her 1275GT, got into the wrong car and drove away with it. She noticed half way home that those weren't her gloves on the passenger seat, and her child seat was missing... went back to the car-park, parked the mini up where it was before and quickly found her own car and left.

 

OI! First Tayne, now you nicking an ANCIENT pic of me... no fair!

[Tayne]

.

[Guest]

Amid the baiting and avatar hilarity I may well add this anecdote.....

 

Way back when I had my Ka, a colleague had a Mk4 Escort (with the guppy Munch nose treatment). I remember my ignition key opening his boot lid and one of the front doors (it was a bended n' mended example and not all all the doors were original). The ignition barrel itself was so worn a well placed Philips screwdriver deftly waggled would start it up. Attracted some interest from the 5-0.

 

As did my Piazza when I tried to go to JAPS 2008. At the time I was keeping it in a warehouse in a rough industrial estate slap bang in the middle of Eccles. As I couldn't afford a regular insurance policy (the Group 15 loading made for interesting quotations over the phone), I would temporarily insure it through RSA whenever I wanted to go somewhere. Unfortunately for me Tempcover's policies didn't always show up straight away on the PNC, so I got tugged as soon as pulled out on to the main drag. The officer then wanted to know why half the steering column cowling was missing and why the car ran with no key in the ignition. As with my friend's Escort, the barrel was that knackered a sizeable bump in the road surface (not uncommon in Eccles) would jiggle the ignition key free, and the immobiliser was wired up so that the fuel continued to pump regardless of whether or not the key was seated in the lock.

 

Fishing the key off the floor, I explained about the temporary cover, how the car wasn't stolen and that I'd taken the column cowling off so that I could swap the hideous OEM two spoker with a Momo from a JDM Handling By Lotus the previous evening. Here's one for your annals E_R - I had to do this because the steering wheel boss on a HBL is slightly taller than that of a pre Lotus (my car) and fouls the bottom of the steering column cowl when in situ, hence its removal. I later realised it could be refitted after some judicious remodelling with a large hasp.

[richardthestag]

A Rover SD1 obsessed mate of mine told me that if you kick the drivers side rear wing it would pop the central locking open.

 

A lass at work locked herself out of her 800 Rover, apparantly the local garage got it open but jacking up the back end of the car and letting it down quickly

 

BUT I did have a 105e Anglia AND it could be opened and started with a lolly pop stick

[richardthestag]

Which reminds me, once upon a time way back in the late 70s/early 80s in a supermarket car park in Sutton, Surrey, were two identically-coloured Cortinas (I think Mk2s). One belonged to my grandmother, but was being driven by my mother. The other, who knows. Anyway, my mum came out of the supermarket, went over to the Cortina, put her key in, unlocked it, put her bags in, got in, then realised it was the wrong bloody Cortina!

 

C'mon reckon your mum wasn't old enough to drive until the 90's at least.

 

Which supermarket was it? and was one of the tina's a 2 door 1.3 Mk2, might have been mine

 

And yes you could start that with just about any key that would fit into the lock

[Tayne]

.

[Guest EccentricRichard]

Which reminds me, once upon a time way back in the late 70s/early 80s in a supermarket car park in Sutton, Surrey, were two identically-coloured Cortinas (I think Mk2s). One belonged to my grandmother, but was being driven by my mother. The other, who knows. Anyway, my mum came out of the supermarket, went over to the Cortina, put her key in, unlocked it, put her bags in, got in, then realised it was the wrong bloody Cortina!

 

C'mon reckon your mum wasn't old enough to drive until the 90's at least.

 

Which supermarket was it? and was one of the tina's a 2 door 1.3 Mk2, might have been mine

 

And yes you could start that with just about any key that would fit into the lock

 

My mother was born on the 25th of April 1957, as you could have found out without too much bother. I've already posted her website here for theorganist's interest... here it is again, anyway. http://www.organum.org.uk. Someone clearly found my Facebook, so they know that my name is Richard Harrold. My mum's website shows that she's married to one Michael John Harrold, and that they too live in Leatherhead, Surrey... and that the elder of their two sons was born in July 1991, just like me...

[richardthestag]

Which reminds me, once upon a time way back in the late 70s/early 80s in a supermarket car park in Sutton, Surrey, were two identically-coloured Cortinas (I think Mk2s). One belonged to my grandmother, but was being driven by my mother. The other, who knows. Anyway, my mum came out of the supermarket, went over to the Cortina, put her key in, unlocked it, put her bags in, got in, then realised it was the wrong bloody Cortina!

 

C'mon reckon your mum wasn't old enough to drive until the 90's at least.

 

Which supermarket was it? and was one of the tina's a 2 door 1.3 Mk2, might have been mine

 

And yes you could start that with just about any key that would fit into the lock

 

My mother was born on the 25th of April 1957, as you could have found out without too much bother. I've already posted her website here for theorganist's interest... here it is again, anyway. http://www.organum.org.uk. Someone clearly found my Facebook, so they know that my name is Richard Harrold. My mum's website shows that she's married to one Michael John Harrold, and that they too live in Leatherhead, Surrey... and that the elder of their two sons was born in July 1991, just like me...

 

That's nice for you, do you have your own organ to play with?

 

Re "as you could have found out without too much bother" alas unlike you I don't spend my life on forums and when threads go from 0 to 19 pages within a day and are largely filled with schlock like this I go into CBA mode.

 

Back on topic, A friend locked his keys in the boot of his Bobby Ewing spec Merc SL last year, but he had no spare luckily he had just driven it into his garage at home.

 

I sent him down to Merc dealership with reg doc and proof of identity and they sourced him a complete set of spare keys in 2 days. Amazing service but sadly it didn't help him because previous owner had changed the boot lock barrel at some point. The new keys did open the doors and start the car though, so was able to drive to a local mechanic who carefully drilled out the boot lock barrel.

 

Happy days

[wuvvum]

I once lost the keys to a P-reg Subaru Justy I owned. Took the V5 into the local Subaru dealership and they were able to make up a replacement key within 24 hours, for about £15. I then spent a happy couple of hours upside down in the driver's footwell bypassing the dealer-fit immobiliser.

 

I bought a metallic-brown-and-rust Mitsubishi Sigma estate from Doncaster, trailered it home only to find that the silly twat I bought it off had taken the keys out and put them in his pocket when he drove it onto the trailer. One phone call later and my mate turns up with his huge collection of random car keys - a key from an old Audi 200 fitted the ignition lock perfectly.

[Guest EccentricRichard]

That's nice for you, do you have your own organ to play with?

 

Ah, how witty, imaginative and original.

 

Re "as you could have found out without too much bother" alas unlike you I don't spend my life on forums and when threads go from 0 to 19 pages within a day and are largely filled with schlock like this I go into CBA mode.

 

Back on topic, A friend locked his keys in the boot of his Bobby Ewing spec Merc SL last year, but he had no spare luckily he had just driven it into his garage at home.

 

I sent him down to Merc dealership with reg doc and proof of identity and they sourced him a complete set of spare keys in 2 days. Amazing service but sadly it didn't help him because previous owner had changed the boot lock barrel at some point. The new keys did open the doors and start the car though, so was able to drive to a local mechanic who carefully drilled out the boot lock barrel.

 

Happy days

 

What sort of IDIOT buys a new car but only one set of keys?! Even if a used car like that came with only one set of keys, if I was buying "Used Approved" I'd get spare keys as soon as I bought the thing - and make damn sure the keys fitted all the barrels, and get it sorted if not.

[Guest EccentricRichard]

I bought a metallic-brown-and-rust Mitsubishi Sigma estate from Doncaster, trailered it home only to find that the silly twat I bought it off had taken the keys out and put them in his pocket when he drove it onto the trailer. One phone call later and my mate turns up with his huge collection of random car keys - a key from an old Audi 200 fitted the ignition lock perfectly.

 

LOL!

[warren t claim]

As someone who used to have a career as a private licenced bailiff and used to uplift and snatchback cars for finance companies all these stories on how to break into cars are making me chuckle.

[Guest EccentricRichard]

As someone who used to have a career as a private licenced bailiff and used to uplift and snatchback cars for finance companies all these stories on how to break into cars are making me chuckle.

 

I hope you're a nicer person than most... some friends of mine had their home (a shop and flat) repossessed during the recession and the bailiffs were wilfully gleeful, went around the shop turfing it over for fun, wrecking stock and so on... were extremely rude and laughed and spat in the face of the poor people being repossessed.

[mk1_4dr]

I really don't know if this is truth or someones sending me up, but when I was an apprentice my mentor told me how mk2fiestas and, IIRC mk3 escorts etc, came with a spare key cabletied to the inside of the scuttle panel. Im fairly sure its bollocks, but the thought always amused me.

 

FWIW, escRot can be opened with anything that fits in the lock, and that same anything will crank it, but Im safe in the knowledge that if I can't get it to start on demand, then no fucker else will..

 

That and I take the steering wheel off if I leave it anywhere....

[Guest EccentricRichard]

I really don't know if this is truth or someones sending me up, but when I was an apprentice my mentor told me how mk2fiestas and, IIRC mk3 escorts etc, came with a spare key cabletied to the inside of the scuttle panel. Im fairly sure its bollocks, but the thought always amused me.

 

FWIW, escRot can be opened with anything that fits in the lock, and that same anything will crank it, but Im safe in the knowledge that if I can't get it to start on demand, then no fucker else will..

 

That and I take the steering wheel off if I leave it anywhere....

 

Taking the wheel off? I'm assuming you're joking... since you'd need a torque wrench to put it back again!

 

I can't remember where the nickname originated, but my family have always known Escorts as Scrotes (scrote being an anagram of Escort).

[Mr H Sceptre]

Yep, pretty much anything starts my Maxi, which was very handy when I lost the keys. I just found 2 old keys, neither of them that similar in shape, & both work fine.

[warren t claim]

As someone who used to have a career as a private licenced bailiff and used to uplift and snatchback cars for finance companies all these stories on how to break into cars are making me chuckle.

 

I hope you're a nicer person than most... some friends of mine had their home (a shop and flat) repossessed during the recession and the bailiffs were wilfully gleeful, went around the shop turfing it over for fun, wrecking stock and so on... were extremely rude and laughed and spat in the face of the poor people being repossessed.

 

I'm a nice person at heart and no way would I of acted in such an unprofessional way. If you're nice to me I'm nice to you.

[mk1_4dr]

I jest not.

The wheel itself sits on a big chunky spline and the nut goes on about 20turns IE: its not going anywhere

[richardthestag]

What sort of IDIOT buys a new car but only one set of keys?! Even if a used car like that came with only one set of keys, if I was buying "Used Approved" I'd get spare keys as soon as I bought the thing - and make damn sure the keys fitted all the barrels, and get it sorted if not.

 

Assuming the above comment was directed at my old chum Graham... Who said it was new or even used approved - you do understand that you can buys cars in other ways than this dontcha? And if you were buying a car privately from me and kicked up a shitstorm about spare keys etc i'd have to ask you to fuck off and stop wasting my time.

 

Also who said that he didn't have a second set of keys? infact he did but unfortunatley he had only very recently purchased the car as a "pre-owned used approved" private sale from a nice old boy in Aylesbury and so all the keys were on the same ring, which was alas inside the boot. Now if I had been your fine and humble self I might have called him a stupid cnut or something like that , but as he is a friend and his new toy was broken I thought a little help might go down better.

 

I was laughing deep down inside though and we did share a couple of pints once it was all fixed again.

 

p.s. never done a steering wheel up with a torque wrench, a spanner normally works fine for me and never ever had one come loose on me yet. I do have an unusually strong right arm though

[Guest]

Richard, you're sounding like a twat again. Stop making assumptions.

 

So I'm an idiot for buying my 480 with one key, when that's all the original seller had? Well, I'll just go down to Tunbridge Wells and call him a cunt. A key will cost me all of £5 to get cut - should I bill him for it? Imagine how INDIGNANT I will be when he tells me to fuck off for being ridiculous! Imagine!

 

My Amazon came with one set of three keys (mainly because the OSF doors, NSF doors and bootlid had different locks). I clearly must be a total fool for buying that one as well.

 

You actually strike me as someone who would only buy 'Approved Used'. I can't wait to see your face when your 'blast proof' second hand BMW warranty isn't worth the paper it's printed on, especially when something breaks on your overpriced twatmobile and the dealer \ manufacturer decides it isn't their liability.

 

Actually, most of my recent comments towards you have been deleted for some reason. You really are posting up too much information about yourself and your family, you know - this is a public forum. That was actually a piece of friendly advice rather than something malicious. The rest of it, yeah, I was having a go. I don't agree on how you've been treated by some of this board but I am beginning to tire of your uninformed drivel now.

 

Please do go into more detail about the number of cars you have worked on and how many cars' steering wheels you've removed with a torque wrench.

 

Dribble, dribble, ad infinitum.

[Guest EccentricRichard]

Richard, you're sounding like a twat again. Stop making assumptions.

 

So I'm an idiot for buying my 480 with one key, when that's all the original seller had? Well, I'll just go down to Tunbridge Wells and call him a cunt. A key will cost me all of £5 to get cut - should I bill him for it? Imagine how INDIGNANT I will be when he tells me to fuck off for being ridiculous! Imagine!

 

My Amazon came with one set of three keys (mainly because the OSF doors, NSF doors and bootlid had different locks). I clearly must be a total fool for buying that one as well.

 

You actually strike me as someone who would only buy 'Approved Used'. I can't wait to see your face when your 'blast proof' second hand BMW warranty isn't worth the paper it's printed on, especially when something breaks on your overpriced twatmobile and the dealer \ manufacturer decides it isn't their liability.

 

Actually, most of my recent comments towards you have been deleted for some reason. You really are posting up too much information about yourself and your family, you know - this is a public forum. That was actually a piece of friendly advice rather than something malicious. The rest of it, yeah, I was having a go. I don't agree on how you've been treated by some of this board but I am beginning to tire of your uninformed drivel now.

 

Please do go into more detail about the number of cars you have worked on and how many cars' steering wheels you've removed with a torque wrench.

 

Dribble, dribble, ad infinitum.

 

Actually, I'd never buy "Approved Used" because you still end up losing shitloads in depreciation - parents were fool enough to shell out 18 grand on a 28,000 mile E46 318i Touring that, now, with 109k, a perennial coolant leak, plus the odd electrical gremlin, is worth 2 grand at best, prolly less. That's a fuckload of money to lose - especially as they were paying monthly increments for an age, working their arses off to pay the bills. Also, I'm none too keen on the idea of paying road tax... nah, '72 and earlier only for me, until the rules change.

 

No, I wasn't saying you shouldn't buy an old car like you list without additional keys - merely a main dealer-supplied car, be it new or Used Approved, because then you can order additional keys to be there by the time you pick up the car.

 

I haven't done masses of work on cars (though, with the old E30, I did change wheels, fiddled about with the electrics to resolve a couple of problems, did the odd oil change and so on) but I do know that you should always have your steering wheel bolts torqued up to the correct figure... I remember my dad telling me a friend of his bought a Triumph Stag back in the late 70s and had the steering wheel come right off on a motorway, as the retaining bolts were not only not torqued up to the correct figure, but NOT EVEN FUCKING THERE.

[warren t claim]

Richard, you're sounding like a twat again. Stop making assumptions.

 

You actually strike me as someone who would only buy 'Approved Used'. I can't wait to see your face when your 'blast proof' second hand BMW warranty isn't worth the paper it's printed on, especially when something breaks on your overpriced twatmobile and the dealer \ manufacturer decides it isn't their liability.

 

+1. We have a 545i E60 in the family and BMW washed their grabbing little hands of it when the autobox fucked up.

[myglaren]

On the other hand, like most here, I'd imagine, I've had steering wheels on and off any amount of times and a torque wrench never entered the picture. Never had one come loose, never mind come off.

[mk1_4dr]

Ive never had the wheel come off, I have, however, had the gearstick come off in my hand a couple of times.

I too would never buy on the tick, I like to actually own the things that I own

[Mr Lobster]

On the other hand, like most here, I'd imagine, I've had steering wheels on and off any amount of times and a torque wrench never entered the picture. Never had one come loose, never mind come off.

 

+1

 

Exactly the same. Had numerous on and off and never had one even slightly loose.