Neighbours

[FredTransit]

When I was talking to the council man he told me even he gets fed up of people wasting his time. Let's hope if he gets any other complaints he will investigate. One day. In his lifetime....

[M'coli]

She will also be receiving a heavily used toilet tissue in a jiffy bag - thru the post, if it turns out to be her. Sick but effective.

And a very effective means of leaving your DNA in a nice sealed bag for the rozzers to analyse and stick on the national databse, so I'd advise not to do it...

[richardthestag]

She will also be receiving a heavily used toilet tissue in a jiffy bag - thru the post, if it turns out to be her. Sick but effective.

And a very effective means of leaving your DNA in a nice sealed bag for the rozzers to analyse and stick on the national databse, so I'd advise not to do it...

Use a cat turd instead

[Albert Ross]

Superglue her doorlocks on EVERYTHING..............works a treat.

[fiatdaft]

believe it or not you can't get good dna from a turd,unless there is blood through it.i'll get my coat!

[M'coli]

She will also be receiving a heavily used toilet tissue in a jiffy bag - thru the post, if it turns out to be her. Sick but effective.

And a very effective means of leaving your DNA in a nice sealed bag for the rozzers to analyse and stick on the national databse, so I'd advise not to do it...

Use a cat turd instead

Make sure you wear latex or nitrile gloves, as the type of analysis used for turds* could pick up your DNA from where you've touched the paper/jiffy bag...In the meantime, my inherited 171/2 year old cat could provide the turds, as she's currently shitting for Scotland, and usually all over the hall carpet. The little cow.*Qiagen & LCN, most probably.

[Guest]

Hey M'coli, just in theory, say I needed to dispose of a body discreetly, what would be the best plan of attack?

[M'coli]

Work overtime, unsupervised, in an industrial pork processing plant.

[Guest]

Cheers, I'll get cracking then.

[M'coli]

Good luck! By the way, could you let the rest of the forum know when it's a good time to start eating pork again???

[M'coli]

On the subject of neighbours, we're losing the ones we're connected to - a really nice couple with 2 young kids, he drives an LDV400! they're moving - and so we have our fingers crossed that we don't end up with mouth-breathing twats. We will be getting any planning applications in before they sell, however, so the next lot can't have a say in what I do to the garage or where I move it to.

[Mike D]

Work overtime, unsupervised, in an industrial pork processing plant.

Cheers, I'll get crackling then.

Boomboom, Tish!! thankyouverymush.... I had a couple of shitty notes on my van when i used to park it on the road near my Mrs' Mums house, it's actually quite a nice VW T25, on nice wheels, but they kept referring to it as a commercial vehicle parked across their driveway, i always made sure i was at least 3 feet clear of their drive, and they only had a crappy cinquecento to boot. I signed them up for a load of transit brochures when we got our own place... :)At least there's always the pleasing knowledge that you will probably outlive the moaning old bastards anyways

[Guest]

Good luck! By the way, could you let the rest of the forum know when it's a good time to start eating pork again???

Hey now this is just in theory, I'm not actually getting rid of a body. For your information, I've just come back from a nice long drive out.

[Father Ted]

With regards neighbours parking inconsiderately its only happened once and when i asked if they would move the van that was blocking the drive, they apologised and did - as we were going out for the day and they were having loads of building work I just said stuff it in the drive then take a fence panel out and it saved them having to negotiate a busy road.However other neighbours were utter cnuts when they complained to the council about our caravan parked on the front lawn, council bod turned up and told me it needed shifting, but could be stored on a hardstanding... 2 tonnes of gravel later it wasnt on the lawn any more.

[andrew e]

Hey now this is just in theory, I'm not actually getting rid of a body. For your information, I've just come back from a nice long drive out.

Hirst do you still want that old rolled up carpet and lime I had?

[Father Ted]

Hey now this is just in theory, I'm not actually getting rid of a body. For your information, I've just come back from a nice long drive out.

Hirst do you still want that old rolled up carpet and lime I had?

Make sure its quick lime, not the green citrus type

[Guest]

Hey now this is just in theory, I'm not actually getting rid of a body. For your information, I've just come back from a nice long drive out.

Hirst do you still want that old rolled up carpet and lime I had?

Make sure its quick lime, not the green citrus type

Yeah, and Vic wants his .303 back!

[Guest]

I'm afraid Vic will no longer need anything, I've put paid to that.

[AnthonyG]

I'm afraid Vic will no longer need anything, I've put paid to that.

Now I know why you want a 1980s Lincoln Town Car. Trunk will fit at least 3 bodies.

 

Make sure the 'vics' (pun obviously intended) are properly snuffed out though, you don't want blood and spent bullets to clean out of your new Pontiac like Henry in Goodfellas. Plus one of the bullets might go straight though and put a hole in your gas tank.

[AnthonyG]

I'm afraid Vic will no longer need anything, I've put paid to that.

Now I know why you want a 1980s Lincoln Town Car. Trunk will fit at least 3 bodies.

 

Make sure the 'vics' (pun obviously intended) are properly snuffed out though, you don't want blood and spent bullets to clean out of your new Pontiac like Henry in Goodfellas. Plus one of the bullets might go straight though and put a hole in your gas tank.

If you want to get rid of people in a Lincoln, just drive it off a bridge. Well it worked for Teddy Kennedy.

Nah it was a 1967 Oldsmobile Delmont.

 

(P.S. I read this in a copy of Newsweek three days ago, I am not an obessive Kennedy conspiracy fan )

[pandaselecta]

I signed them up for a load of transit brochures when we got our own place...

shame it wasnt a mailing list of sex companies

[Angrydicky]

I've just had an argument with the absolute dickhead from over my road. My dad was reversing my aunt's car into a space and I was guiding him in. I shouted 'STOP!' when he was in place - about 4 inches away from the car behind, which happens to belong the ex-wife of the man over the road. Well he came running over and said 'It's a good job you haven't done any damage, you've just hit that' and I argued back saying he was nowhere near the car (which he wasn't) It turned into a big shouting match and eventually the fat git said 'I'll go and check my CCTV then' and yes that's right, he has CCTV cameras on the side of his house...I said check them then, you won't see anything'. He hasn't liked us much since he moved in and started parking his filthy Transit pickup outside our front door, making it incredibly difficult to get out of our drive. So we started blocking him with various shite. He also told the police it was us who put a note on his truck telling him to 'move this heap of shit' It could have been any of our neighbours, most of them are fed up with him. Anyway, since then any opportunity to moan or cause a row....I was standing right next to the car and saw my dad was nowhere near it...and yet from the other side of the road somehow he saw my dad hit it....yeah right. I'm still waiting for the CCTV evidence

[Albert Ross]

You need to smear dogshit under his door handles..........and watch..............

[CortinaDave]

All my neighbours hate me, for their own stupid reasons.Bint accross the street thinks I have too many cars and has screamed at me about it on a few occasions.Bloke next door to her has his house up for sale, and says that the estate agent has told him that my autoshite being across the street lowers the value of his house by £25k which i find utterly stupid... and as I said to him.. give me £10k and I'll park my shite elsewhere until the house is sold woman next door hates me because my girlfriend buggered off with another bloke and therefore I am now living on my own. She told me "you must have been a total bastard to that poor girl" and now won't speak to me at all.Bloke downstairs came out to me yesterday and said "is there any chance of you moving out soon" because apparently I am too noisy and it keeps him awake. I dont play music, dont have parties, dont really do much in my flat bar eat, sleep and watch telly so i find that hard to believePlus he has 42 screaming kids and is living in that flat for free and claiming disabilty.. funny that it hasnt stopped him building a shed or digging a huge hole for a garden pond in the last week.Happy days!

[RedSparrow]

Plus he has 42 screaming kids and is living in that flat for free and claiming disabilty.. funny that it hasnt stopped him building a shed or digging a huge hole for a garden pond in the last week.Happy days!

Please grass him up for that. Seriously.Linkys:http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Diol1/DoItOnline/DG_4017574

[Mike D]

I had the whinging old bag from across the street and up a bit moaning earlier. My Mrs' car was parked across the road from her house. Oh no. I was in my drive cleaning the XR4, and she was wittering about my Mrs car being constanlty parked across the road, is it bollock, we are both at work all day in the week, and apart from today her car is in my drive and my car is on my front. FUCK OFF OLD HAG. HURRY UP AND DIE.

[Rusty Pelican]

My old neighbour reported me as running a garage from home coz of 5 pieces of shite scattered about my place , council came , i explained , they pissed off , soon followed by said neighbour when he moved thank cfuk

[Rusty Pelican]

My old neighbour reported me as running a garage from home coz of 5 pieces of shite scattered about my place , council came , i explained , they pissed off , soon followed by said neighbour when he moved thank cfuk

This actually is worth further comment , two men came , convo went something like this.We have reason to believe you are running a garage type buisness from these premises , records show only two occupants , there are currently five cars hereabouts , please explain , Whos is this ?Its mine had it for years Do you have documentationyes whos is that mine documentation yesthat one braking this for spares to sell nope , spares for that one whos is thatsstepdaughtersdoes she live here nope im fixing it with spares from the previous onedo you charge for thisWHAT !!!! , charge my own stepdaughter , fuck off , she cant pay , got no money after paying you lot council tax.And this one more spareswhy so many spares they were cheapshowed then relavent paperwork , they went off happy ,