klek shon

[Squire_Dawson]

The time has come.

 

 

Standard kit. Fortunately this shite is local.

[fatharris]

Good luck, any hints?

[beko1987]

Body bag and a tin of petrol? Are you sure this is not some kind of cover for something else?

[Cavcraft]

Judging by the picture, he's off to see Elvis.

[stillOrange]

Is that the car you told me about the other day?

It will suit you!

[mercrocker]

Standard kit eh?   Foreign touring for the use of - spare head gasket and fanbelt.   You're off to get a Phase 1, I hope?

[billyboy406v6]

Long wait for a local collection update, must be a Renner ?

[Squire_Dawson]

A calamity! What should have been a straightforward mission turned into an aborted disaster! To set the scene: it's that time of year where the Junkmanism WBOD is frequently heard and gives one the perfect excuse to buy another shitter. Henceforth, a bid was duly placed on a Morris Traveller. I'd been to see the car and although it was a bit soft underneath and in need of much tlc, it did appear to be mechanically sound. It was also pre-1960 so I could risk life and limb perfectly legally. In any case, I didn't need much persuasion; actually it's always a good idea to have somebody else with you to discourage you as logic quite often goes out the window in these cases. It was such a useful vehicle to have, I thought, with its load carrying body and tow bar.

My brother and his girlfriend gave me a lift to the seller's house. I was slightly early and as we turned into the street the bonnet was up and seller was fiddling with something therein - not a good sign! It turned out that the battery was flat, due, he said, to the electric clock. In the meantime waiting for the battery to charge, the paperwork and handover was initiated, prematurely, I see now, because I should have seen it running first. The battery was connected up and I tried in vain to start the bugger; a few turns and there wasn't even a cough or any other hint of life. Fuck, I exclaimed. By this time I was starting to get a little impatient because I am on nights and had come straight off shift and was back on again later, so obviously I wanted it to be as quick as possible. It was clear there was no spark, and the reason soon became apparent: the king lead wasn't fully inserted in the coil due to the dynamo-mounted coil being too far forward, so the lead was short. After pissing about here we tried again in vain to get it running, which it still refused to do, although now at least it had begun to throw the starter back. The battery had flattened again so we had to find a starting handle. My patience was rapidly wearing thin, because the seller had had a week to get it prepared ready and it was evident he'd done sod all. The starting handle was tried to no avail so the seller went off to get another battery. By this time we'd been there about 45 minutes. I ran a few more checks and found the contact points to be dead, although they were sparking when shorted, so I cleaned them up and observed a spark again. Theoretically it should've then been a runner. Upon the seller's return, putting the new battery in yielded more promising results, but which rapidly descended into farce. The engine did, after a couple of attempts, cough into life, but something was still badly wrong because it would not rev up despite flooring it and kept wanting to cut out. I suspect this was in part due to the fuel tank being more or less empty, despite the seller's claims to the contrary.

Now to the best bit. After several attempts to get this woeful pos up and running, it came to life and I took the engine speed up to circa. 2000 rpm. There was a sudden almighty bang and crack, which was the first in a series of explosions which could have been mistaken for a 21-gun salute. I kept the engine going and these awful noises, which can only be described as an old powder musket being fired, continued. The racket set a motorcycle alarm off. Curtains twitched. Elderly ladies jumped. The exhaust was shaking a good 12 inches on its mountings.The seller bleated like a sheep 'stop, stop', which gave me the giggles you get in these farcical situations. By this time I was pretty irate, so I switched the engine off, got out of the car and voiced my displeasure in no uncertain terms. The whole sorry tale ended with me demanding my money back, which I got, him promising to get it fixed, which I doubt, and me driving away in disgust.  

[beko1987]

Oh

[Bren]

You should have used the petrol can.

[Squire_Dawson]

Aye. Anyway, it's all grist to the mill.

[Cheggers]

You should have used the body bag

 

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[richardmorris]

The time has come.

 

IMG_2817.JPG

 

Standard kit. Fortunately this shite is local.

 

The walrus said to talk of many things....of shoes and ships and sealing wax and cabbages and kings.

 

 

Not funny poetry I admit, but unlike our foreign secretary also not likely to offend an entire nation in recitation.

[BorniteIdentity]

This really made me fucking LOL.

 

Top anecdote. One you’ll certainly not forget!

[Junkman]

The primary two Dawson's laws of motoring were violated.

 

1. Must have column change.

 

2. Must have bench seat.

 

Hence I fail to be surprised that this turned into a vexation for all involved.

[billyboy406v6]

I admire your patience, next time go for a Vauxhall ?

 

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