How long does it take to sell a shitter?

[Father Ted]

What on earth is it with performance cars? I've had all sorts of toss swap offers for the Cuore, just had my second offer of a ropey Impreza tonight. Why would I want to trade my nice low-mileage car for someone else's bag of shit?

Ahhhh, so a 93 K11 and a bag of chips ae not going to interest you then? I mean, perhaps im strange, but i didnt haggle on the k10, i just paid the money - the 12 mths tax and test were worth it for me, the fact that I traded it ffor an even frillyer K11 with shorter test probably makes me a bit tapped in the head, actually Im not sure what my pont is here other than i wouldnt dream of dicking someone about over a cheap shitter.

[Spottedlaurel]

I've obviously been lucky, in that I've sold a few of my recent cars to fellow forum members - 323 to Mat, Accord to Mash, Camry to Wuvvum, Skyline to Stuyizz, Laurel to Iwan from Holland etc. Previous Accord went to a Polish chap who was perfect, and the Starlet after an unsuccessful eBay listing (and an encounter with a drift fool) went to an ex-stock car racer as a toy for the road.Maybe selling the right sort of car helps, I'm usually not selling something that's going to just be transport.Going further on one or two comments above, I try to show that not all sub-£500 car buyers are utter buffoons. I turn up when I say I will and go through with it if it's an eBay purchase.

[Guest]

Don't forget the Galant!

[pogweasel]

Think things are worse at the moment, but the last couple of years have been a right faff to sell cheap motors, beit £500 or £2000. You'd think that an E36 318i (best one according to CM's Survival Guide this month!) with a year's ticket, which I assume is tidy, for a monkey would be just the thing for the inpecunious motorist wanting something that will look good on the drive and hold together for a few years with minimal fettling, but then the Great Unwashed are a mystery to me...

You have one for sale, Welf? I think my brother might be up for new wheels, after 3 years of hideous neglect I think his E30 318i is about done (well, it's not, but he's much too idle to sort it out )Must say I have been very impressed with my E36 thus far, not the ballsy sportscar of the previous model, but much moar civilised which is what I need now. In fact I think the vendor was genuinely pleased to sell it to me... apparently he'd been barraged by scrotes wanting it for buttons and was a bit surprised when I travelled 150 miles to fetch it and turned out not to be a total mong (feel free to quibble this point). Generally I've not had much bother with 'specialist interest' cars: the kind where you could buy something newer / 'better' for the same cash - Volvo's always find nice homes, Land Rovers & Range Rovers sell well to slightly odd but pleasant & cash-rich men with beards, 'retro' fodder is not too problematic (RWD Vauxhalls / Opels aside, which generally attract idiotic irishmen). It's the bland, dull stuff that attracts the twats. Flogging a Mondeo or Mk5 Escort with cracked bumpers ought to be easy, but they are the hardest things in the world to shift. Even Mother-In-Laws Corsa was a struggle: Endless penniless 18-year-olds wanting it for £200, then the winning bidder changing his mind "because the headgaskets gone mate" (It clearly hadn't!) Though the lady who did buy it was nice enough, pensionable age, liked the colour so that was that.

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

It's the bland, dull stuff that attracts the twats. Flogging a Mondeo or Mk5 Escort with cracked bumpers ought to be easy, but they are the hardest things in the world to shift.

As are clean E36's it seems. Some cockmaster asked me 'is it the new shape?".No you fucking retard. The new shape is 2005 onwards. The one before that came out in 1998. So clearly a 1992 3 Series is the old, old shape. Give me strength!

[pogweasel]

Maybe you should take some pointers from this chap:

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/bmw-318i-2-0ls6-m ... 0382146300

 

Or maybe not.

Though I did have fun rolling about on the floor at the notion of getting 150mph out of a 2-litre M20.

[MrRegieRitmo]

Maybe you should take some pointers from this chap:http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/bmw-318i-2-0ls6-m ... 0382146300Or maybe not. Though I did have fun rolling about on the floor at the notion of getting 150mph out of a 2-litre M20.

Wow is that *for real*?? Gotta be the worst attempt at an eBay auction I've ever seen!!

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

Both he - and his car - are clearly very special. Still, it's amusing.

[Volksy]

Another mini-rant.Has anyone else ever had some thick fish wife ringing up about a car. In the background you can hear the thick husband asking the questions.'Ask him how much MOT it has"'How much MOT has it got' I'm thinking of taking up scum baiting as a hobby.

Oh yes! I've experienced this before, if they follow up with a viewing you are treated to the spectical of a big old moose in a grey tracksuit with an 'Arthur Pewty' type character in tow

Think thats the couple who finally bought my Neon..

[Timewaster]

Another mini-rant.Has anyone else ever had some thick fish wife ringing up about a car. In the background you can hear the thick husband asking the questions.'Ask him how much MOT it has"'How much MOT has it got' I'm thinking of taking up scum baiting as a hobby.

When I worked in a car spares place we would get this all the time.Some utterly clueless old Doris would ring up and ask "How much for discs and pads for a Citroen?""which Citroen?" we would, not unreasonabley ask.."He says which Citroen......""Diesel","He says Its a Diesel"........Oh FFS, (Thinks: the price has just gone up by a tenner)"Is it an AX, BX, ZX... what...?""I think its a green one......."CLICK!...Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

[Spottedlaurel]

Don't forget the Galant!

That was my one exception... Didn't include that as it didn't go directly to you, but I suppose when I sold it to Matt/PC it was still an easy enough sale.

[garethj]

Though I did have fun rolling about on the floor at the notion of getting 150mph out of a 2-litre M20.

But he says the engine's got 300bhp, should be plenty for 150mph.Or are you suggesting that too is bollocks of the highest order?

[Rocket88]

They all asked 100's of questions, in the end i gave up, and said READ THE ADVERT!!

You are, of course, making the fatal assumption that some of these people can actually read............

[Hertz]

Good thread this and all very true to the shite seller. I can top it all though....My dad used to go through shite like no tomorrow and dealt with these epic morons on probably a monthly basis. The one that was the last straw was a few years back. He was selling a Rover 820 Vitesse Sport, guy comes and has a look, takes it for a test drive, has another look. Dad invites him in for brew chat and does the deal. "I have just got to go outside and have a chat with the Mrs, get a deposit" Fair enough thinks dad, leaves him to it. 20 mins go by and he does not appear, 30 mins and Dad goes outside, he has vanished. Comes back in pissed off thinks another timewasting moron. Anyway that evening he gets a call from a woman. "Did my husband come and look at your car this afternoon" Yes he did. "Oh has he done it again", come again asks dad? "Yes he does it all the time buys cars does not pay for them then comes home" F$cking great thinks dad, "Yes he needs help, he is not a well man" I still take the piss out of him on that one, not only a timewaster but a mentally ill one!!!

[AnthonyG]

Its not really about selling a car, but its a good story anyway so I'll share it with you all:In 1999, I gave away a Granada Mk2 2litre. It did not have Mot or Tax, and being the sentimental fool I was then about cars, I did not want it ending up on a banger track (I no longer have these views about 15 year old shitters BTW).So, like a lamb to the slaughter, I put it up for free in the 'Save a Classic' section of Practical Classics. Bearing in mind the car was in West Wales, a bloke rings up from Scotland. Yes, He'll take the car no problem, he'll come down on the train from Glasgow (I think) and get a bus from Aberystwyth to Lampeter. He then starts to talk about driving this car to Fishguard, catching the ferry, and going to Ireland.I politely point out the car does not have MoT or Tax, and has been sitting in a yard for 6 months. It would also need some welding for a MoT, at a guess. He says 'no problem, I'll book it in for a MoT locally'. I think, yeah right, but as I want rid and he is the only person interested, OK as long as you take it away on the proviso that its all down to you, and sign a receipt to that effect, so be it. (I would now insist on the car being trailered away, BTW).Anyway, I collect him from a pub in Lampeter, he comes and drives the car away after a jump start, thats its I think. Three hours later, his wife phones my parents landline (it was at their place), and then a police woman also rings up later. The upshot was, he was an alcoholic running away from his wife, using a unroadworthy car he collected free 50 miles away from the ferry to Ireland, whether they intercepted him before he gained his freedom I do not know, I heard no more on the matter. He was also banned from driving on more than one occasion .I didn't learn my lesson, tried to give away a car again on PC's 'save a classic', dealt with an idiot from Blackpool who wanted to tow an automatic Austin 1100 from West Wales back home with a Fiesta or something equally unsuitable. He promised to turn up on a specific time on a Saturday morning, I never expected him to appear and he didn't. I managed to give the car away successfully to an 1100 club member a couple of months later.

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

I'm shocked. It's nearly 10am, the car is in the AdRag and not a single Moron has rung.I mean. what's wrong with these Morons?Practical Classics attracts a special breed.

[Guest greenvanman]

The last car I sold was to greenvanman of this parish. I described it a s a pile of shit with MOT, and he turned up, we went for a wee tootle up the road, and I showed him "stealth" mode in the Disastra Turdo Weasel Inastate. (It has the "I'scuse you" engine, so it boogies on a bit when you hit the loud pedal) he handed over the folding, no queries, no haggle, smiles all round, he's had a few little issues in the last 9 months or so, but he's overall happy with it, and it earns it's keep by all accounts......It was an absolute pleasure doing business, and I'm glad it's got a good home as I bloody miss that car! EVERY DAY! (Must buy another one soon) It's even passed an MOT since, witha a little work................I do miss it though, dents/rust and all..................

On the other side of the coin not all sellers are as honest as you, Jim. And the issues you speak of have all been stuff I'd regard as something and nothing, that could have happened just as easily to a car that cost 10 times as much. The clutch is a mystery but if you keep the revs below 3000 it doesn't slip and it's not showing any further signs of demise, even when loaded up. All part of the fun of buying £200 cars I guess the point I'm trying to make is that I really don't understand the Great Unwashed's unrealistic expectations of what are exceptionally cheap cars. For me, if you're spending £2-500 on a car and you come across something that's taxed, tested and running without obvious signs of imminent demise you buy it! If you want to be picky about colour, trim options and gleaming paintwork go and see a dealer and get bent over for 756% APR finance and a world of depreciation.

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

I really don't understand the Great Unwashed's unrealistic expectations of what are exceptionally cheap cars. For me, if you're spending £2-500 on a car and you come across something that's taxed, tested and running without obvious signs of imminent demise you buy it! If you want to be picky about colour, trim options and gleaming paintwork go and see a dealer and get bent over for 756% APR finance and a world of depreciation.

The thing is though GVM, a lot of them do go and get raped by CarCraft, Available Shed.Com because all they see is £34 a week and they're so thick they can't see any further than than a late plate Veccy on the drive. The time was when your average scratter was buying Mark 3 Cortinas for £160 with shagged sills, camshaft etc because there was no alternative. BMW's and Mercs were for proper people and there was no cheap credit about.The thing is, when you only have £500 and yet read OK magazine, your expectations are going to be quite high. Society has fuelled us up to have what we can't afford.Anyway - I have someone coming to look at the £500 prestige automobile in 20 mins.................PLACE YOUR BETS PLEEEEZE LAYDEES AN' GENNELMENNNN!!

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

I'm shocked. It's nearly 10am, the car is in the AdRag and not a single Moron has rung.I mean. what's wrong with these Morons?Practical Classics attracts a special breed.

Why would you expect any of them to be out of their pit before 10 am?

Ah yes of course Tainly. Mind you, I thought it was 10am on weekdays in AutoTrader land? Is it weekends too?

[scruff]

Land Rovers & Range Rovers sell well to slightly odd but pleasant & cash-rich men with beards,

I must be an exception to the rule well apart from the odd bit. The ones I have sold have all been to youngish chaps with the exception of one old Series 3 I flogged to a scrap dealer-type in Manchester. He paid for it on the strength of a set of photos and then went a whole month without contact; I didn't mind as it wasn't in the way. He eventually got someone to pick it up who was on a Essex - Liverpool - Essex round trip.

[trigger]

I really don't understand the Great Unwashed's unrealistic expectations of what are exceptionally cheap cars. For me, if you're spending £2-500 on a car and you come across something that's taxed, tested and running without obvious signs of imminent demise you buy it! If you want to be picky about colour, trim options and gleaming paintwork go and see a dealer and get bent over for 756% APR finance and a world of depreciation

The thing is though GVM, a lot of them do go and get raped by CarCraft, Available Shed.Com because all they see is £34 a week and they're so thick they can't see any further than than a late plate Veccy on the drive. The time was when your average scratter was buying Mark 3 Cortinas for £160 with shagged sills, camshaft etc because there was no alternative. BMW's and Mercs were for proper people and there was no cheap credit about.The thing is, when you only have £500 and yet read OK magazine, your expectations are going to be quite high. Society has fuelled us up to have what we can't afford.

Think you have just summed up the whole problem with this country and the reason why we are now in a recession, It's all to easy to get credit , Don't remember it being like this 15 years ago, I guess we are living in a material world, and I am a material girl... Oh Hang on....

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

Don't remember it being like this 15 years ago, I guess we are living in a material world, and I am a material girl... Oh Hang on....

That's okay - I always feel more comfortable in a dress.Well, my buyer has rung to say he will be 30 minutes late. Here's hoping!

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

Well!Guy turned up, 5-10 minute look around, short test drive. Didn't seem fussy about the minor imperfections but was impressed with the overall condition and fully stamped book.Sold, with readies furnished. £100 less than asking but fcuk it, it's gone.

[Mr_Bo11ox]

There you are then! Theyre not all morons.

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

Clearly not! Mt faith in the human race has been partially restored. Well, given a light T-Cut.

[Guest]

Yes! A decent outcome for a change!With all of my old bilge the stupid questions all seem to revolve around fuel economy.When it looked like I was going to lose my storage for the Piazza, one bloke asked me 'is it good on fuel?'What? It's a bloody 2L turbo engine from the late eighties! Is it fucking likely to be good on fuel?????!!!! He seemed shocked when I told him it did about 22 to the gallon if you were gentle.I know they're pretty obscure, but that's like me asking if a Cossie gave you more that 15 MPG if you ragged it and being surprised if it didn't.Although I suppose compared to a LWB Defender, it would be.

[Timewaster]

asking if a Cossie gave you more that 15 MPG if you ragged it and being surprised if it didn't.

Trust me, they dont! About 25 if you drove like a little old lady, and never ever got the turbo boosting.But what would be the point of that?!

[Station]

I've been giving away an Astra GSi boot - for nothing - for a year!I've had about 10 people interested, who just can't manage to actually come round and take it from the front of my house.

[andrew e]

I have no idear where you live, but If I were closer etc.... Whats the info on it anyway?P.S. I don't get paid till next year, I have nowhere to store it as I just bought a Roadline livered Regal supervan etc, OMG, other unhelpfull booloxs

[AnthonyG]

I've been giving away an Astra GSi boot - for nothing - for a year!I've had about 10 people interested, who just can't manage to actually come round and take it from the front of my house.

If by boot you mean the hatchback or bootlid, take it to the tip, if you mean tyre, then just burn it**I did not actually say this on a public forum