What grips your shit with cars?

[inconsistant]

Why are there two grump threads now?

[fred]

He has a people carrier, cant be happy with one O those - let him be, I'd be incandescent If I had one - on a lighter note Had a day in physio at Heartlands sorting the lungs out by progressive exercise

Sooooo, had one bugger be backwards fit bird called Bekkah sitting on me massaging my chest

 

All on the NHS - fucking love the NHS

[Taff]

If its any consolation, I am apparently rather good at what I do, which is handyman and maintenance stuff - anything from mowing lawns to fitting kitchens and I am slightly surprised to have a good reputation for doing stuff well. However I am the same with measuring - its just a constant stream of fuck-ups and corrections. At least when working with metal I can sometimes weld stuff back together after I have made an arse of something, but that doesnt work so well with wood and I have lost count of the number of times I have had to down tools and head back to the DIY shop for more of whatever I am now short of.

 

*measures gap* - 136 cm....136, 136, one three six, one threeee siiix.

*measures again because you know...*, yep, 136, 136, 136, 136

*Lays wood on chop saw, lines up, cuts, tries in place*  Its too fucking short!

How the actual fuck...what the....*measures gap* 136cm, what the fuck, 136 cm is right enough.

*measures wood* 126cm. fuuuuuUUUUUUUUUUUCCCKKKK

 

Sometimes I have to physically restrain myself from punching myself in the face.

 

 

That's exactly what happens to me I can measure something 5 times and still get it wrong or get 5 different measurements

 

 

It's not me that's wrong! It's the rulers and tape measures that are all wrong!!

 

I helped a mate build a garage a few years ago, and several times we came up against doorways/windows frames/joists that were wrong. We spent days blaming each other for everything that we had monged up.

Then a third mate pointed at the B&Q tape measures we were using.

 

Working on the theory that you can never find a tool once you have put it down, my mate had bought half a dozen of these cheap tape measures and they were scattered about the site. Turns out there were discrepencies between some of the tapes and I'm not a complete twat after all

[Sloth in a bowl]

What really grips my shit is forceps inserted rectally.

Not sure if this has anything to do with cars though.

[Pillock]

S'okay, fits in well with this thread.

[D Spares & Tyres]

Baby on board or Little Princess on board type stickers

 

So you finally managed to have sex with someone other than yourself? ? No need to shout about it

[stripped fred]

Daytime running lights. Particularly those on Audi's for some reason. They're a bit 'look at me i'm very important, now get out of my way peasants'.

[fred]

Aye and those eye melting HD lights or whatever they are which make you feel like your having your eyes inspected by a fucking optician at 200 yards away

[Negative Creep]

Citroen DS3 has some of the worst DRMs, they could be used to signal extra terrestrial life

[sierraman]

Those car 'bra' things. What's the fucking point of them honestly. I mean seriously why would you have one stuck on the bonnet?

[twosmoke300]

They are every fuckin where in cornwall ! Usually on one of the millions of yellow t4s on big fake Audi wheels . So original - not

[D Spares & Tyres]

Those car 'bra' things. What's the fucking point of them honestly. I mean seriously why would you have one stuck on the bonnet?

Supposed to protect from stonechips but usually end up scuffing paintwork or causing microblistering

 

I`m not a dubber by the way

[Lacquer Peel]

Seat covers. What is point.

[sierraman]

In taxis to cover the sick/beer/piss/semen/blood etc that festoons the average minicab.

[Noel Tidybeard]

People on the hard shoulder with a flat tyre on their mobile phones.... ( especially men )

 

What sort of man can`t even change his tyre? I would be ashamed of myself

the man with a modern that hasnt got a spare and the bottle of goo is past use-by date

[fordperv]

A Scotsman will be along shortly to provide the correct answer to that question.

Well volvo did do 7 seater estates, I'm sure the Scots know all about those

[D Spares & Tyres]

the man with a modern that hasnt got a spare and the bottle of goo is past use-by date

those people are forgiven but I`ve seen plenty of them with cars that have spare tyres

 

You are told these days not to change your own as its unsafe, but the way I see it is use your brain and logic and just do it yourself and not involve anoher person thereby putting them in danger instead??  Its not a law its just advise, use your own brain you aren`t sheep!

[Lacquer Peel]

Spurious MPG claims, what is point? I don't think your Nissan Serena 2.3D does 60MPG easy, no. Get in a grave.

[Richard]

those people are forgiven but I`ve seen plenty of them with cars that have spare tyres

 

You are told these days not to change your own as its unsafe, but the way I see it is use your brain and logic and just do it yourself and not involve anoher person thereby putting them in danger instead??  Its not a law its just advise, use your own brain you aren`t sheep!

 

We're supposed to call somebody out to change tyres on our vans. I always do my own though.

[Richard]

Somebody once tried to tell me he was getting mid-40s out of his 2600cc Rover SD1 and 50 out of his 3500 version.

[Sloth in a bowl]

Somebody once tried to tell me he was getting mid-40s out of his 2600cc Rover SD1 and 50 out of his 3500 version.

 

 

Was this maximum speed?

[fred]

Somebody once tried to tell me he was getting mid-40s out of his 2600cc Rover SD1 and 50 out of his 3500 version.

This should be in the Bullshite thread!

[Mr A Lawrence]

"Men" who don't have the foggiest idea how to repair a car.