Motoring top tips!

[Bobthebeard]

Use the "man maths" formula. Where the value of money varies to the point of exactly suiting the purpose for which you intended it.

[HillmanImp]

Buy and run a 20+ year old car as daily driver and spend the money you save in depreciation, finance payments and main dealer services on fine wine, single malt whisky, luxury foodstuffs, up to date consumer products and memorable foreign holidays

Or spend the extra money on more cars that you don't have the inclination or ability to mend.

[Shep Shepherd]

^

 

If I had parking space for more than two cars, that's what I'd most likely do

[fordperv]

Boy racers, make everyone think you have a snarling 300bhp engine in your (insert generic chav chariot here) by cutting out all boxes in the exhaust and bodging the biggest backbox you can find on, then drive everywhere in 2nd and 3rd...... Instant street cred

[mouseflakes]

^

 

If I had parking space for more than two cars, that's what I'd most likely do

 

That's no excuse not to. Just 1.14/10 Autoshite points for you Sir!

[I_am_Diesel]

Become good friends with your local garage/motor factors by buying a Vauxhall and giving them loads of money on a regular basis to keep the bloody thing on the road.

[I_am_Diesel]

Convince everybody on Autoshite that you are a complete c**t by buying a Volkswagen.

[beko1987]

Dent every panel on your car and scrape the bumper corners on a wall, this will both deter car theives and also put people off pulling out on you at junctions

This is one of the reasons I haven't replaced the fucked wing on the zx, I swear people don't hoon it up to the edge on me anymore!

[Station]

I fixed three things with this weird little tip ...

 

Broken ECU, graphics card and laptop

 

Fire a heat gun at full pelt for four or so seconds (I don't really know tbh) on the main big chip (CPU, GPU etc). I've fixed all three today. This works especially for NVidia, as their components are shite.

 

Ps this post should not apply to Junkman.

[brickwall]

Will he burn his wrist whilst trying to get his 1980 Casio digital watch to work?

 

Preheat your car by wiring up a cheap 12v car heater to an old battery you have lying in the drive, all whilst you walk the dog.

[cros]

Replacing a water pump can be a right twat if you're packing a big 70bhp 'six' under the hood so here's my advice. Substitute with a 4 cylinder which will leave plenty of room for access and no more grazed knuckles. Added bonus, you'll never again suffer the embarrassment of pressing the starter when it's already running; Blaster Bates himself can still hear this fucker at tickover.

[D Spares & Tyres]

Welding in a heat wave?

 

Big welder playing up so you have to use the smaller non turbo one?

 

No problem

[bunglebus]

When changing diesel engine oil, make sure you don't put anything on the drive first, then you can ensure at least 20% of the splillage soaks into the block paving, saving having to waterproof it. You can get even greater coverage by dropping the filter into the bowl from a good height.

If you want to be really professional, use Dr. Magic™ oven cleaner to de-grease the engine, as this will not* blow back in your face and give you a coughing fit.

 

[bunglebus]

Ooh here's another - always check that the part the MoT tester tells you is worn matches up the part that's actually defective, to save spending time and money changing your nearside track rod end that's only a year old, only to find out it's the offside track rod end and upper balljoint that are FUBAR. Ask me* how I know.

[robinmasters]

 

 

[Negative Creep]

Bikers - remember that the louder your exhaust and the quicker you race off the lights, the cooler people will think you are

[fred]

Annoy your neighbour by calling  the Police anonymously and  report a Car with said neighbours Reg number parked by a field with a man intimately touching a Horse while completely  nakkid

[Bren]

Travelling across the sahara? Take a car door with you. When it gets really hot you can cool yourself by winding the window down.