My month in Shite (Low MPG content)

[R9UKE]

Well, 2 months actually.

 

Apologies for anyone on the facebook page, you'll likely be seeing a lot of these pictures twice

 

I've got to a pretty nice stage in the quest for my dream garage, we're into single figures for the cars still to get. Quite a lot of stuff has come and gone in the last two months, and now that I've finished uni, I've got more time to waste with this kind of thing

 

April kicked off with picking up what has become my new daily. A 2004 Renault Vel Satis 2.2 dCi Auto Privilege, in the rarest colour, Garence Red.

 

 

I took it off the hands of the same gentleman who walked into Renault 9 years ago and placed his order for one of these magnificent barges. In that time, he covered 143k miles and absolutely loved the car. Despite it having a few "near death experiences" (well it is a dCi ), he loved every minute of owning it and all he wanted for it was a good home. Came with a folder full of history including belt changes at Renault, numerous turbos etc etc. Wearing Michelins all around, every single item of mad french gadgetry works perfectly and the car is like new both inside and out. Being a dCi, it does have a few impending issues, which include the voice synthesiser saying "fuel injection system faulty, consult your Renault dealer" when you give it some real welly, likely EGR valve. Gave it an oil and filter change the next day, preparing it for the 300 mile trip to Scotland for the ferry back here, carrying a gift for the Avantime - a new windscreen.

 

 

 

It wafted up North with absolutely no issues at all, and has since done 2k miles on this side of the water, and yet to feck up completely! Really can't express how great these things are - huge, comfortable, loads of toys, and looks that divide more opinions than turbos it's had.

 

The windscreen survived it's journey too. The lowest quote I could get for a new one was £1850, so it was a miracle I managed to get this one from Just Renaults in Walsall for £70. Another £60 for a mobile fitting service and the Avantime was ready for the road again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The next upgrade for the Avantime came in the shape of a set of 18" wheels off my Vel Satis breaker. The original 17" design wasn't great in my opinion, and the wheels were starting to corrode. The car rides much better on it's new set surprisingly!

 

 

 

I then had a brief fling with another Hyundai Sonata. I've had the two previous generations before this and this one is definitely the best. The other two had horrible seats, the first (1997 shape) forced you to adopt a hunched forward position and gave me a REALLY sore neck and back even after a 10 minute drive.... this one on the other hand had some of the best seats I've sat in. A 2.0 CDX auto which was as fresh feeling as the Vel Satis. Very American in the way it drove - the way the gearbox was set up and the woeful cornering. A very pleasant thing to be in though, and a capable cruiser. The V6 must be very good indeed.

 

 

 

 

Speaking of America, the next heap I took a punt on was yet another on my bucket list - a 3.3 V6 Grand Voyager. Paid very little for the thing as it had an "intermittent misfire". We had an awesome two days together. I was basking in cheap-plastic, leather-clad, cup-holder-abundance, steering-column-shifter magnificence when the bastard lost all power at 60 MPH, cut out and wouldn't start again.

 

 

 

 

The RAC came out and diagnosed it as head gasket failure. I stuck an ad on Gumtree for what I paid for it while the RAC gave me a lift home. Within a few hours a load of Poles came out and bought it where it sat, towed it home with an Audi A8

 

Another off my list in what I always wanted as my first car - a Peugeot 206 Roland Garros. Little gem of a thing which has yet to fail and will be a permanent member of the fleet all being well. You Pug pervs will already know what the RG badge promises - a mad green/cream interior!

 

 

 

 

 

 

You get a whole load of other "big car features" in it too. Climate control, CD changer, glass roof with electric blind, front and rear electric windows, automatic wipers, electric folding mirrors. Also, being the 1.6 petrol, it's a brilliantly nippy little thing. Cool little French car

 

Staying in France....

 

 

I wasn't quite sure what to expect from this one. I've had 3 C5 V6s, so was just expecting a more dated, less clever version of that. I was wrong!

 

 

 

 

1997 Phase 1 with 49k miles and two owners from new. I've really missed the Citroen quirks like the key pad immobiliser and the random suspension adjustments as you're driving or waiting in traffic. The V6 has a lovely note in the Xantia, and the car just loves going fast. The seats are just perfection, the magic carpet ride is superb and almost everything works! The only pressing issue is the fact that the car seems to think it's overheating sometimes, and the cooling fan is now always on.

 

 

I haven't really driven the 406 V6 or Laguna V6 since this one came along... that kind of says it all This one's definitely seen it's last keeper change.

 

Which is more than I can say for the next one I crossed off the list. A 1999 Jag S Type 4.0 V8.

 

 

 

 

 

Now, I know people give French cars stick for being badly built but believe me, they piss ALL OVER this. All Jag elegance ruined by the rattling dash trim, and two particularly annoying rattles from inside each front door. That stupid big drawer in the middle of the dash kept falling out, the central locking was completely fecked up, and the rear electric windows didn't work. Top that off with a 90s Fiesta ignition key and well, it wasn't to last. The only good things I can really say are that monstrous V8 (made my V6s seem sluggish!) and the puzzled looks on peoples' faces seeing a 21 year old driving one It's got a new home already, doubt I'd buy another.

 

From Britain over to Sweden now on the last stop. A PRV V6 powered phase one Volvo 760 GLE

 

Pictured here beside a friend's later TD powered 760

 

 

 

 

 

The old girl had been lying up for 3 years after being retired by it's one family home from new. It was going to scrap when I was able to intercept. She roared into life without a hitch, ran lovely only for a loud fan belt when cold. Completely original down to the number plates, mudflaps, mats, stereo, 3 keys and tool kit. Heated seats work, interior fan doesn't. A stupid aftermarket alarm system caused a bit of bother (see previous thread). This was then disconnected only to find that the alternator is crap.... so she's currently resting again waiting for a new one to arrive. Then we'll try an MOT.

 

 

Uni has finished and I now have no need for my little commuter, a 1996 Clio 1.9d RT. It cost feck all to run, could be thrown into the smallest of parking spaces and took all the abuse of the day with no complaints. All good things have to come to an end, it's going on Gumtree this week with 4 months MOT and 5 months tax

 

 

 

So there we have it, a nice handful of rare/thirsty shit bagged and enjoying life in the Garden of Shite.

 

 

Cars still to get include:

Citroen BX

K, L or M plate Mondeo Ghia

Espace V6

Safrane V6

Rover 45 V6

 

I also approached the owner of this sleeper the other day:

 

 

Not any normal 5 Touring.... a 540i manual. In green, with a dog guard and the smallest alloy wheels. Never has a 4.4i V8 been so modest about it's power! We had a great chat, he's had it since a year old, took my number and said I've got first refusal.

 

Hope the summer months bring just as much shit!

[skattrd]

Some cracking motors there, thx for posting this lot.

[Lacquer Peel]

Great fleet!

The Xantia V6 issue could be a dirty fan temperature sensor, I had similar issues with another PSA car.

[cort16]

That's some great purchases there Luke. That Avantime looks really good on those 18" wheels and you don't have to worry about loosing those bloody centre caps.

 

I was driving towards the Forth Road bridge about 2 weeks ago and there was a Vel Satis that look very much like yours drving along with the boot open and a bloody great big car door in the back. It wasn't you was it?

[R9UKE]

Cheers for the pointer on the Xantia.

 

Yep, the centre cap issue was another push to change them, it's a miracle at 124k that all four were still present and I wanted to keep it that way

 

Not me, but now that you mention it, every time I've been on the FRB I've seen a Vel Satis. Granted, I'm not there very often!

[406V6]

Fine taste in cars (apart from the 540) and an excellent write-up+pics. That Xantia looks really nice, particularly the dash. Why can't current cars look like that ?

[AnthonyG]

That's a great fleet there Mr V6! Have you tried a Rover 75 V6 yet? Quite a different experience to a 45 V6 I would have thought, never driven one of them. Must have been be mega rare even when new, think I've only seen one in the wild.

There is a Vel Satis in my housing estate, the only one I've seen in Cheltenham. It's a 53 plate, only seen its snout poking out the garage door so don't know what engine, spec etc. When did they stop importing them into the UK?

[RichardMoss]

The question I have is: was the back end of the Sonata inspired by the S-type or the other way around?

 

(I can't be bothered to look on the net to find out which came first)

[Wilko220]

Rarely have I seen so much class on a page! Great read.

[Lacquer Peel]

How many turbos has the Vel Satis been through? Do you use trade insurance?

[R9UKE]

I did actually have a Rover 75 V6 last October. 2.5 Auto Connoisseur with blue leather, bought it from auction for £260! Tbh I only bought it because it was a cheap V6, I wasn't expecting to like the thing, I'd never really looked twice at them. It was brilliant, a proper cruiser, really comfortable and felt proper solid on the road. Shame the sunroof leaked and ruined the experience somewhat. It was also VERY thirsty, you'd struggle to achieve 20 MPG. Here's a few pics

 

 

 

And yeh, I think the S Type came first, which could explain the questionable styling of the Sonata! Can't beat the Koreans in making a nice design look cheap! To be fair, it was a much nicer place to be sat than the S!!

 

The last Vel Satis are on an 06 plate. They're pretty much dried up on 04s, there's only a handful of subsequent plates. The car got a facelift in 2006, and I can remember getting the brochure here, but then Renault decided that there was no point actually trying to sell it here. Lasted 4 years, 2.5 longer than the Avantime!

 

How many turbos has the Vel Satis been through? Do you use trade insurance?

 

Two, third due soon no doubt. And yes.

[345DL]

An amazing bucket list there, you are living the dream!! I wish the cars I wanted were as readily available (a 1977 model year Volvo 343 by the way, the only model year with a brown dashboard and one-piece tombstone seats).

 

Can you tell me more about the 244 I see hiding in the background?

[drum]

Excellent month of shite. I would also be interested in your insurance arrangements. I have a mere four vehicles insured but have three others waiting in the wings.

 

I had a close look at a vel satis a couple of weeks ago as a holiday barge but got put off by the Renault diesel stories.

[AnthonyG]

Is the 406 Coupe in the Clio pic yours Luke?

[Micrashed]

The Vel Satis and Avatime are beautiful cars, but I could never bring myself to buy one fearing it to go bang and cause much pain in the wallet department.

[R9UKE]

Can you tell me more about the 244 I see hiding in the background?

 

Sure, the car thats been on the planet 13 years longer than its owner

 

I used to see it about Belfast town centre the odd time, stuck out like a sore thumb with the beige glow! It was always quite an old woman driving it and it just reeked of "one owner from new". I got a call at the end of February from a friend of mine who works for one of the big dealers here and she simply said "I have a car that's just been traded in with your name written all over it". Went down and this awaited.

 

 

 

 

Turns out it had been bought new by the woman's father, and she inherited it when he died. It had been his, then her, only car and been taxed and used right up until I bought it. It's therefore more of a well-used old car than a concourse model - had everything it needed for MOT every year but the bodywork has a few rust bubbles here and there, the sills have been welded in parts and painted black, drivers seat is showing a bit of wear. I think it all adds to the charm really!

 

It has the original pressed metal number plates, supplying dealer tax disc holder and key ring plus the handbook pack. A real honest surviver which still feels great and could be confidently used as a daily again. A very brown interior, seatbelt reminders for all seats (in 1979!!!!) and those all important headlight wipers work a treat! It needs a good service which I'll do soon, but at least it's now got another Swedish brick to keep it company

 

The 406 Coupé isn't mine, no. Belongs to a friend of mine who absolutely loves it. 3 litre manual which he paid something stupidly cheap for as it needed a new radiator. My 406 V6 is a slightly less sexy estate

 

I don't blame people being put off by the big Renaults, but tbh, the Avantime has one of the best reputations for any Renault. Despite being launched at the same time, they're actually of two completely different generations. No diesel option which helped it, but the Avantime was also based on the pre-millennia tried and tested Renault systems. There's no key card, no tyre pressure sensors or any of that crap, it's actually a much more dated car underneath than that mad styling suggests. The Vel Satis was of the key card generation (the one that ruined Renault!) - much more complex, loads of extra gadgets crammed in and subsequently a whole lot more of a terrifying ownership prospect than the Avi. Plus the only engine (out of four) I would have ultimate confidence in recommending is the very thirsty 3.5 petrol V6

[Spiny Norman]

That Volvo is ace, lovely old base model with the nylon seats that snag any loose fingernails. Still got its door pockets too, by the look of it, a rarity!

[R9UKE]

It sure does! Missing the big moulded rubber mats though

[Spiny Norman]

They go for a fortune on the Volvo forum, but they're woth it. Fantastic heavy duty rubber trays that keep the carpets clean no matter what crud you bring in on your feet. I had them in my 240.