We're aaaaalll doooomed I tell ye!

[scooters]

With the cheerful news that we could be within the worst recession and longest depression since Kaiser Bill abdicated I have had requests for my dubious shite buying skills and even more dubious mechanical skills from 3 separate non mechanical mates in as many days. Lots of grumbling about the costs of motoring....

 

Time to re establish Dodgey Dickie's Diamond Dealz again...now where's my sheepskin?

 

Anyone else getting the feeling that their shite skills are causing envy these days (in my case they are deluded fools...shows if anything how fucking desperate things are)

[Cavcraft]

Yes. Though to be honest I get very tired of people I know asking me to cast an eye over various motors they've spotted for sale as I always seem to end up with the fussy bleeders who want a champagne car on lemonade money.

As a rule I just tell them to look in Autotrader and if they're happy with whatver car/deal they get to go for it.

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

I am weathering this particular aspect of the recession rather well. People don't ask me what car to buy anymore because I only suggest impractical elderly vehicles and advice dripping with outdated prejudices learned from thirty year old magazines.

 

Seeing me fixing my car tricks people into believing I can help them with their own mechanical problems. This doesn't last long:

"Hey, I've seen you spend three hours trying to hammer a brake drum off before realising the handbrake was on, could you tell me why my just out of warranty BMW 730d is suffering from hesitation and poor throttle response?"

Me: "Sure, let me go get my AA Book Of The Car and Gunson's Colortune"

[Guest]

I tell my non car mates to fuck off and buy a Honda Jazz. They're not that interested to be honest.

[warren t claim]

I've noticed a decent upturn in the banger market with the old nails I occasionally sell on to make a few quid, people seem to be getting less choosy on what they buy as well. The ex CAVCRAFT Laguna had people lined up around the block trying to buy it.

[Rocket88]

I constantly preach the "old shite is cheaper to repair" mantra, there are people out there who will heed such advice, but unfortunatley they're the ones with enough brains to have bought a reasonablke car in the first place. Someone I know bought a Laguna automatic three weeks ago [against all my advise, but because it had aircon.........]I had the " there's a light just come on on the dashboard" phonecall this morning............gearbox is banjaxed.

[Barry Cade]

Its crazy at the moment, in the last week, I've bought a Ford Puma, a Yamaha DT50, a BMW325i and a Kwak ZZR600, and had to fight people off who have been waving cash pounds at me. Polish chap across the road in the bodyshop bought an old Punto with a slippy clutch for £295. Another Polish guy came in, fitted a new clutch himself then handed over £700 to drive it away..

 

On the upside... young lady came in with a 55 plate Clio today, wanting an oil change and a wee check over.. didn't have much money left as local stealer gave her a bill for over £300 to replace all 4 coils... I changed the oil, and then gave her the A4 bit of paper filled with all the work that was needed.. Cambelt well overdue, bottom balljoint just about to fall apart, 2 track rod ends, broken spring and a load more. Mot's due next week as is the tax. She was desperate to buy my wee Seicento off me as it would be far cheaper to buy that with a years ticket than fix the bloody Clio. I think I'll keep a few under the sink for just such eventualities

[Cavcraft]

You have to love the ones who ask you to find them a car for 'about £350' so you find them a few and then get 'oh, I wouldn't have one of them' 'my brother in law had one once and the wheeltrim emblem fell off' 'it's got some rust on the wheel arch' 'What Car said they were rubbish' etc, etc etc.

I strongly suspect these are the same kind of people who then go to Crapraft and get aridly anal-d by the sales force there.

[outlaw118]

To echo what Mr Caveater has just said, I've just been asked AGAIN to find a cheap motah, because "You know about cars..."

Yep, a very little, but it's all relative, I know what to look for, eg I know Italian stuff, and some French will have shitty electrics, Rover K series engined cars are OMGHGF PHAIL waiting to happen, but I have no idea what to do when bad things happen. I last waved a spanner to any real successful effect about 12 years ago, when I was part of a banger/stock car team, and lets be honest, a Pinto lump either works, or if it doesn't, it's a 13mm spanner and hammer to get it working.

Despite this, I get asked all the time - most recently by my 2nd cousin, who has no idea, so I've pointed him towards a 1.0 Corsa, but previous to that, bloke in t'pub wanted "£500 worth". I came up with a comprehensive list, ebay links, the lot, and got the response of "They're girls cars (Ka), I've heard they're shit (Punto), Too small (106+saxo)" etc etc. I wonder why I bother.

[Barry Cade]

Try being an MOT tester- you give them the whole rundown on common faults, what to look for, what may be issues in the future, likely costs and they still buy a bloody Renault... then when it all goes Pete Tong, and they come crawling to you, and you tell 'em that the number 3 computer has shat itself,and that its dealer only, its somehow all your fault.

[jonny69]

People just seem to be too bothered about their image these days. I think it's why the Scenic hasn't sold. Go back a few years and people would have bitten your arm off for old skank for peanuts.

[Cavcraft]

Agreed, it's crazy.

 

But whilst we're on the subject lets have a 'hats off' to those people who buy car you have suggested they avoid like the plague. A few people I know have bought Rover K-sealies, old Renault automatics and all manner of other old chod and never had a moments bother.

[Lord Sterling]

No has ever asked me (yet) top find them a car, though I have had a few people asking me for advice as well as a few door knocks from neighbours who have seen me with my head under the bonnet and assume I'm a seasoned mechanic......

 

Mostly when people ask me advice on buying a car I'll help make up thier own mind. I will ask them what kind of car they are looking for, e.g. small, medium or family sized? How big the engine must be, must it be of a certain year or dont they care etc.... I'd give them a few pointers and let them make thier own mind up.