You know you're driving shite when....

[CortinaDave]

.... Local pikeys post notes through your door offering free pickup for scrap cars, as seems to be happening to me a lot lately

[Marty]

Just make sure they dont come round with the flatbed and hijab when you are asleep

[bones96]

the local taxi drivers give you a wide berth lol

[STUNO]

Thanks bones 96..you just had to offend someone You don't want to know what I do to Seagulls

[pandamonium]

You know you're driving shite when .....The birds won't even poop on your car.The spiders won't make cobwebs in your mirrors (Due to the mice living in there)...and the local kids offer to wash everyone's car but yours!

[marinast]

You know when you are driving shite when you don't want to clean the car incase it makes it look worse....

[Albert Ross]

You go to tax it,and they take pity on you,and give you a free disc holder..................

[CortinaDave]

your windscreen freezes up on the inside, and your footwells and boot are like a duck pond

[MrRegieRitmo]

your windscreen freezes up on the inside, and your footwells and boot are like a duck pond

When did you sneak off in my Renault huh, huh??

[Guest greenvanman]

...on discovering the flat battery, you pull the bonnet release only for the end of the cable to ping off.

[Guest]

All true stories:You get in a newer car and as a reflex reaction attempt to adjust the fuel/air mixture via the cigarette lighter.You take your car to a professional bodyshop for a quote and they repeatedly ask you whether you are absolutely sure you want it doing.You go to your usual service parts place and whoever is on the counter looks visibly frustrated by your arrival, knowing that whatever you want probably won't be in "the book", certainly won't be in stock and is likely to require an hour-long quest for parts numbers.

[MrRegieRitmo]

......people with nice 'bricked over' driveways ask you to park on the street incase you 'stain' their mosaic with oil splashes!

[M'coli]

One of my friends had that problem when he rented! There was a mk1 Escort in the garage being restored, but his neighbours complained about his series 2 Landy being on the drive and not in the garage. To sort this out, he parked the taxed tested and MOT'd Landy on the road, his (at the time) 6 year old Montego (T&T) on the drive and had the Prima drop oil on the bricks... Middle England

[Richard]

Your heater control is taking the thermostat out for the summer and putting it back in for the winter.

[Justin Case]

You don't look blank when someone mentions 'Isopon'

[Guest greenvanman]

...when the much abused boot catch finally breaks and you have no hesitation in popping down to Wickes to buy a padlock and hasp....when that annoying water leak into the boot is solved by drilling several holes in the boot floor....when the electric windows refuse to work except when the car's ignition is turned off!(first two my old 405 - how I wish I still had it, the last one my mate's old Volvo 740 estate)

[garethj]

When the cars in the scrapyard, or abandoned in the street are all newer than yours

[King Maz]

When people mistakenly say 'free tax soon isn't it?'

[pompei]

.... tax and insurance costs more than it's worth.... and you don't want to wash it because a) if it gets wet it'll rust more quickly, it'll fill up with water and the seat'll be wet when you next get in... when you carry a passenger, you have to get out and open their door from the outside, because the interior catch has bust.

[pompei]

... and the mother in law gives you a hot water bottle to use in it during winter as the heater is bust and you seriously consider replacing that knackered tyre with a remould as a "proper" tyre will long outlive the car

[wuvvum]

...when your checklist prior to setting off on a journey goes "keys, wallet, phone, oil, water, tool kit, gaffer tape, AA membership card..."

[Volksy]

when you automatically tick the '6 month' box on the tax reminder, as you know theres no point in 12 months tax is there!

[Mr_Bo11ox]

Thats just economics - everyone knows that 12 months tax is a rip off cos it costs almost twice as much as 6 months

[mouseflakes]

WhenBusiness Mileage Expenses - Petrol Costs = Pure Profit

[MrRegieRitmo]

... and you don't want to wash it because a) if it gets wet it'll rust more quickly, it'll fill up with water and the seat'll be wet when you next get in

and nobody would notice if you did because the car wouldn't look any different!Also, when somebody nudges your car whilst you're in it, you get out to look for damage but can't tell if there is any or not! When you have a "My other car's a........" sticker in the back window.

[pogweasel]

When the dealer-sticker in the window has fewer than 11 digits in the phone number....

[Marty]

....When it has a "wavey hand" in the back window proclaiming that you have been to Margate.

[Ross_K]

...you don't bother locking your car when you leave it unattended....you don't put in more than a fiver's worth of petrol at a time....one or more body panels are a different colour to the rest of the car (and have been for the last two years)....you've repaired holes in your exhaust with a baked bean can and cable ties....you have a note saying 'Tax in post' taped to the windscreen.

[Albert Ross]

You wince at having to fit a 12 quid rear silencer just to scrape it through a test.You never look back longingly as you walk away.............or do you??When you return to your car in Tescos car park to find a trolley against the bumper, you drive off and ram the trolley into the little shed they're meant to be in..............(if the security guards arent watching)You just jump into it and do a 400 mile round trip to deliver a chassis for a friend, and when you get back, you realise you never even checked the oil/tyres/water etc.....Each year when the insurance renewal comes through the post, you smile, as you realise you must be the only person on their books to own one of these................

[jonkw]

....You have a "We've been abroad, We've been to the Isle of Wight" rear window sticker.