JJ0063’s current steed - Life of an impulsive car owner -[Cant keep away from N47]

[JJ0063]

5 minutes ago, Matty said:

Absolutely mental for me. Im still living in the 80s/early 90s tech wise. The idea that a man with a laptop can do stuff like this with no actual mechanical changes blows my tiny little mind 😁

Blew my mind that this is a road dyno 

 

[Matty]

6 minutes ago, JJ0063 said:

Blew my mind that this is a road dyno 

 

Fuck. Didnt even realise thats a thing. So he puts his gear on and drives it and gets measurements then acts accordingly?

[JJ0063]

5 minutes ago, Matty said:

Fuck. Didnt even realise thats a thing. So he puts his gear on and drives it and gets measurements then acts accordingly?

Yep. £3200 piece of kit, he said he offers either traditional or this method but in his opinion this method means he can tweak the map to realistic conditions rather than inside a building on a dyno in a perfect setting.

No idea if that is a load of bollocks or not but it seems logical 

 

https://mydynopro.co.uk

[Matty]

1 minute ago, JJ0063 said:

Yep. £3200 piece of kit, he said he offers either traditional or this method but in his opinion this method means he can tweak the map to realistic conditions rather than inside a building on a dyno in a perfect setting.

No idea if that is a load of bollocks or not but it seems logical 

Seems it to me. Part of my job (mechanical fitter on big machines) involves dynamic balancing of rotating components of them. Once youve set it up and got it running youre just strapping accelerometers to it and acting according to the data. The stuff that i do runs indoors and not subject to changes in conditions. So a real world dyno makes a lot of sense.

[Imhotep]

N47s map so well. I remember my 116d going from 114bhp to something like 201bhp with a map. That was bespoke but I’d imagine even a flash map would see 180bhp. 
 

Also this is making me want another BMW. Don’t really like white cars but something about that F11 looks brilliant in white. 😎

[JJ0063]

13 minutes ago, Imhotep said:

N47s map so well. I remember my 116d going from 114bhp to something like 201bhp with a map. That was bespoke but I’d imagine even a flash map would see 180bhp. 
 

Also this is making me want another BMW. Don’t really like white cars but something about that F11 looks brilliant in white. 😎

I would never have picked a white car but I’ve really taken to this. I also love how much people think it’s a police car. 
 

The mapper did say yesterday that the turbo is slightly weak and probably will want replacing in the net year or two. He said if it comes to replacing it he’d recommend a Falcon hybrid as they allow 260-270bhp. Trust me to then go on FB last night and spot this.. for £300 it’s a bargain so I’ve messaged to see if it’s still for sale 😬😂

[EyesWeldedShut]

2 hours ago, JJ0063 said:

I would never have picked a white car but I’ve really taken to this. I also love how much people think it’s a police car. 
 

The mapper did say yesterday that the turbo is slightly weak and probably will want replacing in the net year or two. He said if it comes to replacing it he’d recommend a Falcon hybrid as they allow 260-270bhp. Trust me to then go on FB last night and spot this.. for £300 it’s a bargain so I’ve messaged to see if it’s still for sale 😬😂

I thought that was a poodle dryer for your missus when I saw the picture  

[High Jetter]

2 hours ago, EyesWeldedShut said:

I thought that was a poodle dryer for your missus when I saw the picture  

I've not heard it called a poodle before...

[JJ0063]

So it turns out I bought the wrong turbo 😂 it was for an E chassis, the F series N47 uses a different turbo.

Managed to sell it on and break even luckily.

 

I did retain the number plate from this yesterday though.. what’s happening?

[S2000]

I can’t believe you want to do a swap with my X5 😂

[JJ0063]

New plate day!

 

[JJ0063]

MrsJJ’s Berlingo is in for a new clutch this week so she’s taken the 5 series to work, get a call a little while ago saying the tyre light came on then within a few seconds there was a big bang 🤦‍♂️

RAC reckon it’s a 4 hour wait for recovery so I’ve just managed to get kings Lynn branch of Bush tyres to go out and fit a Kumho for £190 odd 🤢 and have given me a 1.5hr timeframe. 
 

Didnt need this the same week as the bill for the van! God knows what happened to the tyre, just been MOT’d so must be a puncture rather than damage/wear

[JJ0063]

What a palaver, £195 later she’s home with a new tyre. 

[jim89]

4 hours ago, JJ0063 said:

MrsJJ’s Berlingo is in for a new clutch this week so she’s taken the 5 series to work, get a call a little while ago saying the tyre light came on then within a few seconds there was a big bang 🤦‍♂️

RAC reckon it’s a 4 hour wait for recovery so I’ve just managed to get kings Lynn branch of Bush tyres to go out and fit a Kumho for £190 odd 🤢 and have given me a 1.5hr timeframe. 
 

Didnt need this the same week as the bill for the van! God knows what happened to the tyre, just been MOT’d so must be a puncture rather than damage/wear

 

On this  pic  there are other lacerations visible 😬 around 1 & 2 oclock 🤞🏼🙏🏼

[vtec-e]

What do you think caused it? Pothole, sharp object or side of a metal grating ?

[mintwth]

Maybe it'd been run flat, like the one that got spotted at mot

[JJ0063]

38 minutes ago, jim89 said:

On this  pic  there are other lacerations visible 😬 around 1 & 2 oclock 🤞🏼🙏🏼

Yeah there were splits all round the top half!

26 minutes ago, vtec-e said:

What do you think caused it? Pothole, sharp object or side of a metal grating ?

Absolutely no idea, it passed its MOT in October. She drove to work this morning, parked it at the salon, left work and said within a few hundred yards the TPMS light came on but she thought it was maybe just the cold so carried on for a mile or so as it drove fine, went round a roundabout and said she felt it lose grip slightly, then it started thudding and smelt like burning so she stopped… 🤦‍♂️

There was nothing in the tyre so I can only assume she’s driven over something on the way in this morning, driven off on a flat and it’s shredded it. I think the blowout noise she mentioned may have just been it popping off the bead or something?

[JJ0063]

Tyre yesterday, muntjac through the bumper tonight. Cracked bumper, lower grill smashed, air con condenser bent (hoping not split)

Better not drive anywhere tomorrow with this run of luck!

[JJ0063]

Boxing Day wash, I was too embarrassed to take a before pic. It was fucking awful. Wheels were black!

It’s been great since the remap. No more limp mode under hard acceleration and drives real nice. 
 

Halogen headlights were shit so I’ve recently fitted Philips H7 LED main and dipped, along with fogs and indicators so they all match. Million times better!

Ive got a set of lower control arms in the garage to fit when I’ve shaken man flu off as there’s been a bit of a knock lately. 

[Matty]

Looks superb JJ. Traditional joke i kniw, but are your feet itchy yet?

[JJ0063]

4 hours ago, Matty said:

Looks superb JJ. Traditional joke i kniw, but are your feet itchy yet?

You know what, no! 

Mrs JJ has said a couple of times she’d like us to have something bigger to carry the dogs and our show gear etc but realistically it’d mean going to something like a Tourneo or a Caravelle and it just doesn’t appeal to me to have something like that again. The 5 series does everything I want it to, just a bit cramped when we’re fully loaded for a dog show or something. 
 

I would really like a Tesla Model S at some point but I definitely can’t see me justifying 10k+ plus the cost of a charger install any time soon. 

This is the most settled I’ve felt with a car for quite some time now so I’ll ride the wave whilst it stays that way! 😂

[JJ0063]

No proper pics for obvious reasons shown below, it was completely clear when I started then within 10 mins looked like this…

 

Anyway, new lower arms fitted this morning but annoyingly it’s not cured the knocking and I think it’s actually the track rod ends. Not to worry, easy job. 
 

Also whilst I was there I did a service - oil, oil filter, new sump plug and an air filter. 

[Metal Guru]

On 15/12/2024 at 19:58, JJ0063 said:

I can’t honestly say I’ve noticed any difference in MPG at all, and the same re whistling - if they’re decent bars and fitted properly they don’t make noise. I had a cheap set on the Volvo and they were horrendous for noise though! 
 

I usually leave them on because during the summer we have a kayak on virtually every weekend so it’s just easier. 

Square bars tend to be noisy but ones like Thule Aero bars (not to be confused with Nestle’s version) are usually much quieter. 
I think mpg difference is small and probably not worth the bother of removing them if used regularly.

[Wgl2019]

17 hours ago, JJ0063 said:

annoyingly it’s not cured the knocking

think of it as preemptive fixing of a future knock 😉