Things kids see and say when you're driving

[loserone]

Last night my eldest was obviously going to put up a fight instead of going to bed, so instead I moved his car seat to the front of Jim's MINI, let him pick his favourite tractor waterproof (which is conveniently windproof too, handy for later in the tale) and we went on an adventure to give Jim his car back.

 

Off we went down country lanes, talking him through the speedometer not being a clock, indicating, overtaking, which direction we were going at roundabouts etc.

 

The thing that got to me were his observation skills, which are second to none. "Bitch!" He shouts, pointing at the east coast main line going over the A167. "Go!" When the traffic ebbs on the roundabout and I'm about to put my foot down again. But sometimes I really have to hunt for what he's seen; an ambulance on blues and twos, at high speed flashing behind the trees on another road, at least two miles away. "Stop!" which can only mean a red traffic light, which is .. oh, it's two miles in front, after a sweeping left right, how the hell did he even see that?

 

The way home was in the MGF, so there were several exclamations of "moon" and the hand gestures for twinkle twinkle little star, along with counting the cars ahead and starting again once we passed one.

 

Anyway, the reason for the thread was the traffic light spot; he's clearly reading the road ahead even further than I am, so surely there will be tales to tell of how your infants spotted an elephant in the road which you subsequently crashed into after not believing them, or grassing you up to their mother for pressing the teacups button for wet roundabouts?

[JeeExEll]

When my Mrs was a wee girl she used to sing in the car to her dad. He told me about his innocent daughter singing this in her sweet little voice -

 

(Mister Noah Built An Ark)

 

 

'Mister Noah built an ark

The people thought it was a lark

Mister Noah pleaded so

But into the ark they would not go.

 

Down came the rain in torrents

Down came the rain in torrents

Down came the rain in torrents

And only eight were saved.

 

And the fucking rain came pishing down,

Pishing down, pishing down,

And the fucking rain came pishing down,

And only eight were saved.

 

(next verse)

 

The animals went in two by two

The bear and the fox and the kangaroo

All were safely stowed away

On that great and awful day

 

And the fucking rain came pishing down,

Pishing down, pishing down,

And the fucking rain came pishing down,

And only eight were saved'.

 

 

He just ignored it and carried on driving and she never sung it again.

Her mum was in tears laughing when he later told her quietly in the kitchen.

[GrumpiusMaximus]

My older brother has quite severe Asperger's syndrome and when we were kids, it was always bad if he saw sheep.

 

This was because, for the next twenty minutes, he'd start repeating:

 

Sheep on a field in a farm,

Sheep on a field in a farm,

Sheep on a field in a farm,

etc.

 

Over and over and over again.

 

He lives in Manchester now.  Not many sheep there, thank fuck.  He's a 32-year-old computer programmer, now...

[sierraman]

I changed CD when my eldest was two years old in the car, I said, rhetorically, ‘Let’s have some George Benson on’. She said ‘Who that George Benson’

[mercrocker]

I had to pick up my first wife's Aunt in my Zephyr and take her to a hospital appointment.   As the hospital was near the college where my wife was doing a course at the time it was suggested we leave a bit early and take her there and then drop my daughter off at the college creche.  She would have been two and a half then, I suppose. 

 

The day started badly - a damp Monday morning.   The Zephyr hadn't been used for the whole weekend and was sulking.   Instead of the usual crisp startup, I had to sod about with WD40 inside and outside the dizzy cap.   Nothing like starting the day with grease on the steering wheel and under a fingernail or two....  

 

Anyway off we went, picking up the rather up-herself Aunt on the way.   First thing my daughter says to her is not "Hello Aunty" but "This is a fuck-bloody car"   

 

Facial palm interface!   Thing is I only muttered under the bonnet - she must have had bloody good hearing.

[anonymous user]

My neice was about three and once asked what's that as we went over a small bridge over the railway. "It's a railway" she came back with "Won't the people down there bang their heads on it?" After trying to work out what she was on about, it turned out that she was thinking about Australia being underneath us. She was also convinced that the oil refinery was Disneyland, when we passed it all lit up in the dark.

[somewhatfoolish]

My neice was about three and once asked what's that as we went over a small bridge over the railway. "It's a railway" she came back with "Won't the people down there bang their heads on it?" After trying to work out what she was on about, it turned out that she was thinking about Australia being underneath us. She was also convinced that the oil refinery was Disneyland, when we passed it all lit up in the dark.

Perception <> reality.

[Tadhg Tiogar]

"Yellow car"